Castles in the Sand

From!dsinc!ub!csn!!!usc!!!!!!MissyMack Wed Jan 24 15:03:03 1996
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Subject: REPOST: Castles in the Sand (P/C, Adult) 1/4
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With all the great Picard / Crusher stories being posted, I thought
I would help all the P/C addicts get their fix. Have fun reading!

Standard disclaimers are all applied. Paramount owns everything
and everyone. Hey, check your body for a tattoo stating,
“Property of Paramount. Any unauthorized use will result in a slow
painful death.” Chances are they do own you. They own all the
good stuff.
If you wish to take the header off and claim the story as your own,
that’s fine by me. You’ll be The one with the bad karma, not me.
This is a Picard/Crusher romance story. So, if the thoughts of
these two together makes you want to puke. Stop reading now.
I’ve warned you.
This story also contains sex between two people who are not
married, if you find that immoral or if you are under 18 please
erase this file now.
For those still reading I hope you enjoy.
Thanks to the “Bev Collective” for instilling the writing bug in
me. Keep assimilating those Bevs.
And please forgive me for any spelling mistakes. Spell-check is
out of commission at this time.
Comments always welcome. Because a person can never get too
much E-mail. “Resistance is futile . . .
but appreciated.”

Castles in the Sand
M. Chelsea Mack

Chapter One

The crew of the Enterprise was a crew without a ship.
Almost seven months had passed since their ship’s destruction.
Their new ship was nearly finished, the Enterprise-E would be
ready for service in two weeks. They couldn’t wait to be back in
space again.
The crew had all temporarily gone their separate ways.
Will Riker had chosen to take a temporary post aboard another
ship. Worf used the extended period to take his son, Alexander,
to the Klingon home world, to give the young boy a deeper
knowledge of Klingon traditions and their people. Deanna Troi
had returned to Betazed to visit her mother and friends, mostly she
had gone to reassure her mother that she hadn’t been harmed on
the Enterprise. Geordi La Forge and Data had gone to Utopia
Planitia to see the advancements being made and to help build their
next ship. Dr. Beverly Crusher had gone on a relief mission to a
planet that had been devastated by a massive earthquake. And
Jean-Luc Picard had returned to Earth to teach a semester at the
The senior staff of the Enterprise had decided to meet at
Picard’s family home in France a couple weeks before the launch
of the new Enterprise.
Jean-Luc’s sister-in-law, Marie, had been happy to have
everyone. The house had been much to quiet and lonely since her
husband and son had died. To listen to their stories and to hear
their laughter, had helped to lighten the grief around her heart.
But what had lightened her heart the most was that Jean-
Luc was apparently enamored with the delightful Beverly.
It was the groups last night together in LaBarre, then they
would be going their separate ways, again. They would all meet
again at the launching of the Enterprise-E. From the launching,
with several ambassadors and Starfleet admirals aboard, they
were proceed directly to Starbase 56. There was to be a large
gathering in honor of the Enterprise’s launch. They were going
back into space with much fanfare. Jean-Luc Picard was not
certain about how he felt about all the grandeur surrounding his
new ship.


Beverly sat on the front steps of the house, enjoying the
night air. Everyone had gone to bed hours before, but she had
been unable to sleep so she had come outside. She found this
place enchanting. She had enjoyed being here, with her friends,
far away from Starfleet. They had all had a wonderful time
Beverly found herself wishing she could spend the rest of
her time here, before it was time to report back to duty.
Jean-Luc noticed Beverly sitting on the steps, looking
completely lovely. He opened the front door, she didn’t notice.
He sat down beside her, touching her hand. “Penny,” he said,
stealing one of her lines.
Beverly jumped, surprised at the touch, she looked, finding
Jean-Luc sitting next to her. “I was thinking how beautiful it is
here. And that I wish I had more time to spend here, it’s so
She noticed that he was in his night clothes and had not
bothered with a robe on this warm night, he looked gorgeous.
Unconsciously she pulled her robe tighter around her. She thought
how relaxed and at ease he seemed here, something that rarely
occurred aboard the Enterprise.
“You can stay, if you want,” Jean-Luc casually said.
Hoping that she would agree.
“What?” Beverly asked, looking into his eyes.
“You can stay here, if you want. I’ll be remaining until it
is time to return to duty and I would enjoy your company. Marie
will be leaving and I will be left here alone to rattle around the
Warning bells went off inside Beverly’s head. She knew
she shouldn’t stay here alone with Jean-Luc. Their relationship
had continued to teeter back and forth between just being friends
and becoming something more. She didn’t want to help the something
more along, not just yet. Yet, with all her worries about being
able to remain just friends, she found herself saying….
“I would love to, Jean-Luc,” she said it was such a smile.
*What a beautiful smile,* he thought. *Those lovely lips
saying my name. She has always driven me to distraction without
even trying.* “I’m glad,” he said. “I can’t think of anyone I
would rather spend my time with.”
Jean-Luc gave her a light kiss on the cheek and said good
night. Wishing there could be more than just a kiss on the cheek.
Beverly followed him into the house and up the stairs. They said
good night and parted company, going into their own rooms.

Chapter Two

Beverly decided to indulge in a leisurely bath. She was
tired and hoped the soothing water would help her to sleep.
Beverly filled the tub, slipping out of her nightgown and into the
warm water. She lay there thinking about Jean-Luc and about
Beverly could sense the feelings that she held at bay with a
whip and a chair, coming too close to the surface. They were
becoming harder and harder for her to suppress. Every time she
let her guard down for just an instant, a stray thought would
appear unbidden in her mind. Keeping these thoughts and feelings
at bay was becoming thoroughly exhausting.
She had to continually remind herself of all the reasons not
to give into her desire.
He was the captain, her commanding officer, it wasn’t
proper to have a relationship with her captain. Other crew
members may feel that she received preferential treatment if they
were to become involved.
Then there was Jack. Jean-Luc had been her late
husband’s best friend.
The thought of him always made her feel guilty about her
feelings for Jean-Luc. When she could make arguments against
every other reason not to just love him, Jack’s image would remind
her just exactly who he was.
How could she feel like this about her husband’s best
friend? It was wrong to feel like this, wasn’t it?
She had control of the situation. She may not be able to
always keep the thoughts at bay, but she would not give in to the
bodily desire. At least she tried to convince herself that she
Beverly closed her eyes, and let her mind wander. Before
she knew it she had fallen into a dream filled sleep.


The pair walked side by side on the white beach, fingers
inter-laced with each other, as lazy waves crashed against their
bare feet, wetting the bottom of their clothes.
She wore a casual, sleeveless, white dress, that fell down
to her ankles. It was made of a soft, thin fabric, something he
had never seen or felt before. The dress wrapped around her body,
hugging her hips and the curves of her breasts, it was held
together by a single clasp at her left hip, the fabric flowing down
the rest of her body. As she walked her bare left leg would come
out of hiding, showing its well sculpted smoothness, and then it
would disappear back to its hiding place behind the fabric of the
dress, just to reappear again moments later. *She has the best
pair of legs I’ve ever seen,* her companion thought with a slight
He wore a blue silk shirt that was cut nearly to the navel,
revealing most of his well defined chest. The color of his shirt
matched the color of his companion’s eye almost perfectly. His
dark grey pants conformed to his body’s every muscle. You could
see every muscle of his legs move as he walked. *Not many men
could pull those pants off with any dignity at his age, hell, not
many men could pull those pants off at any age,* she thought. *I
wonder if he has them painted on.* she finished to herself with an
inner giggle.
The sky began to grow dimmer as the day came to a
close, the warm air smelled sensuous as it blew around the couple.
It had been a beautiful day, perfect for a relaxing stroll along
the water’s edge. The beach went on for a little over a mile,
before it came to a rocky end, but just over the rocks the beach
began again, as if its beauty had never been interrupted. The wind
picked up slightly, and Beverly’s hair began to dance in a fire all
its own. Jean-Luc watched the games her crimson mane played
around her. A lock a hair placed itself against her moist lips and
refused to move on its own, Jean-Luc reached up to pull the hair
away from her face. As he did this, his thumb brushed lightly
against Beverly’s bottom lip. She trembled slightly at the heat of
his touch against her face. But as suddenly as the touch was
against her, it was gone, leaving behind a tingling memory on her
“It’s getting late,” he said quietly. “The sun has almost
set, and one of the moons is visible now.” He looked up into the
purple sky, studying it. “It looks like it may rain.”
Beverly smiled, “Let it rain, I always loved to play in the
rain as a child. As long as the rain doesn’t become to heavy, if
you don’t mind, I would like to continue our walk. I’ll enjoy it,
the warm air and the rain will feel wonderful.”
As an answer, Jean-Luc gripped Beverly’s hand more tightly,
continue to walk away from their rooms. *Does she realize that if
it begins to rain the water is going to make her dress positively
transparent.* he wondered. *I’m not about to bring it up.*
They continued to walk hand in hand, the day was gone
and night had come, the light of the moon illuminate her hair,
making her face look like that of a porcelain doll’s, her azure eye
shone in the light. She looked positively radiant. The rain
came, falling intermediately, making them wonder if it was even
really there, or just their imagination. “It is absolutely
wonderful here,” Beverly smiled.
“Yes, it is,” he agreed, watching her intently, seeing every
change in her face. Watching the wind play its games with her
“The night is beautiful.”
“Truly beautiful,” Picard responded, though he was
commenting about her, not the night.
Beverly looked over at him and caught his gaze. She
smiled slightly, brushing her hand up against his cheek. His gaze
did not waver. Beverly flushed slightly, and looked away.
“Penny,” she said lightly.
“Nothing really, just thinking about how much I truly enjoy
your company,” Jean-Luc smiled. *I don’t think, my dear Beverly,
that you are ready for my thoughts,* he finished to himself.
They continued on their journey down the beach in silence,
the rain began to fall a little harder, but it was still nothing to
be concerned about. The sky began to turn a darker shade of
purple, as the storm grew closer to them. Jean-Luc could feel the
rain hitting his body, the warmness of the drops was truly
stimulating. He watched Beverly, face held towards the sky letting
the rain fall over her. The raindrops fell on her cheeks rolling
down her jaw line and continuing their path down her neck, until
they disappeared between the crevice of her breasts. It was truly
erotic to him, watching their path, what he wouldn’t give to be
one of those raindrops, sliding down her body right now.
The rain had started to soak through her dress, causing it
to cling to her skin, and it became transparent as he had
predicted. He began to be able to see every curve of her body, in
away he had only imagined. Beverly wore no undergarments, the
fabric had been to light and you would have been able to see it
through the fabric, so she had opted to go without for the walk.
Jean-Luc swore slightly to himself as her nipples became erect from
the rain and showed themselves through the wet fabric. His mind
was racing. *Merde. Get a hold of yourself, your acting like a
young boy who has just caught a glimpse of a naked woman for the
first time.*
Beverly looked over at her companion and caught a look
of pure lust, but he saw her start to turn towards him and had
pulled himself together enough to put a more platonic look on his
face. Beverly smiled at him, as the looked faded. She hadn’t
noticed what the weather had done to her clothes, so was unaware
of the reason for Jean-Luc’s gaze.
As he looked away, Beverly studied him. The rain had
soaked his shirt, and the hair on his chest had become curly from
the wetness from the rain. *What would it feel like to run my
fingers along his chest, to feel the heat of his skin against mine?
I would love to know.* Her gaze moved lower and her eyes
wandered over his lower body, his muscled legs, the firmness of
his butt, he did have a truly magnificent body. She could tell
that even in his Starfleet uniform. But these pants, did wonders
for the imagination. *They should make these standard issue for
uniforms,* she thought with a leer.
She noticed the slight bulge in the front of his pants, and
licked her suddenly dry lips, just as he turned towards her. With
her mind on other things, she didn’t notice him watching her. He
saw her intently scrutinized his body. This knowledge brought a
flush to his face and excited him, also. Beverly noticed as the
bulge she had been staring at rather intently grew in size. She
knew she had been caught staring, but she didn’t care. She looked
up to meet Jean-Luc passionate gaze. As their eye locked, Beverly
moved closer to him. Jean-Luc brought his hand up towards her,
running it along her arm, up to her shoulder, finally resting it
behind her head, pulling her closer to him.
Beverly let out a sigh, as he brought his face to hers and
placed his lips to hers, devouring her mouth with an urgent hunger.
Beverly responded in full force, arms wrapped around his neck,
fingers dancing over the back of his head, sending shivers of
delight through his body, every inch of him responding to her
His hands explored her body, their lips never parting, he
ran his hands over the curves of her hips and up to the swell of
her breasts. He traced the out line of her nipples through the wet
fabric. “Beverly, do you realize, this dress no longer leaves much
to the imagination?” Jean-Luc breathed into her mouth. Beverly
pulled away to look down, and saw that the dress conformed to
every inch of her body and had become complete see through in
the rain.
“I see what you mean.” she smiled, pulling his body back
to hers.
She reached her hands up under the back of his shirt,
tracing playful designs along his back with her fingertips. Her
touch was like fire, a slight moan escaped through his lips. He
placed demanding kisses down her neck and on her shoulder. His
hands reached for the clasp at her waist. Her hands quickly
ceased their dance along his back and one hand grabbed his, “Making
love in the surf is not all it’s cracked up to be,” she whispered.
“I think we should go back, now. My room is closest.”
They kissed one final time, and nearly ran all the way back
to her room in their urgency to possess each other. At almost the
same time they reached the terrace that led to her room, the wind
picked up, the rain became fast and hard, and a loud roar shot
through the sky. “Good thing we came back now.” Jean-Luc smiled.
Beverly looked up into the sky, letting the rain wash over
her. Jean-Luc couldn’t take it anymore, he had to have her now.
He pushed her slightly against the door frame, devouring her with
kisses, as his hand returned to their earlier mission, and removed
her from her dress. My God, he thought, she is absolutely
exquisite. Jean-Luc trailed kisses down her neck to her right
breast, taking it into his mouth, nibbling and sucking
Beverly placed a hand under his jaw, drawing him back up
to eye level. As he watched the desire dance in her eyes she
peeled his rain soaked clothes away from him. The rain splashed
against their naked bodies. She brought Jean-Luc to her, wrapping
her arms around him once again, the bodies pressed against each
other, “I want you right now,” she ordered.
With her back still braced against the outside door frame,
she brought her legs up, encircling them around his waist and
lowering herself down on to him. “Beverly, oh, yes.” he breathed,
his face flushed and his breath already becoming labored.
They made love on the terrace for all the world to watch if
they wanted, but neither seemed aware or to care.
He placed his lips to the soft skin at the base of her neck,
placing tiny kisses all along there. Beverly moved slowly, loving
the feel of him in her, Jean-Luc thrust against her, harder with
each new movement, as he ran his fingers along her skin. She could
feel the roughness of the wood against her back with each movement,
the contrasting feel of the wood and his touch, sent her mind
reeling. She screamed out in joy as Jean-Luc’s orgasm took hold
and he exploded inside her……


