The Price of Freedom: Shades

The Price Of Freedom: Shades
By Jessica Ferroni

Here it is, the words to the song that
inspired/s this series:

`Somewhere, Somehow’
Michael W. Smith

Standing in our silence
I hear my heart beating
And if only I could choose
I’d stay here with you
But hold me till the train is leaving

Somewhere down the line
After you’re gone from sight
Our love will be the same
And, whispering your name
I’ll cling to you with all my might

Let me dream of you
But it’s true
And wake me up when this is over
Love will be there when this
is over and

Somewhere far beyond today
I will find a way to find you
And somehow thru the lonely nights
I will leave a light in the dark
Let it lead you to my heart

There’s a love inside us
Deep down inside
That goes without saying
Don’t say a word
But I’ll tell you just the same
And that love will fan the flame
And that flame will warm the heart
that’s waiting

You are mine and I’ll wait for you, my love
You are mine and it may take some time
Even if it takes a lifetime
Tell me you’ll wait

And somewhere far beyond today
I will find a way to find you
And somehow thru the lonely nights
I will leave a light in the dark
Let it lead you to my heart

And somewhere alone
I will be praying you home
I know that somehow our love

Our love will lead me to your arms

*****

“Neelix, please?” B’Elanna Torres’ voice
held a slightly pleading note, one the
Talaxian had never heard before. He laid
an understanding hand on her arm.
“Lieutenant Torres, you know I would
do anything to help you — especially
where Tom is concerned. We’re all worried
about him. Of course you are welcome to
use the ship.”
She almost threw her arms around him
in a bear hug, but barely restrained
herself. “Thank you, Neelix.”
Gratefully taking leave from the little
Talaxian, she hurried to her quarters
to collect the few things she would need.

“B’Elanna, you know you’re scheduled to
speak with the brass tomorrow at 1400
hours,” Commander Chakotay’s voice held
a reminder. B’Elanna fervently prayed he
wouldn’t glance past her into the bedroom,
where her half-packed duffle rested on
the bed in plain sight.
“Of course, Chakotay,” she said, trying
to keep the nervousness from her voice.
*Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look,* she
silently chanted to herself.
He, of course, had known her for too
long not to notice something was up.
“You alright, B’Elanna?” he asked cautiously.
“I fine,” she lied. But she knew he wouldn’t
be satisfied with that. “It’s just, just
returning to the Alpha Quadrant….I never
actually thought we’d make it.” *And I
never thought I’d be so lonely when we did.
Why didn’t you stay?*
Chakotay smiled. “Me neither.” There was a
brief pause while he considered if he should
confront her about Paris. He knew she’d
set out after him — that was B’Elanna.
He asked, “You’re not thinking of going
out after Tom Paris, are you, B’Elanna?”
Shock approach.
Her jaw dropped. “Uh, I, um….where
would you get an idea like that, Chakotay?”
“From Neelix,” he replied.
“I’ll kill him,” she growled.
Chakotay actually grinned. “No — B’Elanna.
He was concerned about you.”
“Well, yes. Yes, I am,” she said defiantly.
He had been afraid she would answer yes.
But he had also known she would.
“B’Elanna,” he said gently, “do you know
what the odds of finding him are? He could
be anywhere.” He wanted her to be happy. But
she also needed to realize the near inpossiblilty
of what she was trying to do.
“I don’t care.”
“B’Elanna,” he said firmly, “listen to
me. Think about what you’re doing!”
It must be a deep love that bonded her so
strongly to Thomas Eugene Paris, Chakotay
reflected. And Paris must care about her —
he *had* to care about her for as strong was
the bond between them. “How do you know if he
feels the same way about you?” he asked softly.
She lifted her chin. “He told me so.”

Captain Benjamin Sisko glanced at Kathryn
Janeway over the rim of his teacup.
“Enjoying yourself?” he teased.
Janeway grinned. “Do you have any idea how
long it’s been since I’ve had *real* coffee?”
Sisko laughed. “A long time, if I had to
judge by the three cups you’ve had already.”
“Sir,” Major Kira Nerys’ voice held a tense
note over the comm frequency. “I’m sorry to
interrupt, but the captain of the freighter
Mallion wishes to speak with you. He says it’s
important.”
“You’ll excuse me for a moment, Captain?”
Sisko asked Janeway.
She inclined her head. “Of course.”
“Put it through, Major.”
“Aye, sir.”
“This is Captain Sisko.”
“Captain? This Udin Awynyn, captain of
the freighter Mallion. We’ve recently
returned from a survey of the Gamma Quadrant,
and we’ve discovered something I think you
might want to take a look at.”

“It’s definitely debris from a Starfleet
shuttle,” Miles O’Brien confirmed, scanning
the scorched mass, though he didn’t need a
tricorder to tell him what rested before him.
“And — Captain?”
Sisko rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Yes, Chief?”
“She’s from Voyager.”

“It’s been confirmed that the debris is
from one of your shuttles, Captain.”
That meant Tom. It had to’ve been Tom.
“I never should have let him go,” she whispered.
“Captain?”
“I’m sorry, Captain Sisko. Forgive me,
please.”
“It’s quite alright, Captain,” he said
gently. “I am sorry.”
Janeway shook her head. “It’s not your
fault.” But, Tom? Up until now, she hadn’t
given up hope of seeing his smiling face at
the door. Now she had a double message for
Admiral Paris. But Sisko was speaking….
” — aboard?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Sisko sighed patiently. “Could you tell me
who all was aboard? For the record. Starfleet
is going to wonder exactly what one of your
shuttles in doing in the Gamma Quadrant, too,
Captain.”
“Oh.” Janeway stiffened. “It was my chief
Conn officer, Tom Paris.”
Sisko straightened in surprise. “Admiral
Paris’ son? The official `observer’?”
Janeway’s eyes were like points of cold
steel. “Admiral Paris’ son, my chief Conn
officer.”
Sisko blinked. “I see.” He rose to leave.
“Please extend my sorrows to the family.
Admiral Paris is a great man. He was heartbroken
after word reached us that Voyager had been
lost.”
“I will,” Janeway grated. “Thank you.” After
he’d left, she tapped her commbadge gently
and brushed the tears from her eyes. She could
mourn later. But first, there was something
she needed to do, though she dreaded it immensely.
These were the kind of things they never taught
you about nor could ever prepare you for in
command school.
“Janeway to Torres.”
“Yes, Captain?” The young woman’s voice was
laced with determination.
“B’Elanna, I need to speak with you. It’s
quite important.”
“But, Captain, I’m really quite busy….”
Actually, she was preparing the liftoff
sequence for Neelix’s small ship. She would
find him, if it took her a lifetime. She
swore to herself, and to him.
“B’Elanna, please. It’s most important.
It’s about Tom Paris.”
B’Elanna’s hand slammed down on the abort
button. “I’ll be right there.”
She hurried to the captain’s quarters.
Janeway’s eyes were red-rimmed and her
demeanor serious, and B’Elanna felt her
blood turn to ice.
“Yes, Captain?” *It’s nothing. I’m sure
it’s nothing. Tom is fine.*
“Sit down, B’Elanna, please.”
B’Elanna sat, fear twisting her stomach.
*Please, please let him be okay.*
“B’Elanna, a freighter has — ” Direct
approach, or gentle slide? With B’Elanna, it
would be the direct approach. ” — has found
the debris….from Tom’s shuttle.”
B’Elanna’s face turned a deadly shade of
white. “How can they know? How can they be
sure it was Tom’s shuttle?” she whispered.
Janeway’s heart went out to her. She’d lost
him twice, now.
“The match is perfect, B’Elanna.”
Janeway’s voice was pained and B’Elanna was
suddenly very glad the captain had requested
she sit. She drew her knees up to her chest and
wrapped her arms around them. “No. He can’t be.”
“B’Elanna, I’m sorry.”
“No….” Her head dropped to rest on her
knees and her shoulders shook as she cried,
murmuring Tom’s name over and over.
Janeway cradled Torres gently as she sobbed,
the captain’s own tears held at bay for
B’Elanna’s sake.

*****

He was marched before the Gul, a leering,
scowling Cardassian.
“I’ll assume you have a good reason for
this,” Outwardly calm, inwardly seething
with anger.
“Oh, I do indeed,” the Gul replied, a
lizard-like smiled flashing across his thin
lips. “For you interest me. A Starfleet
shuttle — a Starfleet shuttle, mind you —
which, sadly, we were forced to destroy.
You wear civilian clothes instead of a
uniform — one might think you were a spy,
but would you be so stupid as to go about
in a Starfleet shuttle if you were? So tell me,”
Gul Evek leaned forward, his face inches from
the man standing silently before him, “Tell me,
Tom Paris, Maquis, what are you doing here?”
“None of your business,” Tom growled back.
Gul Evek leaned back in his chair. “Where
did you get the Starfleet shuttle?”
“I stole it,” Tom spat.
“Weren’t you a member of Chakotay’s group,
Paris?”
“Yeah. I was.”
“What about now?”
“None of your business. And isn’t your
information a little outdated, Gul?”
Evek glared. “Taunts are of little good,
Paris.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Tom
returned.
“I have no need to answer to *you*,
Paris.” He gestured to the guards. “Take
him away. I’ll deal with him later, when he’s
in a more talkative mood.”

To beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee continued……
(Theatrics provided by Jessica Ferroni.
Thank you, thank you.) πŸ™‚

_____________________________________________________________________________
) Copyright December 1996 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at jessica@p24818.cle.ab.com.

Posted in Voyager | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Price of Freedom: Priorities

The Price Of Freedom: Priorities
By Jessica Ferroni

*He loved me, too. And all that time, he
never said a word, never let on.*
She was walking, walking nowhere in particular.
She only had to get away from the forest, from
the hologram frozen in time with the mixture of
sadness and hope on its face.
*Why didn’t he tell me? Oh, Tom. Where are
you now?*

“I do *not* believe this!” Tom Paris moaned
as he wrestled with the shuttlecraft’s controls
in vain. “This cannot be happening! This isn’t
happening. That’s it. It isn’t happening. It’s
all a figment of my imagination.” Somehow, though,
the enormous Cardassian warship dwarfing the
Federation shuttlecraft seemed too real to
be a figment of his imagination.
Tom slammed his fist into the bulkhead in
frustration. Shields were almost gone. Why
had he left Voyager, again?
The small craft shuddered, and finally the
shields gave out. Tom closed his eyes. He
wasn’t ready to die. He didn’t want to die.
The thought that maybe he shouldn’t have left
that chip with Janeway crossed his mind.
“I’m sorry, B’Elanna,” he whispered.

*****

There she was. A majestic spiral surrounded
only by the blackest space: Deep Space Nine.
It was good to be home. Kathryn Janeway could
barely contain the excitement on her features.
“Take us in, Mister Par — Ensign Bayhart.” If
any of the crew noticed the error — and
undoubtedly they did, for they missed Tom Paris’
presence as much as she did — they didn’t say
anything.
Following the instructions from the spacestation,
Voyager glided to rest at a docking pylon. “Nice
job, Ensign,” Janeway complemented.
Bayhart nodded. “Thank you, Captain.”
Janeway raised her voice. “Janeway to crew.
We have arrived at Deep Space Nine. It’s been a
a long five years, but now we are finally home.
I know you all are in a hurry to contact loved
ones, but we need to stay calm and orderly. Remember
that you are still the crew of Voyager, and I expect
you to act in such a manner.
“Starfleet will doubtless wish to question
every one of us, Federation and Maquis, and I
want you all to know that it has been a pleasure
serving with each and every one of you.”
Janeway paused for a moment. “Janeway out.”
She turned briskly to the bridge crew.
“Dismissed,” she said simply.
The bridge crew filed out until only Tuvok
remained.
“Yes, Tuvok?”
“Are you coming, Captain?” He was itching to
contact his wife, Janeway could see that.
Vulcan or not.
“Yes, Tuvok. I’ll be along shortly. Go on.”
She remained on the bridge long after it had
emptied. With a touch of sadness she traced
the edge of the pilot’s chair. She did not
want to have to speak with Admiral Paris about
his son. But she had sworn Tom that his father
would know. Would know his son had proved
himself many times, and had won the respect
of the crew.
B’Elanna Torres stumbled onto the bridge.
“Captain!” Her voice was frantic.
“B’Elanna, what is it?” Janeway asked worridly.
“What’s wrong?” Something in Tom’s message?
“We have to go back! Captain, we need to
go back!”
“B’Elanna, calm down,” Janeway soothed. She
started to lead the distraught young woman to
the pilot’s chair to sit down, but thought the
better of it and guided her to the captain’s
chair instead. “B’Elanna, tell me what’s
wrong,”
“Captain — Tom….he lo….he needed
me….he still needs me….We have to go
back….”
“B’Elanna,” Janeway said softly, but Torres
was hysterical.
“Captain, you don’t understand!”
“B’Elanna, I didn’t know you cared this much
about Tom,” said Janeway gently.
“I didn’t….I mean, I didn’t realize it….
until now.”
Torres’ sentences were jumbled, and Janeway
tried to calm the young woman down enough to get
some helpful information from her. “B’Elanna, what
was in the message? What was on the chip Tom Paris
left you?”
“He told me….he said….he said that he
did care about me, Captain.” The young woman pulled
herself together with effort. “I’m sorry, Captain,”
she said calmly. Embarrassment colored her features.
“Please forgive me.”
“B’Elanna,” Janeway said soothingly, “It’s alright.
You care about Tom. I understand. But we can’t
go back, not now. And how would you find him?”
“I will, Captain,” Torres said with fierce
determination. “I’ll find him.”
“B’Elanna,” said Janeway gently, “don’t you
think you’re acting a bit irrational?” It pained
her to say so, but B’Elanna wasn’t acting
normal. *I guess you never realize what — or
who — you’ve got until you lose it. And then you
become desperate to get it back.*
B’Elanna stood abruptly. “You’re right, Captain.
I apologize,” she turned on her heel and exited
smartly before Janeway could think of a reply.

* * * * *

B’Elanna Torres was miserable. He could see that
by just looking at her face. “B’Elanna?”
She started. “Oh. Chakotay.”
She looked thrilled to see him, he thought dryly.
“Yes, it’s me. Mind if I join you?”
“What? Oh. No. Not at all. Sit down.”
“B’Elanna, are you okay?” He’d never seen her
like this before.
“Yes. I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know, you just look miserable.”
“Miserable? Why would I be miserable?”
Ah. She was moving on to sentences with more
than four words. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
She actually laughed. “Tell you why I’m miserable?
Tell *you* why I’m miserable? Maybe it’s because
I left the greatest thing that’s ever happened
to me in the Gamma Quadrant! Does that tell you
why I’m miserable??!!”
“B’Elanna….”
“Of course you wouldn’t understand. You’ve got
everything you need right here. Why did we have
to come back to the Alpha Quadrant, anyway??”
“*B’Elanna*….”
“But what if the Captain has a fiancee here?
What if you lose her? Then you’ll know how I feel.”
“B’ELANNA.”
“WHAT??!!” She reined in her temper quickly.
It would do her no good to lash out at Chakotay.
“I’m sorry,” she said meekly. What was happening
to her? Stupid Tom Paris. Stupid Tom Paris who
had left her here, alone. Stupid Alpha Quadrant.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
*Get ahold of yourself, Torres,* she berated. *This
is Chakotay.* “I think I just need to rest for
awhile, Chakotay. Since I don’t have anyone to
announce my return to, I think I’ll go back to
Voyager and lie down.”
“Okay, B’Elanna, if that’s what you want to
do….” his voice trailed off.
She nodded and left. Chakotay rested his chin
in the palm of his hand. Ever since they had
arrived in the Alpha Quadrant, B’Elanna had been
acting….strange. Come to think of it, she been
acting strange since….
“The Gamma Quadrant,” he mumbled aloud.
“Paris….Oh, B’Elanna.”
“What?”
He started. “Oh. Kathryn.”
He looked thrilled to see her, she thought dryly.
“Yes, it’s me. Mind if I join you?”
“What? Oh. No. Not at all. Sit down.”
“Chakotay, are you okay?” She’d never seen him
like this before.
“Yes. I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know, you just look miserable.”

Ta-dah! To be continued…..

If you think I am being unfair to the rest of the
crew — and I don’t doubt that I am — remember that
this series focuses mainly on Tom Paris and B’Elanna
Torres. If you wish to do another crewmember’s point
of view, by all means you have my permission to do so.
Just mail me a copy of your story when you’re finished. πŸ™‚
_____________________________________________________________________________

Copyright December 1996 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at jessica@p24818.cle.ab.com.

Posted in Voyager | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Price of Freedom: Hold On My Heart

`Hold on my heart Please throw me a lifeline
I’ll keep a place for you Somewhere deep inside.’
— Phil Collins, “Hold On My Heart”

The Price Of Freedom: Hold On My Heart
By Jessica Ferroni

This story takes places after the events in
`The Price Of Freedom’

Author’s note: The forest scene mentioned comes
from a prior story I wrote, called `Deeper Investigations’.

Captain Janeway hesitated outside the door of
her Chief Engineer’s quarters, then pressed the
door chime. She had promised, promised Tom, that
she would deliver the message.
The door slid open and she entered Torres’
sparse living space. “B’Elanna.”
Torres made an effort to come to attention,
but Janeway waved a hand dismissively and she
sunk back on the couch. Janeway took a seat beside
her, opening her mouth to speak, but B’Elanna cut
her off. The despair in the young woman’s voice
made her heart wrench.
“Sometimes….Sometimes you think you want
something, but then you realize that you want
something entirely different.”
Janeway had no idea what B’Elanna was talking
about, so she wisely kept her mouth shut. Not
that B’Elanna needed any encouragement to
continue. After being silent for so long, she
couldn’t stop the rush of words that came
tumbling out.
“I thought it was Chakotay. I mean, didn’t
he watch out for me in the Maquis? Didn’t he
take me under his wing? I thought I loved him.
Truth was, I just wanted someone to love me,
someone who cared about me.
“In the Maquis, you try to keep from caring.
You see too much to carry all that grief around.
So I just wanted to be alone, with myself as
the only one to watch out for.
“And then he came along. At first I thought
he was arrogant and cocky, too self-confident.
Maybe he was, I don’t know. And he clashed with
Chakotay so much.
“After the Vidiian thing, though, I realized
that maybe he did care about more than himself.
I think I finally discovered how much I loved
him when I found him alone in his forest before
he left for the Talaxian convoy. It so serene
and peaceful there. And he was so sad.” She paused.
“Imagine that. Tom Paris, sad.”
*Oh, Tom,* Janeway thought. *You had everything
you ever wanted right here. You loved her so
much — if only you knew how much she loves you,
too.* Should she tell her? *No. If Tom wants
her to know, it will be in the chip.*
Before his shuttle had departed, Tom had
presented his final request to Captain Janeway:
– Captain, I can’t thank you enough for every-
thing you’ve given me. There is just one more
favor I ask: when you return to the Alpha Quadrant,
I want you to give this chip to B’Elanna for me.
Please, Captain. It’s important. –
How could she deny him? “B’Elanna.”
Torres looked up, embarrassed. “Yes, Captain?”
Janeway held out the small chip that had been
clenched in her hand. “Tom wanted me to give
this to you.” She pressed the chip into B’Elanna’s
palm. Torres looked about ready to start crying.
“Thank you, Captain,” she managed.
Janeway stood. “We’ll be arriving at Deep Space Nine
shortly, Lieutenant. I’ll expect to see you on the
bridge.”
B’Elanna nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

* * * * *

B’Elanna turned the chip over and over in her
hand. The chip trembled in her grasp.
*Calm down, Torres!* she ordered herself sternly.
Admitting her love for Tom Paris had certainly
wrecked havoc with her emotions.
But she didn’t know what would be waiting for
her. He had left her a message. What would he
say?
There was, of course, only one way to find out.
She pressed the chip into the slot and waited for
the computer to announce its readiness.
“Program complete. You may enter when ready.”
She would never be ready for this. But enter she
did.
And found herself in his forest. It was actually
the wooded area behind his parents’ house, but
he had always jokingly referred to it as “his
forest”. She picked her way to the spot where she
knew he would be waiting.
And there he was.
He half-turned to face her as she approached.
“B’Elanna.” He was so real. Everything about
the hologram was Tom Paris: his voice, his scent,
his warmth, his eyes.
But if he was so real, why did she feel so
hollow inside?
“I’ve always hated long goodbyes, so I’ll try
to keep this brief. I just wanted….I wanted to
tell you….” The image sighed. “You were right,
B’Elanna. I am a coward. I’ve wanted to tell you
for so long, but I just couldn’t. It’s pretty
sad that I had to resort to using a hologram to
tell you.
“I probably shouldn’t be telling you at all,
but, I don’t know….I just thought you should
know, in case….” His voice trailed off.
“B’Elanna, I love you.”
Her heart pounded in her chest. *He loved me,
too.* “Computer, freeze program,” she ordered.
*He loved me, too.* The phrase kept repeating
itself in her head. *Why couldn’t he tell me?*
*You couldn’t tell him, either,* a voice in
her head reminded.
He was still waiting, frozen in time. Cerulean
eyes alight with hope, hope that he would never
realize.
For he was gone. And he would never know that
she loved him.
*He loved me, too.*

To be continued….

