If I Had The Words

This is the fourth poem in the series — if you’ve
read `Please Believe In Me’ and `Looking Behind The
Mask’, some of this is not entirely new.


4. If I Had The Words….
By Jessica Ferroni

Traitor. Rebel. The Admiral’s son.
(Cocky. Self-centered. Rude.)
Never caring about anyone else, only watching
out for Number One.
(And then, one day when I wasn’t looking,
I realized what it was.)
Do they know what I’m really like?
(How could I have been so blind?)
Of course not. Who’d take a moment to look?
(And I realized it wasn’t all arrogance.)
Seventy-five years is a long time to be alone.
(Seventy-five years isn’t long enough to
learn all there is about you.)
But then, you’ve always been alone, haven’t
you, Paris?
(Do you even know how much I care for you?)
Sometimes I don’t think it would matter what
I did.
(But I love you for who you are, Tom.)
Yeah, I know. I pity myself too much. But
sometimes I can’t shake it. I have my father
to thank for that, I guess.
(If you’d just look around you, you’d see that
people care.)
Win, win, win. “You can’t be second best, Thomas.
Second best isn’t good enough.”
So when I failed, I wallowed in self-pity.
And it has stuck with me for my entire life.
(Don’t you understand? Why aren’t I
able to tell you?)
And you know what else? I’m afraid. Afraid
I am never going to have the words to tell you
that I love you. Or the courage.
(But I’m afraid, too.)
No. You can’t be afraid. I won’t let you.
You have to be strong.
(But now I’m scared I’m going to lose
you. Lose what I’ve just found.)
(Someday you’ll find your niche in the galaxy, Tom.
Somewhere you can be free to live and love whom
you want.)
I love *you*, B’Elanna.

© Copyright November 1996 Jessica Ferroni
Evenstar17@hotmail.com. (My abbreviated copyright) 🙂


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