Picard awoke suddenly, drenched in sweat, the dream still
very vivid in his mind. It had seemed so real, the rain falling
against him, the taste of her lips, the feel of her body wrapped
around him. It had been as real as it had been that night on
Beverly had been privy to this dream.
“Beverly,” he murmured.
He wanted her like he had wanted no other woman before
or since they had met. It was no longer just a sexual attraction,
like it had been that first night they had met. His feelings for
her had grown and matured over the years they had spent together
aboard the Enterprise.
It was a love born of friendship, trust and respect. A love
that went beyond anything he had experienced before.
But she wasn’t ready, she had told him as much. So he would
wait until she was.
Just how long was he willing to wait for her, though?
He lay there recalling every moment of the vivid fantasy.
Because the fantasy was all he had of her at the moment. He lay
there until he fell back into sleep.


Beverly awoke abruptly, to discover herself emerged in a
now lukewarm bath. It had only been a dream. She hadn’t had a
fantasy like that in quite awhile, at least not any that she
remembered so clearly. She stepped out of the tub, grabbed a
towel to dry herself with.
The dream was familiar to her. But it was not a dream that
she had had before. It was like a distant memory. She was
slightly confused by the familiarness of the dream.
Jean-Luc had had this dream on Kes-Prytt. *Great.
Now I’m having the same fantasy as he was. But, it was such a
nice fantasy.*
Beverly was still confused about the experience they had
had on the plant and immediately following their return to the
Enterprise. Jean-Luc had lain awake for hours, going over every
detail of their relationship. He had seemed as lost as she was on
the subject of just where they stood with each other. He had also
felt the same guilt she had over Jack.
When he had fallen asleep he had dreamed vividly of the
two of them together.
Then Jack had visited him. She didn’t know what the
dream was about. She couldn’t bear seeing him there with Jean-
Luc. The guilt had been too great for her to handle, so, she had
blocked Jean-Luc’s thoughts out with all the force she could
When he had awoken, Beverly felt a new confidence he
had concerning them. There was no underlying guilt anymore.
She found herself wondering what he and Jack had talked about
and at the same time was glad that she didn’t know.
For some reason his lack of guilt, just made her feel more
She could be with anyone but Jean-Luc. Not her
husband’s best friend. It would be a betrayal. At least, that was
how she felt. No matter how guilty her thoughts made her feel she
couldn’t stop them from engulfing her at times.
She reminded herself that to think and to act were two
entirely different matters. He had said as much himself by the
fire. She would not act on her feelings.
She would not allow herself.
She pulled on a night gown, let down her hair and brushed
it out. Then, she went into her bedroom, and crawled between the
sheets alone, and immediately fell back to sleep.

Chapter Three

Beverly awoke refreshed, after a night of dreaming about
Jean-Luc. She had had several dreams during the night, about the
two of them, the scenario was a little different each time, but,
the outcome was always the same. She could remember vividly each
detail of all of her dreams, every inch of the dream Captain’s body
was etched into her mind. She smiled slightly to herself as she
emerged from under the covers, he did have a great body. Those
hands . . . . those hands were amazing, she could feel them
exploring her body as if he was right there, standing next to her.
“I’m not going to get anywhere, if I stand here and
daydream,” she said aloud as she walked into the bathroom.
She refused to let the guilt surface. After all, they were
only dreams. And she couldn’t be held responsible.
Besides she had seen all the dreams before. They had all
been *his* dreams.


Beverly walked into the kitchen with a bright smile on her
face. Jean-Luc and Marie were busy making breakfast for
everyone. They were laughing with each other. The sight made
her smile grow wider. Marie had been so quiet when they had
first arrived. But over the week she had grown happier, the weight
of her grief becoming lighter. Beverly was glad for that.
“You both look especially rested this morning,” Marie said.
*If you only new the half of it,* Jean-Luc thought. He
looked towards Beverly. “Beverly does look rather chipper this
morning, doesn’t she?”
“I’m always chipper in the morning,” she laughed.
“If you insist,” he said. “Anything I should know about?”
“I just had very sweet dreams last night,” Beverly said eyes
shinning, as images of Jean-Luc’s naked body came into her mind.
“Jean-Luc said the same thing to me when I got up this
morning,” Marie said. “I guess you both had good nights.”
“I here you will be staying here with Jean-Luc,” Marie
“I’m glad. At least now I know you will keep him from
destroying my kitchen and the rest of the house while I’m gone.”
Beverly had to laugh.
“Are you trying to say that I can’t cook?”
“Not at all,” Marie said. “All I’m saying is that things
tend to get a little out of hand when your in here alone.”
“I’m glad she has decided to stay here also, now I won’t
be left here all alone. Besides she has a way of keeping me on my
Beverly arched a delicate brow, “And how exactly do I do
Jean-Luc smiled, “I just never know when you are going to
jump in and start arguing some point of Starfleet protocol with me.
Not to mention when you might decide to blatantly disobey my
Marie looked on with laughter as the two bantered with each
“I never disobey any reasonable orders that you give, it’s
only when you start being unreasonable,” Beverly laughed.
“Dr. Crusher, I am always reasonable, you, on the other
hand, are an entirely different story.
“I agree he can be a little unreasonable at times,” Will
laughed from the doorway.
“Will, I will kindly remind you just who you are talking
about,” he smiled.
“Sorry, sir,” he said with a mock salute as a big grin spread
across his face.
Deanna walked in, “All this cheer and breakfast hasn’t
even been served yet.”
“Now here is an unreasonable person if I ever met one,”
Will laughed, putting his arm around Deanna.
“If you say so, Will,” Deanna smiled as she playfully
elbowed him in the stomach.
One by one the group enter the banter. They sat down to
a light-hearted breakfast, when they were finished, they went
upstairs to finish packing, as Beverly and Jean-Luc removed the
dishes. They were the only two staying in the house.

Chapter Four

The next afternoon, Picard and Crusher sat on a blanket in
a large meadow just beyond the vineyards. Wildflowers grew
rampant and birds sang from the tree tops. It was beautiful day,
the wind blew a cooling breeze through the landscape, causing the
purple, yellow and pink flowers to dance in a hypnotic sway.
Jean-Luc watched as the breeze played havoc with her
hair, it blew lightly around her face, as she laid out the contents
of the picnic basket. “A small feast,” Beverly smiled.
*I would much rather feast on . . . No. Not now, keep a
clear head Picard. Don’t start fantasizing now, not when their is
no one around to stop you.* He said to himself.
“Great, I’m starved.”
They ate while Jean-Luc told her about the vineyards and
about his father, mother and brother. He told her about his last
visit home, how he and Robert had finally settled the differences.
“I am glad that I at least had time to make peace with him.”
Beverly could see the sadness in his eyes. It was a
sadness she knew all too well. A sadness he had helped her to
deal with. She placed her hand on his shoulder, to show that she
understood and that she was here for him. Involuntarily, she
stroked his jaw with the back of her hand. Jean-Luc caught her
hand in his and held it.
Jean-Luc’s mouth came to hers, lightly brushing against
her. She did not respond to his touch, but, neither did she pull
away from him. He moved his hand to the back of her neck,
pulling her closer, kissing her harder. He did not expect her to
respond . . . but she did respond . . . and fed a hunger for her he
was not sure he dared to explore.
At the first touch of his lips against hers, Beverly felt a
shiver run the length of her body. She wanted to run, but
something would not let her move. She felt the kiss deepen and
she found herself falling into a haze of desire. She slid her arms
around him, pulling him closer, kissing him back and savoring his
taste, his warmth.
She wanted him. God, how she wanted him.
His image came into her mind, uninvited, and with it came
the guilt. *What was she doing?*
His elation to her passion soon faded as he felt her body
stiffen in his embrace. Jean-Luc released her gently, placing a
soft kiss on her cheek.
“If we plan to eat the rest of the week, we had better get
to the market. With the storm coming this may be the only day the
market will be held,” he smiled, trying to put her at ease.
“Thank you,” she whisper almost silently.
“For what? Not letting you starve? I can only hope you
would do the same.” Jean-Luc lightly squeezed her hand, to
reassure her that it was all right. The duo re-packed the picnic
basket and headed back to the house, hand in hand.