_____________________________________________________________________________

Copyright November 1996 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at jessica@p24818.cle.ab.com.

Posted in Voyager | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Price of Freedom

The Price Of Freedom: The Price Of Freedom
By Jessica Ferroni

He’d never thought he’d need to make the choice.
He’d always just figured he’d stick it out to
the end, that he’d be the one to pilot Voyager
into spacedock.
But that was when that spacedock was 70,000
lightyears away.
Five years. Five long years in the Delta Quadrant,
and now Tuvok had found the wormhole that would
lead them to the Gamma Quadrant, and from the
Gamma Quadrant they could get the coordinates to
the Alpha Quadrant wormhole. The coordinates for
home.
No. That wasn’t right.
He had no home in the Alpha Quadrant. Voyager
was his home. The only things waiting for him in
the Alpha Quadrant were imprisonment and solitude.
He couldn’t go back to that. After being free for
so long, that couldn’t be an option. It wouldn’t
be an option.
It would destroy his spirit. Everything he had
worked for over the last five years, everything
he’d gained would be gone like a shooting star
in the night sky.
If he stayed in the Gamma Quadrant, he could
be free.
With only an empty place in his heart as a
reminder of what could have been.

* * * * *

He was alone at Sandrine’s, something that been
occurring more and more frequently lately.
She hesitated for a moment at the threshold, then
turned away. This was his private time, and she
didn’t want to disturb him.
He caught sight of her hesitating it the doorway.
“Captain,” He sounded surprised. “Kinda late
for you to be out, isn’t it?”
“I could say the same for you, Lieutenant
Commander,” she replied evenly. He laughed,
conceding defeat, then gestured to the empty
chair across from him. “Care to join me?”
She smiled. “I’d be delighted.” She sat and
they lapsed into a comfortable silence, broken
only occasionally by attempts at small talk.
However, Janeway knew both of their minds were
on the same thing; it was only a matter of seeing
who would be the first to breach the subject.
After another silence had stretched between them,
she decided she would have to be the one to do it.
Given the option, he would choose to keep quiet
about it, trying to deal with it by himself. He
needed to know that she would be there for him,
whatever his decision.
She reached across the table to place a hand
on his arm.
“Tom, you’ve proven yourself an invaluable
officer over the time we’ve been out here. You’ve
grown, matured, and I can’t think of anyone on
this ship — even Chakotay — who would hesitate
to call you their friend.
“The choice is yours to make. I can tell you
that I wish you would go with us to the Alpha
Quadrant, but I will respect any decision you
make.”
Paris nodded. “I understand, Captain.”
She studied his face for a moment. Something
about the way he kept his eyes on the table and
the way his hands moved nervously told her that
he’d already made his decision.
And what that decision had been.
“You’ve already chosen, haven’t you?” she asked
gently. “You’ve decided to stay.”
He looked up at her, surprise flashing across his
features.
“It’s alright, Tom. I know.”
His head dropped. “Yeah. I’m staying,” he almost
whispered.
Her heart sunk. She’d been hoping against all hope
she had been wrong, but she’d known she wasn’t.
“Can I ask why?” she prodded. He would have to
convince her — as well as himself — that he was
doing the right thing by staying behind.
“Sure, Captain.” He stood and moved over to the cue
rack, picking up his personal cue and pretending to
study it. This wasn’t something he wanted to drag out.
He was stalling and they both knew it.
She surprised him by picking up a cue of her own.
“Want to play a game, Tom?”
He smiled slightly, grateful that, in her own
way, she was giving him a chance to collect his
composure. “I guess we may as well….” He didn’t
finish the sentence, but Janeway knew what would’ve
come next:`….Since we’ll never be able to play
together again.’
They both played poorly. Tom couldn’t concentrate
on the game and neither could she. Finally Tom sunk the
last ball and they gratefully reclaimed their seats.
“Thanks, Captain,” Tom said sincerely. “I mean it.”
Janeway smiled ruefully. “Thank *you*, Mister Paris.”
Tom grinned and leaned back in his chair, a teasing
light in his blue eyes. “You weren’t cheating, were
you, Captain? You didn’t let me win?”
Janeway feigned horror. “Me? Cheat? Tom Paris, if
you ever suggest such a thing again, I’ll have you
thrown in the brig!” she warned.
Tom laughed, bringing a genuine smile to Janeway’s
own face. “Yes, ma’am.”
Janeway realized how empty the bridge was going
to be without the exuberant presence of Thomas Paris.
However much she preferred not to be called “ma’am”,
there was something about the way he said it that
made her relish it. She was going to miss him.
“Tom,” she hesitated. “You haven’t been….
uncomfortable on Voyager, have you?” Why couldn’t
they have a counselor?? She was no good at this sort
of thing!!
“I was at first,” he admitted. He caught the look
on her face and hastily added, “But I’d expected that.
No, Captain, not anymore. After the first couple of
months it got better. I have friends now, people to spend
time with.”
“Then why are you alone here tonight?” she challenged.
He needed to be pushed into realizing the full consequences
of his decision. If he decided he did indeed have friends,
he might change his mind.
“Because most sensible people are in bed?” he joked.
“What about all those women you always talk about
chasing after?”
He actually smiled at that, though there was no
humor in his voice. “Honestly?”
She nodded.
“I was looking for someone to fill the void, Captain.
I want to get married, have a family. But I want to
find someone who will be there when I need her.
I thought — I hoped — I’d found the right one, but
I don’t think she — ” Suddenly embarrassed, Tom
stopped.
But Janeway wasn’t stupid. She knew the way he felt
about her chief engineer. “You love B’Elanna, don’t you?”
He smiled, a little sadly. “Is it that obvious?”
“Tom — ”
“It’s okay, Captain. It doesn’t matter anymore,
anyways.”
“You don’t have to leave, Tom.”
“I am not going back to prison!” he snarled, and
Janeway was surprised at the level of anger in his
tone. Finally admitting he loved B’Elanna Torres
must have unnerved him very much.
He quickly reigned his temper in. “I’m sorry,
Captain.”
“It’s okay, Tom. I understand how you feel —
but you must know that your record will be cleared
when we return.”
“Really, Captain?” he asked with the faintest
trace of sarcasm. “And you think Starfleet will
just let me be, then? And what about the Maquis?
You think Starfleet won’t watch every move every
one of them makes? You think they’ll just let us
live our lives in peace? We both know that’s not
going to happen, Captain. We both know that isn’t
possible.”
She had remained silent during his tirade, and
his voice softened. “I owe you an apology, Captain.
I’m sorry.”
She shook her her head. “You don’t owe me
anything, Tom.”
“Yes, I do,” he replied truthfully. “I owe you
everything.”
She was taken aback. “Tom….”
“You gave me my life back,” he said gently. “You
gave me a chance to fix some of the things I messed
up, and you gave me your trust. You gave me hope,
and you made me believe in myself.”
“No, Tom,” she corrected. “I might have gotten
you the chance, but you did the rest on your own.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Thank you, Captain,” he said quietly.
Janeway rose to go. He needed some time to
himself now. “And, Tom?”
He looked up. “Yes, Captain?”
“I will tell your father, Tom. You deserve his
respect.”
Tom nodded, unable to say more.

* * * * *

The silence hung heavy on the bridge the next
morning. By all rights, everyone should have been
elated. They were going home.
But all was still. Not a smile or a laugh
pierced the quiet, and the sound of the silence
was almost deafening.
The wormhole was beautiful. Tom Paris looked
on in admiration, and Captain Janeway gave
*the* order.
“Mister Paris, take us through.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied lightly. *Gamma
Quadrant, here we come….*

After shift was over, he returned to his
quarters to pack his things. He would be supplied
with everything he needed, including one of
Voayger’s own precious shuttlecraft.
But the loneliness….Not that he couldn’t
make it back to the Alpha Quadrant if he wanted
to. The Captain had made sure he had the
coordinates firmly embedded in the shuttle’s
memory. But they wouldn’t be able to find
him unless he wanted to be found.
Sure, they probably had sophisticated enough
equipment to track him if they really wanted
to, but Tom figured the people back at
Starfleet Command really didn’t care to find
him, just so long as he was out of their
hair.
And he didn’t care. He wanted to avoid them
just as much as they tried to avoid him.
The door chime bleeped; surprised, he called
out, “Come in,”
It was B’Elanna.
“Hi,” he mumbled. Why did it have to be her?
*Stupid,* his mind chided, *Were you just going to
leave without saying goodbye?*
Yes, he answered silently.
Typical B’Elanna, she charged right in. “Why
aren’t you coming back to the Alpha Quadrant
with us?”
He sighed. He didn’t want to have this
discussion again, with her of all people.
“Do you care?” he retorted, grimacing. He
hadn’t meant to sound so sharp.
“Well, yes, I….” she stumbled. Hands on hips,
she resorted to glaring a hole through him.
“B’Elanna, you don’t understand. You guys
have a chance — maybe — that you’ll get to
live your lives. I don’t even have that chance.
And, besides, B’Elanna, what have I got to
go back to? A home? A family?”
“You’ve got all of us,” B’Elanna reminded him
quietly. If she’d said `You’ve got me’, she
might have convinced him to stay on Voyager. But
she didn’t.
“I can’t face my father again,” Tom said
softly. And that was true. Not after the self-
confidence Janeway had given him. He wasn’t ready
for all she’d helped him build be torn down
again so soon.
“Then you’re a coward!” B’Elanna spat. She
turned and quickly left before he could see the
tears in her eyes.

Tom hugged Kes gently. “You take care of Neelix,
okay?”
She smiled. “I will, Tom. You take care of yourself,”
He grinned lopsidedly. “Isn’t that what everybody
says I do the best?”
“Tom,” she reproved.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“Hey, Tom….” Kes reached out for him and hugged
him again. “It’ll be alright.”
“I know, Kes,” he whispered into her hair. “But
it feels so hollow.”
“You can stay,” she reminded him.
“No, I can’t,” he said. “I can’t do it, Kes.”
“Surely your father can’t still be angry at you
after all this time,” Kes said.
Tom smiled mirthlessly. “Oh, yes, he can. I remember
when I was a kid….”
“Tom,”
“Sorry,” he apologized again. He paused on his
way out of Sickbay. “Kes? Could you….Would you
keep an eye on B’Elanna for me?”
“Yes, Tom, I will,” she promised.

That was everything. All that was left was to bid
his goodbyes to the Captain and Harry, and he would
be gone.
Tom slung his duffel over his shoulder and prepared
to leave his quarters. He almost plowed down B’Elanna
Torres on his way out.
“B’Elanna.”
She looked awkwardly at the floor. “Tom.”
He smiled sadly. “You came back.”
“I came to say goodbye,” she whispered. Impulsively
she threw her arms around his neck and embraced him
tightly. When she finally released her hold, she
could see that tears glistened in his eyes as well.
She brushed an errant lock of hair of hair from his
forehead and smiled at him through her tears.
“Goodbye, Tom.”
He looked in her eyes. “Goodbye, B’Elanna.”
She turned to go, but paused. “Tom?”
He looked up at her. “What?”
“You’re not a coward.”
He smiled. “Thanks, `Lanna. Good to hear that from you.”
She nodded, and walked away, and the door hissed shut
behind her.

To be continued….

_____________________________________________________________________________

Copyright November 1996 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at jessica@p24818.cle.ab.com.

Posted in Voyager | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Deeper Investigations

This story is divided into two sections, one occuring shortly
before `Investigations’, and one during. I thought it might make
a nice addition, especially since B’Elanna didn’t seem overly
upset when Paris left Voyager, and because I am P/T fan at heart. πŸ™‚

Deeper Investigations
By Jessica Ferroni

******

This was where he went when he wanted to think.
Or was it when he wanted to hide? The trees swayed
just slightly in the gentle breeze, causing the sunshine
creeping through the leaves to dance in erratic
patterns across the hard ground.
Tom Paris watched them idly from his place on the
tree stump. The patterns reflected his thoughts, and
his feelings about the whole situation.
But he had to go through with this. If he simply
turned around and told everyone he was sorry, that
it was all an act, what good would that do? Wasn’t it
all an act? Or was he really this out of place here?
They all thought he was a jerk anyway. B’Elanna
thought he was a jerk.
Maybe if he went through with this, maybe if this
worked, he’d be more accepted on Voyager.
*Right, Paris.* his mind mocked. Tom sighed. Always
caught in the middle.
There was a rustling noise behind him in the brush,
and he half-turned to see B’Elanna Torres come up
behind him, not at all out of breath despite the
long trek she had just undergone.
“Hi,” he mumbled, and turned back to face the pond
he had been staring at for, what, an hour now?
Sometimes, he needed a break from all the hustle.
And sometimes he just needed to be alone. The latter
seemed to be the reason for coming back to the forest
more and more lately.
“Hi,” she said softly, eyes scanning for a
seat next to him. She finally gave up and settled
on the hard ground. Part of his mind chided that
he should offer her the stump to sit on, but he was
too tired and frustrated to listen.
After a moment of silence had stretched between
them, B’Elanna asked,
“So, what is this place?”
He looked at her briefly, and in that second committed
every line of her face to his memory, in case he should
never see her again. The nagging thought in the back of
his mind that the Kazon could kill him if they caught him
made his throat dry. He swallowed and answered,
“The woods behind my parents’ house. I used to spend
alot of time here.” His voice held the proper note of
sarcasm.
“Oh.” B’Elanna hugged her knees to her chest. She wasn’t
used to feeling this ill at ease around him. Why had she
come here? To say goodbye? To ask him not to go? To tell
him she cared, that he could fit in if he really tried,
and he didn’t need to leave them, to leave her? He was
still looking at her, his blue eyes seeming to penetrate
the depths of her heart, her soul. Desperate to say
something, she blurted, “Tom, don’t you want to go back
to the Alpha Quadrant, back home?”
*Idiot!* her mind cried. *What made you say that?*
His mask slipped for just an instant, then it was back,
smooth as ice. “No.”
“Why not?” Her mouth was working and her brain wasn’t.
*B’Elanna, you are going to regret this.*
He glanced at her again. For some reason, he couldn’t
seem to make eye contact with her for very long. Did he
feel guilty?
“B’Elanna, it’s just something I have to do. Look at
what’s happened the last few weeks. I’ve been late for
duty, spent time in the brig, I hit Chakotay….” A small
smile appeared on his face at that last.
“So?” *Torres, you do not want to get involved in this
man’s pain. It will weigh you down, just like it does
him. Don’t you have your own problems to deal with?*
“I think you do want to go back. But I think you’re
afraid.”
Why did she have to make this so hard? Why couldn’t
he just get this over with? Would she still want him to
stay if he did make it back? But she was waiting for an
answer.
Quietly, he said, “B’Elanna, what have I got to go back
to? My dad? My career? What, B’Elanna?” He couldn’t sucessfully
conceal the hurt in his voice, and it frustrated him. He
hadn’t meant to get so emotional. The mask was slipping again.
*B’Elanna, go away. Just let me do this. Don’t make it
any harder to follow the Captain’s request. Please, B’Elanna.*
“I can’t believe you’re leaving Voyager, Tom,” B’Elanna
continued. “I can’t believe you’re running away.”
Tom closed his eyes. How easy it would be for him just
to tell her that it was really part of Tuvok’s plan, tell
her not to give up on him, that he wasn’t really running
away.
B’Elanna watched him. Wondered why she cared so much
if he stayed or went.
When he finally opened his eyes, they were cold and
hard.
“B’Elanna,” and his voice cracked. He steadied himself,
and continued, “This is not about running away. This is
about me. Voyager is going to make it back to the Alpha
Quadrant someday, and then what will happen to me?
Out here I have a chance to start a new life — I know
piloting for a Talaxian convoy isn’t exactly advancement,
but at least I’ll still be flying. At least I’ll be free.
B’Elanna, I can’t go back to being in prison again.”
And that, at least, was true. His voice softened and he
reached out to put a hand on her shoulder.
She looked up, and he could see the unshed tears glistening
in her eyes, and he could feel them in his own.
“B’Elanna, no matter what happens,” and here he paused.
*Tell her, you idiot!* His mind screamed. *Tell her how
you feel.* “No matter what happens….I’ll never forget
you.” There, that was the closest he could come to telling
her how much he cared for her. Maybe she wouldn’t laugh
in his face.
She didn’t. B’Elanna stood and exited the way she had
come without another word.
*Idiot,* echoed in his mind.
“Goodbye, B’Elanna,” he whispered.

******

He didn’t see B’Elanna again before it was time to transport
to the Talaxian vessel. Neelix, Kes, and Harry Kim
were there to see him off. Three people, in a crew of how
many?
But that didn’t matter. Three was enough. *Who needs friends,
anyways?* his mind wondered. *Just more hurt when you go, when
you move on and leave them behind. Your friends, Paris.*
And yet, some small part of him still wished B’Elanna
would come through those doors at any minute, at least to
say goodbye.
But she didn’t.
Kes, lovely, sweet Kes, whom he’d loved once, and now
had an entirely different kind of love for, the kind reserved
for younger sisters, hugged him goodbye.
*I’ll always think of you, Tom.* Her voice echoed in his
head, a voice so much sweeter than the one that usually
offered sarcastic comments at inopportune times. He knew
she could sense his thoughts as well, so he sent back,
*I’ll never forget you, Kes. Thank you.* This was not
the time for words. Whether Kes knew this was a farce or
not, they both knew he might not be coming back.
He shook Neelix’s hand, and Harry’s. Harry pulled him
into a bear hug, surprising Tom, but he smiled warmly
at the person who had become his best friend.
As he handed Kim his commbadge, Tom tried to squelch the
fear from his heart as he nodded for transport.
It was do or die. He could not fail.

