Summary: In the early 25th century, a film director boards the U.S.S. Phoenix-X intending to create a visionary masterpiece with the crew.
Author’s notes: This was written in July 2014 as part of the Star Trek Online Forums Literary Challenge #65.
Literary Challenge #65, Prompt #2: You and your ship have been selected by the hottest film director in 2414 Hollywood to be the muse of his latest movie. He and his film crew have decided to shoot their entire film aboard your vessel and then premiere it on Earth. Is it a documentary? An action film? Romance? Does the entire shoot go smoothly or are there “unexpected cameos” by enemy Klingons or Borg? Write about the experience having someone film you and your crew or write a log about how the premiere went and if your Captain enjoyed the portrayal of themselves or the ship.
Literary Challenge #65
Movie Night
Out in the incomprehensibly immeasurable vastness of deep space, the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X rendezvoused with the Sydney-class transport vessel U.S.S. Oberon.
After beaming four civilians onto the Phoenix-X, the Oberon turned in space and warped out of there. Captain Seifer exited his Ready Room to the Bridge where he met the group who all wore head-mounted holo-recorders.
“Oh, I’m so happy you allowed us to record you and your crew in their most dramatically, vulnerable, candid states!” the lead civilian, Jeffrey clasped his hands together, excitedly.
The rest of the crew stopped what they were doing and turned, shocked, to face the intrusive visitors. “Uh,” Kugo started, “What the unfinished-Kolinahr is going on here??”
“This is Jeffrey, the hottest film director in 2414 Hollywood and he has decided we are to be the muses of his latest movie!” Seifer nudged and winked at Armond, similarly excited.
Armond looked at Seifer. “Please don’t do that.”
“Wait. What the hell is a movie?” Kayl interrupted. “I thought those went extinct in the 21st century from the over-clichéd super human— or hero, if you will— features rebooted, rehashed and prequeled over and over again until audiences revolted and destroyed all known film studios??”
Kugo nodded. “You are right. But, by then, it was too late: The movie industry had funded real world genetics in an overly passionate, irrational attempt at converting fantasy into reality, which lead them to be responsible for the Eugenics Wars.”
“Well now I’m bringing movies back, baby! Think about this— A new story about how your ship got the -X postfix, rewritten by a one-dimensional, inarticulate madman’s alternate reality plot-hole incursion. Plus, you’re all younger, with completely different facial features and bone structures!”
The Captain crossed his arms, hesitantly. “Well, let’s talk about that one. Could, say, Spock still recognize me?”
“Also, since when do we need third-party entertainment?” Armond asked. “We have holodecks now, which are in fact the only venue anyone ever constructs a story-line for anything— and even then it’s contrived, considering the vast off-the-cuff, randomized complex programming a holodeck simulation is capable of. Remember the Moriarty Wars in the 2390s?”
Kayl nodded. “Oh, indeed. Those were so embarrassing, they weren’t even mentioned in that overly complicated The Path 2409 reference book Starfleet published to get everyone on the same page, history-wise, again.”
“Well, I bring to the table something those holodecks— Is that what you call them? I’ve never heard of them— never have,” Jeffrey offered. “And that thing is feature film dialogue! No one wants long television-grade well thought-out sentences or artfully composed scene writing? The average viewer is dumb and brain-dead, and we shove that belief of ours in their faces with clichéd short sentences, and name yelling tropes amidst non-stop, overly-stimulating, shark-jumped, uber-starship, hallway-running action sequences!”
Seifer turned to him. “Really? You need that many adjectives?” Then, suddenly concerned, “And you never said anything about forced-liveliness?”
Ensign Dan turned in his seat. “Also, the year is 2410? How is it that Jeffrey is the hottest anything from the year 2414?”
“You’re relieved!” Seifer snapped.
Kugo crossed her arms. “The Ensign is right. Jeffrey would have to be some kind of a time traveler and—” she suddenly stopped herself in realization— “By a sehlat’s uncooked hide! I do know him! You’re Jeffrey Jacob, a known ex-Temporal Agent from the 31st century, who was exiled from the organization for taking over someone-named-Annorax’s temporal rewriting calculations in an attempt to recreate the Vorgon species!”
“And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for that meddling Janeway,” Jeffrey cursed. “Temporal Investigations literally gets her involved in every time travel thing.”
Seifer stepped forward. “Okay, everyone, stop. If Jeffrey was on the run, he’d have been arrested by now, right?”
“In fact, I did serve my time and am now a free man. I decided I would bring back something called movies, and, to start, I illegally traveled back in time to rewrite Starfleet’s most irreparable crew! Yours! You see, I devised the perfect modification to these headset holo-imagers and just had to find you to implement them— the modification being LENS FLARES!”
The Captain was suddenly taken aback and almost lost his footing. “Oh, ugh! —Uggh! No!? No, this can’t be??”
Armond quickly got up and held a phaser to Jeffrey and his team. Jeffrey looked around as Kugo and Kayl were aiming phasers as well.
“I’m sorry,” Captain Seifer reestablished his stance. “But we cannot allow you to go on in any fashion under those parameters any more. The line must be drawn here. This far, no further.”
Minutes later, Jeffrey and his team were back on the pad in the Transporter room, but this time, were being fitted with environmental suits.
“Captain, is this really necessary?” Jeffrey asked.
Seifer explained, “Like the Omega molecule, Starfleet Captain’s are required to take strict actions in situations like these. Somewhere, in some other time, the repercussions of similar acts like yours are still being felt to this day.” The crew finished with the fittings. “Fortunately, this is a high traffic transport zone, so you won’t be completely in the company of death.” Seifer did the so-so hand gesture. “Per se.”
He then nodded to the transporter operator, who beamed Jeffrey and his group out into cold space: The very same space where the Phoenix-X turned and jumped to warp.