The wind blew outside, the temperature dropping in
anticipation of the upcoming storm. The pair sat on the floor, in
front of the fire, resting against the sofa. They drank a bottle
of wine from the Picard vineyards. Jean-Luc told her happy stories
from his childhood. She listened contentedly.
He could tell Beverly was still a bit tense from the kiss.
He wished that she would just let go and admit how she felt. What
ever it was that she felt. Jean-Luc had made an effort not to
touch her as much as possible. He wanted her to relax, and he
feared that she would mistake any contact as something more.
As the contents of the second bottle began to disappear,
so did his self control. It was becoming nearly impossible not to
reach out for her, to bring his fingers through her fiery mane, not
to trace her lips with his thumbs, not to kiss her. All he wanted
was to feel her sweet kiss once again upon him.
Whenever he looked into her eyes, he swore he saw the same
desire and then it would be gone. Replaced by something that he
could not comprehend.
Beverly’s body began to relax as the wine began to have
some effect. To Jean-Luc’s joy she curled her body into his,
resting her head on his chest. He reached behind him, pulling the
blanket from the couch, wrapping it around the both of them.
She felt very tired, all the wrestling her heart and head did
with each other was beginning to take its tole on her. Beverly had
unconsciously nestled into the crook of his arms, searching for
some peace. Hoping she could find it in his arms. Trying
violently to push the doubts away.
Jean-Luc pulled her closer, hugging her to him. They lay
there in silence, watching the fire dance. He absently traced
patterns over her hip with his fingers. He turned to her and
watched the fire cast shadows through her hair. He kissed her
lightly on her head. She looked up into his face and he took the
opportunity to place a kiss on her lips.
Beverly brought her head up, resting it on his shoulder as
she turned the innocent kiss into something more passionate. She
lay there, letting the feelings overtake her, hoping to chase away
the ghosts that haunted her.
Jean-Luc took her by the waist, pulling her on top of him.
She went willingly. He never allowed the kiss to break. He ran
his fingers down her spine, she shivered at his touch. He brought
his hands up under her top, caressing her.
The feel of his hands against her flesh, brought her to her
senses and she pulled away from him, breaking their embrace.
Beverly quickly got to her feet, running her fingers through her
hair and adjusting her top.
“Beverly . . .” he started to say, but she cut him off.
“Why can’t you just let things be? Why do you continue to
push everything?” She almost cried.
“I wasn’t aware I was pushing anything. You were the one
who placed yourself in my arms. You were the one who turned that
kiss into something more.”
Beverly just looked at him, then turned to leave. “I’m
going to bed.”
Jean-Luc sprang to his feet, grabbing her by the arm.
“What do you want from me?”
“What do I want from you? I want you to leave me alone.”
“Is that really what you want?” He asked. “That was not
what your actions were telling me on the floor.”
She did not want to listen to him, she just wanted to get
away from him. Beverly tried to pull free from his grasp, but he
held her wrist to tightly. “Let go of me.” She whispered.
He let go of her wrist, grabbing her around the waist with
both hands before she had time to react. He pulled her against
him, kissing her. She tried to break free from his embrace, but
couldn’t. Her body began to respond to his touch, even as her mind
tried to fight him. Her body won the battle as she slipped her
arms around his body, caressing him.
Beverly was pressed so tightly against Jean-Luc, she felt
his desire rising. Her head cleared long enough for her to pull
away from him, moving out of his reach.
“Why do you continue to deny your feeling?” He asked,
adding, “I know that you want me, as much as I want you, your
body gives you away.”
“I want no such thing. I want you to stop this know. I
want you to leave me alone. Please just leave.”
“Fine, Beverly,” he said. “I’m tired of playing this game
with you. I’m finished waiting for you to make a decision about
what you want from me. If you ever figure out what you want, tell
me, maybe I’ll still feel the same. But, I refuse to spend my life
waiting for you to decide.”
Beverly just looked at him, not knowing what she should
do. Her mind told her to leave, that this was the perfect time.
Her body screamed for his touch, telling her to go to him and never
to leave. She remained silent, not knowing what to do, she was
losing him. And to what? The memory of a man long dead and
feelings of guilt that plagued her being.
He took the decision from her hands. “Good night,” he
said formally, leaving.
Beverly stood there in the fire light, feeling completely
alone. Had she lost him completely? Would he be able to
continue to be just her friend? She put out the fire, heading to
her room. Though she no longer felt like sleeping.

Chapter Five

The storm started, a little earlier than expected. Beverly
lay in her bed completely sober and shivering, listening to the
wind blowing. She felt thoroughly alone. There was no pretending
she hadn’t said it, and that he hadn’t done that. The wind sounded
like a mourning lover.
Beverly couldn’t bear the sound.
She got up from bed and crossed the room to the window,
pulling aside the curtain. It was well past midnight, and she had
been in bed for hours. But she had not been able to sleep, and
now she knew that she would not sleep. Not this night.
Shadows obscured the vineyard, dancing eerily in the pale
moonlight as branches and clouds were blown about by the wind.
The wind’s screaming took on an eery note, as if it too, was in
complete confusion.
Beyond the vineyard, the path to the river that ran through
the meadow, was abundant with shadows. She could just make
out the water shimmering in the blackness. Calling to her.
Reminding her.
For a long time after Jack’s death her loss had been so
excruciating that it was like a blade stabbing continually at her
heart. Then slowly, so slowly that she had not been aware of it at
the time, she had started to heal. A whole day would go by, and
she would not think about Jack. At night she was able to sleep
untroubled by greetings from Jack’s sweet presence in her dreams.
She started to feel again, sharply. Anger, fear, joy. And
passion. Passion like she had never experienced. A passion so
strong and intense that it unsettled her. Even as her heart had
continued to grieve, her body had awakened from a long sleep.
It was because of Jean-Luc, of coarse. Guiltily, Beverly
admitted, finally, if even only to herself, what she had been
afraid to do before.
He was absolutely right when he accused her of wanting him.
She wanted to kiss that hard mouth, to explore him, to have him
explore her.
She *wanted* to sleep with him.
Beverly clenched her fists, closing her eyes, she tried to
will the images away. But they refused to be exorcized.
Suddenly, she felt sick to her stomach. On this, the anniversary
of her beloved Jack’s death, it was wretched that she could think
libidinous thoughts about his best friend.
Beverly grabbed her robe of the end of the bed, she tied
the garment tightly around her waist. Then slipped her feet in to
her slippers.
She needed to talk to Jack, as she had in the weeks just
after he died. She needed to know that, after all, the love they
had shared had not died.
She needed to get out of the house.
Beverly left her bedroom, hoping Jean-Luc had gone to
bed, and moved soundlessly down the stairs, along the corridor to
the rear of the house. She reached the door and left the house.
The tendrils of hair around her face whipped upward in the
unrelenting wind. The wind caught at the skirts of her simple
white nightgown and robe, swirling them around her legs. Branches
blew and creaked all around her, but she neither noticed nor
cared. She felt entirely removed from herself, as if she was
caught in a dream.
She made her way through the vineyard, and down the
path that would take her to the meadow and to the river. She
stood at the river’s edge, staring at the silent water.
As a young woman she had loved Jack. He had been the
reality of every teenaged dream. The handsome Starfleet officer.
Her closest friend. They had married, had Wesley, and then he
had died. They had had so little time. So many dreams had been
left undiscovered.
Now there was no more than a few subspace messages
and fading memories of him. Surely, a man as compassionate and
exceptional as Jack deserved more than that as a remembrance.
Beverly tried to remember, tried to bring his face to her
mind, but his features kept getting embroiled with Wesley’s. She
couldn’t get his face to become clear. “Why can’t I even
remember what he looks like?” she cried aloud.
The admission brought tears to her eyes, hot tears that ran
uncontrollably down her face.
*How could I have forgotten?*
Falling to her knees at the river’s edge, she dropped to her
hands and cried. Cried as hard as she had the first night after
she had learned that he would never return to her side.
It began to rain. At first it was a lazy rain. Then it
increased in intensity, until it began to pour down from the
heavens with as much ferocity as her tears. “Jack,” she whispered.
The wind blew, the rain fell, and Beverly wept, oblivious to
Then an angry voice came out of the blackness, shaking
her out of her thoughts.
“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”


Beverly looked up to find Jean-Luc looming above her.
She adverted her face, wiping at her cheeks with her hand, frantic
that he not know she had been crying. But he ignored her
attempts to cover this fact, leaning over her and catching her chin
in his hand, he tilted her face up to his. His eyes scowled down
at her. He looked furious.
She closed her eyes against him. The rain washed her face.
He demanded, “What are you doing? You’ll catch your death
out here?”
Before she could compose herself enough to answer, he
scooped her into his arms, and carried her away from the riverbed
and back up the path towards the house. Beverly turned her face
into his damp shirt, breathing in the heavy scent of him, huddling
against the solid warmth of his shoulder. He was so alive. And
guilt overwhelmed her because she was glad to be in his arms.
The realization brought more tears with it.
As he felt fresh cries overtake her, Jean-Luc cursed
viciously under his breath. So abruptly that it shocked her, the
arm beneath her knees was removed. Beverly found herself on her
own feet, her body pressed against his, as his arms wrapped
around her. She looked at him, only to find his face was coming
closer. Before she could decipher his intent, his mouth discovered
hers. He kissed her with savage greed that left no room for
tenderness, kissed her with a intensity that rocked her to her toes
and made her shake.
His kiss reduced her to mindlessness. Beverly felt her will
melt away. Leaving her incapable of denying him anything he
Jean-Luc gathered her close, so she was aware of the
whole muscled length of him against every inch of her flesh.
Beverly trembled in his arms, then gave in to what every instinct
she possessed cried out for her to do. She slid her arms around
his neck, drawing him to her. His mouth mercilessly forced her
lips apart, and she did not resist. Did not even want to resist.
With an inaudible moan, she surrendered unconditionally,
her hands caressing his rain soaked neck and shoulders. Her
mouth surrendering to his plundering.
And plunder he did. His tongue was a fearless invader,
conquering everything in it path. He stroked the roof her mouth
and her teeth, demanding an equal response from her. Beverly
gave it to him, she returned passion for passion, kissing him back
with all the longing she had tried in vain to suppress for so many
Never before had she felt anything like the raging desire
that was threatening to devour her. Never had she wanted
anything as much, as in that moment she wanted Captain Jean-Luc


They stood there, kissing in the dark rain washed vineyard,
both of them soaked to the skin. Then he seemed to come to
some awareness of where they were. He muttered something and
took her into his arms again. Heart racing, arms curled around his
neck, Beverly lay in his arms silently as he carried her through
the vineyard and into the house.
Neither of them spoke as he moved through the
downstairs. Dizzy with passion, she reveled in the strength of his
arms as he carried her up the stairs with ease. Absorbed in the
hardness of his chest, the warmth of him, the smell of him. Her
arms tightened around his neck as he carried her along the upstairs
hallway and then eased open the door carrying her into her room.