*Well, it’s done. Nice job, Torres. He’s gone, and
you never told him that you cared. You hid.*
“But it’s better this way,” B’Elanna argued with herself.
“Now he won’t have that to weigh him down. And he can start
a new life.” Her voice trembled.
*You didn’t even say goodbye, B’Elanna.*
(No matter what happens….I’ll never forget you.)
*Oh, Tom. I’m sorry.*
“Chief?”
B’Elanna spun to see Carey standing behind her, PADD in
hand, a concerned look on his face.
“Yes?” she stammered.
“Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
B’Elanna waved dismissively, hoping she looked and sounded
convincing. “No, I’m alright. Just a little tired, that’s
all.”
He handed her the PADD and moved away. B’Elanna sighed
in relief. *You’d better get ahold of yourself, Torres.
He isn’t coming back, and you’ve got a job to do.*
She swore suddenly, slamming her hand into the bulkhead.
*You could have at least said goodbye!*
Carey glanced back over at her, and she offered him a
weak grin, trying to calm her frazzled emotions.
Very slowly, she left Engineering.

She met with Harry later in the day, at the mess. He
was unusually quiet.
“Harry?” she prodded. “You alright?”
He glanced up at her, and she noticed how much older
he looked, like he’d just lost his….best friend.
“Yeah. It’s just….the captain found someone new for
conn — Ensign Bayhart. She’s really good, but, B’Elanna,
it feels so weird. Going on shift and Tom not being there.
And everyone seems so….somber. Even Chakotay’s acting
strange.”
B’Elanna nodded. It did feel odd. There was an air of
*something* hanging about the Bridge. As if something was
going to climax very shortly.
Harry continued, “I can’t even go to Sandrine’s anymore.
It’s too….empty. Like it’s not really Sandrine’s. And you
know what else? Look at this,” he gestured at his plate and
the mass of purplish cottage cheese-looking food — food?? —
that lay there. “Neelix’s cooking has gotten worse.”
B’Elanna laughed slightly. “As if that’s possible.”
Silence reigned for a moment, in which they both awkwardly
studied their plates. Then B’Elanna stood quickly.
“I’ll see you later, Harry, okay?”
Puzzled, Harry could only nod, but she was already
halfway out the mess.

The holodeck computer indicated its readiness, but
B’Elanna hesitated a moment before entering. Squaring
her shoulders firmly, she marched in, eyes closed, and
engaged the privacy lock.
She finally opened her eyes a moment later, and there
she was. In the forest. In *his* forest.
It had been raining, and the ground was still damp.
She made her way to the secluded corner by the pond,
and sat down on the stump she had found Tom Paris seated
on….how long ago? Two, three days? It had seemed like
forever.
She brushed at her eyes and her hand came away wet.
It must not be as secluded as she had thought if the
water was dripping off the leaves and onto her….
But it was useless trying to fool herself. Why had she
come here? What had she been thinking?
This was Tom’s place. She could almost imagine him
sitting across from her, could almost smell the soft
scent of his aftershave, the light in his eyes betraying
how miserable he usually felt.
Would he forgive her for coming here? Somehow, she
thought he would.
And when the rain started falling gently, so did
her tears.
*You never even said goodbye.*

To be continued….??

_____________________________________________________________________________
Β© Copyright November 1996 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at evenstar17@hotmail.com.

Posted in Voyager | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Second Mistake

From jessica@p24818 Fri Oct 18 18:03:03 1996
Date: Thu, 17 Oct 1996 09:25:41 -0400
From: Jessica Ferroni
To: David J Tremel Jr
Subject: Re: fan fiction.

The Second Mistake
By Jessie Ferroni

Yet another attempt at writing fanfic. *sigh* There is just
never enough Tom Paris fanfic. πŸ™‚
Anyways, enjoy, and as always, I appreciate any comments, suggestions,
etc.

*******

Tom Paris, formerly of Starfleet, warily eyed the building
at whose entrance he now stood. Did he want to go through
with this?
Yes.
He shivered in the chilly wind and pulled the long overcoat
tighter around his lean frame. The sky was overcast, and the
clouds threatened to pour down rain upon him at any moment.
The perfect weather, considering how miserable he felt.
He sighed. May as well get it over with.
Tom had agreed to meet here with Chakotay, one of the more
prominent, daring Maquis leaders. He was here to offer the only
thing he had left.
Having been court-martialed and stripped of his rank,
disowned by his father, a Starfleet admiral, and cut off from
the only life he had ever known, Tom was here, willing and
ready–desperate, even,–to offer the one thing that the trial,
and Starfleet, and his father, could and would never take
away from him: his love for piloting. The feel, the thrill,
of flying, the feelings of freedom and security flying brought
him when he knew he could feel secure nowhere else. He had
been one of Starfleet’s best.
Tom shook the feeling off. Had been. As in, was no longer.
He took a deep breath, and pushed the door open.

As he was ushered into the room where the big Indian
waited, his sharp blue eyes, always cautious, discerned
the figure of a woman in the dim light. She was speaking
to the Maquis leader in a low voice.
“Chakotay,” she hissed softly, “are you sure about this?
This is different–he’s an admiral’s *son*! What if his father
finds out and sends Starfleet after us, too? The Cardassians
are enough–”
Paris cleared his throat quietly, too sick to hear more.
*Thomas, what *have* you gotten yourself into?*
The half-Klingon woman gave him a flat, disapproving stare
and stalked out of the room. Tom watched her go, then stepped
forward into the small circle of light.
“Tom Paris,” he said simply, though he knew that Chakotay
probably already knew that–more than likely, the Maquis
knew everything about him. The fact that he had gotten this
far into their confidence gave him a ray of hope, and
allowed a little of his natural cockiness to seep back in.
“Mister Paris.” Chakotay gestured to a chair across from
his own. “Have a seat.”

So, this was what it was like to be in the Maquis. So
different from Starfleet. Three weeks of training, and he
was ready for his first run.
Chakotay showed him the old ship he was to pilot on his
assignment. “Can you fly it?” he asked.
Paris looked it over and gave Chakotay a wounded look.
“Of course.”
Chakotay snorted. Arrogant kid. He found Paris annoying,
always ready with a sarcastic retort. But the young man did
have considerable skill when it came to piloting, and the
Maquis always needed good pilots. Or any pilots, for that
matter.
Paris strolled up the open hatch and meticulously examined
the pilot’s console. Yeah, he could handle this one. Piece of
cake.
That was, if the ship was in flying order. Tom Paris could
pilot anything that was able to fly, and he knew it; a fact that
made him proud. Perhaps a little too proud, sometimes.
A Bajoran woman entered at that moment and leaned close to
Chakotay, murmuring something in his ear, too low for Tom to
hear. Chakotay nodded sharply.
“Paris, get your gear. You’re taking off in ten minutes.”
He turned back to the woman. “Seska, tell Drake and Makal to
get ready.” He and Seska hurried off in opposite directions.
Tom sat for a moment in the now-quiet cockpit, memorizing
his board for and preparing himself for the task that lay
ahead.

Their shields were failing. *He* had failed, Tom realized.
*My first mission, and I failed it. Dad would be proud,* he
thought bitterly.
“Drake, we need more power to the shields!” he shouted over
the wailing alarms. Drake paused in his struggles with trying
to boost their power only long enough to throw Paris a scalding
glare over his shoulder.
“If you were as good a pilot as you claim to be, we wouldn’t
be in this mess!” he yelled back, infuriated with Paris’
failure to get the antiqudated ship a safe distance from the
Starfleet vessel that was trailing them.
“Makal?” Tom asked helplessly.
The third member of the Maquis team, a woman named
Makal Jhara, shook her head, causing ringlets of blond hair
to dance across her shoulders.
“I can’t get the warp drive back online,” she said,
frustrated. “We need more time,”
“There is no time!” Drake exploded. “And there is no power
left to divert to the warp enigines. We can barely keep
life-support going,”
“Then put all the power from life-support into the engines,”
Tom ordered. “Life-support’s not going to do us much good if
we get fried by that Starfleet ship,”
The ship shuddered suddenly, and Drake swore and looked at
his panel for confirmation, though he already knew what
had happened. “A tractor beam.” He refused to look at the
pilot. “Good job, Paris.”
Makal sighed and slapped a few switches in frustration,
shutting off the power to the engines to prevent the ship from
tearing itself apart. Tom tried desperately to do something,
anything, to prevent the inevitable. Makal laid a hand on his
arm. The pained look in the blue eyes that glanced back at her
was mirrored her brown ones.
“I’m sorry,” he told her.

It wasn’t bad, really, as prisons go. No, the worst pain
came from the fact his father had been present at the trial.
He’d refused to even acknowledge his son standing before
him, unspoken apology in his eyes.
Tom sighed as they unlocked the manacles around his
wrists and attatched the ankle bracelet. Oh yeah, *that*
could keep him here. But where would he go, anyway?
Drake and Makal had been sent here, too. Makal would
be a comfort with her soft words, but somehow Tom had the
feeling Drake would probably enjoy trying to make Tom’s life
more miserable than it already was.
As he reflected on the situation, Tom realized just how big
a mistake he had made in joining with the Maquis.
He had offered the one thing he’d had left, and now he’d
lost it.

*****

Copyright October 1996 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at jessica@p24818.cle.ab.com.



Posted in Voyager | Tagged | Leave a comment

Past Perfect

Steven Donaruma
Star Trek: “Past Perfect”

The stardate, as always, was established in the Captains Log. The
increasingly brief log was given hours ago. Sadly not every log entry
signals the start of an adventure. The Federation Starship Voyager has
steered itself in a cosmic and mental void. Three months without a new
life form, friendly or otherwise. Seven weeks haven’t seen any interesting
anomalies or gaseous abnormalities. Every diagnostic has been run
threefold. The ship’s hull has been polished down to the slightest welt or
burn. Every conceivable hobby has been taken up, mastered, and dropped
like a re-read holo-novel. As Captain Janeway takes a half-hearted sip of
the last possible tea flavor the food replicators could molecularize, she
feels for the first time the true magnitude of monotony the forthcoming 72
year journey may hold.
There are large and conceivably infinite areas of unexplored space holding
new wonders and civilizations; this is part of what keeps the Federation
going. Yet it is also a fact that there are large areas of space that
simply seem to hold nothing. The Voyager is now in such a space. No
planets, no moons, no stars, not even a passing comet. Those on the bridge
simply sit and stare as the ship tirelessly puts light-years behind itself.
Every conversation already spoken, every head slightly tilted, every
breath, each blink even and relaxed. It is in such a trance that daydreams
occur. Slowly consoles fade and reform, filled by our minds eye with our
whims and fantasies. From the corners of our vision reality is still
observed, though mostly ignored. Ensigns pass by, screen displays come and
go, but nothing is enough to distract, to earn our focus. Yet in an
instant the whole bridge was distracted. It took a peripheral explosion to
awaken this crew from its day-sleep. And like anyone after a long nap,
response was sluggish and too late.
Later it would be argued how the planet could have gone unseen by the
entire bridge. Later still would be the answer. Now however the situation
is being dealt with. Gravitational pull is too strong, the ship is out of
control and already mere seconds from entering the planet’s atmosphere.
Readings are preliminary, and navigation manual, but the Voyager avoids
burning up on entry, and even manages a fairly graceful landing.

“We’re down,” reports a shaken Tom Paris wiping the sweat off his console
with a sleeve.
“Very good Mr. Paris,” responds a disheveled Janeway, her symmetrical hair
bun now undone, her uniform covered in hot Mindaliore Pekoe, she
nonetheless immediately begins trying to assess the situation. Looking
around the bridge she sees an equally disheveled, but unharmed and now
alert crew. “O.K. looks like break time’s over people. Mr. Kim, damage
report.”
“Minor structural damage, but it’s throughout the entire ship, it will
take a while to fully analyze integrity. The aft landing gear has been
partially severed, and may be unstable.”
“That’s our first priority, send a repair team to resupport the ship.
Injuries?”
“No casualties. Sick bay reports mostly cuts and bruises, as well as two
concussions and a broken arm.”
“Not too bad. Mr. Tuvok, what’s our surrounding, are we in any immediate
danger?”
“We’re on an M-class planet, with a humanoid population of roughly 700
million, and pre-warp technology. There’s a mountain ridge separating us
from the nearest population center seven miles away.”
“O.K., if they didn’t see our dramatic entrance, we could have a day or
two before anyone notices we’re here. Otherwise we’re in good shape,
except for a lot of questions. I want a senior staff meeting in one hour,
time for everyone to straighten up and prepare preliminary reports. ”

Janeway sits alone in the senior staff room, clean and primed. A cup of
coffee, black, sits balanced on one knee, untouched. Its effervescent
waves of steam are diminishing, ending their slow waltz-like dance over her
cup. Soon she will need it. Soon it will be backto business, back to
being Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. Right now,
however, she is Kathryn Janeway, a woman far from home, enjoying a rare
view out of the ship’s thankfully large and plentiful windows.
Gone are the countless passing stars, the planets known only by their
class rating, and the big empty blackness she had lately come to think she
would never escape. Space was a source of both beauty and wonder to her,
certainly, but some things she had come to miss. The vista before her
summed up many of those things. Beyond was a field of golden long-grass,
slowly, rhythmically, rippling in wind. Surrounding the field, a forest,
old, tall, and green. Rising majestically to the left was the mountain
ridge, strong and brown with deep shadows hiding from a sun shining in a
big blue sky.
The sun: Kathryn slouches a bit in her chair as she feels its warm glow
on her skin. The room’s lights were off, and for the first time in quite
some time, it was lit naturally. There were two things she was convinced a
holo-deck would always lack. One was that while a similar view could be
recreated quite accurately, artificially, it could never deliver that sense
of awe, of tingling inspiration you get with actually being there. The
other was sunlight. She knows about the many studies of which the
scientists self-righteously boasted, stating that most plants actually
thrived under artificial sunlight, that it was less harmful to most skins
and easier on the eyes. Despite this, she knew that she needed a real sun
in a real sky. No civilization, she muses, would ever have worshipped a
synthetic sun.
Absorbed by the view, Kathryn is no longer on an intergalactic vessel.
She is at home, enjoying a long quiet morning. She is sure that this is
not just an M-class planet, but a planet with a name, a name she will thank
later for giving her these precious few moments of peace. Now she wonders,
why, and who would want to hide such a gift?
About her now, Kathryn hears quiet stirrings, whisperings, and the low
beeping sounds of notes being checked by her prompt and now present staff.
She closes her eyes and takes one last, slow, deep breath and then sipping
the now lukewarm coffee, Janeway turns to begin the briefing.

Throughout time, an amazing array of unexplainable, unimaginable,
sometimes terrifying, or sometimes too-good-to- be-true phenomena have been
observed by the eyes of the inhabitants of the universe. In every case,
while possibly stumbling with it at first, such phenomena are studied,
comprehended, mastered, and manipulated until they eventually lose their
phenomena status, and are left as textbook chapters boring increasingly
younger students. Yet despite such a history of mental conquest, whenever
new phenomena arise it seems to be in our nature to completely lose faith
in one’s own senses. Self-doubt may be easier than making still another
addendum in our version of reality, but it certainly doesn’t get us
anywhere.
Federation policy states that “In situations where reality may become
questionable, and emotions may cloud judgment, a third party, an impartial
mediator should (time permitting) be consulted.” Janeway knows that her
ship has encountered an as of yet unexplainable phenomena. She knows that
much of her crew, wise in the rules of the Federation, have already
discarded their own views and feelings, and consulted a third party, the
great mediator, the ship’s main computer. Knowing this, and somewhat
disappointed by this, Janeway decides to avoid starting off with any
questions of data compilations, scans, or sensor readings.
“So, who here noticed the ship heading straight into a planet at warp 6?”
In unison, all heads in the room turn to glance briefly at their respected
notes, then hesitantly back to the Captain.
“Good,” responds Janeway, standing up and placing her hands firmly on the
long conference table. “Now, while I won’t admit to being terribly focused
at the time, I am quite certain that not only did I not see this planet,
but that it wasn’t there to be seen. Does everyone here agree with this
observation?”
There are nods and agreements all around.
“If I may Captain, speaking as one who was not on the bridge,” Neelix
begins nervously, “at the time I was preparing the day’s lunch, a
delicious Pydian Spoot Casserole by the way, and the view from the mess
hall was as clear as any we’d been having lately. I bent down to select a
good sized bowl, and when I got back up, right there, big as life, was,
well the reason we ended up having sandwiches, which is a shame too
because…”
“Mr. Neelix,” Janeway smirked, “as resident expert on this side of the
universe, are you familiar with any stories of planets known to just appear
spontaneously?”
“Almost every civilization has stories of colonies, cities, or whole
islands disappearing, but never a whole planet, and as far as I can recall,
they’re never said to reappear.”
“Hmm,” Janeway pauses, “the legendary Atlantis, if it ever existed, never
did rise again.”
“Sorry Captain, I’m not familiar with that legend.”
“I’ll tell you about it sometime. Now Doctor, while I understand that
history has shown that the mind works in strange ways, is it truly possible
that the entire ship has suffered some form of mass hallucination?”
“Well,” begins the doctor, (it is interesting to note that even though the
ship’s doctor exists only as a hologram, his balding head still manages to
reflect quite a bit of the sunlight cast into the room, causing a somewhat
distracting glare) “while mass hallucinations are possible, in my
professional opinion, they are far rarer than given credit for. In most
cases where the mind performs alterations to perceived reality, it is done
so to remove a painful or horrifying experience, neither of which I believe
the Voyager has encountered recently. Now, it would be more likely that
with the crew in a mentally languid state, as it were, for the mind, or
hypothetically, the collective mind to create a diversion for itself, some
type of entertainment. If it did, however, and this is the result, there’s
simply no way that I myself would also be observing this planet, and on top
of that, it would be impossible for all of us to be actually…” the Doctor
finishes by gesturing all around.
“Standing on it,” finishes Janeway. “So, let us assume that the entire
crew hasn’t lost its senses. Now,” sighing, “does the computer confirm the
existence of this planet, and likewise its non-existence just over an hour
ago?”
“Simply put, yes,” replies a somewhat disappointed looking Harry Kim.
“And Mr. Kim, does the computer also show that this ship did not somehow
jump through space to this planet, that it appeared to us, not we to it?”
“Correct, Captain.”
“O.K.,” Janeway clasps her hands together and begins crossing the room.
“Any ideas?”
“There’s Aldea,” B’Elanna notes somewhat eagerly. “An entire planet that
was cloaked.”
“Ah, yes,” adds a supportive Tom Paris, “it was encountered by the
Enterprise-C, back in…”
“No, Tom,” B’Elanna interjects, “I’m pretty sure it was the Enterprise-D.”
“Well, it’s hard to get all those ships straight,” Paris says defensively.
“Gee, you know it’s been a while, I wonder what letter they’re up to by
now?”
“I’m betting on F, that is if they’ve let that Will Riker in the Captain’s
chair,” adds Harry enthusiastically.
A brief alphabetical debate ensues. This lapse gives Janeway time to
ponder a disturbing thought. Having met Jean-Luc Picard on a few
occasions, she was quite impressed, hoping someday to be as good a Captain
as he. She was certain that only hell itself would allow that man to see
another ship hold the name Enterprise. And yet, it is a given, that even
with the best of Captains, most Federation ships barely see a whole
decade’s service. The Voyager, however, must last far longer if it is ever
to reach home. Janeway can never get a replacement ship, there will be no
Voyager A, B, C, or…
“D!” proclaims a defiant B’Elanna pointing at a data console, “encountered
the cloaked planet Aldea on stardate 41509.1.”
“If I may interrupt,” interrupted Janeway, “we’re not actually just
talking about a cloaked planet. Look out the window, there’s a sun in the
sky. I’ve counted three moons so far. There are other planets in this
system. This whole system, none of it, was present earlier. Cloaking a
whole planet is a task hardly conceivable, cloaking a whole solar system is
simply beyond, well anything. I need to know if there is an intelligence
behind this, and if so why did it bring itself to our attention, and what
are its intentions? Is it possible that the inhabitants of this planet,
who aren’t even warp capable, could achieve such a feat? If so, should we
consider them a very sizable threat and try to leave as soon as possible,
no questions asked?”
After a pause, Chakotay speaks, “My people believe that nothing that
reveals itself to you, good or bad, should go ignored. I think it would be
unwise to simply move on blindly.”
The tone of the room darkens as all ponder the possibilities and
ramifications. Amongst fear and wonder, in the back of their minds is a
faint glimmer of hope, that maybe these people could also have the power
and goodwill to send them back home quickly. One mind, however, is not
focused on any of these things. One has no hope of making the entire
journey, and no real reason to, since it is actually leading further away
from her home. Janeway notices the young Ocampan who seems to have
abandoned the seriousness of the room, and is slowly rocking in her chair,
grinning widely, even merrily out a window.
Kes, Janeway sympathizes, must be especially grateful for the view. Kes,
who with such a short lifetime, has been forced to spend her few years
either below the surface, or hovering over it, very rarely upon it. “Kes,”
Janeway breaks the silence, “I admire the view as well, but you seem to be
in especially good spirits, given our present situation.”
“I’m sorry Captain,” Kes replies softly, “but I’m getting such a strong
feeling from this planet, it’s hard to describe.”
“How so?” Janeway asks knowing that the Ocampa have heightened
sensibilities, that even the young girl herself doesn’t fully understand.
“It’s a feeling of just overall goodness, positive and moving, but
without, or at least with far less negativity or hostility than I’ve ever
sensed from a people.”
“This is good news,” says Janeway now standing behind her seat, “I’ve got
a bit of a positive feeling about this place myself, moreover I wouldn’t
mind getting off this ship awhile and stretching my legs. Commander
Chakotay, I think you’re right, it would be unwise not to see what has been
revealed to us. I want you and Tuvok to organize a small team and observe
the neighboring populace. Do not interact, if things still look positive,
then we’ll go in for a better look. Meanwhile, repairs are to continue
’round the clock, just in case.”

