A Wish to Dream On, Part One

Here it is . The J/C special (at least I hope so).

Dedicated to: First to Kate and Robert (for their wonderful contribution to the acting world)
Also to my sister, Ame, her friend Allison, and my good friend Lauresta (even though she’s not
too optimistic about this whole relationship)

A Wish To Dream On (Part One)
by Lisa

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk in her ready room, going over the day’s routine.
She sipped her tea silently, deep in thought.
The bell chimed, and Janeway absently called the usual “Come.” In walked Commander
Chakotay, her first officer. “Excuse me, Captain,” he said, handing her a notepad. “These are
the security updates from Tuvok. He certainly wants to live up to his promotion.”
“What did you expect, Chakotay?” Janeway said, smiling. “Of course, knowing him, he
would probably have done this anyway, wouldn’t he?”
Chakotay laughed. “You’re right.” Suddenly, he became uneasy. “Are you still up to dinner
tonight?”
Janeway’s grin remained as she answered, “Yes, but I’m not so sure about you.” At his
questioning gaze, she continued, “You’ve been more uncomfortable around me with each new
day. Is there something that I’ve done wrong?”
*I wonder what he thinks of me?*
“No!” Chakotay responded, almost too quickly. He sighed and said, “I’ll tell you at dinner,
all right?”
Janeway wanted to question further, but Chakotay left before she could ask any thing more.
*He loves you.*
Janeway started at the sudden thought, then began to wonder why it had come at all.

Chakotay walked down the hall toward his quarters after his duty shift ended. He had to hurry
so that he would be ready for dinner, especially considering what had happened that morning.
*You love her, and you’re afraid to admit it.*
*Get out of my head.*
*Not until you listen.*
Chakotay pushed the thoughts out of his head, not wanting to think about that right then. He
hurried through the hallways, hoping that the night would turn out the way he expected it to.

Janeway paced nervously in her quarters. She had no idea what to wear to dinner, and
Chakotay
was coming in a half-hour.
*Why so self-conscious? Just wear a dress and you’ll be fine.*
Janeway wouldn’t take the advice kindly. She tried on several dresses before choosing one, and
still felt uncomfortable. What was wrong with her? Chakotay had been her friend and first officer
for
three years now, but with each passing day, it seemed to become more than a friendship. This
scared
Janeway more than she could admit. What if they were really in love? What if that happened and
they got home to their families and her husband. What would he think?
The questions rolled around in her head. The more she tried to push them away, the more they
came back to haunt her.
*What are you going to do now, Kathryn? You’ve gotten yourself into a really big mess .*
The bell chimed, and Janeway forced the thoughts out. She would pull through this. She
always
did. She walked to the door and gave into Chakotay’s smile, following his gestures to the
holodeck.

The evening went fairly well, or so Chakotay thought. They talked a lot, and even shared a
few
laughs, but still their hidden feelings hovered over them both. Chakotay could see Kathryn holding
back on some subjects.
“What do you plan on doing when we finally make it home?” was one such question. She
looked around for a while, as if deep in thought, then avoided the question entirely by bringing up
something that he himself wanted to avoid. Finally, the most feared question appeared.
“What was it you wanted to tell me, Chakotay?”
Chakotay sat, thinking a dozen things at once.
*So tell her, already!*
*She might reject me, and I’d lose everything that has happened for the past three years. Then
where would I be?*
*If you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know, will you?*
Chakotay sighed heavily, then turned to Janeway.
“Kathryn,” he began uncertainly, “we’ve been friends for quite a while now, right?”
She nodded, and he continued.
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about where we’ve been going in this relationship, and I’ve been
almost hoping that it might go a little further.”
Janeway’s gaze never faltered as she looked into his deep brown eyes. After a silence that lasted
for several minutes, she whispered, “I’m afraid, Chakotay. Almost too afraid to be here at all.”
Tears
welled up in her eyes, but she fought them back. “What will happen when we get home? What
about
my husband?”
The statement hit Chakotay like a knife. Her husband hadn’t come up very much at all, no
matter how much they talked about home. *She does have a good reason to be afraid,* he
decided. *The only family I had was my father, and he’s been dead for years.*
Without warning, Janeway began to cry. Naturally, Chakotay went over to her and held her,
wanting nothing more than to comfort her. What more could he do?
*I love you, Kathryn Janeway, and nothing will stop that.*
He almost said the sentence out loud, but stopped himself. That would not help anything right
now.
They finally broke apart. Janeway wiped her tears away and tried to regain her dignity, but only
partially succeeded. “I’d better leave,” she whispered, then left Chakotay alone in the whistling
breeze of the holodeck.