Chapter Six

“You are not going to make me leave,” it was a harsh
whisper, part question, part order.
“No, I’m not going to make you leave,” she said, bury her
face into his shoulders.
She felt his sharp intake of breath, as well as the relief
flood over his body at her declaration. He stood her on her feet
with much more gentleness than he had shown up to this point.
“Lets get you out of these wet clothes.”
The window allowed the smallest bit of moonlight to
shimmer through her bedroom. Just enough so that she was able
to watch him as he began to undress her. His large hands intently
working on all the buttons of her nightgown. His head was
lowered and she could barely make out his face. His lashes
covered his eye, but his mouth was not smiling, it was almost grim.
His lips were set in a straight, hard line. As he released enough
buttons to open her garment to her chest, he chanced a glance
upwards and met her gaze. He still didn’t smile, just studied her,
those still grey eyes glittering.
Never letting his eyes leave hers, he reached out with one
large hand and grasped her firm breast. Beverly gasped at his
touch. Her head falling back on her neck, her eyes closing. She
trembled as she closed her hand over the hand that he had resting
on her breast.
Jean-Luc took her into his arms again, kissing her
passionately, endlessly. She locked her arms around him, afraid
he might vanish, and kissed him back in equal measure. When his
mouth slid down to her ear and then her neck, he was quaking like
she was. Beverly could feel the shudders rocking the body that
held her so tightly.
“Merde,” he breathed, and stepped away from her.
She reached for him, but he shock his head and set to
work on the rest of the buttons that kept her nightgown held
against her. His fingers fumbled with the buttons, Beverly could
not wait any longer. “Let me,” she whispered.
She stared at him for a moment, a gleam in her eyes, then
with deliberate slowness, she began to undo the tiny buttons.
Jean-Luc watched her, so intent on each movement that he stopped
breathing altogether. *She does know how to torment the hell out
of me.* he thought. He examined her with a guarded expression she
could not comprehend. The only thing that told her he felt the
same desire that she felt was the look in his eyes. She looked
directly into his eyes as she dragged out the act of disrobing,
knowing damned well she was slowly driving him up the wall. His
pulse quickened when she languidly let the nightgown fall off her
shoulders, it was all he could do to keep from grabbing for
her. Beverly saw the look in his eyes intensify as he waited.
Slowly she let the garment slip down her arms, little by little
revealing more of her skin, deliberately delaying its fall, first
to expose her rose tipped breasts, then her delicate waist, the
gentle curve of her hips and the red-brown triangle of hair where
her legs joined. Jean-Luc felt as if he was on the verge of
madness when the garment finally fell in a puddle at her feet.
When the gown dropped to the floor, his eyes were
ablaze. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he
said, as his hands reached to pull her back into his embrace.
Beverly went willingly.
He bestowed her neck and shoulders with tiny kisses as he
maneuvered their bodies towards the bed. He lay her gently down
across the center of the bed, lying down next to her, propping his
body up by his elbow, looking down onto her.
His fingers played over her stomach, and then the curly
triangle of auburn hair. His touch was feather light, but so
knowing, searching and learning her. His fingers continued their
quest, pressing and probing the softness between her thighs.
Slowly and rhythmically he caressed her. He sat up to free
his other hand to caress and learn her breasts. His hands seemed
to move over every part of her body, the gentle urgency of his
fingers burning deeper and deeper.
A moan escaped from between her lips when his fingers
ceased their exploration. Then she felt his mouth upon her. He
slid his hands under her, lifting her upward. His tongue flicked
over her as lightly as his fingers had touched her, gently tugging,
possessing her. She felt his hands and mouth melding with her
body. Becoming part of her.
She felt the excitement building, moving through her body.
Low feverish moans escaped her lips. Wild waves of exquisite
pleasure swept through her body. She involuntarily pushed her
hips upward toward his mouth, urging him to continue. She shook
uncontrollably as quake after quake of pleasure shot through her
whole being.
Jean-Luc shifted positions, laying his full length next to
her, his hands moving over her stomach and breasts more urgently.
He could feel the heat of Beverly’s naked body, even through his
damp clothes.
Slowly the waves of pleasure subsided. Beverly could feel
his desire building, she knew it would be impossible for him to
wait much longer. “I think it’s time you get out of these wet
clothes,” she whispered as she began tugging off his wet clothes.
The passion within her rekindled as his clothes came off.
Beverly looked at his naked form and forgot to breathe. He was
absolutely extraordinary. He was huge and hard with desire.
Jean-Luc lay above her, brushing light kissed across her
lips. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he confessed, kissing her
again with a passionate pressure.
He rested on one elbow, stroking her chin, he brought his
fingers up to comb through her hair. “The most beautiful….” he
whispered, brushing a lock of hair from her cheek.
“Do you want me Beverly?” he asked, bringing his lips
across her cheek to her ear.
Beverly arched her neck to give him freer access, feeling
the desire overtake her again.
Do I want him? Isn’t it obvious?
“Oh, yes,” she whispered shakily, “Yes.”
It was such a relief to confess the truth, to give into her
longings, not to fight herself anymore. Not to let the guilt come
between them. Did she want him? More than anything.
He stroked her, murmuring, “Beautiful, beautiful Beverly.”
Even in his urgency to have her, he was a slow, gentle,
considerate lover. Suddenly, she didn’t want him to be any of
that. Her body was fevered with desire, if he didn’t hurry, she
feared she would pass out from wanting.
Jean-Luc stroked her cheek tenderly. She caught his
finger between her lips suckling them, enjoying the faint taste of
herself on them. His eyes flickered as he watched her with a
curiously guarded expression. As if he was afraid she may change
her mind, come to her senses, and deny him this pleasure. He felt
a need to make sure she would have no regrets about this.
She could not wait for him any longer. She slid her arms
around his shoulders, pulling his mouth to hers. He held back,
still searching her face, his eyes asking a pleading question.
“Kiss me,” she said as she brought her legs up around his
waist and pulled his entire body down on to her. He still held
back. “Please, Jean,” she begged.
He caught his breath, the flames in his eyes growing
brighter. The desire inside him raging out of control. He kissed
her, his tongue searching her mouth. His hand found her breast,
and closed over it. Beverly arched her back, pleading for more.
Jean-Luc looked down at her again, his look was hard with
desire. “No regrets.”
“No regrets,” she agreed, looking into his eyes.
His eyes held more than passion. But Beverly refused to
allow herself to see it. His eyes held years of tenderness and
love. But Beverly didn’t want to see those things.
“Please,” she whispered, her arms pulling his closer.
Suddenly, his hands seemed to be everywhere, as his
mouth explores hers. Beverly clung to him, her nails embedding
themselves into his back as he kissed her with a passion stating
that the time for gentleness was over. His hand played with her
breast, squeezing her nipple. Beverly moaned aloud. His legs
shifted and Beverly tightened her legs around him, taking him into
“Beautiful Beverly,” he muttered. “I love you.”
She was kissing him again, clinging to him, never hearing
his final whispered words.
His breathing became increasingly erratic. His arms
molded her to him. His hand slid between their bodies and
between her thighs. He found the soft wetness of her and began to
caress her. Beverly exploded at his touch and cried out, gasping
for air and enjoying the sheer wonder of him. As her body shook,
he thrust deeper inside her, so deep that at first she was
unprepared for the enormity of him.
More pleasure rocked her, pleasure so intense, she clung
to him, panting, nails digging even deeper into his back, her legs
tightening around his waist.
His thrusts were deep and hard, pounding into her with a
desperate strength. She reveled in every movement he made.
From her throat came low moans and screams. He was hot and
wet with sweat. Beverly was utterly mindless. She matched his
passion with her own. Until, with one final thrust, he stiffened
and cried out, finding his own release.
And in the feel of his release, she found hers again.

Chapter Seven

The rain beat against the window, as the storm raged out
of control in the night. Jean-Luc and Beverly lay cuddled warmly
together. Jean-Luc lay on his back with her head nestled against
his chest. His arm held her to him. One of her hands resting on
his chest, he was very warm to the touch, reassuringly solid, and
unashamedly, beautifully naked. Her eyes ran across him with
appreciation. Even languishing, his body satisfied, sweat drying
on his skin, he was a treasure for her eyes.
She did not try to convince herself that she had been wise
to make love with Jean-Luc. But she had no regrets.
“Are you sorry?”
Jean-Luc’s muscles relaxed at her reply. “Good.”
“Though I am still worried about having an affair with my
captain,” she said truthfully. “It’s not at all a proper
“There has to be some advantage in there some where,”
his chuckled.
“Perhaps, one or two.” Beverly sighed contentedly, she
looked up to find that he was watching her, with a slight smile on
his face.
“I’ve wanted to do this since the first time I saw you,” he
told her.
His admission made Beverly feel ridiculously lighthearted.
The chest she had been longing to touch waited beneath her hand.
She moved her fingers through the soft hair. “Have you?” she
“Yes, ever since you were first introduced to me at that
Starfleet function. You were so beautiful standing there, red hair
falling in soft curls down to your waist, your blue eyes shining.
Even then your eyes seem to hold the answers to everything.
“You were an absolute vision. I loved that dress. I had
dreams about that dress. It was a brilliant green and hugged your
body, the neck line cut low and the slit up the leg cut high. It
was very provocative. You were bearing way too much skin then was
good for *me*. It sent my mind racing.”
“You seem to remember it vividly,” she said, surprised that
he recalled it with such detail.
He continued his reminiscing, “The feel of you in my arms
as we danced, the lilt in your voice, your scent . . . . Everything
about you seemed so perfect to me. When you looked into my
eyes you seemed to be taking in my entire soul. Then you smiled
so brightly, it was the first time I had seen you smile and you
were looking at me. My heart stopped. There I was, at a Starfleet
function, playing the proper captain and all I could think about
was making love to you on the dance floor of the crowded room. I
knew I was finished, I knew there was no way I was going to be
able to talk myself out of wanting you.
I was right, after all these years, I still haven’t been able
to find a way to talk myself out of wanting you.”
“Jean-Luc,” Beverly sighed, holding him closer, not quite
sure what to say to his declaration.
He smiled at her, stroking the hollow between her breasts,
he ran his palm idly over her nipple, causing it to harden. “You
have always had away of making me forget who I am and where I
“I hadn’t realized I had made such an impression on you.”
“More than you could ever know. Almost from the beginning
I’ve known that you possess everything that I have ever wanted.”
He said, cupping her breast in his hand.
Beverly was distracted by his hand and began to lose the
conversation, “I should have given in sooner,” she whispered
almost to herself.
“I knew that sooner or later you would end up in my bed.
That you were my destiny.”
Never one to miss an opportunity, “As a statement of
*fact*,” Beverly began, “You’re in *my* bed.
“Don’t argue.” He smiled as he trailed his fingers up and
down her body. “Beautiful Beverly.”
He shifted and she found herself on her back with Jean-
Luc above her, a smile playing on his lips, even as he brought his
head down.
Beverly’s breath caught as his tongue played across her
breast. He brought her nipple into his mouth, nibbling on it with
his teeth, sucking on it. He continued his ministrations. She
brought her hand up to stroke the back of his head, pressing him
more closely against her.
His mouth moved to the other nipple, offering it the same
sweet attention. Sensuous quakes ran through her as her body
began to awaken to his touch. His mouth left her nipple, sliding
down her body, tracing a path between her ribs and over her
stomach, between her thighs and down her legs. He drank up
every part of her body.
“Over,” he said urging her onto her stomach. She did as
she was asked.
He swirled his tongue over her calf and back up her thighs.
His mouth moving hot and wet over her body, as he continued on
his quest. He was kissing her buttocks, running his lips and
tongue over the tender curves.
“Ohhh,” Beverly cried, as new waves of desire washed
over her. He pressed her into the mattress, his mouth moving up
her spine. He caressed her neck with his mouth. “I love the way
you taste,” he whispered in her ear.
Then she felt his body against her, felt him part her legs
and enter her from behind. His arms came around her, one hand
playing with her breasts as the other one found its place between
her thighs. He stroked her, as he continually thrust into her.
Beverly moaned, withering beneath him, her breath rasping in her
He thrust into her hard one last time, holding himself inside
of her, while he moaned and once again found his release.

Chapter Eight

Beverly was exhausted, satisfied and completely content
as she snuggled close to Jean-Luc’s hard body. As she drifted into
sleep she realized that it had been a long time since she had felt
this happy.
She dreamed of simple, everyday things, breakfast with
Jean-Luc, confiding with Deanna. They were peaceful, contented
She was walking along the river’s edge, enjoying the day,
the smell of honeysuckle scented the breeze. “Beverly,” a familiar
voice cried out from somewhere behind her.
She turned her head to find the origin of the familiar sound.
“Beverly.” She heard again.
“Where are you?”
“Beverly,” came again, fainter this time.
She moved in the direction of which she had heard the
voice. She saw him. Standing at the water’s edge, waiting, light-
brown hair blowing in the breeze, looking just as he had all those
years before. He smiled brightly at her as he saw her coming
closer. He lifted his hand and waved. “Goodbye, Sweet Beverly.”
“Don’t leave, yet,” she cried, running after him. She
couldn’t catch up to him, he just continued to move further and
further away from her reach.
“Be happy,” she heard him say as he smiled and disappeared.
Beverly stopped. Starring at the place where he had just
stood. He had left her, again, with a wave and a smile. Telling
her it was all okay.
Telling her that *he* wanted her to be happy.
Her heart ached, “Jack,” she whispered in farewell.