Equality of all the galaxy’s races, through both knowledge and technology,
is something the Federation has firmly supported since it’s conception. It
has made great efforts to stand by this belief, but it is true that there
are certain stereotypes that go unspoken, but remain the rule. Though
there are remarkable and somewhat disappointing similarities to be found in
all beings, it is believed that in the individual traits that temperament
can be prejudged. Few fear encountering a race with only enhanced ears
(enhanced from human standards of course) or nose bridge. Beings with blue
skin are highly sought on ships, as they are known to be highly skilled in
domestic fields. Though Janeway has tried to ignore it as fact, it is well
documented that races with forehead crests, with wide necks, or basically
the more modified, or “alien” looking, the more aggressive and therefore
the more cautiously they should be approached.
Janeway sees before herself a paradox. The scouting team has brought back
images of a race well fitting the aggressor potential stereotypes. The
people of this planet have a combination of features; distended “M” shaped
crests lining the forehead crossed vertically with a long diamond of short b
lack hair in the center, somewhat wider necks with very pronounced tendons,
and layered ears. Yet unlike most races with similar traits, these people
show no signs of being warriors. They seem very fond of details and
craftsmanship, of natural beauty, and color. Clothing is casual, but with
an air of formality or presentation, and lightly hued. Some of the women
wear veils, hiding their harsh foreheads, and most everyone wears high
ornate collars covering their necks and sometimes even ears. These
observations are in the crew’s favor if they are to investigate further,
many of the alien traits are covered up by the people themselves making for
easier assimilation. Janeway is informed that while the people are at a
certain technological level, it seems to be put to use only for
agricultural, medical, and entertainment purposes. No weapons of any real
caliber, were to be seen, nor was anything detected that seemed capable of
cloaking. Hoping to have found the missing link that could challenge the
old stereotypes, and needing to just go exploring again, Captain Janeway
decides to lead her team into the city for a closer look.

The team is beamed across the mountain ridge to an unpopulated rocky area
one mile from the city, and proceeds on foot. Wearing accurately
replicated garments, the crew required thankfully few prosthetics to
disguise themselves. Collars hide their more slender necks. Kes and
Janeway wear veils to cover their featureless foreheads, while B’Elanna
does well with her natural endowments.
Upon reaching the city’s perimeter they have but to simply enter the city.
As pointed out by the previous team, there are no gates, outer walls, or
any protective ring about the city except for short simple fences,
presumably to keep the wandering livestock from entering certain areas.
They see no guards or watch, and proceed without interference or attention.
The city is quite impressive and beautiful. Nestled along the bend of a
river, it appears to be a center of commerce, but remains relaxed and
uncluttered. It gives the impression of a city on the verge of a
renaissance, but taking a brief pause to appreciate its simplicity. The
architecture is graceful while functional, retaining the gritty weathered
look of a hard day’s work. The structures compliment the landscape, and
are divided by many bright and open areas. The crew detects a definite
traffic flow of the cheery inhabitants, and follows. Moving freely amongst
the throngs they enter a large and ornate park in the city’s heart. There
appears to be some sort of holiday commencing. Many seem to be in costume,
and are acting out, or possibly reenacting out events. A sort of alien
patriots day the group decides. Caught up in the sights, sounds, and good
cheer of the people they almost don’t notice something else.
It is Tom Paris who stops at the sight as the others continue blindly.
Janeway upon hearing the Gettysburg Address recited, likewise does a double
take. Slowly they surround the small bearded boy in the tall black hat and
suit. The boy continues on inspired by his new audience, unconcerned with
their quizzical looks. Some of the specifics of the speech are different,
but nonetheless the human of the crew easily recognize a schoolboy
mimicking Honest Abe Lincoln.
This discovery leads to a closer examination of the local “founding
fathers.” Chakotay finds a fairly accurate Geronimo. There is a statue of
Aristotle (slightly alien looking), and plaques with familiar slogans
proclaiming; “That Which Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger,” and to
Tuvok’s confusion, “Live Long and Prosper.” The more they look around the
more things seemed to resemble pages of their own history books. Neelix
swears the customer at the cotton candy stand is a dead ringer for Andquix,
the legendary trader, much revered by Neelix, who was personally
responsible for opening up much of the Delta quadrant to the Talaxians.
Then again, it is the man selling cotton candy that unfortunately bears the
most accurate resemblance. “At least we’llget some answers,” sighs
Janeway, “though it may be more trouble than it’s worth. Hello Q.”
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite Federation outcasts,” Q exclaims. “I was
beginning to think you weren’t going to leave your cozy little ship to join
us.”
There are mutual groans all around, several do an about-face, turning from
the blue-lipped omniscient.
Overly innocently Q responds, “what have I done to deserve such
intolerance? Why, I do miss the good old days when the Q were worshipped
and feared. Well, to make up for any hard feelings you may be harboring, I
have treats for all of you.” A jolly Q begins handing out cotton candy the
unenthused crew. “Something minty I think, for you Miss Ocampan.
Something stronger for the Klingon lady and her shipmates, with the
exception of these last two. Mr. Talaxian, Sir I get the felling you have
been longing lately for some spoot, correct?”
“Why, yes,” Neelix lightens up taking the flavored orange candy smiling
back at his quizzical comrades.
“And, last but not least,” Q grins wickedly, “for you Mr. Vulcan, plain.”
Tuvok, examining the wispy clean white confection asks blandly, “What, are
we to do with these?”
“Eat them, go on, have a good time for once. You deserve it.” Q snaps
his fingers and the concession cart disappears. He waves the crew off in
the direction of the main festivities, while directing Kathryn in a more
secluded direction. “Now run along kids, Mommy and I have some important
things to discuss.”
Q and Janeway walk off alone through the park. Janeway glances back at
her confused looking crew, and gestures for them to keep looking about.
“O.K. Q, now I’m sure that you’re behind all this, so tell me what’s going
on here. Why did this planet appear out of nowhere moments before we could
have collided with it, and why are its inhabitants honoring Lincoln and
other greats from other planets they couldn’t possibly know anything
about?”
“Yes, yes, but, first things first. Did you know that these headdresses
are only worn by virgin females on this planet? A convenient disguise, but
you don’t want to attract any attention to yourself.” Q removes the
headdress and smiles. “Ah, much better, and don’t worry about the
disguise, nobody will notice, so long as you’re with me. Come to think of
it, I should have warned that Ocampan of yours, she’s going to be very
popular very soon. Anyway,” sighing, “you’ve got your fellow back on
Earth, correct.”
“Thanks, and yes, I’m glad you’re keeping that in mind this time.
Speaking of which, how’s your new family doing?”
“Oh, I couldn’t be happier with the little tyke,” says Q genuinely
beaming. “You know, it’s the cutest thing, he’s been altering the beat of
pulsars into music, something akin to your own Rachmaninoff I believe, but
of course, quite superior.”
“Being a doting dad seems to suit you,” Janeway grins, “and if I may ask…”
“Oh, her,” Q answers prematurely, “she’s just fine.” Q’s face quickly
drops into a serious pout. “She just needs her space, that’s all.
Unfortunately her space seems to be 18 trillion miles away, three
dimensions over, and seven and a half million years into the future.”
“That’s too bad,” Kathryn sympathizes, twisting her brow, trying to grasp
the Q’s relationship.
“Well, she’ll come crawling back, I guarantee it,” Q brightens and takes
her hand, “but, if she doesn’t…”
Janeway takes her hand back and quickens her pace. Q likewise speeds up,
eager to apologize.
“Time for answers Q.”

“You’re looking at the Kisdoro, one of the most savage races ever observed
by the continuum. 700 years ago they were a far more advanced civilization
than what you see today. Now, most every advanced mortal race comes to
fear it’s own power, believing they themselves may bring about their end.
Many, including your own have come close, but these people are the ones who
actually did it, literally blowing themselves back into the stone age.
Their numbers were cut from nearly a billion to just a few hundred.
Divided and conquered, their society fell apart. As the generations passed
no information was shared, the art of storytelling was long before replaced
by the destroyed data banks, all records and historical data were lost.
They were a scattered race with no name, no identity. In stepped the Q to
conduct a unique experiment. Posing as elders, we slowly integrated
ourselves and proceeded to feed them a false, more honorable past. Rather
than use the great history of the continuum, we decided to create a more
tangible mortal history, mixed from all civilizations. We took a race on
the verge of extinction, and tried to save it with a new sense of pride and
honor.”
“To allow the experiment to act itself out uninterrupted or undisturbed,
the Q decided to “hide” the planet, and surrounding system. Being in such
a remote part of space anyway, the loss went unnoticed. I felt you and the
Voyager crew might be good for some input, so I let you in on the secret.”
“Without much of warning I may add”
“Guilty, yes,” Q shrugs sheepishly, “but you all seemed so dreadfully
bored, and I know how lonely open space can be. So,” proudly gesturing
outward, “what do you think?”
“Beautiful, yes, does it have a name?”
“The city is called Cyldalia. The planet itself had been previously known
as Titcho, meaning ‘upon that which we tread.’ Now however, they call it
Oyandad, ‘starting point.'”
“An improvement, yes, but how do you know that events, no matter how
catastrophic, wouldn’t have turned around on it’s own, that these people
would have risen above their disgraceful past by themselves?”
“We are Q, we know. You’re sentimental, a perspective we do lack, but I
assure you there was no turning back for them. Amongst the countless
possible futures known only to my kind, there is not one of redemption.
No, they never saw the error in their ways, and they persevered in their
own self-eradication, always regrouping smaller and smaller numbers, always
fighting, always dwindling. Those who did not fight, were lost to disease
or hunger. They were like animals, robbed of every instinct, but to fight
and kill, even when there were no longer any sides to the battle. This was
a planet where everyone was a Hatfield, and everyone a McCoy.”
“I guess if there was no other way, life is better than death.”
“I’m surprised, you don’t sound so sure of yourself. I wouldn’t think
there would be any doubt.” Q directs Janeway to a bench, as she sits her
elbow chips a bit of paint off of the wrought iron armrest. Peeling away
the paint she reveals the rusted metal beneath.
“This isn’t real, it isn’t their doing. You just glossed everything over,
they need to know the good and the bad.”
“Oh, they know it, they just know it differently, and with a happier
ending. In fact, there’s going to be a battle reenactment in half an
hour.”
Indeed Janeway saw that a number of older citizens were grouping, donning
dated militia garb to begin their simulated assault on the park’s large
open field. Encircling the field, eager crowds were gathering, and
encircling them were concession peddlers hawking snacks, noisemakers, and
patriotic trinkets. “And this is how they’ve overcome their past?”
“Isn’t being entertained by past travesty a sign of coping? We taught
them to learn from mistakes instead of literally beating them into the
ground. Thanks to us they’ve redeemed themselves from extinction. Doesn’t
that merit some revelry on both out parts?”
“I don’t know, Q. History is something that just shouldn’t be tampered
with. It bothers me to know that the Q’s meddling can go to such an
extent.”
“By your reasoning would you have told the Christmas spirits to have left
Scrooge to his lonesome miserable death? I assure you, that our meddling,
is limited only to urgent situations.”
Kathryn pauses then responds, “I’m not saying that what you did wasn’t the
right, or good thing to do. I’m sure these people would thank you if they
knew, but deep down we all need to make our own mistakes. These people are
celebrating a lie.”
“Truth and history are quite distant concepts. My dear Kathy you know as
well as I…, well not as well, but you mortals simply can’t fully perceive
reality as it happens. You can’t ever fully understand what’s going on,
its all open to interpretation. Then you must try to remember, document,
weed through conflicting ideas and contradiction, then let it erode over
time, all-the-while reinterpreting it repeatedly from an irrelevant future
with all new views and opinions. Truly, I feel you should be proud if your
history is even relevant after going through such a process, but you can’t
accept it as truth.”
“I’ll admit to having memories that I can’t be sure happened exactly as I
recall, but I don’t think it really matters. We don’t cling to our
histories by the word, but we do need something to hold on to. One can’t
build without a foundation. We know that our history evolves, and
understanding it may never be in our grasp, but I feel it goes along with
any type of exploration we do, we have a need to keep looking, even if you
see it a futile.”
“Futile, no, but let’s take for an example, your once American President
Richard Nixon. In his own day the man was considered one of the more
disgraceful even laughable presidents. Later however, his policies and
tactics of foreign diplomacy become the backbone of the Federation. Now he
is revered, his name carved over the doors of more federation schools than
any other president. Who’s to say a later generation won’t take offense
with him for some new reason, and with chisel, banish him once more? You
have your foundation, but it is laid in a tumultuous sea of change. What
good is it to leave your footsteps in the sands of time, if later you can’t
identify the tracks, or recognize the path? I don’t know how you can
handle it.”
“Aside from giving us a sense of struggle, of achievement, and letting us
know our existence isn’t being wasted, it keeps us guessing. Perhaps it is
the questions of the past that will give us the answers for the future.
I’d hate to think that all we do is just for amusement, not just for
ourselves, but apparently for the Q as well, who have made for a captive
audience.”
“Ah, yes, there’s nothing like watching your kind trying to grasp the
nature of the universe. Mortals are an oddity to us, you refuse to believe
that nothing is beyond your grasp.” Q looks around quickly as if checking
to see if they are being watched, and lowers his voice. “I’ll make a bit
of a confession. I’m glad I brought you here, it has been most revealing.
We Q are of course all knowing, but in matters concerning the minds of
those we observe…” Q pauses. Janeway gives an expectant look along with
half a grin. Q, looking down, whispers, “we lack…full understanding.”
“Well, thank you Q,” Janeway smiles while trying to look sympathetic. “I
know that was hard for you to admit. Don’t be embarrassed either, we’ve
known all along that the Q are far from perfect.” She quickly puts a
finger over Q’s lips before he can respond. “Now I don’t want to ague, but
I need to ask you one last thing. If the Q ever do make this planet’s
presence known, don’t you think they’ll eventually meet another race, and
realize that they share similar pasts? Right now, I myself could provide
proof that Abraham Lincoln was a human. Can they remain peaceful while
suspecting that their cherished past is nothing more than a fabrication?”
“From what we’ve seen, there is no such thing as proof in the minds of
mortals. You can always find some way of explaining everything away.
Whenever a people find evidence, no matter how concrete, going against a
time honored belief, they simply ignore the new and stay comfortably
ignorant with the old.”
“I can’t believe that.”
“Well, who’s to say we took from your history. What if I could prove to
you that the history of Earth is nothing but a similar fabrication, that
old Abe Lincoln was actually a Ferengi.”
“That’s just not possible.”
“I prove my point.”
Janeway puts her hands on her hips, but keeps her composure.
“Congratulations then, you’ve succeeded in creating a utopia”
“Not quite” and with this Q snaps his fingers.
FLASH
Janeway finds herself alone with Q high on the mountain ridge overlooking
the city, sitting on a checkered blanket. A picnic basket and bucket of
Champagne is placed by their side.
“Lovely view, isn’t it?” asks Q looking not at the horizon, but into
Kathryn’s eyes.
“Q…” begins Janeway, but is cut off.
“A utopia, maybe, but like an oasis it can’t save the desert.” With that
Q snaps his fingers again.
The vista turns into a sea of red and black, smoke and fire.
“The past?” asks Janeway, now standing.
“Sadly no,” responds Q, his arm over her shoulder. “Although quite
brutal, this is nothing compared with how things looked when we found it.
This war lies a bit ahead, and was fought over something completely
different, but equally inane. Something about which end to crack an egg,
if memory serves.”
“If my memory serves, Q, that was Gulliver’s Travels. Now you didn’t
begin feeding them fiction did you?”
“No, no, you’re right, that was Liliputia, I’ve mixed up my microcosms,
but you get my point. Ah, now I remember, this was started over a dispute
whether a certain cute furry tripedal species called Mongats should be
eaten, or domesticated. Sometime Kathy you’ll really have to explain to me
why if life is so important to you mortals, you’ll fight to the death over
anything.”
“I really don’t always understand it myself, but perhaps we mortals are
more passionate about things.” Janeway quickly regretting speaking of
passion with the enamored Q, adds “so I guess this is a failure for the
continuum, and if so, I assume there can never be a true utopia.”
“Not one that will last anyway. These people go hundreds of years without
a major skirmish, not bad, even if they had our help. And yet, even on
their own…”
Snap!
The explosions become fireworks.
Snap!
Riots in the streets.
Snap!
Serenity
Snap!
Hostility
Snap!
Peace
Snap!
War
Snap!
Reconstruction
Snap!
Destruction
Snap!
Kathryn takes Q’s hand. “Let’s stop here. I think I get the point.”
“Yes, you truly can’t have one without the other. All things must change,
or there can be no life. While these are things your kind may have already
thought of, we with the means do like to test things from time to time, and
we do find that the greater truths are just that. There can be no love
with out hate. And so…” Q takes her other hand, “while you may find me
less than desirable now…” He leans forward.
Janeway leans back and..
Snap!
…finds herself aboard the Voyager, a bit flushed, but immediately
assessing the situation. The ship is again in space, but now a space less
empty. The system’s sun is reflected in waves of blue and green by the
planet below. The planet and its fellow celestial bodies continue their
steady rotation. Like the hands of a clock they mark their place in time,
only now for all time, they are there for all to see. “Mr. Paris, put us
back on course to home.”
“The ship is already en route captain.”
“Very good.”