* * * *

“I still do not understand this new concept of food,” Seven complained to Neelix. “It is most
disorienting.”
Neelix laughed and motioned her into another bite of the food in front of her. “It’s good for
you!”
he exclaimed. Then he began hoping again that no more such incidences as last weeks’ would
occur again.
The door to the mess hall slid open, and in walked Captain Janeway. She looked tired, and
Neelix decided to take on this new challenge. He put on his biggest grin and called, “Captain, care
to join us?”
Seeing Seven and Neelix, Janeway smiled and moved over to their table. She sat down almost
as if she were collapsing, and her tired look lingered. “How about some of your Corilian stew,
Neelix? I think I could use some right about now.”
Seizing the opportunity, Neelix hurried over to the kitchen and made the stew, making up
comments in his mind while he worked.
When he brought the stew, he started to repeat his long list. “Are you feeling a little under the
weather today, Captain?” By the way she looked at him, he knew the answer was yes. “What
seems to be the problem?”
Janeway sighed and took a sip of the stew before answering. “I just haven’t been getting much
sleep lately, Neelix. There’s been too much happening.”
“Perhaps you should take some time to work in the holodeck workshop,” Seven commented,
grateful to take a small break from the distasteful food that Neelix had to given her, of which she
still didn’t get the idea as to why she had to eat. “Your Master Leonardo might help to get your
mind off this ship for a short time.”
Janeway smiled at Seven, amazed at all the changes happening to her as she grew more
accustomed
to life on Voyager. “Thank you, Seven, but I really don’t have time to even eat breakfast. I have
to get onto the bridge and do all the daily propaganda.” She tasted some more of the stew, tried to
deep her face clean of disgust, then asked, “Do you two want to come to a holodeck party I’m
having next week?”
Neelix immediately said yes, but Seven looked puzzled. “What will be the nature of this—
party?”
Janeway smiled. “Commander Chakotay’s birthday is next week, and I thought we could
surprise him.” The thought of Chakotay brought pain to her heart, but she hid it away from her
companions. She didn’t want anyone to know what happened the night before.
Neelix almost felt that same pain, but in a different way. “Remember when we threw a party
for Kes on her 2nd birthday? She was so confused at all that was happening, and yet she loved
everything, and just because we did it for her .”
Janeway put her hand on his, as if to say sorry, then left the room before she herself started to
cry.

*************
“Love takes time to heal
when you’re hurting so much.
Couldn’t see that I was blind
to let you go.
I can’t escape the pain inside
’cause love takes time.
I don’t wanna be here
I don’t wanna be here alone.”
“Love Takes Time”—Mariah Carey
*************

*One week later.*
Chakotay entered the holodeck, expecting half the crew, but found only Captain Janeway
shooting pool in the once familiar French bar. Seeing him, she smiled and beckoned him over. He
was handed a pool cue and the game began.
As time went, the tension eased between them. Suddenly, Chakotay remembered that they
were alone. “Where’s everyone else?” he asked. “I thought this was a party.”
Janeway muttered a usual to the game, “Eight ball, corner pocket.” The ball went in without a
scratch, making her the winner of the last four games. The clock chimed 8 o’clock, and Janeway
walked over to the bar. She reached behind and retrieved a small package wrapped in colored
paper and a single ribbon. This she handed to Chakotay, motioning him to open it.
Intensely curious, he carefully unwrapped the package. Inside was a string of old Indian beads.
He was confused for only a moment, then realized its meaning. Though he understood it, he eyed
Janeway curiously. “Just what am I supposed to do with this?” he asked with a bit of sarcasm.
With a sly look, Janeway said, “They are special Indian beads. The one who holds them can
use them to make one wish that his heart truly wants.” Janeway paused a moment, then added,
“At least, that’s what the legend says.”
Chakotay looked deep into Janeway’s eyes, then followed the tradition that was put before him.
He took Janeway’s hand and wrapped the beads around her wrist. Then he pulled her close to him
and
kissed her.
Janeway felt a strange warmth flow through her. An immense guilt held inside for a few
moments, but disappeared as she wrapped herself in the love given to her.
The door to the bar opened, and in walked Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres, hand in hand. The
couple was disoriented by the bar scene for a short time, and then their eyes fell on the only two
people
in the room. Tom smiled, and B’Elanna blushed. After a moment, Tom coughed politely.
Janeway and Chakotay split with a start. The two couples stared at each other for a few
moments, unsure of what to say, then suddenly began laughing, mostly because they had all now
been in this embarrassing position. Soon more people came into the room, saying their “Happy
Birthday, Chakotay!” None of the four ever spoke of that moment to anyone, purely for respect
of their own trials.

To be continued .

Legal whatever, Paramount’s people, my jazz-reel (I’m a musician if you can’t tell)
Copyright 1997 (I think this is what I’m supposed to put, and I’m hoping no suing will take
place )

Author’s note: I’m not totally sure about all the foods eaten on Voyager, so bare with me. I’m
also no expert on Indian rituals. Comments can go to me at AEARDG@aol.com

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