Chapter Nine

Jean-Luc lay on his back, arms around the naked form
sleeping against him. Savoring the feeling of Beverly beside him.
Her head lay on his shoulder, her fiery hair fanned across his
chest. He stroked her hair, marveling at its feel.
He had wanted to make love to her the first time he had
seen her. Her tall, slender body, combined with her flaming hair
and seemingly all knowing, blue eyes had charmed him. Add to
that a nature that was as completely passionate as her exterior was
coolly controlled and the woman had become truly beguiling. She
invoked feelings in him that no other woman had ever been able to.
He enjoyed her fierceness, so at odds with her angelic
appearance. It was a fierceness that she used to protect her son
and her patients. A wonderful mother, doctor and officer. She’d
been a wonderful and faithful wife as well. Every time he
remembered Jack and Beverly together, he was filled with sadness.
Jack had loved her, wed her, and even in death had retained her
She was the only woman who had continued to fuel his
dreams. As he had strived to become one of Starfleet’s finest,
love was no longer a consideration for him. With Beverly, though,
he found that he did care. He found that love was more than just a
consideration, it was a reality. He had thought that once he had
taken her to bed, the battle would be won. Now he was discovering
he could only be victorious if he was also sure he had claimed her
When he had spied her through the window, walking
through the vineyard in the windy pre-storm darkness, well past
midnight, he had wondered what the hell had made her go of
wandering around through the darkness before the storm.
Scowling, he had dressed and gone after her. It started to rain as
he left the house. He had almost given up finding her, figuring
that perhaps she had gone back to the house when the rain had
become more insistent. And then he had seen the figure crouching
beside the river. Just sitting there, in the pouring rain. “Jack,”
he heard her whimper softly.
Rage as he had rarely known had sent him after her.
When he had lifted her face to his and saw her tears falling, he
had wanted to murder her. Rage had fueled him as he had brought
her into his arms and carried her towards the house. Rage had
fueled that first kiss. He wanted to make her painfully aware that
Jack was dead, and that no amount of sorrow would bring him back to
her. He had wanted to make her aware that he was very much
alive and that he wanted her desperately.
Suddenly, he was not angry anymore.
He knew from the moment her lips first touched his what
he really wanted. And she had responded with such eagerness.
He had waited so long. He had not been able to get
enough of her. The soft cries that had revealed her pleasure drove
him wild. He had wanted her incessantly, and even after two
exhaustively beautiful rounds, he was not completely sated.
Would never be, he feared.
If he had known what he would be risking, he would never
had begun this. Not even this glorious night was worth the torment
of not knowing if her heart may still belong to a dead man. May
still belong to an image of perfection that he had no way of
competing against. He was terrified that she might not love him
back in the same way that he loved her.
It had been easier when he was able to delude himself that
the feelings were not there, that he was content as just her
friend. He knew there was no longer anyway for him to tuck the
feelings for her away.
He watched her as she slept, curled closely against his
body. She was smiling. The sight of her smiling lifted a weight
from Jean-Luc’s heart. Beverly was not a woman who took to
having casual love affairs whenever the thought occurred.
But she had made move to him, passionately.
His heart soared as he thought, just perhaps, she did love
him with the same tenderness and passion that he felt for her.
When she awoke he would come right out and ask her if
she loved him. In her sleep, Beverly sighed and whispered
something. He stroked her cheek and she shifted restlessly,
pulling him closer. Not able to wait any longer to know how she
felt, Jean-Luc bent his head and kissed her forehead.
He froze, as she whispered something that made his blood
turn to ice. His body stiffened, as in her sleep, she called him
by his best friend’s name.

Chapter Ten

Jean-Luc got out of bed, not caring if he woke Beverly or
not and quickly headed for the door, not bothering to retrieve his
clothes from the floor. Jean-Luc took one quick furious look back
at her. She slept, looking very much the part of an angel. An
angel he now knew that she was not. He had to get away from
her, as far a way as possible, before he wrapped his hands around
her neck.
He left her room and headed for his own. He put on some
clothes and threw the rest of his belongings into his carry-all.
He left her an impersonal message stating that he had to go to
Starfleet Headquarters to conduct some unexpected business and that
he would see her at the launching of the Enterprise. Then he left.


Beverly awoke with a smile. She felt wonderful. As the
memories of last night washed over her. She arched her back and
stretched. She hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Bright
sunlight shone through the window, no trace of last night’s storm
remaining. The bright day matched her mood.
Suddenly, she realized that she was alone in bed. What
were they going to do? They couldn’t just go back to being just
friends. But, the difficulties of having a relationship with her
captain were many. She felt an awkwardness, that she had not felt
since she was teenager, come over her. She worried about what
to say to him, how to approach him about this change in their
relationship. Maybe she could just say nothing, but she doubted
that Jean-Luc would allow her to get away with that.
She recalled the visit Jack had paid to her in her dreams,
he had rid her of a terrible guilt. She loved Jack, always would,
a small part of her would always belong to him. But now she was
free to give her love to anyone she chose. Even Jean-Luc.
The thought of loving Jean-Luc and being loved by him was an
alluring prospect.
*Does he love me? *
*God, I hope so,* she thought.
Beverly got out of bed, getting ready to start this glorious
day. She saw Jean-Luc’s clothing lying on the floor and smiled at
the recollections. Was he wandering around the house naked?
The thought enticed her.
After dressing, she headed downstairs, her heart beating
rapidly in anticipation of finding Jean-Luc. She looked for him in
the house and the vineyard, he was no where to be seen.
When she found the message from him, she frowned.
Back to Starfleet? Why hadn’t he told me himself? Why didn’t he
ask me to go with him?
Her happiness dimmed as she realized that Jean-Luc was
no longer there with her, and that he might not want to be with
her. Maybe he didn’t have any feelings other than friendship for
her and last night had been a mistake for him.

Chapter Eleven

Jean-Luc paced around his quarters aboard the new
Enterprise. He didn’t feel like seeing anyone, and with the crew
on shoreleave and the ship not scheduled for departure until the
end of the week, the chances were pretty slim. But without the
distraction of work he only had time to think of Beverly.
She had played him for a fool. How could she have made
love to him like that, but, still belong to Jack? At that moment
he hated both of them. The two people he had considered his
greatest friends in the universe and now he hated them both. Jack
for still holding her heart two decades after his death. Beverly
for letting him believe, if only for a moment, that she might feel
the same way that he did.
It had been four days since he left the house in LeBarre.
His home. Never would he be able to find the peace there that he
had once been able to. She had ruined that for him. She had
destroyed everything for him.
He remembered that the senior staff and a skeleton crew
would be returning today, including Beverly. The Enterprise was
also taking an assortment of admirals and Ambassadors to
Starbase 56, where the formal party in honor of the completed
Enterprise would be taking place. The senior staff would be
reporting back to duty within the next couple of hours.
He did not want to see her, the thought of her made his
blood boil. The thought of sitting at the same table as her, to
speak to her, sent him into a rage.
*How could she have used me so thoroughly? She knows
my feelings for her, she had heard them all on Kes-Prytt. She
knows that I love her. Hell, I even told her I loved her. What
was I thinking to have said it aloud?*
Even with all the anger he held towards her, even with all
the hurt that she had caused by calling him by another man’s name,
his body still responded to the thought of her. He still wanted
her, he still needed her to love him.


Beverly had stayed at the house alone for four days,
dumbstruck by Jean-Luc’s actions. He had not even bothered to
say good-bye, just snuck out in the middle of the night. Her hurt
over his actions turned to anger. By the time she arrived aboard
the Enterprise she was in a rage like never before.
When she had first come aboard she had tried to talk to
him, but he had said he was to busy and would see her when he
had the time. Then he had told her that he would not be able to
have breakfast with her the following morning. She had been on
board for five days, setting up her new sickbay. In that time, she
had not been alone with Jean-Luc. It seemed to her that he was
going out of his way to avoid her.
*How dare he just ignore me. How dare he make love to
me and then leave without a word as I slept. How could he make
me want to love him? Obviously, I don’t mean anything to him.
His words, everything, had just been his way to get me into bed.*
She cursed him as she unpacked her belongings. Then she
cursed herself. *What had I been thinking?* Just then the door
chimed, she ignored it as she continued to berate herself for her
stupidity. The chime came again. “Fine, come,” she said as she
continued to unpack.
“You still are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen in a
Starfleet uniform.”
Beverly turned around, smiling at the man who stood in the
door to her bedroom. “I see you still look as wild as ever.”
“I took the time to brush my hair, at least,” he turned
around to show her the neat ponytail that his hair was tied in.
His hair cascaded down to the mid of his back.
“Congratulations, you look respectable. It’s been a long
time, David.” She surveyed the man smiling down on her. He had
a dark complexion, with midnight black hair. He was a big man,
massive of shoulder, broad of chest. He was tall, he even
managed to tower above her.
She walked into David’s open arms, hugging him tightly.
“I’ve missed you, living planetside just isn’t the same without you
around. I think I should pull some strings and have you
transferred back to Starfleet Medical.”
“Don’t you dare. Not yet at least. But, if I change my
mind, I’ll let you pull all the strings you can, Admiral.”
“I didn’t come here to try to talk you into staying on Earth
permanently. I came to see if you would do the honor of
accompanying me to the bridge for the launching of this ship.”
“I would love to.”


Jean-Luc noticed Beverly as soon as she walked on to the
bridge. His heart missed a beat as she walked across the bridge.
He had seen very little of her since she had come aboard and it
had been ten days since he left LeBarre. He watched her intently.
She greeted Deanna and Will with quick hugs, smiling. He heard
Will tell her that poker would be played tonight in his quarters
after the dinner in Ten-Forward. She smiled saying that she would
be there.
Then he noticed the young admiral lean down and put a hand on
her waist, saying something to her. She smiled and laughed,
putting her hand in his, allowing him to guide her towards
the group that he happened to be standing amongst.
Several of the ambassadors turned and greeted the young
admiral with warm smiles and the admirals greeted him with hardy
hellos. He noticed that several of them greeted Beverly with the
same warmth. “Beverly, it’s been too long, Starfleet dinners just
aren’t the same without you,” one ambassador smiled at her,
kissing her hand.
“Is there any way we could talk you in to coming back to
Starfleet Medical?” an admiral asked.
Beverly smiled. “David has already placed that offer on
the table for me. I don’t think I want a planetside job at the
moment,” she said. She stiffened when she noticed Jean-Luc
watching her and added, “though, the offer is tempting at the
“Tell me what I’ve missed while I was away. I didn’t have
time to see any of you while the new ship was being constructed.”
Beverly chatted with a small group of people, it was
obvious to Jean-Luc that Beverly had made quite an impression on
people when she had been gone for that year.
David noticed, Beverly’s unease at her captain’s gaze, he
leaned over her, whispering in her ear, “Is there something you
would like to tell me?”
She took his hand in hers, “I’ll tell you later,” then she
noticed Jean-Luc standing beside her.
“Captain, have you met Admiral Casperson?” she asked.
“No, I haven’t. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”
“Dr. Crusher, has told me great things about you,” David
said, looking from Crusher to Picard, he could see the tension
between them. Beverly had told him about her rather hard to
explain relationship with her captain, and through her
communications with his over the last several years had learned
that it had just gotten harder for her to understand.