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Sacrilege

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
————————–

Sacrilege
———

AUTHOR: Steve Ortman (steve_ortman@hotmail.com)

BRIEF PLOT SUMMARY: This Star Trek: Deep Space Nine story is about the battle
between an evil being that thinks its God and the rest of
the universe. Our heroes fight a brave struggle, but as
it becomes evident that this being can control feelings
it becomes a fight against themselves and their inner
emotions. While Bashir is caught in a different universe
and struggles to get back, O’Brien’s love and faithfulness
to Keiko is put to the test…

The young Vulcan female looked worried at the calm Klingon doctor who was standing
slightly higher. He looked back with confidence in his eyes. Her eyes went back to the
human who was lying on the bed in front of her, she was sitting at his side. He didn’t
move and it did appear as if he had died because his eyes were closed. She started to
cry. She couldn’t help it but he was all she had, he was her sweetheart.
“He’ll be alright”, the Klingon doctor assured her calmly. The self confidence of the
physisist brought new hope to her, that he would one day awake from his coma to say
‘I love you’ again. She missed him, at nights she was unable to sleep because he wasn’t
there, his arms would not toch hers. Worse they could not get children anymore if he
didn’t return, and she had so hoped to have another child.
“I hope he will be. I can’t live without him.” She said holding back the tears. Meanwhile
the doctor had moved to the darkest corner in order to think better. What could he possibly
do? The hopes weren’t that well, but he couldn’t see people cry. He wanted to help, to bring
this young man back to reality. It had been the reason why had beome a doctor, he wanted
to help everybody, yet he had also to learn that not everybody could be saved.
She slowly moved over him and gently kissed him on the lips and then whispered:
“I love you! Do you hear me? I love you and I don’t allow you to die! We have so many
things we always wanted to do, don’t you remember? There…” She couldn’t finish it, the
tears were running down her cheeks making her face look red. He had to wake up.

To us 20th century people it was a strange situation, but for him, a young ambitious 23rd
century person, it was as common as a TV set or a radio. His spacecraft evolved out of a
huge artificial building that is to be known as a space station. There were many small
shuttles like his and a few larger crafts that were as huge as a middle sized town. He was
alone in his shuttle that was little bigger than a 20th century car. He used the many buttons
on his control board as if it was as easy as to play a computer game, or even easier. To him
it was routine, merely like shifting the gears in a car. As his shuttle entered the vastness of
space he was surrounded by endless darkness that was only interrupted by the stars and a
sun nearby. Behind him, Altoriac a Vulcan research center far away from the Vulcan home-
world which was built on an inhabitable planet “only” a few light years away from Deep
Space Nine, the home of our young humanoid doctor. His name was Julian Bashir, but all of
his friends called him Julian. Which he certainly preferred, yet on Altoriac he was called Dr.
Bashir. It certainly made him more like a physician but refused to give him a homely
atmosphere which he longed for. He had been assigned to Altoriac to help the victims of the
most vicious murder attempt in Vulcan history, which was perpetrated by a Vulcan which
was most strange because that had never happened before. Even more strange was the
statement of the murderer, who proclaimed that he had only done it because of his “love for
the Vulcan empire”. The Vulcans had decided to ask for an outside investigator because, as
they assumed, that this was a disease of their mind which might spread. Dr. Bashir had
been a logical choice because he was the closest humanoid doctor there was. The leaders
of Starfleet grudgingly agreed despite of the Doctor’s importance on board the Frontier
station.
The voyage home, so the doctor anticipated, was one of the easier tasks of his trip to
Altoriac. But as always when we expect the least to happen everything goes wrong. It was
only a two and a half light-years from Altoriac, that the little capsule of a space ship
approached a monumental metal container. That is strange, Bashir thought. There was not
supposed to be garbage out here. This must be some kind of a space ship, or something
like that, he concluded.
“Computer”, he said. “Scan the object for life forms.”
With it’s usual swiftness the computer replied: “There appear not to be any.”
As the doctor looked at the star constellations of the shuttle he saw that it had taken a turn
and approached the unknown object.
“Report”, he ordered, but the computer replied, “Nothing new to report.”
“Why are we approaching this thing.”
“It is the course you have entered.”
“I have not…”, he trailed off. It was not necessary to argue with a computer, they could not
err. Now that he was as close to the β€˜thing’ as a picture is to the wall, he thought he just
might investigate it.
“Computer, what is this object made of?”
“It is made of 25 percent Molybdenum, 10 percent mercury, 7.5 percent Gallium, 7.4
percent Iron and the rest are unknown substances.”
“Thank you.”, he said. This wasn’t what he wanted to find out. What was this thing really? If I
might find a hatchet or some other opening, I could go inside and find out some more, he
thought. But what will Captain Sisko think when I will not be back within the hour? He
decided to send out a message asking the captain for permission to investigate it further.
That seemed to be a good idea, but as he opened a channel for communication, the huge
object opened huge hatchet, which appeared as if a hungry monster opening it’s mouth to
divulge it’s poor , innocent victim. Then suddenly the spacecraft began to rock, and shake. It
began to move into the black monstrous object. Bashir reacted fast: β€œFull thrusters backβ€œ, he
ordered the Computer in a harsh and agitated voice. The thrusters worked, but they had
little effect on the pull of the gigantic mass of metal. Like a tractor beam he was pulled
inside, Warp speed, the fastest speed failed and as he entered the black hole, Bashir yelled
β€œReportβ€œ. But the Computer didn’t answer. β€œComputer…β€œ, he cried out, but the Computer was
dead. Suddenly another voice came out of the shuttle’s speakers, it was a harsh male voice
very much in contrast to the normal soft female voice of the Computer.
β€œYou have entered the ferocious temple of the Rontuiods. There is no way of escape for
you. You will have to stay within me for a long time. For ever. You will get a new life, a new
identity.β€œ
β€œWhat do you mean?β€œ
But faster then he could answer he was suddenly no longer in his shuttle.

Deep Space Nine is a gigantic space station. It has a few hundred personnel and a lot of
civilian inhabitants on it. It has two rings, one is called the Habitat Ring for there are the
quarters and the Docking Ring for storage and scientific stations, but primarily for the trade
between the Gamma and the Alpha Quadrant, the quadrant to which our Mother Earth
belongs. Here all of the major ships, including the U.S.S. Defiant, dock to make trade or just
stop while they are passing through on their way to, or from the Gamma Quadrant. In the
middle of this martial station is the so-called OPS, the Operation Station of DS9, as the
station is called in customary lingo. Though it is a dark and peaceful space station it looks
mighty and honorable. The people to whom this space station belong are the Federation, an
alliance to which many planets in the Alpha Quadrant belong, including such famous planets
as Earth and Vulcan. The commander, a man named Captain Benjamin Sisko, has his
office at the highest spot within OPS, which he regards not so much as an advantage. He
regarded it as a sign of oppression, which the Cardassian Empire, the former owners of the
station, saw as a necessity in commanding a space station. But for him it was a separation
between him and the rest of his crew. Yet after more then 4 years he had gotten used to it,
and, he would certainly not admit it, but he started to like the goddamn place at the edge of
the Universe. Many days on his posts had been routine, but some extraordinary things had
happened over time. He remembered funny things and dangerous ventures. He
remembered Gul Dukat, the former Cardassian commander of DS9, being imprisoned on
his own space station with the self-destruction countdown still running. He thought of Quark,
the Ferengi business man, who tried to keep his traditions amongst so many different races
who had gotten into trouble more than once, and who had unwillingly put the whole station
at risk.
But that day, he thought, it was bout to be as normal a day could be on such a Frontier
outpost. There had been his daily encounter with his Bajoran first officer, Major Kira, who as
always pointed out what he had to do in order to help the still young democracy on Bajor.
Then there had been Odo, his chief of security demanding again the privilege to search
Quark’s bar for suspicious goods. There had been nothing out of the ordinary except maybe
the welcome party they had planned for their old friend, Julian, the chief medical officer of
this station. At 1600 hrs. he was due to arrive at DS9 and everyone would be there for the
homecoming event including Major Kira, Chief Engineer Miles O’Brien, Bashir’s best friend,
and O’Brien’s family; Security officer Odo, a former changeling; Lieutenant Dax, a female
Trill and a friend of Bashir; Lieutenant Commander Worf, the only Klingon in the Starfleet;
and even Quark was there. But at 1600 hours, there was no Bashir. Sisko immediately
smelled trouble, something had gone wrong, his feelings told him. And they didn’t betray
him because only seconds later Dax reported that was no sign what so ever of the little
shuttle which meant that he was at least one hour overdue. At 1800 hours, they found out:
Something had most certainly gone terribly wrong. Sisko’s decision was prompt as it was
expected from a commander.
“I think we should take the Defiant and search for Dr. Bashir.”, he said in a crisp voice. Dax
nodded in full agreement.
“But I think, I will stay here, I have some important business to attend to. Dax, you will take
command, Ensign Matula, Constable Odo and Ensign Jones will accompany you.” Dax
nodded again, and said: “Aye sir.”
“What about me, I would be perfect…” Worf exclaimed. “I need you here, Worf,” Sisko cut
in. “And besides, how should Ensigns learn if we don’t take them on trips. This one is
perfect.” And Worf understood. Yet he was sad, every time he saw an adventure, he wanted
to be part of it. Maybe this time it’s only a routine flight, no adventure at all, he thought.
“So, if that’s all, back to your posts.”
Life on board a space station was often frustrating. Many friends were far away, there was
no nature or natural things. All was artificial, even the food. It was most of the time
replicated out of energy and other molecules. But life was also rewarding: You were part of
a small community and you could accomplish something if you wanted. Everybody knew the
Commander, he was no stranger as the politicians are to us. He was supposed to have time
for everybody.
When the rescue crew entered the craft, Sisko monitored them from his observation post. I
wish I could go with them, he thought. But right now, there was little time for him to go on
such an unimportant mission. His superiors would have agreed, but if he wanted to go, he
could have. Yet the work would wait, no one could do it.
“Are you ready, old man”, Sisko asked through the speakers of the Defiant. The friendly
remark about the old man dated back to the time Dax occupied a male body. The ‘old man’
replied: “Yes, Captain”.
Dax stood on the bridge, as she had often done before, but a little part of her told her to be
afraid. Not that she minded the responsibility, it was just that you could concentrate better if
she was fearful. Yet this was not visible to the outside, she knew how to hide her emotions,
she had learned it from her former hosts. Ensign Jones was Engineer, and so not on the
bridge. Ensign Matula, a beautiful Vulcan female, was their pilot, a very good one with high
grades from the academy. Odo took the area of scanning, which he, as security officer knew
well. This was a minimal crew, not designed to fly longer then a few hours. And all they
wanted was to look for any signs between, here and Altoriac. They wanted especially to
follow the neutrium beam, that followed every starship.
“Impulse speed, steady ahead, reaching 5.6 mark 3.”, Dax ordered his pilot. She followed
her orders swift and efficient, which everyone expected from a Vulcan. First time I got the
seat in command. Matula thought with pride. Maybe they were considering her for a higher
position. Maybe she would be lieutenant in a year. This was the test for that and she would
do the best she could.
Ensign Jones, a half Bajoran half Human male of the age of 29 was feeling alone among
only engines. He was not used to so much machinery and no personal contact. Yet also he
thought that this was his possibility to show them all what he could accomplish. And as
Matula he assumed by the time the next promotions came around he would be considered a
first choice. And come to think of it, he thought, they were already next month. The
happiness that he felt deterred any feelings of loneliness he had before and besides he had
a lot of responsibility as the only officer in engineering. Then fear came to him, what if I
make just a slight mistake and the ship blows to pieces? No, that won’t happen, he
reasserted himself. There was no reason to worry, this mission was just two hours long.
There was just not the time for major things to go wrong.
The departure from the station was a picture perfect take off. Odo could see the familiar
spacestation disappearing, the point got smaller and smaller and as the full speed was
achieved the point became one with rest of the darkness that prevailed out there. To Odo it
was a strange feeling, and as he watched the stars coming and going by the window he
realized that he no longer had a home, except this tiny space station. That he as the only
one had no home he could return to. Except maybe a few other dissidents. Like Worf for
example, he thought. He had, like he himself, betrayed his people for what he had thought
was right.
When they were almost half the distance of Altoriac and Deep Space Nine, Odo’s scan
indicated neutrino residue in space.
“Here are traces of a small spacecraft. But… strange…”, Odo stopped.
“What is it?,” Dax asked anxiously.
Odo didn’t know what to say so he stumbled: “The beam j-just st-stops here…”
“What, that can’t be,” Dax reacted astonished. The readings show a sudden end of all
neutrino particles at one mark twenty.
“How, could that be: There is no other sign of a ship. There is no planet nearby. And no
signs of destruction. How old are these particles?” Dax asked. Odo replied: “Only about two
or three hours.”
“Three point two six hours to be precise”, Matula added.
“Have you been monitoring this too?” Dax asked.
“Yes, since we’ve stopped here, I made my own readings and I find the whole situation
highly illogical.” She’s fast, Dax thought. She could outsmart anyone on board.
“But there has to be an explanation for this,” Dax said desperately.
“I’m afraid not, Lieutenant,” Odo said.
“I agree,” the Vulcan pilot added. Odo was surprised, a Vulcan agrees with him.
Two against one, Dax thought, Bad luck.
“Do I get this right,” Dax asked “Julian vanished like this in the air.” She snapped with he
fingers.
“That can not be possible…” Matula said.
“Yes, I know, there is no air in space, that was just a saying. Maybe, there was a space-time
continuum at place…”
“Wait a second, we can trace that,” the Vulcan replied swiftly. And a second later they had
one mystery more on their hands. No space-time continuum. Not even the slightest sign of
anything.
“Just a moment.”, Matula said.
“What is it?”, Dax said eagerly.
“Oddly there seems to be some sort of telepathic energy emitting from 4 point 6 mark 5.”
“How could that be possible?”
“There seems not to be any logical explanation, sir.”
“Keep on looking.” Dax was convinced that they had found the lead that they needed to find
Bashir.

His shuttle had dissolved and he had lost his consciousness. As he awoke he found himself
on a bed. Close to him a strange woman was sitting. She was Vulcan, so much he realized.
She sat at his side with an illogical worry in her eyes. I must be dreaming, Bashir thought.
But then the woman reacted to Bashir’s awakening.
“He woke up doctor. He’s left the coma.” Now he realized a dark Klingon man who was
standing on the darker side of the room.
“I told you he would.”
The woman seemingly elated said “Hello Stan!” Bashir looked into the room. There was no
one else. Then he realized that she meant him.
“What is going on?”, he asked.
“Doctor, he seems not to realize me”, the woman asked the doctor, worried again.
“That is just natural, when a patient comes out of a coma, they don’t remember things. This
is called amnesia. He will remember again. You have to be patient.” The unusual soft words
of the doctor seemed to reassure the Vulcan.
“Do you still remember me, Stan?” the female Vulcan took her eyes back to Bashir. What is
this all about. A bad joke? A holographic adventure? He decided to play the game.
“No, unfortunately not.”
“Matula is my name.” This sounded familiar to the doctor, but he couldn’t remember where
from.
“Can I contact my friends?” Bashir asked.
“Why?”
“I want to tell them where I am”
“But they know where you are. Here on Camaria. Where you were born!”
“Born? I was born on Earth.”
“Earth, I’ve never heard of such a place.” And again worried she looked at the doctor.
“He’s fantasizing”
“It is maybe worse then I thought”, the doctor said earnestly. “I would like to take him to a
mental hospital for a few days.”
“No, no, I don’t want this,” Matula said with so many feelings, Bashir was baffled. The doctor
still quiet, if you will, more like a Vulcan, said: “If that’s your wish, I will not disagree. But if it
won’t get better in a few days, I strongly advice you to take him to a mental hospital. Maybe
the one in Traghoto.”
“O.K. Thanks Doctor.” She smiled at him, like no Vulcan had ever smiled.
“That was nothing. It was a pleasure.”
The Klingon doctor left the room and Matula looked back at Bashir.
“Stan, I will bring back your memory in no time at all.” Then she gently touched Bashir’s lips.
Just the way he liked it the best. Then he kissed her, more powerful. The emotions rocked
high in the room. It was a strange feeling for Bashir, making passionate love with a Vulcan.
He thought that this was impossible. After the love making, Matula whispered in his ears: “I
don’t think you need a psychiatrist. You just need a loving wife.” And he agreed. He had
always dreamt of a wife and children. The only problem with that was that he would be
bound then. And life for a wife on a space station was just not the right thing.
The next day when he woke up, it was strange again. Nothing had changed. It looked and
felt so real. He wondered what job this Stan had. Was he a doctor, too? Like that Klingon?
“Breakfast”, Matula exclaimed. He stood up. Looked at his clothes. They were not his
Uniform.
“Your clothes are in the left wardrobe,” Matula said from the separated kitchen as if she
knew his problem. He peered carefully in the wardrobe and saw odd looking clothes. They
were very stiff and had short leaves. But what was most annoying was the color. They had a
very strong and metallic green or were pink or black and blue. He took the black and blue
garment because it resembled his uniform the most. As he entered the kitchen and Matula
saw him in this dress she asked: “Who died?”
“Why? Is anything wrong?”, Bashir asked astonished.
“Your dress.”
“What’s wrong with my dress?”
“Stan. This is supposed to be your funeral dress. Don’t you remember. You wore that when
your mother died last year?”
Should he remember? He was for certain, no 1000% sure that he was Dr. Julian Bashir,
medical officer on Deep Space Nine. But all this here, the lovemaking, the food, the light,
the sleep, all seemed real, too. Was he brought into an alternate dimension. He had been
once into an alternate dimension where he had to fought a war. Yes, this was a possibility
although he had seen his counterpart in that other adventure, here he seemed to replace
him. Maybe the black object was the key to the mystery. Yet there were not many clues
now. He decided to play the role of the Stan, or who ever he was, until he found out more.
And who was this Stan anyway?