Chapter Twelve

Beverly entered Will’s quarters, later that evening, looking
about. “This is what they are handing out to first officers these
days. Maybe I should change professions.”
Will mocked a frown, “Don’t you dare. I might find myself
out of a job.”
“You probably would,” Deanna quipped.
Beverly sat down at the table with Deanna and Will, “So
where are Worf, Data and Geordi?”
“Worf is on his way,” Deanna said.
“And Geordi and Data can’t make it, they are running
diagnostics down in engineering. So it will just be four of us
“I have someone in mind to be the fifth,” Beverly said.
“The captain has already turned me down,” Will said.
Deanna saw Beverly’s eyes narrow and her back
straighten. She felt the animosity flow through her.
Since her arrival aboard the Enterprise, Deanna had been
sensing conflicting emotions from both Beverly and the captain.
She felt the hurt and anger. The desire and love. She had always
felt the latter two, in all there different forms. Never had she
sensed the first two from either of them. Now every desirous
feeling was followed by one of anger. She was worried about her
friends. Deanna knew she just may have her work cut out for her.
“I wasn’t thinking of the captain,” Beverly said sharply.
Will looked at Deanna, he knew something was not right
between Beverly and the captain.
“Then who?”
“Admiral Casperson. That is Will, if you don’t mind losing.
He’s a very good player.”
“Invite him. The more the merrier, I’ve always said,”
smiled Will. “Besides one can never have to many admirals as
Beverly rolled her eyes at Will and hit her comm badge.
“Crusher to Casperson.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“Are you busy at the moment, Admiral,” she said in a
mocking tone.
“No ma’am,” he said imitating her tone.
“If you could manage to find your way down to the first
officer’s quarters, there’s a poker game about to start.”
“Praise the Lord,” he laughed. “My sweet Bev to the
rescue once again.”
“I take that as a yes.”
“If I don’t get lost I’ll be there in a flash.”
“Maybe you should just transport here, it cuts your
chances of getting lost in half.”
“And take the chance that you are playing transporter chief
tonight? No thank you. I’d probably end up somewhere outside
of the ship. I’ll try to find it on my own.”
“See you when you find us. Crusher out.”
“I’d say you and the admiral are good friends.” Deanna
“Hate him, can’t stand him, never could,” Beverly laughed.
“Where did you meet him?” Deanna asked.
“Starfleet Medical, he was lost and just happened to be
looking for me. When I told him who I was, he told me he was in
love, and asked me to marry him. I said yes, and we’ve been
together ever since,” Beverly laughed. “He’s unlike anyone else
you will ever meet again in Starfleet. He was an excellent
captain, some say he was one of the best, his crew were sorry to
see him go when he was promoted. He’s one of the youngest admirals
in the history of Starfleet. According to most people who know him
his only character flaw is his seeming lack of seriousness. But,
I’ve always found it most refreshing.”

Beverly and David left Will’s quarters after a long night of
poker playing, they walked through the corridors of the
Enterprise’s chatting. “You made quite an impression, they’ll
never respect an admiral again,” Beverly laughed.
“I do tend to bring the rank into the gutter don’t I?”
“More then you realize,” Beverly said. “But that’s why we
all love you so much.”
“You LOVE me, you really, really love me,” David said
jumping up and down, clapping his hands together like a small
Beverly could not help but laugh, “Why they ever let you
become an admiral.”
“They had nothing else to do with me.”
Then he turned serious, “Are you going to tell me what is
going on between you and this captain of yours?”
“I can’t. Because I really don’t know anymore.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
Beverly looked down the corridor to make sure no one
was around, “You really jump right to the good stuff, don’t you?”
“No point to beating around the bush.”
“The senior staff had all gone to his home in France, before
returning to duty, ” she began. “Jean-Luc and I stayed after
everyone else left. To answer your question, yes, I slept with
“Then what happened?”
“Nothing. When I woke the next morning, he was gone.
He left a note saying he had gone to Starfleet Headquarters.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“No. I’ve tried, but he just makes up excuses about being
to busy.”
“And you still need answers?”
“Yes. I want to know what happened. I thought I was
more to him than just one night.”
David bent down and kissed her on the lips, then wrapped
her into his arms. “I hope you get what you want.”
“So do I,” she said as she hugged him.
He let go of her, pointing to a door, “My quarters. Would
you like to come in and talk?”
“No, I think I just want to go to bed.”
“You can always come sleep in my bed with me, and if
you’re very nice I’ll even take my clothes off,” he laughed, all
traces of seriousness gone.
“As much as I would love to see you naked, I think I’ll go
sleep in my own bed.”
“Okay then, your loss. Good night, my dear.” he said
kissing her again.
Beverly kissed him back, “Good night, my dear.” Beverly
said as David entered his quarters.
She turned to go to her quarters and saw Jean-Luc
standing there, watching her. She walked towards his. He just
stood there, grim faced, body as stiff as a rail.
“Jean-Luc, can I talk to you?”
“I don’t see where there is anything that needs to be said.
You seem to have found what you want with Admiral Casperson.”
David is just a friend. I want to know why…” Beverly
“Good-night, Doctor.” he said, walking away, leaving her
standing alone in the corridor.

Chapter Thirteen

Beverly used her medical emergency override on the door.
The door opened and she slid into the dark cabin. She knew he
wasn’t here, she had made sure of that. She found her way to the
couch, making herself comfortable.
She sat in the dark cabin and waited for Jean-Luc to
return. It had been six days since their meeting in the corridor,
she had only seen him briefly at a staff meeting since than. She
was tired of being ignored by him. One way or another she was
going to find out what was going on.


Jean-Luc was exhausted, he couldn’t wait until the
ambassadors were off the ship. He was growing tired of playing
host to all these people. He entered his cabin and called for
lights. He saw the red-headed figure sitting on his couch
immediately. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” He asked
not even bothering to cover his anger.
“You seem to avoid me at every turn. I figured the only
way I was going to get any answers was if I made it impossible for
you to make an excuse.”
“So you decided to take it upon yourself to make yourself
at home?”
“I could hardly feel at home with you acting the way you
are,” she retorted, her anger running freely over her.
“I guess we’re even then.”
“Jean-Luc why did you leave?” she asked softly. Figuring
the only way to get an explanation for his behavior was to ask
straight out.
“I told you in the note,” he said. “Did you even really
care, or were you happy to get rid of me without having to explain
“What do you mean? Of course, I noticed when I woke
up and you weren’t there, and I thought that night was pretty self-
Beverly and Jean-Luc glared at each other. Hurt and
anger fueled their battle. Neither could seem to understand the
other. Jean-Luc lashed out at her, wanting to hurt her as badly as
her careless whispers that night at hurt him.
“I left because I wanted to,” he yelled, eyes blazing.
“Because I couldn’t stay with you any longer.”
Beverly stood there and stared at him. She could not
believe what he was saying. This was not the Jean-Luc Picard that
she knew, he could never be so callous. A new anger flooded her
entire being.
“You finally got what you wanted, Jean-Luc. You got to
fuck me. That’s all you wanted, isn’t it? You never wanted me as
a lover. You just saw me as one of your unfulfilled desires and
once you were sated you didn’t need me anymore. The game was
over. You pursued me and then you captured me and that was it.
I hope you enjoyed yourself, because that is all you are ever going
to get from me.”
The anger drained from her body. All she felt was
betrayal. *How could he have used me like that? I thought that I
had meant more to him?* The tears began to form in her eyes, she
tried desperately to hold them at bay. *I’m not going to let him
see what he’s done to me. I can’t let him see how much this hurts.
He’ll only use it against me.*
But she could not hold them back. The tears fell unbidden
down her face.
Jean-Luc didn’t care if she cried. He had hurt her, that
was what he had wanted. At least, that was what he thought he
wanted. Now, he wanted to go to her, to comfort her, to say he
hadn’t meant a word of the things he said. As he thought these
things he remembered the whispered word in her sleep: Jack. And
the rage became clear again.
He moved towards her and took her by the shoulders,
lowering his mouth to hers, kissing her savagely. Beverly resisted
at first, but as him mouth moved over hers, her mouth parted for
him, her tongue darting into his mouth. She wrapped her arms
around him, pressing her entire body against his, she could feel
his hardening form, she could feel his need. And she wanted this.
She wanted him, despite the fear that he would just leave her
“Jean-Luc,” she murmured.
Suddenly, he pulled himself away from her and glared, “At
least this time you got the name right.”
He grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her towards the door.
“I want you out of here, and if I ever find you in my quarters
again I will have you thrown in the brig. Do you understand me,
Yes, Sir,” she said in her best officer’s voice.
He almost threw her from the room as the door opened.
As the door closed, Beverly stood there dumbfounded. *What is
going on?* she wondered. *At least I got the name right? What
does that mean?*


Beverly had fumed over Jean-Luc’s behavior towards her
until morning. It was now mid-morning and she did not know
what was going on. Now she knew he wouldn’t give her the
answers she wanted. She replayed every minute of their days in
LaBarre, looking for the cause of his behavior, there was nothing.
She paced through her quarters, as she walked through her
bedroom for the tenth time in the last half-hour, she noticed the
clothes laying, folded neatly on her dresser.
They were Jean-Luc’s clothes. He had left them on the
floor of her room during his hasty retreat from LeBarre. She
whisked them up about to tear them into shreds when she got a
better idea.
“Computer, locate Captain Picard.”
“Captain Picard is in his ready room,” the computer’s
neutral voice responded.
“Wonderful,” she smiled as she headed from her quarters
to the bridge.


She marched on to the bridge as if she had a mission.
Deanna could feel the fury seeping from her and was worried.
Worf noted she had the look of a warrior in her eyes, and Will had
seen that look in her eyes enough times to know not to open his
mouth, for if he did he may be murdered with just a look from her.
When the Captain admitted her into the ready room, the three
officers whispered a silent prayer for the captain’s safety.
Instead of entering the room and letting the door shut,
Beverly stood in the doorway glaring at the man behind the desk.
“What do you need, Doctor?” he asked, trying to keep his voice
calm, knowing that the bridge crew was paying close attention to
this drama.
“I have something of yours,” she said.
“What?” then he noticed what she held in her hands.
She wanted to embarrass him. She didn’t care if she had
to embarrass herself in the process. She knew it would be much
worse for him because of his apprehension towards making his
private life public knowledge. There she stood, for the entire
bridge to hear her, wishing it was the entire ship.
“Your clothes, *Sir,* you left them on my bedroom floor
in LeBarre. I guess you were too busy trying to get the hell out
of my bed and out of the house to have remembered them. I thought
I should return them since I really have no use for them,” with
that she threw the bundle at him, turned on her heel and stalked
off, the doors swishing shut on Picard’s startled face.
Deanna, Will and Worf said nothing, just looked at each
other dumbfounded. Whatever went on between the captain and
the CMO, which they were sure was plenty, was fine, but none of
them ever expected it to be so publicly aired. They knew Beverly
was mad, she never would have put herself in the situation she just
had if she wasn’t. They realized that her temper had gotten the
best of her once again. They silently asked each other what was
going on. They all shrugged their answers. None of them knew,
Picard and Crusher had been very agitated since their return to
duty, but neither of them had discussed it with anyone. A lovers’
quarrel had reduced them to this, they had trouble understanding
how that could have happened.
The three waited on the bridge for Picard to emerge from
the ready room and the second act to begin. Knowing it was now
time to whisper a small prayer for Beverly.


Jean-Luc just sat there, looking at the clothes thrown on
the desk top, his anger growing. What was she thinking?
Announcing to everyone within earshot that they had slept
She was the one calling out another person’s name and he
was the one being humiliated for it at every turn. He could not
tolerate her behavior. If he was never in her presence again it
would be too soon for him. All he wanted was to get her the hell
off his ship. If it took every favor he was owed, he would get her
off the Enterprise.
He got up from his chair, leaving the ready room, “Number
One if you need me I’ll be in my quarters,” he said icily.
“Yes, Sir,” Riker said, keeping his face blank, not daring to
show any emotion.

Chapter Fourteen

Three days later the Enterprise docked at Starbase 56.
The Enterprise would be taking on most of its complement here
and the rest when they reached Starbase 117, which was where
they would be getting rid of the rest of the ships guests.
The reception, that night, for the Enterprise was held in the
large reception hall. Picard sat at a place of honor at a long
table at the front of the room, with an assortment of admirals and
ambassadors. The senior staff all sat at a table directly in front
of Picard. Picard noted that Admiral Casperson was firmly planted
at Beverly’s side.
She looked beautiful, as always. He felt a twinge of
jealously because of the attention she bestowed on the young
admiral. He also felt the familiar feelings of desire that always
seemed to surface in her presence. He hated his body for
betraying his so passionately.
The endless speeches made by admirals reminded him of
why he hated these formal affairs so much. They all stood before
the crowd singing the praises of the ship and its crew. All of
them saying the same things; how honored they were to have such
fine officers in Starfleet and that they hoped that the
Enterprise-E would have as distinguished a record as its
His mind wandered, more, than once, to thoughts of
Beverly. Thoughts he desperately wished that he could rid himself
of. He was still angry at her for the incident on the bridge, he
had wanted to get rid of her, but in the end the thought of her
leaving was too much for him to bear. He wanted her to love him,
not Jack. He wanted to try to rid her of the ever present ghost of
her husband. He wanted to make love to her until she could think
of no one but him.
He had noticed Deanna watching him more than once. Each time
he saw her watching him, he tried to put his thoughts into place
and concentrate on what the current speaker was saying.
Inevitably, his thoughts would turn back to fiery redhead
sitting before him.


Beverly watched Jean-Luc, she wanted to apologize for
the scene on the bridge. To explain that she had been angry and
had wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt her, but she couldn’t seem
to find the words. Even an apology would not change the fact that
she had been way out of line.
Beverly just wanted to know what had happened to make
him leave. If he thought it was a mistake, that they should not
have made love, all he had to do was tell her. She could live with
that. If he would just tell her something.


Finally, the speeches were over, dinner was finished.
Several people danced to the music that was playing, while others
stood in small groups talking. Beverly had found herself in the
arms of one old friend after another. Several had asked her if she
was considering returning to Starfleet Medical. She had told them
all that she did not want to return at the moment, but that she was
keeping the option open, at the moment.
Beverly was dancing with a retired admiral when she saw
Jean-Luc dancing within ear shot of her. “Are you considering
returning to Starfleet Medical?” she was asked for the dozenth
She knew that he was probably listening, so she changed
her reply, “I am considering it, yes. It is a very real
The music came to an end, the ex-admiral thanked her for
the dance. She was about to walk of the dance floor, when she
felt herself pulled into somebody else’s arms.
She looked up, straight into the smiling eyes of Jean-Luc
“It has occurred to me that we have not shared a dance
yet,” he said pulling her more closely to him. “Are you and
Admiral Casperson enjoying yourself?” There was a slight edge to
his voice, suggesting he did not like seeing her with someone else.
“Yes, I am. You would have to ask David yourself,
though, I haven’t seen him in quite a while.”
Jean-Luc began to move as the waltz began, she fell into
step with him. She cursed herself, as she realized in his arms was
exactly where she most wanted to be. He smiled at her. She had
a feeling he knew precisely the effect he was having on her. She
suffered his arm around her waist, endured the feeling of his
strong hand gripping hers, forced herself not to react to the
feeling of his thighs brushing hers. She kept her eyes locked on
his jaw. She tried not to look at his mouth. It was either his
mouth, his eyes or the twirling scene around her. The twirling
scene made her light-headed. The smile in his eyes made her
light-headed, also, but for different reasons. She did not want to
look into his eyes.
So, Beverly looked at his mouth, and wished she had not.
Just looking at his firm, straight-lipped mouth, now upturned in a
smile, made her remember the sensations of him kissing her body.
Suddenly, all she wanted to do was kiss him.
“If you don’t stop looking at me like that, I’m going to take
you into the nearest dark corner and make love to you.”
Surprised, she looked up into his eyes, and a flush entered
her cheeks. Did he know what she was thinking?
“What?” she asked, amazed by his statement. Not just by
the fact that Captain Jean-Luc Picard had uttered such words in
public, but, also, by the fact that he wanted her. She had thought
that he wanted nothing to do with her.
“I know that you want me, and I want you,” the words
came out in a husky growl.
Beverly felt the emotions his words stirred in her coming to
the surface.
“Stop it,” she said. Angry that he could reduce her to
mindlessness with the sound of his voice.
“Will you be leaving the Enterprise?” he asked, smiling
down at her.
“I don’t know. Do I have any reason to stay?”
“Your friends are here.”
“I have friends on Earth also.”
“I see that. You made quite an impression on people in
that year. Every time I turn around, someone is telling me how
brilliant, dedicated, beautiful and charming you are and how lucky
I am to have you as my CMO. Of course, I couldn’t disagree on
any point.”
“And here I thought you hated me.”
“I think I do hate you,” he said. “I hate you for making me
forget who I am. I hate you for making me want you. I hate you
for making me love you.”
She wanted to believe that he wanted her, wanted to
believe that he loved. As she began to believe his words, she
remembered waking up alone in LaBarre and a searing pain
gripped her.
He pulled her closer, molding her to him, his hips grinding
into her as they danced. She felt his desire against her stomach.
“Are you going to return to Earth?” he asked again.
A thought enter her mind, “Why do you want me in your
bed one final time? If I’m leaving you wouldn’t have to think up
any excuses to why you are not there in the morning,” she feared
his answer.
“Yes, I want you in my bed, but I would want you in my
bed whether you planned to leave or not. I want you in my life.
All of you, not just your body.”
*Then why did you leave?* she wanted to scream. She
could not let herself believe him. She felt a sudden wave a nausea
run through her. “Let go of me.”
She wanted to struggle free of his grasp when he gripped
here tighter, but that would draw attention to them. She didn’t
want that. He loosened his grip and she pulled away, out of his
reach. She had to get away, she was so afraid he was lying to her.
“If you excuse me, I’m going to take my leave now. I’m
feeling rather ill.”
Beverly left the dance floor, nearly running to the door.
She left the reception hall and found her way to a bathroom where
she promptly threw up. When she was presentable once again,
she returned to the Enterprise, to retire for the night.

Chapter Fifteen

He was drunk. Something he never did. The last time had
been on his last visit home with his brother. They had drank in
celebration of them resolving their differences. Tonight, he was
not drinking in celebration.
Jean-Luc had left the reception soon after Beverly. He
had wanted her to tell him that she loved him, but, instead, she
had left him alone on the dance floor staring after her. He
retired to his quarters, taking out a bottle of scotch that had
been given to him in honor of the new Enterprise. He was sprawled
in the chair at his desk, after a few moments he took another drink
from the nearly empty bottle.
He had tried this way of drowning his pain in his youth,
only to discover that it didn’t work, and all he ended up with was
a raging headache in the morning. So why was he abandoning such
hard won knowledge?
The answer was simple. Beverly.
Here he was drinking himself into a stupor, when all he
wanted to do was make love to her, over and over.
He wanted her to surrender completely, though. Not just
her body, but her mind and her heart, as well. He wanted all of
The thought that her heart still belonged to Jack made him
want to scream. He realized that he loved her like no other
woman before. Loved her with a hunger that claiming her body
would not appease. He wanted her to love him, not Jack. He
wanted all of her.
Stupid or not, he meant to get good and drunk. Drunk
enough to pass out. Drunk enough to get Beverly out of his mind
for one night. To hell with the price he paid in the morning.
Oblivion sounded damned good to him right now.


Beverly paced around her quarters, still in her evening
dress. She became more confused by the minute. One day he
throws her out, threatening to have her thrown in the brig. The
next, he pulls her into his arms, telling her that he wants to make
love to her. She did not know where she stood anymore. Did he
want her or didn’t he?
The door chimed, she stood there and looked at the door
for a moment, trying to will the person away. The door chimed
again, “Come.”
The door opened to reveal David, still in his dress uniform.
He went over to her, looking at her with a worried expression. “Is
everything okay?”
“As okay as it’s going to get, I suppose.”
“What happened?”
“He said that he wanted me and that he hated me for
making him love me.”
“He’s giving you some answers now.”
“I’m sorry if I worried you. I had to get out of there, I
suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Not to mention I felt like
everyone in the room was watching us.”
“After the stunt you pulled on the bridge a couple of days
ago, I’m sure everyone in the room was watching you. Not one of
your finer moments, sweetheart.”
“How did you find out?” she asked, sinking down on to the
“I have my ways,” he sat down next to her, pulling her into
his embrace.
Beverly leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder,
“I wanted to apologize for that, I didn’t get the chance.”
“Poor Beverly, temper got the best of you again.”
They sat in silence for some time. Beverly finally spoke,
“I’m going to take the position at Starfleet Medical.”
David sat up straight and looked at her, “No, you’re not.”
“Yes I am.”
“Beverly, I can’t let you do that,” he said. “You are trying
to run away. This isn’t what is best for you. As much as I would
love to see you everyday, I won’t let you.”
“When did it become your job to make decisions for me?”
“The day I fell in love with you. From the beginning, I’ve
wanted what was best for you. Even when I realized that it wasn’t
me. I stepped aside and didn’t try to make you stay on Earth. I
knew that your true love was aboard the Enterprise. I’m you’re
friend, I want you to be happy.
“In the very least, you have to find out where you stand
with this captain of yours. You love him. You’ve loved him for as
long as I have known you.
“If you still want to come back after you’ve settled things,
I’ll welcome you with open arms. But, if you go now, you’ll always
wonder if all this could have been worked out.”
“Why did he leave,” she cried, then a realization hit her.
“What about Jack?”
“Jack was the reason he left.”
David said nothing, he just looked at her.
“That night, I had a dream about Jack. He was telling me
goodbye and to be happy. I must have called him Jack in my sleep.”
“You do have a tendency to say things when you’re
sleeping. That would be enough to make any man leave.”
“The other day, he kissed me, when I said his name, he
pushed me away and said that at least this time I got the name
right. I had not known then what he was talking about. Will he be
able to understand that I was just saying good-bye?”
“There is only one way to find out. Go to him. Talk to
“I love you, you really are the best.”