“Benjamin Sisko to Rescue Team”.
“Dax here.”
“We have found Bashir.”, Benjamin Sisko said.
“You have found whom?”
“Dax, Julian is here on DS9.”
“This is impossible”, Ensign Matula replied. And it was. The ionic trail had ceased at a spot.
Furthermore Bashir could not have gotten to DS9 undetected by the sensors of the Defiant.
Something was wrong here and the crew of the Defiant was determined to find that out.
“I order you directly back to DS9”, Sisko continued.
“But Ben don’t you see: Here is something terribly wrong.”
“What in the world could be wrong: Bashir is back. Healthy and fit for duty.”
“But the ionic trail of his shuttle vanishes at a certain point in space. How could he have
gotten to DS9 without leaving some sort of residue. Furthermore, Matula has found some
telepathic energy emitting from the place where Bashir disappeared.”
Sisko answered coolly: “I think Bashir can explain that to you when you get to DS9.
Benjamin out.”
The crew looked into each other’s eye. The doctor will have to have a pretty good story
about this or they wouldn’t believe it. But they were reassured and eager to find everything
out. They made some final tests and headed back to DS9.
As they reached DS9 they were greeted by Bashir, Kira and Sisko. Not the group that had
waited for Bashir but still more than usual.
“Hello, I’m glad that you’re back. I am happy that nothing happened to you.” Sisko said. A
strange way to greet, Dax thought.
“What could have possibly happened?”, Odo asked surprised and as security officer
seemingly worried.
“I think the doctor can best explain what happened. Isn’t that so doctor?”, Sisko said.
“Y- Yes.”, the doctor replied distractedly.
“I think we should do that in my office.”, Sisko suggested and no one disagreed. From the
docking ring to the operation center, the OPS, it was not a long stroll. Turbolifts, called this
way because they are faster then 19th century elevators, lead from there directly to OPS.
The four crewman, Bashir and Sisko entered the lift, Kira excused herself. She didn’t want
to miss an important religious event, the Barghork, a Bajoran ceremony like the Baptism in
the Christian religion.
When they reached OPS, they were greeted by Worf, the tactical officer on DS9. He
accompanied them to Sisko’s Room. As the automatic doors closed behind these 7 persons
the doctor immediately began to tell his story.
“During my voyage back from Altoriac, I was suddenly sucked into something like a black
hole or something . I have ever seen something quite like it. It was suddenly there.
Everything around me went black and I didn’t know what was happening. And all of a
sudden: I was here. At a docking pylon. It is a complete mystery to me.”
Dax couldn’t say anything. There was nothing to support the story. Yet nothing that should
held against this scientific impossibility, because phenomena happened all the time. It was the
strangest story she had ever heard. And if it wasn’t Bashir who told the story she wouldn’t
have believed it.
“Black holes do not come out of nothing”, the young female Vulcan pilot replied more
courageously than Dax.
“This one did,” the doctor said coolly, “for me it’s a mystery, too.”
Jadzia Dax was eager to find out more. “Julian, where is the shuttle? I would like to take a
look at it.”
“Docking Ring five.”
“Then I will be going there.”
“I am afraid that this will not be possible,…”, Sisko started to tell her.
“Why is it not possible?”, she took a short look at Matula who shook her head in agreement.
“O’Brien is already working on the damage.”
“So fast?”, Dax was surprised. Normally procedures like this could last days, even weeks.
Sisko added to explain “It was Bashir’s wish.”
Bashir’s wish? That was strange. Since when did Julian get interested in those things. And if
knowing the question in Dax’s mind, Bashir said:
“It was badly damaged. I wanted it to be repaired as quickly.” She was still not convinced.
“Very well then,” Dax said. Sisko interrupted her and said “I want you and your crew-
members to have some time off. Maybe get some sleep.”
Thanks, Jadzia thought.
“I want to talk to you for a moment. In private” she said to Matula and they left into the
turbolift.

Odo, his eyes always open wondered the same thing. Bashir’s story was strange and he
suspected of either Bashir doing something wrong or perhaps that this man wasn’t really
Bashir. He preferred the first but wasn’t sure this time. After Dax and Matula had left, he
asked Sisko to talk to him in private. Sisko agreed grudgingly. He thought that Odo had
again something that he wouldn’t like, some bad nightmare to haunt his nights. And he
wasn’t so wrong about that.
“So what is it this time,” Sisko asked after he had dismissed Ensign Jones, Worf and Bashir.
“I duly suspect that something is wrong with the doctor’s return,” Odo said with his orderly
kind-of-British accent. Sisko sat down, seemingly distressed by Odo’s suspicion.
“Do you think the doctor might have done something wrong.”
“No, not necessarily. But when Dax told me that Bashir’s shuttle had disappeared some
where in the galaxy, seemingly without trace and then there is that part about telepathic
energy.”
“That could be totally unrelated.”, Sisko said.
“That’s true. But then how do you explain that his shuttle appeared so suddenly on our
viewscreens?”
“The doctor has already explained…”
“Yes, but what about the report I received from one of my informants who supposedly saw
Bashir twenty light-years in the other direction.”
“Yes?” Sisko asked playing dumb.
“I only thought…”, Odo asked, seeing no sense in continuing this idea any longer.
“I know,” Sisko replied, seeing the dilemma in which our poor security chief was.
“But moreover I witnessed a change in behavior in Bashir. He seemed to be less confident”
“People change,” Sisko tried to reassure Odo, and himself for that matter. But it didn’t work.
This man might not be Bashir? Sisko didn’t know but he was determined to find out.
Sisko wasn’t feeling very well with that. Maybe it was Q again or another dark force trying to
destroy all humans, but it was also possible that it was Bashir, and that he had taken an
illegitimate side trip to some place else. Sisko wanted to find out the truth about it before he
would wrongly suspect his best officer. Odo left Sisko’s office disappointed, had he not
hoped to go to Altoriac to do some research or maybe to that place where his informant had
supposedly seen him.

Bashir had left Sisko’s office and headed for the promenade. He knew that he wasn’t the
real Bashir but a man named Stan Bodner, a man with no family history to speak of.
But that wasn’t his original name either, the name he was born with was kept a good secret.
He even didn’t remember. There was business to do, he thought. He needed an ally on DS9
and he thought immediately of a Ferengi named Quark who had a bar on the Promenade.
At the time he left the turbolift he already heard the noise coming from the bar. There is a
man I could need. A gambler, a possible crook, just the person he needed. Then he saw the
colorful surroundings of the bar. As he entered the noisy place, he was shocked by it’s sheer
appearance. So much liquor everywhere. And easy women. All things that were either illegal
in his religious group or seen as evil signs of hell. But that fit to his job. Straight from his
guide book, the Bible, this pretending to be someone else was also wrong. Yet he saw it
necessary for his cause. How could Humanity survive otherwise? He detested many things,
he didn’t like this station for instance. The Heaven was for God, planets for Humans. That
was his believe. And as time would come, he knew that it would, he would destroy DS9 and
possibly the whole Starfleet. No more hitting on God who was out here in space, he thought.
And there he was: Quark, the Devil himself, standing at the bar.
“Hello, Doctor”, Quark shouted through the bar. “Want to play dart?”
“No, not this time”, he replied. “I want to talk to you!”
Was that a mistake, he thought. Making business with the Devil could bring someone to Hell.
Yet he was prepared to go to Hell. For the sake of his religion. For the community he liked,
for his wife he loved. As he remembered his wife he was hit by pain again. He knew that he
would not survive this mission, but he hadn’t told her.
His thoughts were shattered by the quirky voice of Quark.
“Maybe you want to go to a Holosuite.”
“Where ever we are save”
“Save?”, Quark asked astonished. The Doctor needed a save place. Does he have any
sexual fantasies no one knows about?
“My Holosuites are the safest place on DS9”, which was a blunt lie. Odo was listening into
them since the withdrawal of the Cardassian Empire. But what could Bashir tell him that was
so private as not to allow Odo to hear it. And there was no safer place, at least none Quark
had access to.
“Start program ‘Hula'”, Quark said before they entered the large cabin. Holosuites, or on
starships they are called Holodecks, generate out of energy temporarily matter. You can
have real-time adventures with knights or cowboys or sex or what ever you wish. After
exiting a program, the matter goes back into energy, the whole event, however realistic was
only fantasy then. ‘Hula’ was a erotic program where half nude girls danced on a stage.
When Stan alias Bashir saw them performing their unworthy sins he was shocked and
reacted to it in a way Bashir never would have.
“Stop that. Stop that immediately. That’s horrendous!”
“What?”, Quark asked astonished.
“I- I am not Bashir,” Stan said abruptly. This was the best way to do it. Fast and short. And
easy to understand even for a weird Ferengi like Quark.
“What?” Quark asked even more astonished than the first time.
“You heard right! I am Stan, the ambassadors for the Ugato Religion.”
“You are what?”, Quark asked buffed, although having heard of the Ugato. They were, so
everyone said, a strange religious group who had designated a planet almost 65 light-years
from Deep Space Nine as their secret realm where they worshipped their god. Yet no one
knew what their true beliefs were all about because no one was allowed to witness the
religion nor is a member ever allowed to leave the group. This man now was either lying, or
he was Bashir, either playing a stupid joke on him or he was standing under drugs.
“I am Stan, follower of Ugato, the highest spirit of the galaxy.”
A fanatic, Quark thought. He didn’t like fanatics but he wasn’t against doing business with
them. Money is money, no matter who gives it. Nevertheless, he was a true believer of the
Ferengi saying: A religion of spirits never equals money.
“I have lots of gold-pressed Platinum”
Quark was astonished again. Either not a true believer or the saying was wrong. The latter
proved true.
“For the highest spirit we want you to do something”
“Yes?” Quark smelled money. He knew: Staying careful was the highest priority in any deal,
but in this it was even more important. Fanatics are never to be trusted, a Ferengi rule of
acquisition.
“To provide us with means of moving this space station. We want it to orbit our Holy World.

“What?”, Quark was getting more and more surprised all the time. He is a lunatic, Quark
thought. No one would ever do something like that. Stealing a whole space station. And then
with all of Starfleet after him.
“We need it to protect our world against intruders.”, Stan offered an explanation for motive
also he knew that this wasn’t true. It was moreover a first step in getting rid of all space
travel.
“And how on Ferengi Nar do you want to escape the Federation?”, Quark asked.
“We have a hostage. Actually it’s the man they all think I am.” He wasn’t sure if that was
true. Yet God has told him so, and he trusted god.
“Dr. Bashir!”
“Yes, that’s the name.”
“But don’t you think a hostage is not enough for the Federation to start a war with your
people?”
“We are not going to steal the station. We are going to buy it.” Again, a lie. He felt miserably
about it. God had wanted the war, not he. But why did God make him do this? Why did god
wanted him to lie. Deep with in him something told him that this was for the better of God
himself.
“I see you want to forcefully buy the station. No one tried to buy the station before. But with
that kind of means. I am very much interested in your plans.” He did not thought that they
were good or anything but lunatic. Yet he was interested in money and in adventures.

Matula smiled. But Bashir wasn’t that happy. It was not enough that he didn’t knew where or
who he was, but that all things that he had gotten used to where so different now. Where
was the Vulcan logic in Matula, where the Klingon Prowess in the doctor.
“What are you smiling at?”, Bashir asked.
“Just everything. I am so happy. You are back from your long disease and finally getting
sane again”
Sane meant that he began to ‘believe’ what he saw was real, he thought. No, No, No, this
wasn’t true. Some how the black monster had abducted him and taken some medicine to
influence his brain. On the other hand, it is so real. He looked her deep into the eyes and
they were genuinely happy.
“I am Stan, am married and have no children. That’s right isn’t it.”
“Stan, you forgot about little Tom our son.”
“Our son?”, he sounded again astounded and shocked.
“Tom was 5 years when he died.”
“Died? Why?”
“Now you disappoint me. He died because of Colan Fever because you…” she halted and
didn’t know how to continue.
“Say it…”, Bashir commander, already thinking to know what she was going to say.
“Because you refused to call the doctor…”, she began to cry. Bashir felt sorry for that
woman, although the laughing was sounding estranged because of the fact that Matula was
a Vulcan. He wanted to tell her that he was a doctor, but he thought she wouldn’t believe it.
How gruesome was this Stan anyway, did she really love him. Judging from the night he
spent with her his answer was yes. But maybe she was a slave of her feelings, so
uncommon fur a Vulcan.
When she left the room, he thought that it was better to let her cry and precede with his
investigation of who Stan was, what planet he was on or what ever was going on. The first
thing on his list was his identity. He had already found out that there was a computer net on
Camaria. Yet it was not that easy to break in that net because it was not designed for the
general public but for the government. He had stolen a computer and found out that their
net was accessible via the telecommunication net. If you have the right knowledge. He
wished that he could have O’Brien to his side to assist him. He definitely had more
knowledge about that kind of things, Bashir had preferred people against machines. But it
wasn’t that hard to get into the net. The basics that were taught in Starfleet Academy were
enough to break the easy codes that were laid around the system. He wondered whether
they wanted him to break in or if they were fools. Once in he searched for his name. Stan
was all he had. Luckily there were only about 300 Stans on Camaria. And only one that was
married to a woman called Matula. What a coincidence, Bashir thought sarcastically. And
there it was:

Name: Stan Bodner
Wife: Matula
Race: Human
Birthplace: Thoujerds on Camaria
Birth time: 234564
Age: 35 turns
Children: none at present
Workplace: Factory
Job: Assistant Helper
Former sicknesses: Colan Fever, fell in coma for 1 turn
Offenses against state: Actions that led to General Upheaval
Punishments: 5 turns for AGU
Notes: Person is not allowed to travel

What made him most ‘interested’ was the one about offenses. 5 turns, something like 5
years he guessed, for something that sounded like some totalitarian law. He remembered
that kind of offense only from history class. Names like Adolf Hitler or Stalin came to his
mind. Now he wanted to look for more information, he searched for the laws about AGU,
what they seemed to call “Actions that lead to General Upheaval”. He found many laws that
included the AGU, but only one that defined AGU:

Β§ 45.1 AGU- law. Actions that lead to General Upheaval:
An individual, or group is not allowed to
A] demonstrate
B] reveal it’s opinion in public
C] write any unauthorized books, papers, pamphlets, etc.
D] use a Computer for any means.

This is an outrageous law, Bashir thought.
Suddenly Matula entered the room and screamed: “What are you doing?. Hasn’t it gotten
you in prison for 5 turns before?”
Now he knew what this Stan had done wrong.
“I don’t see why the government can forbid people from using a computer. Or writing a
book?”, Bashir asked.
“Now there’s my Stan again. I told you before and you didn’t listen.”
“What did you tell me?”
At first she didn’t answer but moved toward the Computer and put it off. Standing close to
the unlawful machine, covering it like the money from a bank robbery, she continued with
her explanation. She told him that this law was supposed to protect the government. A
healthy nation, she told him, needed a strong government. He had doubted that and told her
about the USA She had replied that she had never heard about such a place.
“I think there are no USA on Camaria!”
“No, not Camaria, the United States of America were on a planet called Earth.”
“Never heard of a planet that is called this way. Where do you have the information from.
The Computer?”. He wanted to tell her that he was actually from Earth. Yet he had also said
to himself that he wanted to continue the game.
“Yes, should I show you?”
“No are you crazy? The computer is illegal, I don’t want to have anything to do with it. I want
you to bring it back immediately.”
“Why?”
“Because,” she halted shortly, “they can trace us down”
“Okay,” he understood. He didn’t want to unnecessarily upset Matula, and maybe even bring
her to prison. He took the machine, actually not bigger than a small medical instrument, and
left the room. While he stepped out of the house he took another look at the building where
he had found the computer. Should I bring it back?, he thought. Normally he would have
done so, but in this case… He decided to clean it up carefully and remove every trace like
Fingerprints and genetic material. That’s what he knew better than using a computer since
he was a doctor, he knew the possibilities better than anybody else. As he buried the device
he felt eyes peering at him. Someone was behind him, watching the whole affair. They’ve
found me, he thought. Frightened by the approaching shadow he turned around to face his
enemy. He felt a dΓ©jΓ -vΓ»; he had once felt that way before. But that time it had been during
his Starfleet time. He had kissed someone else’s girlfriend, and then the guy came and
killed him almost.
“You’re Stan Bodner?” came an all too familiar voice out of the dark. It seemed to be Quark,
the owner of the gin joint on DS9.
“Quark, is that you?”, Bashir asked.
“Do we know each other?”, the dark shadow replied.
“It’s me-β€œ Bashir stopped. “No, I don’t think so” Bashir added. This must be an alternate
dimension, like the one Sisko had told him. This is gonna be interesting. Bashir shook his
head. The dark shadow emerged into the immediate realm around Bashir and for a short
second he saw the man’s face. It was a Ferengi, and he looked just like Quark, with few
difference. He wore a dark, long sleeved coat with a high cap. His orange face was
darkened by the deep position of the cap.
“Come with me Mr. Bodner.”, Quark said.
“Where to?”
“To our headquarters. We are the Freedom Fighters” he said coolly.
“Freedom Fighters?”
Quark did not tell more. He just turned around and started to walk. Bashir followed him with
interest.

“We have developed a new kind of transportation. In fact it works similar like beaming. We
build a satellite a few hundred miles away from the station. Then we will point the beam at
the station and dematerialize it and save it in the Computer. Then we will take the satellite
and bring it to our home world.” Damn it, he thought. How can I get around telling lies.
Wasn’t this machine designed to destroy the station rather that to steal it.
“Unbelievable…”
“But true, and it’s simple. Furthermore all people aboard the station will be consequently
beamed down to a deserted place on Bajor.” No, they will not. They will be all killed. For the
better of the world. He felt god saying that to his conscience.
Quark was astounded. What a devious plan.
“There is just one simple problem: where do we find a computer that can save so much
information?”
“We use compression. The data will be pressed on a computer almost 1T bytes less of
saving capabilities. Our method allows us to compress data a billion times. The data of the
whole Alpha Quadrant could be pressed on 12 Mega Byte.”
Good , Quark thought. But good enough? The Federation will find the station and he and
everyone else participating in the venture will be severely punished. This was the first time
in Quarks lousy life that a business seemed not to be worth the risk. Furthermore he would
lose his bar, his guarantee for a steady flow of income.
“So what do you think? Are you going to participate?”
Quark still wasn’t sure. 500 bars of gold pressed latinum were a lot, and then he could give
up the bar and live on Ferengi Nar as one of the richest Ferengis and be envied by
everyone. He might be a holy man in the future, a Prophet even. But then on the other
hand, can you trust a religious fanatic? He thought of Bajoran’s religious extremists and
thought that this would be foolish.
“No,” Quark answered, “I think it’s not worth the risk!”
“Not worth the risk?” Stan said indignantly “500 bars of gold pressed latinum.”
“All or nothing, right?”
“Yes, all or nothing. I thought that was like you. Everyone I talked to told me that you were a
man of high risks.”
Quark felt flattered. And even though he knew that the risks he had taken before had been
nothing compared to what the Ferengi’s call a high risk. This one now was a high risk. Many
Ferengis have become rich through similar high risks. I am a gambler, he reminded himself.
“That is true, risks are my way of life. I take risks every day here on…”
“Are you in or do I have to eliminate you?” He took a big phaser gun out of his pocket.
“Are you threatening me?”, Quark became agitated. A fool to threaten a Ferengi!, he
thought.
He did not say anything, he just released the trigger and fired a shot into Quark’s direction.
It barely missed him but the shock hit him in the middle of his heart. He was convinced that
the anti phaser alarm would be alarming by now but it wasn’t. This guy was dangerous, more
dangerous then 15 drunken Klingons in his bar could ever be.
Grudgingly he gave up. “OK I’m in. But don’t get me wrong, if you don’t give me my money I
will blow the whole thing.”
“You will get your money, Ferengi,” the wrong Bashir replied.
Stan Bodner knew that their group needed a place not only to defend their planet from all
kinds of intruders from outer space but also to destroy possibly all space fearing people
including the Federation. God’s place was violated all the time and they had to put an end to
all of that. Money didn’t matter to them, they got it from a dark figure deep in the woods of
their planet. This figure had become a religious symbol to them. It commanded them what
to do, like destroying this space station. Furthermore it also had given them the inventions
necessary for this venture. This figure, a statute about 4 feet high had become a prophet, a
mediator between them and god. The Figure even knew every verse of the Bible in side and
out and could explain every detail to them. Sometimes, he thought this figure could follow
him wherever he went. Any time he thought that he was doing something wrong, some inner
voice reassured him.
“Good bye,”, Stan said in a harsh voice and left this part of hell, the holosuites, immediately.
Quark still shaking from the shock then he stood stand still, as his younger brother Rom,
carrying a tableau, yelled to him “I have heard a shot, brother. Is everything all right.”