Chapter Sixteen

She stood outside the captain’s quarters, waiting for Jean-
Luc to let her in. When he did not answer, she chimed the door
Jean-Luc muttered a curse when the door chimed. He did
not want anyone to see the captain’s fall from grace, so he chose
to ignore it. When the door chimed again he threw the bottle at
it, and it shattered against the wall. He then cursed himself for
the mess he had made.
Beverly heard the crash and became concerned. She used
her medical override on the door. “If he throws me in the brig, he
throws me in the brig, I really don’t care.”
She entered his quarters and saw him sitting in the chair at
his desk. The smell of whiskey filled the air. He looked up at
her. “If it isn’t my beautiful Beverly,” he said, words slurring
together slightly.
“You’re drunk,” was all she managed to say. She could
not believe this. The ever in control captain of the Enterprise
was drunk.
“Good observation. And you made it with out your tricorder
and all, very good.”
There was really no use in talking to him tonight. She
moved towards him. “I think it’s time you stopped drinking and go
to bed,” she said in a motherly tone.
She stood there, arms folded, frowning at him.
“In all the years I knew Jack I never saw him…”
“Drunk,” she finished.
“Don’t you start making comparisons between your
beloved husband and myself.” His body tensed as if he planned to
leap from the chair at any moment.
Beverly looked at him, could see the pain that she had
caused him. “I’m sorry, that I hurt you. I know why you left that
night. I know what I said, that’s why I came tonight. To tell
He shot from the chair and was around the desk before
Beverly had time to react. He was standing so close to her that
she was forced to sit on the desk. So close that the booze washed
over her in waves. His hands came up around her neck.
“Let go of me,” she said calmly.
“You were smiling in your sleep, I thought it was because
of me. Then you called me Jack,” his hands tightened around her
neck. “I wanted to kill you.”
“Jean-Luc, it’s you I love, not Jack. I was dreaming of
him, yes, but, we were saying good-bye. I love you. Not Jack. I
love you.”
The look in her eyes cut through the haze of alcohol that
befuddled him. “You what?” he asked as he brought his mouth to
hers, kissing her.
Beverly parted her lips, her hands moving up his chest.
His tongue moved through her mouth. He leaned over her, one
hand sending everything on the desk crashing to the floor. Then
she was on her back, he was coming down on her, pulling at her
clothes and kissing her.
“I love you, Jean-Luc,” she said into his mouth.
“Beverly, beautiful, Beverly,” it was a murmured whisper.
He placed kisses over her face and throat, nuzzling the soft
underside of her neck. Uncaring of his drink filled roughness,
Beverly wrapped her arms around his neck, stroking the hair at his
neck. The smell of alcohol was forgotten in her passion. She
loved him, she wanted to make sure that he knew that.
His hands were shaking as he jerked her dress out of his
way, leaving her naked while he torn at his pants. He freed
himself just enough. He moved his body over hers, coming into her,
his need to strong to wait a moment longer. As he pushed himself
inside her, she gasped. He was huge, filling her completely. She
trembled with the sheer wonder of him. His mouth was on her neck,
his hand on her breast, while he thrust hard and fast. Beverly
arched upwards. He groaned, then with another deep thrust he lay
On the brink of ecstasy, Beverly lay trembling in
anticipation as he lay on top of her. She realized that he was
sated. She lay there her hands stroking his neck and head, willing
back her disappointment. But her body still throbbed and ached.
He pulled himself off her, “See what happens when you tell
me you love me, I can’t control myself?”
Beverly sat up on the desk top, drawing her knees close to
her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
“You really did mean it?”
“Of coarse I meant it. I love you. I’ve loved you for a
long time.”
*He’s as vulnerable as I am,* she thought in amazement,
and all the tenderness she had tried for years to suppress came
flooding to the surface.
She got to her knees moving the short distant across the
desk to where he stood at the edge. She slid her arms around his
neck and pressed a kiss to his lips.
“I love you,” she whispered, again, watching him. He did
not move. Then his eyes brightened and a smile came across his
“What about Casperson?”
“David is just a friend.”
“Good, I thought it might be something more.”
Beverly decided that she would save all the details of her
relationship with David for another day.
“It’s you that I want, it’s you that I love, Jean-Luc, no one
He took her into his arms, pulling her off the desk to carry
her across the room and into his bedroom. He lay her down on
the bed. Then began tugging his clothing off. She got to her
knees helping him pull the uniform shirt off. He sat on the bed to
pull his boots off, she leaned over him, her naked chest pressed
against his hard back. He stood up again, she took in the sight of
his muscled chest and abdomen. When he pulled of his pants to
reveal his narrow hips and strong legs, Beverly felt her heart
quicken. When he turned completely towards her, her heart stopped.
He was huge and stiff, ready for her.
He went to her, engulfing her in his arms. Beverly clutched
his head, bringing his mouth to hers. His fingers slid into her
hair to cup her head. She was stunned to feel the unsteadiness of
those fingers. Vulnerability was so seductive when it appeared in
Her throat was long, soft, pulsing. He stroked it with his
lips, nibbled at the firm slope of it. Her almost soundless moan
vibrated against his lips. He loved the feeling.
He moved his lips across her shoulder to her breast, his
mouth closed around it, pulling it deep inside. She cried out at
his touch, her long, smooth legs moving restlessly over his. She
groaned in impatience, she wanted him completely.
His mouth continued it’s mission as his hand slid down her
body, stroking her wetness, making her wither beneath him. Long
moments later her breasts flushed and damp, heaving with the
choked breaths rasping in her throat. “Please, Jean-Luc. Now,
*Can she need me as much as I need her?* he wondered.
He brought his lips to hers, again, positioning himself
between her thighs. He ran his fingers along her thighs. She
pushed herself into his hand, straining for him to fill her. “Now,
Jean, now.”
The husky demand crushed the last of his restraint. His
hips pressed into her, filling her until he could bury himself no
deeper. Only then did he pause, wishing he could stop time,
making this moment last eternally. She loved him, she had said it.
It was him, not Jack. Soft, strong arms held him tightly, and
finally he found the place he had dreamed of for twenty years; he
was in her loving arms.
The rhythm overtook him, sweeping him along. He fought
his release, trying to postpone the culmination. Then Beverly
withered beneath him and cried out his name, her body convulsing
around him, he knew the limit of his control had been reached. He
moaned, his body bowing into an explosive, mind shattering
climax. He buried his face in her throat and tried to believe he’d
never have to let her go. “I love you, my beautiful Beverly.”
“I love you, more than you could now,” she sighed,
wrapping her arms tightly around him, holding him close. “I’ll try
to remember to tell you every day.”
Jean-Luc held her, stroking her hair and placing light kisses
on her shoulder. “You’ll be here when I wake up?” It was almost
a plea. “After all, we have lots of missed breakfasts to make up
“I’ll be here,” Beverly whispered.

Chapter Seventeen

Ten minutes later he was softly snoring. Lying curled
against him, her head resting on his shoulder. She hoped that he
was not one of those people who forgot everything that happened
when they awoke. She didn’t want to leave, but realized that she
could not be caught leaving the captain’s quarters in the morning
wearing the dress she worn to the reception.
Beverly kissed him lightly, getting out of bed. She walked
into the living area and retrieved her dress from the floor. As
she straightened her body, her head began to spin and she felt sick
to her stomach, she bolted to the bathroom and threw up for the
second time that night. “He gets drunk and I throw up, that hardly
seems fair,” she thought.
She finished dressing, looked in on Jean-Luc’s sleeping
form. “I’ll be back shortly,” she whispered, then slipped from his
room. Will and Deanna happened to turn the corner just as Beverly
left the captain’s room, she turned in the opposite direction as
they had come from and never saw them.
“I hope this means they have made up,” Will said, looking at
Deanna, hoping she would add her two cents in.
“I would guess so. Beverly seems very happy.”
Beverly entered her quarters and changed into her uniform.
Then she left for sickbay where she planned to get something for
the headache Jean-Luc was certain to have in the morning.
She heard someone call her name, she turned around
quickly, and a sudden wave a dizziness hit her again, she grabbed
the end of the table to steady herself. Alyssa came to her side,
holding on to her, “Are you okay, Dr. Crusher?” she asked
“I’m fine, just got dizzy for a second,” she said, smiling at
the woman. “I just came to get something. I really have to go.”
Beverly took a few steps when another wave a nausea hit
her, she put her hand to her stomach. Alyssa came to her side
once again, “You sit down here,” she said pointing to the bio-bed.
I’ll go get a doctor to take a look at you.”
“This isn’t necessary,” Beverly began but before she
finished Alyssa had motioned a young doctor over.
The young man scanned Beverly and smiled. “What seems to be
so amusing Dr. Dankin?” Beverly asked.
“Nothing, Dr. Crusher. I’m happy to report all is fine, and
that you are three weeks pregnant.”
“Excuse me,” was all a very stunned Beverly could say.
“Yes, ma’am, you are pregnant.”
“It’s a little early to be having morning sickness.”
“I guess the little one just wanted to make sure you knew,”
Alyssa beamed.
“Thank you,” Beverly said as she slid of the bio-bed. “I
have to be going.”
*Pregnant.* Beverly thought as she walked through the
Enterprise. *Pregnant?*
She entered Jean-Luc’s quarters again, she wanted to be
able to wake up in his arms. She slid out of her uniform, running
her hand over her stomach. “A baby?” she smiled.
She got into bed next to Jean-Luc. He wrapped his arms
around her. She curled into his body and lay there. “Boy do I
have a surprise for you when you wake up. . . daddy,” she smiled,
kissing his chest. She loved him, she held no more doubts about
that. The guilt over loving him was purged, the ghosts gone.
Beverly was happy and content. “I hope you’re ready for
fatherhood,” she thought aloud as she drifted into sleep, a smile
playing upon her lips.


Beverly wearily walked through the door as it opened.
The door closed behind her, plunging her into darkness. She was
too tired to call for lights, it had been an incredibly long birth,
*thank God, I wasn’t the one giving birth.*
It had been a long day. She had just set the broken bones
on a group of teenaged boys that had gone white-water rafting on
the holodeck, it had been a rather grueling program from the array
of bruises, sprains, and broken bones the boys had. As soon as
the boys had hopped of the bio-beds and smiled their thanks,
Lieutenant Kenning had enter sickbay with his very pregnant wife,
Gayle, who had prematurely gone into labor. Beverly had spent a
considerable amount of time convincing a very apprehensive
Lieutenant that Gayle was far enough along where this wouldn’t be
a problem and that the babies should be fully developed. What
had followed was fourteen very long hours in sickbay, with a very
distraught father-to-be.
*If Jean-Luc acts like Kenning did when I give birth, the
first thing I’m going to do is give him a sedative,* Beverly mused
to herself. Gayle had to spend so much time calming her husband
down that she couldn’t concentrate on her contractions, and thus,
she had spent much longer giving birth than she should have had to.
Beverly had to admit, Jean-Luc will probably act just like
Lieutenant Kenning, being a first time father. And she would
probably act just like Gayle and smile comfortingly for a while,
and then after so many long hours and being drenched with sweat
would start spewing deranged comments at him.
She began loosening the collar of her uniform as she
maneuvered through the familiar surroundings. By the time she
reached the bedroom, she was half-undressed. Beverly looked
enviously at the sleeping figure in the bed. Jean-Luc has probably
been asleep for hours, she thought. She finished undressing,
leaving her clothes in a heap next to the bed. Beverly retrieved a
pair of the captain’s pajamas and slipped into them. She loved the
way they always smelled faintly of him, she had taken to wearing
them almost all of the time, they were so reassuring, especially
when she spent a night without him lying next to her.
She slipped under the covers and curled against the heat of
Jean-Luc’s body. She sighed sleepily as she wound her arms
around his chest and nestled her head into his shoulder.
Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her
closer and burying his face into the sweet smell of her hair.
Jean- Luc awoke and placed a small kiss on the top of her head, as
his hand ran across her body, pausing at her round belly. “Is
everything okay?” he asked.
“Yes, fine,” she smiled, tilting her face up to his and
placing a small kiss on his lips, “Lieutenant Kenning’s wife,
Gayle, gave birth to a very healthy set of twins, no thanks to her
husband. A boy and a girl, the husband was in more of state then
Gayle was. But the couple is ecstatic and resting.”
“I can believe they are,” he said between the kisses he
placed on her neck.
“It made me think about when I gave birth to Wesley.
And I just want to apologize now for anything I may say to you
later, I probably will not mean them, and will not be in the mood
to apologize for them.”
Jean-Luc grinned at her, “Your apology is accepted.”
“Good,” she smiled.
“You’ve had a busy day, doctor, you must be exhausted.”
“I am.”
He wrapped his arms tighter around Beverly, holding her
close. They comfortably curled their bodies together, and Beverly
drifted off into sleep.
“I love you,” Jean-Luc said to the sleeping woman
wrapped in his arms, gently caressing her rapidly expanding mid-
section, then he followed her into sleep.
The two sleeping figures were one in sleep. So closely
entwined, it became impossible to tell where one ended and the
other began.
In their dreams, they walked hand in hand along a beach
that stretched for miles, the breeze whipped through her hair as
she tried to pull it from her face. They were smiling at one
another, there was laughter all around them as four children
played. A little red-headed girl of about five ran up to them and
grabbed their hands. She smiled up at them, her grey eyes dancing,
“Mommy, Daddy, come help us build our castle.”
They each took one of the little girl’s hands and walked to
where the other three children busily worked on gathering buckets
of sand and water, they knelt down and help build the most
beautiful castle in the sand.



“Would you like to see the bedroom, my little billiard ball?”
-Miss Hannigan to Daddy Warbucks in “Annie”

“I’m gonna go to court and tell the judge to shove
this ticket up his ass!”
–Carrie on her parking ticket



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