“Headquarters” was a basement of a huge obliterated house. This building looked like the
tenements of a poor underprivileged social class. As Bashir had seen the huge devastated
building it reminded him of his adventure into Earth’s history. They entered the front door, or
at least the rectangular hole of what was once a door.
“Here we have to turn left,” Quark indicated. His fingers pinpointed at a door that was after a
steep letter downstairs. They tiptoed carefully the rotten stairs down for fear they could
break. The Quark tipped four times at the door and said “Live long and prosper”, the Vulcan
saying. Shortly after the big strong yet wooden door opened evolved behind it a huge crowd.
Many unfamiliar faces were crowded into the small windowless room.
“Good that you are back.”, a Romulan woman said to Quark.
“Good to be back”, Quark replied.
“Quark may I ask you who that is?”, a colored Vulcan asked.
“This another man for our group, his name is Stan Bodner”, Quark said.
Bashir wanted to immediately reply that his real name was Julian Bashir, but he was still not
sure whether this was just another trick by the black box to get something from him that he
wasn’t willing to give, something that he even didn’t know for sure what it was.
“I have checked his background,” a man not visible behind the many people said. As he
appeared this man gave the impression of being the right hand of the leader. “and found out
that this man is clean for our purposes”
“Has he done anything that could be related to AGU?”, the skeptical Vulcan asked.
“Yes. He has stolen and used a computer. Was in prison for 5 turns.”
“So, a computer, eh? But what tells us that he has done anything that would further our
cause. Maybe he just wanted to steal money from the government…”
“He has gotten a high penalty of 5 turns…”
“That proves nothing, though I will be convinced if this young man proves to be helpful.
Otherwise…”
“Stop that.” Quark ordered. He is the head of the group, Bashir thought and asked this
question immediately.
“Yes, I am the Chief. Yet I am elected for two turns. Then another one might come.” Quark
replied. “I want to introduce you my friends. This skeptic is Tuvok, our chief of security right
now, this man, my right hand, is Roger Howell. This pretty lady, her name is Taluuda, she’s
my wife. The others might introduce themselves…” And they did, many names and
professions and so one swept to him and melted into his brain. These all too familiar things
made him feel dizzy and after all of the about 30 people had introduced themselves Bashir
couldn’t remember a single name. Except for the Vulcan’s because of his typical Vulcan
features (he was the only Vulcan of the group) and Taluuda, the Romulan beauty for she
showed a sense of happiness that Bashir loved so very much in a woman.
“So Stan, tell us something about you,” Taluuda said.
Oh my god, Bashir thought. He didn’t know much about this Stan Bodner, except for the few
facts he had read in the computer net.
“I think you know all about me already,” Bashir said.
“Correction, Roger knows much about you,” Tuvok said.
“Okay. I am 35, I have a wife named Matula. She’s a Vulcan. I work in a factory and am an
Assistant Helper.”
“That’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to know what your character is.”
He paused. He didn’t know what to say. This Stan Bodner was a stranger to him as he was
to them. Should he tell him what a character he was. He as Julian Bashir?
Fortunately, Quark jumped in. “He’s a good man. He will show it to you.”
Everybody was quiet. Only Tuvok was replying to this unsatisfactory answer from the wrong
person.
“If this should go wrong, Quark, it will cost you your head.”
And Quark knew it that this was no false promise. Every time he tried to bring in a new
member he risked his head. But for his goal, unlimited democracy, he would do anything.
Even Tuvok had been such a risk two turns ago when their group had consisted of only two
members, Taluuda and himself.
Bashir on the other hand was fascinated about the group, although he believed that they
were only part of a fantasy that the black box had created out of parts of his brain. This
game stared to get interesting: it made history alive to him.
Later after the meeting he was called into Quarks’ office, which was a dark little cabin at the
end of the room. It wasn’t much bigger then the bathroom on Deep Space Nine was. It was
even more dark in their, only a candle illuminated a little bit the outlines of the cell. “Sit
down”, Quark pointed at a chair opposite to a wooden box, what was supposed to be a desk.
He sat down on a huge wooden chair and looked Bashir in the eyes.
“I really hope that you are on our side, Mr. Bodner?”
“I am.”, Bashir said in an unfamiliar cold voice. “What can I do?”
“I know that you can handle computers very well, and so I think that you can be very helpful
for our course.”
Bashir was quiet. He actually wasn’t a genius in the field of computers, he was a doctor. Yet
this time he had to remind himself of his basic knowledge from the Academy. He was
convinced that he knew a lot more about computers then any one of them. Then some other
idea came to his mind. Maybe I am on a foreign planet in another dimension, then I would
not be allowed to help them. It would be against the Prime Directive, a law imposed by the
Federation to keep them away from influencing not yet developed planets in order not to
violate the natural process of development . This oath had been a problem many times. But
Bashir refused this idea, this was a fantasy. And aside he could and would not bring any of
his technology into this world.
“Have you changed your mind?,” Quark asked after a while of reckoning.”
That might be otherwise a chance to get home, Bashir thought.
“No, I will help you the best I can.”
“Good,” Quark was seemingly relieved. Now their group measured 39 members in total.
This wasn’t an army yet. But soon they might be able to make powerful demonstrations. As
always during those meetings they swore that no one would talk to anyone, that they would
do all that they could to improve their situation, and that when the time comes they would be
ready to fight. They wanted the right for free speech and a fair trial. Not more.
“When will that be?” Bashir asked.
“No tomorrow of course. When we are strong enough.”
“When will that be.”
“When we have more than a thousand men.” A thousand men were not easy to come by,
Bashir thought and he wondered whether they were really serious about this.
“Here we have a first and hopefully easy task for you. We have 4 members of our group
imprisoned. I want you to give us access to the prison. You know, they are guarded only by
one person and a computer. If we could get access to it…”
Easy task?, Bashir thought. What do they think? That if you know how to use a computer
you are also able to break the code of a high security area?
“I can guarantee nothing…”, Bashir admitted.
“We will see. Tomorrow I will organize a computer for you. But now you will have to go
home. I think you wife is already worried. She might think that you go imprisoned again and
call the police. So please hurry.”
“I have one buried.”
“What?”
“Where you found me, lies a computer. I buried it there because my wife was worried about
it.”
“O.K., I’ll dig it up for you. You go home now.”
Bashir understood and agreed to return the next day at eight in the evening. That would be
after working hours, so it would not arouse suspicion. Yet there was another problem, his
wife. How could he convince her of doing something like this. And he couldn’t keep it secret,
she would find out sooner or earlier.
Suddenly a cold shiver went through his spines: had he just felt married? Had he just
forgotten his true identity?

Odo reflected the events of the last few weeks with wonder. A lot of things had happened
that seemed strange to him. It wasn’t only the strange return of Bashir it was many more
things. For example there had been Kira, who had taken more time for religion than usual.
That might not mean much, but he had become interested in it. To his mind came a recent
meeting that he had with her:
“Major, can I have a word with you?”
“Don’t you see, I’m busy.”
“Please Major. It’s important.”
“O.K.”, she had reluctantly agreed. “Can we do it here, then?”
“No, it is secret. I would rather discuss it in my office.”
Then she had unwillingly gone to his office.
“What in the world is so important to disturb the Barghork?”
“Major, I am really concerned in the way many people act on this station recently. Like you
for example, since when are you so much interested in religion that you put it above your
responsibilities.”
“I have always been interested in religion. And I would never put anything above my
responsibilities.”. The anger within Kira had raised. She had wanted to get up and leave
immediately, and stop listening to this nonsense.
“Last week,” he had continued, “You didn’t want to go over the station reports, and this week
you refused to do it again.”
“I will get to them next week.”, she had grudgingly agreed. She had hated to go over those
reports. Especially during such a time as the Barghork. “If you don’t have anything else.”
She had already got up from her chair.
“You’re not the only person that, may I say, acted peculiar. There is for example Gintek, the
Bajoran engineer who quit his job because of this Barghort.”
“Barghork”
“Whatever. Yet I have seen him always as one of the people who like to work on Deep
Space Nine. And he is not the only one quitting.”
“So what? People can quit, can’t they?” Odo had slightly nodded. “I have thought about that
myself.” She had said, and then, before he had said: “What?” she had left his office.
The alarming number of people quitting their job was amazing to Odo still. Most of them
were Bajorans, but there had been also some humans affected. At least that’s what he
thought it was, an infection that had swept to DS 9. He thought of alarming Bashir, but as
he remembered that he must have been the one who had been infected first he discarded
that idea again.
After some thinking, he was sure. It was an illness, and it had all started on Altoriac. That’s
were this strange murder had happened and that’s were they had suspected an illness at
first. There were only a few things that worried him still, like how could Bashir have come to
the station without prior noticing. And if he thought about it the strange behavior had not
necessarily started with the Doctor’s arrival.
This he had to tell Sisko immediately.
“What’s so important constable that you are disturbing me now?”, Sisko said as Odo entered
the office of the captain. Sisko meanwhile had not turned to face his chief of security,
instead he continued to at a candle that was burning in a circle of Bajoran symbols that all
seemed to stand for something else. Odo was faintly familiar with them, they were all
symbols for different seasons on Bajor and the candle in the middle represented fertility for
all those seasons.
“But it is important…”
The captain grudgingly turned around and faced the constable with an angry face.
“What can be so important as to disturb the Barghork?”
“Captain, I have found a recorded conversation that you might find interesting.”

Rom had listened to the whole conversation. He was shocked by the cruelty of the man
pretending to be the friendly Dr. Bashir. Everyone believed that he, Rom, brother of Quark
was dumb. Now he got the chance to prove himself. He wanted to save his brother out of
this misery. Yet he didn’t know what to do. Should he go to Odo, the arch rival to Quark, or
report the instant to Sisko, or Major Kira? They were all not an option, they wouldn’t belief
him since he was a Ferengi, too. He decided to make an extraordinary step, he went to
Garak, the Cardassian tailor aboard Deep Space Nine. Garak, he thought, had the expertise
and the knowledge to handle such a case. Since he was believed to be a spy for the
Obsidian order, or at least a former agent, he seemed to be fit for a way of getting rid of the
fanatic. As he went into the shop full of garments and other clothes, he was immediately
welcomed by it’s owner, a large Cardassian man with a wicked smile.
“Oh who do I see there coming into my store. Isn’t that the Quark’s little brother Rom.”
“Garak, you got to help me.”, Rom said desperately.
“Has Quark dismissed you again?”, Garak referred to a past instant.
“No. The fate of DS9 is at stake this time.”, Rom said very plainly and straight forward.
“No.”, the Cardassian stressed with disbelief.
“The man who says he’s Bashir wants to steal Deep Space Nine.”
“What?”, Garak asked although he had understood what the Ferengi had said.
“Bashir wants to…”
Garak interrupted Rom “I have heard what you said. But do you really honestly believe it?
That’s nonsense.”
“I have heard it. They were both in a Holosuite. The man who looked like Bashir said that
they had developed a method to dematerialize the station, take it with them and materialize
it some place else.”
“And Quark believed this humbug. I thought he was more intelligent!”
“He had to. The man pointed a gun at him…”
A gun, Garak thought. That’s quite abnormal for Bashir, who is a long time friend to his. He
wanted to find out everything about it, maybe Bashir was a secret agent, too, like himself.
There was something very interesting behind this.
“I will look into it, Rom.”, he answered, not making any commitments in any direction. Yet
Rom was satisfied.
“Thank you. If I can help…”
“No thanks. I can handle that alone.”
Rom knew that he would hold his eyes and ears open, and make his own investigation. He
knew that his brother never suspected it, but he watched anything in Quarks bar closely,
with the hope of owning the bar himself some day. Rom left the tailor with satisfaction. His
brother was save now, Garak would guarantee it.
But Garak was not interested in Quark’s well being yet interested in Bashir and his strange
behavior. He remembered past conversations he had with the doctor, and so he was eager
to find out what Bashir had to say about that. Yet he did not believe in anything the Ferengi
had said. That was nonsense. Maybe Bashir had gone mad? Or the Ferengi wasn’t listening
very well. His big ears heard maybe more then there actually was..

“Everything is working perfectly here.”, Stan said.
“Then it’s good. Have you any ally aboard the station?”
“Yes, a crooked Ferengi, named Quark. He wants money, and we don’t need money. He
may be the devil himself but he can help us. He knows how to distract the Federation.”
“I hope that you will not talk more with the Ferengi than necessary. It rubs off on you. May
god be with you.”. The transmission suddenly ceased. Stan was satisfied. Stage one was
over, now he only had to find a way of getting the satellite close to the station without the
station recognizing the machine. Quark would find a way for that, he was sure. God would
help him, like He helped the Jews to their Promised Land many thousand years ago.
His views wandered around his living quarters and as he looked out of the window there
were many stars, all of them God’s children. Then he saw the energy outburst of an
undocking spaceship. “God forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.”
Stan said to himself. To him all space fearing people were sinners, and he wanted to put an
end to that. God never wanted the violation of his habitat. He knew that god defied murder
but he allowed it this time, because this time it was more then necessary and besides the
figure in the woods, which had been called Ugato, had told them that God would forgive all
their evil deeds if they were directed for the better of the universe and god, himself.
“Dax to Bashir, I have something to tell you.”
“Go ahead.”, Stan replied.
“We will have a medical conference here on Deep Space Nine in a few days. The
Federation wants to know more about your findings on Altoriac.”
“Do you think that this is a good idea?”, Stan asked.
“Do you think that it’s not?”
“No, no. It will be a pleasure for me to attend this meeting.”
“That is more the Bashir that I know. Dax out.”
He wasn’t pleased at all with that message. That would mix up his plans. He should have
made the last step in a week or so. Now he had to attend a conference he knew nothing
about so he would not arouse any more suspicion then necessary. Terrible only that his
knowledge in medicine was so trivial that no one would believe that he is a real doctor. He
had to prepare himself and read a lot, the other thing could, had to wait.
“What? Are you mad?”, the angry voice came out of the speaker as soon as he had told his
homeworld about his problem.
“What should I do?”, Stan replied quietly and frightened. “I can’t say no. They will realize my
identity.”
“You can tell them you’re sick. You are the doctor aren’t you?” the agitated voice answered.
“Y- yes. But if they want proofs for my sickness? If they don’t believe me?”
“If you don’t act as I say, you will be dispelled from our world.”
“I can’t work if I’m sick… I mean while I pretend…”
“I am getting angry now…”
“I- I understand”, he stumbled. He was frightened, he should not only steal, but also lie! That
were already two sins, if God could forgive him that. He said to himself: Maybe I can
proceed with both things and get them both done. The angry voice had ceased. He was glad
about it. Immediately he drew himself to his computer and read as much about medicine as
he could. I will make it, with God’s help.

“You have what?”, Matula said angrily.
“I have become a member of an organization that works for freedom and democracy.”
“We are doomed We are doomed”. She began moving around frantically. She believed that
the secure life was over now.
“Don’t you see it’s something worthwhile, something I always wanted to do.”
“But why? Why do they take you of all the people on Camaria?”
“Because of my expertise in computers.”
“You have been imprisoned for this once. Will you never learn?”
“It wasn’t important that other time. This time it will be. And I promise you, Matula, I will be
careful.”
“You men always say careful, but what you mean is dangerous as jumping out of an
airplane.”
“I did this once,” Bashir admitted.
“I know.” How could she know? Ah, Stan did this once! He wanted to meet this Stan, if he
really existed.
“I can’t really be mad at you.”, Matula replied. “I am the one to blame. How could I marry
such an adventurer in the first place?”
“I think you are most beautiful when you are angry.”, Bashir said without knowing where that
came from. He hadn’t been in love for quite some time, but now he seemed to be again. He
loved everything about the woman he knew for only about 48 hours, and he started to
believe that he knew her. But that was impossible, in such a short time?
She smiled. The remark made the world look brighter.
“If you want, I can ask Quark if you can become a member, too.”
“Who is Quark?”
“He is the leader of the group I’ve been talking about.”
“Do you know him well.”
“Nope”, Bashir lied flatly. He had to, he could have never been able to explain. “So, are you
very angry?”
“No. I could never be angry with you. You can do what you want…”
“Thank you.”
“But I don’t want to be a part of this. I’m too scared. If you get caught I’ll, I’ll…”
“I’ll be more careful this time.”
“I hope so.” She wasn’t happy about her husbands decision but she knew she couldn’t
change his mind. He seemed to be her old Stan again. Now, she was convinced, he was
healed. Thanks, she said to herself. Thank you, doctor, she repeated. Although she saw that
her worrying wasn’t over yet, though his well being was far more important than anything.
Bashir was also glad. This went much better than he had expected. It was her memory of
Stan that convinced her, she thought now that he was the old man again. Maybe they
weren’t so different after all. Yes, maybe that was part of the plan of the big black monster,
too. But, why was his name so different, and Quark kept his own. Stan, Stan, Stan…, he
thought, trying to remember a man with that name. No real person came to his mind, and
the fictitious characters he remembered had nothing to do with Bashir at all. Like Stan
Laurel, the Comedy actor from the early 19th century. Bashir was tiered now, he went to bed
almost immediately. Yet he wasn’t able to sleep. Too many questions bothered him still. If
that black box being could intrude his mind and create a fictitious world then it could get all
the information with out the game it was playing. There was yet another possibility that
came to his mind: Maybe he wanted to play a game to find out how humans react in
different situations. He wanted desperately to sleep, but every time he shut his eyes he saw
the black object snatching him. Sometimes it became an evil monster with deep wide red
eyes and a monstrous mouth. It followed him everywhere, like the devil himself. As he
finally found sleep, he still dreamed about the big monster with it’s claws and it’s deadly
rhythm. Then he heard the voice again: “You will not be the same man again. Ha. Ha. Ha.”
It started to laugh like a malicious animal.

The next morning he woke up, relieved from his nightmares, but still trembling. The gentle
touch of the sun beams streaming into the little sleeping room soothed him enormously. He
sat up and looked to the other side of his double bed and saw Matula sleeping there as an
angle. He loved her beautiful face and her eyes, he looked at her and a smile filled his
young face. How could that be, Bashir was reminded, how could he have such feelings
toward this woman that he had met under such peculiar circumstances. He remembered
now that he had these feelings since the beginning when he awoke from the ‘coma’. She
awoke, too and stretched her arms.
“What a lovely morning,” she said after seeing ‘Stan’ awake.
“Good morning to you, too”
“How have you slept.”
“Not, so good.” he admitted, immediately realizing that he knew no good answers on the
question why he had nightmares.
“Why that.”, she replied with sleepy eyes. Then she groaned and stretched again.
“I had a terrible nightmare.”
“Yes, I heard you screaming in your dream. What was the nightmare all about?”
“A big monster. But I don’t want to talk about it.” And she understood. Many people don’t like
to talk about dreams they don’t understand themselves, yet in this case it was not quite this
way. Bashir knew what the dream was all about.
“Do you want to have breakfast in bed?”, Matula asked.
“That would be fine. But it is not necessary if it causes too much trouble.”
She did bring breakfast to their bed, and Bashir genuinely enjoyed the meal.
“I will go to another meeting with Quark today.”, Bashir announced.
“Do you like the bread? Is it well toasted?”, she replied seemingly disturbed by the
statement.
“I said, I…”
“Stop,” she said aloud, that sounded like an explosion in Paradise. The morning was so
nice, she didn’t want to be reminded by the inevitable truth. It was enough that she knew of
her husbands activities, she did not want it to intrude their ‘normal’ life. Bashir acknowledged
the wish of his ‘wife’. Although he realized her wishes, he also knew that she wasn’t able to
possibly grasp what he was starting to do. If possible, he thought, he could change the
history and consequently the fate of this planet.
After this pleasant breakfast, except for this little instance, Matula told Bashir that she was
going to go shopping because of the upcoming holidays and although Bashir didn’t know
what she was talking about, he did not ask. He would look that up in the files at the
computer. Before she went she promised him to go to his boss and call him sick.
“But if they come and look…”
“I know!” Bashir answered although he didn’t know, and didn’t even want to know what could
possibly happen. It couldn’t be worse then something on Cardassia, he reassured himself.
The walk to Quark’s secret quarters was a long one, taking the detours in account he had to
take. Masked with a mustache and faked glasses, with whom even his mother would have
had problems recognizing him, he entered the dim, shabby place.
“Good that you are back.”, Quark welcomed him. “I will show you your new workplace where
you will be mostly at night.”
“I understand.”, Bashir said. Quark just smiled, and pointed to a carpet on the floor, and just
like in ancient gangster movies, there was a wooden door.
“Although this is the cellar of the building, there is something deeper.”, Quark said while
opening the door. With a crank the door cracked wide open revealing a little cabin with
enough room for a computer and a chair.
“The air isn’t very well down there,” Quark acknowledged. “But you won’t choke. We got
enough air holes leading into it!”
“Good.”, Bashir said. He was happy, this could become the adventure he was always
looking for.
“I will leave you now. By the way, did you tell your wife?”
“Yes.”
“Did she understand?”
“I don’t know. But she won’t say anything about this to anybody.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes” Bashir said. But was he really? He wasn’t sure, maybe love really made him blind.
Love?, he thought. How could he think about love again? Yes, he was really in love, yet
uncertain from where the feeling came. He felt as if he had been in love for many years,
and Matula was him more familiar then he previously had thought.
“Good bye, Stan.” and Quark carefully closed the door. When do you return? Bashir wanted
to ask but he had already left. He tried the door and it was open. But could he leave without
arousing unwanted attention?

“I don’t believe that proves anything.”, Sisko had said after he had reviewed the recorded
interview.
“I don’t see how you can doubt it’s authenticity…”, Odo answered quite distressed.
“This whole thing could be forged, I can’t believe that the doctor has said anything like that.”,
Sisko said stubbornly.
“Not Bashir, Stan. And besides my tapes are always correct. No one could forge them and
actually I even tested them.”
“Then maybe Bashir staged all this to play a trick on Bashir.” Odo couldn’t said anything to
that, yet he looked at his commander with great disbelief.
“But I think it’s rather strange that he would invent quite such a story…”
“That’s enough, Odo. I don’t want to hear anything more about it.”
Odo stayed quite for a second and considered what to do to convince the captain. This tape
was so clear that there shouldn’t be any doubt.
“Is there anything else?”
“Yes, I want permission to investigate the doctor further. I might find more evidence.” The
captain acquiesced silently and uttered a “Dismissed” clearly annoyed by the conversation
with the constable.
After he had left the office he made a stroll across the Promenade as he usually did. His
impression shocked his observing eyes. Not only that it had grown more and more quiet but
also many businesses had just recently closed. Garak’s store was still open, and so Odo
decided to take a look into it.
He entered the front part of the shop and a peculiar odor met his nose. It was perfume.
“Garak, where are you?”, Odo screamed.
Odo heard a laughing somewhere in the back of the store. It sounded like an amused
female.
“Computer, localize Garak.”
“Garak is in his shop.”
“I am over here, Odo.”, Garak said happily as he raised out of the dark area in his shop.
“What’s the matter?”
“I thought you might know something about the…” He wasn’t able to finish the sentence as a
Bajoran women raised next to the tailor. She giggled, and then asked:
“What’s the matter, Garak?”
“It’s only Odo, the chief of security.”, and after turning his face to Odo he said:
“What can I do for you?”
Odo quite surprised by this, Garak was a strange Cardassian which made him not quite an
attractive person for a Bajoran. And Garak wasn’t the type for a Bajoran.
“It’s nothing.”, Odo said.
“If you wanted to ask me about Bashir, I advise you to talk to Rom.”
“Rom? What does Rom have to do with all this…”
Garak didn’t say a word anymore and he and his Bajoran mate vanished into the darkness.
Odo then left the room quite frustrated with Rom on his mind. He had only hoped he
wouldn’t have to deal with Ferengis.

“The medical conference was a splendid idea.”, Matula agreed. Dax was satisfied, they had
found a way to test Bashir. She had the funny feeling that the man who left Altoriac wasn’t
Bashir but a double. She had scientific proof for it. Yet there was also the possibility of a
scientific phenomenon, but she wanted to get sure about it. Matula was the only person Dax
could trust at this point, except for the other persons that witnessed the strange event
between Altoriac and Deep Space Nine. They had put together a long and honorable list of
doctors from all over the galaxy.
List of Guests to Medical Conference
1. Dr. Beverly Crusher (Starship Enterprise)
2. Dr. Luang Lee (Earth)
3. Dr. Vador (Vulcan)
4. Dr. Karosok (Romulus)
5. Dr. Kong (Ferengi Nar)
6. The newly developed Holo Doc
There were these six important medical scientists, and if this list might not look long, for an
remote outpost as Deep Space Nine it was one. These doctors had all agreed to come
despite the risk of bombs or other terrorist threats on DS9. The last one on the list was
actually the least concerned about any dangers, he was only a computer program that
stored an unbelievable large amount of medical data. And in the right environment, that is in
reach of holographic generators, this ‘doctor’ was an unbelievable help. In some cases it
would also be possible to replace actually the real doctor with the machine, that was at least
the opinion of it’s inventor, who by the way looked exactly as his programmed holographic
doctor. Dax and Matula had though that he was the best man to distinguish a professional
doctor from a fake, like they thought this Bashir was.
The day of the conference came, and they were all already assembled in the Holosuite in
Quarks bar, the only place where the Holo Doc could exist on the station. Stan arrived late
for the meeting to which he was not supposed to be. All the doctors were already seated at a
large round table. He recognized Dr. Crusher to his left, Dr. Kong to his right. And he saw
the Holo Doc sitting opposite to him, yet he did not know of his real identity until they were
introduced.
“First I want to show to all of you who haven’t seen him already,” Dax started, “the
holographic doctor. He is a scientific breakthrough. He can assist a doctor very well on a
long, and tedious space flight.”
“That’s right.”, Dr. Crusher, a pro-activist for the new program. “It helped me for example in
our fight against the Borg.”
“Don’t you think that this computer taking over human activities isn’t going a bit too far.”, the
Klingon doctor said in obvious apprehension toward the thing.
“Once I agree with my Klingon colleague,” Dr. Lee pointed out, “A real person is better in
helping people. One who knows no pain can not discern what is good for a crew or not.”
“It is only a doctor’s assistant…”, Dr. Crusher said.
“I think this program can help. It is only logical to assume that it can provide a ship with
100% help in the most devastating situations. Like during an attack a program could survive
much longer then humans, or Klingons, or Vulcans…”, the Vulcan doctor, Dr. Vador said.
Dax carefully peered over to Bashir and saw him only quietly listening. She saw no specific
emotion in his eyes, and that made her even more suspicious. Matula glanced over to her,
and Dax knew what she wanted to say: Ask him. Ask Bashir about his ideas.
“I think we should hear what Dr. Bashir has to say about it.”
With that all their eyes fell on Stan and he became the centerpiece of the round. He felt
insecure and unsafe about what to say.
“I don’t know. I think this might be a good invention..”
Now she was sure, and the nodding head of Matula indicated that she was convinced, too,
even though she had never met Bashir before.
“Now, Dr. Bashir.” , the Romulan doctor said, “we want to hear what you and your team
have found out about the ‘black box’. From what I’ve heard you were able to determine from
where exactly in the galaxy it came and moreover why they died out.”
“Yes,” Stan stumbled. “I – we think that the black box came, came from…”
“What’s the matter, Dr. Bashir?”, Matula asked, showing her blank suspicion.
“N- Nothing. I’m just not feeling well.”
“That is just an excuse…”, Matula returned.
Now every face of the conference looked estranged at the Vulcan sitting outside of the
table. “What do you mean by that?”, Stan asked, trying to regain his self-confidence.
“I mean that you are not the real Bashir but an impostor.”
“Do you mean he’s a shape shifter?”, Dr. Kong asked.
“Maybe.” Matula pointed out.
“There is a test, you know,” Dax added “where we can find out whether he is or not.”
She took a big syringe out of her pocket and injected the needle to Stan’s body. The test
was negative, real blood flew into the needle.
“He is a human being.”, Dr. Kong exclaimed.
“But now we can go further. I got Bashir’s DNA and now we can compare.”, Dax said
triumphantly. The test was soon finished and all medical experts came to the same
conclusion: The DNA of this man was not identical with Bashir’s.
“Dax to Odo.”
Out of the Comm Badge Odo replied: “Yes?”
“We have a suspect here, would you come and take Dr. Bashir or who ever he is to the
prison.”
“Aye, sir.” Odo said. He was relieved that Dax and Matula were finally convinced that his
tapes were authentic.

“Here we can see,” Dr. Crusher pinpointed at a chart that was displayed on the screen, “that
this man is a human being, with genetic material 100% from Earth. Yet his genetic
substance has been altered to the degree that he resembled Dr. Bashir in many aspects.
Nevertheless it is no perfect duplicate, it differs in many essential details. Moreover the
person we have here is in a different state of mind as his counterpart, he has different ways
of thinking.”
“Yes,” Matula continued, “from what we gathered. This man, who calls himself Stan, wanted
to steal the station.”
“Steal the station? But Ensign Matula, that sounds unlikely, even impossible.”
“No, Odo. Our source has told us that they have developed a way of data compression that
is very much superior to the one we know. They wanted to ‘beam’ the station away and
transport it at their planet, presumably for protection.”
“Then he is not alone. Someone is in it with him.”
“That is only logical to assume.”, Matula agreed.
“Yet,” Dax added “we believe that his accomplice is not on DS9. During our investigation,
we regarded a transmission between Bashir, rather Stan, and a planet approximately 60
light years away.”
“But isn’t it also likely that our man has also looked for an accomplice on DS9.”, Sisko
contradicted.
“Our source has told us that there is one, but he won’t tell us who it is. Yet we have a
suspicion in this regard…”
“Quark!” Odo exclaimed. “It’s always Quark who mixes up with bad guys.”
“Yes, that was our suspicion. But from what we’ve heard, the accomplice on DS9 was
pressured in doing this. With a gun.”
“Pah.” Odo exclaimed in grave disbelief. Then he grumbled more to himself: “He would do it
for the money all right.”
“What did you say, constable?” Yet everyone did understand.
“Nothing…”
After a short pause, Sisko put up an order. No one was allowed to enter or leave the station
for the next 48 hours, until testing of all people was finished. The doctors were not happy
about this, but they grudgingly agreed. Odo said that he was investigating this thing further,
Matula and Dax agreed to cooperate, and Sisko decided to question this Stan to find out
more.

Now, they are going to kill me… , Stan thought after Odo had detained him to a cell. He
thought of his friends on his homeworld. And while he thought about his dreadful mistake his
memory slipped back to the beginning. He remembered the black figure in the woods, and
how it had told them everything his people needed to know. It knew every verse of the bible
inside and out. The most famous speech, he heard, was the one about space travel and
what god thought about it. The figure was only telling them what god had told the figure, and
that’s what they believed. This famous speech became known as the ‘Sacrilege’-speech:
“Oh my children on this planet. Here is another message by your almighty god. The God
who helped you to escape the vices of the old Earth. He says to you: Do not reach for the
stars. Every entity who travels through space without my permit is evil. I shall allow you, my
dearest people, to take every necessary step. If necessary, I shall allow you to even destroy
those who are still disturbing me. I know that you are bound by the Ten Commands, but
when the very existence of me, your lord, is threatened I shall make an exception.
Extraordinary deeds are necessary to reach this goal, and I shall add a new Commandment
to your list. It will be included in the Respect-for-god Commandment and it shall be like this: I
will not allow any entity to fly in god’s realm, the heavens, the universe. Everyone who
enters space, so the lord has said to me, commits therefore sacrilege. And I shall add to
that, that if you are not complying with god’s wishes, you will be gravely punished. One
possible punishment may be the exclusion of any one of your people from heaven. If only
one of your people changes his mind and goes against the lord almighty, you will be obliged
to eradicate this individual or all of you will not be permitted to heaven.”
The words screamed through his mind. If only one of your people will change his
mind…Gravely punished…Not permitted to heaven. This all frightened him, not only that he
had to die now, honor committed him to commit suicide, but also that he would be barred
from heaven. His place now was hell, he would be damned to eternal fire. This also led to
his personal assumption that suicide would not be a proper method, it was them who sent
him here into this devil’s place, but he decided to try to take them with him. These Starfleet
people would certainly not allow that he be killed, he would try his best at dying a natural
death, which would mean damnation to all of his religion. He wanted to show them what
they got from sending him, who didn’t even want to go, here to this treacherous place. But
suddenly Stan’s thoughts were disturbed by the buzzing of the automatic doors. Odo, the
security chief, entered the detention area with a determined mind set solely on his victim.
Stan was shocked by the former shape shifter and deterred by the distorted face. Odo did
not linger a second after his advent.
“So who are you, I mean who are you really.”
Stan did not answer.
“I will find out sooner, or later. I have my informants on Deep Space Nine.”
Still silence from the extremely similar face.
“I have someone who wants to talk to you. It’s the captain of this station. A man named
Benjamin Sisko.”
Sisko entered the prison with deep concern in his eyes, his worried looks indicated that he
wasn’t up to something good. He commanded the security chief out of the detainment area.
Then he paused. His eyes stared dead into the face of the intruder. Without saying ‘Who are
you’, this view explained all to Stan. Yet he wasn’t frightened. These godless people knew
no better, they would have acted the same way he did. Then after a pause of about 2
minutes, the time seemed endless for them both, Sisko suddenly approached the man and
said:
“What have you done to Bashir. Have you murdered him?”
“No…”, the man said, shocked by the accusation.
“Now, that is something. Can you now tell me more…” But the room fell silent once again.
The sound of the engines far away sounded hollow behind the walls. For the first time, now,
Sisko had heard the real stranger speak. His voice had become entirely different from the
one he remembered from Bashir. Stan was shocked by his outburst, he had believed that he
was under control of his emotions and now that. He decided to return to this stable state of
mind and say nothing no more.
“So what have you done to him, then?”, Sisko asked harshly.
Stan did not reply, he just turned around, appalled by the captain.
“Did you take him hostage?”, Sisko asked again.
Still no reply.
“Will he return?”
Still silence.
“I will come back, I hope you will be ready then to ask more questions. Odo?”
“Yes, sir?”
“This man will receive no food from us.”
“But sir…”
“I know,”, Sisko knew that Federation regulation forbid such excessive measures, but they
were not exactly a Federation station, but one that stood under Bajoran jurisdiction. And
they did allow this ‘mild’ way of punishment.
And Odo understood.

AGU- The Prime Law
How to keep the masses in control
All governors are obliged to enforce these following laws strictly, if one fails he will be
indicted and punished with the worst punishment possible, the death penalty.
Β§1.1 People are not allowed to assemble, discuss issues at their work-place or on streets,
demonstrate.
Β§1.2 There is only one controlled newspaper allowed in each state. The same applies to
Radio stations, TV stations, or other distributors of opinion. Every journalist must write what
the state orders, if he does not comply he will be punished severely, and if it gets printed
the editor will be also punished with the highest penalty.
Β§2.1 There shall be only one court, controlled only by the emperor of this planet. A citizen
has only the right to sue if the governor of the state agrees.
Β§2.2 The governor shall be appointed only by the emperor, as the judges, and the police
men.
Β§2.3 If the governor commits a crime, only the emperor is allowed to prosecute him.
Β§3 The emperor shall be of the Sisko family. The oldest son succeeds the father. The
emperor is not only allowed but also obliged to have what ever woman he desires in order to
guarantee the succession of leadership.
Β§4.1 All laws made by the emperor shall be included in this AGU- law. Every law made by
him is only for the well being of all.

Under paragraph 4.2 many laws followed that were written by the emperor himself, many of
them were written in the same undemocratic style as before. That made the young
ambitious doctor furious. This were the laws humans had fought for and against so many
years ago on his home planet. Therefore it was the more extraordinary that a group of
democrats could exist, most people he knew would have declined to work under such
circumstances. Here you have to accept the possibility of death every day, and not only you
are endangered but you’re whole family. Bashir was aware of the dangers, but he knew that
some one had to do it. It needed very brave men and women. His file search continued, and
in hours and hours of hard searching he had forgotten the time around him. Suddenly hard
steps pondered on the floor of the basement. One hard food just stepped on the door of his
compartment.
“They were here all right,” a deep male voice grunted. “But I think they’ve left this place.”
“I’m not that sure,” a harsh female voice echoed through the empty room. “Here are fresh
traces. I think that they were in here last night. I would guard this place and see if they’d
return tonight.”
“Agreed.”, the dark monster roared back. “But first I want you and your men to search the
whole building for witnesses and traces, is that understood?”
The female jackal meowed a yes back and retreated. Seconds later the room was filled with
men and women, aggressive footsteps crashed on the little room deeper then the cellar. Will
they find him? Was that the question he should ask himself, or rather when will they find
him? Frantically he made the light out and looked at the floor and saw that the floor
consisted only by a board. If he could quietly stand at both walls and grab the board he
might be able to hide underneath. His actions became smooth though his whole body
trembled. While being spread he touched the two grips that had been nailed on the floor.
Slowly he opened the door, at least it looked like one. After he could take a look into it, he
realized that there was no floor anymore. The darkness didn’t disturb him, yet he would
have liked to see where and how deep the hole was. After carefully touching the four sides
of the shaft he felt cold iron. A ladder, Bashir thought. He was relieved, even happy. A fast
jump to it made a loud noise, but apparently no one heard it because of the greater noise
they were doing upstairs. Bashir decided to take the computer with him but his trembling
fingers made it slip out of his fingers. Bashir’s heart halted as it fell, but after a longer than
anticipated fall the computer splashed quietly into water. Carefully he closed the door and
took one step of the ladder at a time, deeper and deeper down the dark shaft. Although he
had been glad that the computer had fallen so silent, he was frightened by the sheer depth
of this shaft. Cling, cling, cling…It went on like this for what must have been at least 10
minutes. Then he felt the water underneath, he wondered whether there was any path along
the water. He frantically touched his surroundings very carefully but unfortunately there was
nothing but the what he believed was the towns sewage water. It stank terribly, and the only
option was to jump into it. He already felt the breakfast coming up in his stomach when he
heard the noise at the top of the shaft. Apparently the shaft’s opening had been detected, he
had therefore to jump fast. And without more thinking he just slipped into the dirty water. He
drifted and drifted. It seemed almost endless, and as he had already given up hope of a safe
exit he was washed out into a river. The river, although outside of the town stank as much
as the sewage. He swam softly to the shore where he was greeted by a dark crippled figure.
He could barely recognize the face of the shade, when the dark voice creaked: “I want your
money!”
Bashir replied wholeheartedly: “I- I don’t have any money.”
“Don’t gimme that buster.”, the man replied.
“How do you think that I have any money. I came from the sewage, didn’t I?”
“Townie, you come from inside?”
“You mean if I come from the town, you’re right.”
“Ev’rybody who comes from inside has money.”
“I don’t.”
“If you don’t, buster, you ain’t gettin’ in there anymore!”
“Why is that?”
“Are you dumb, or what? They charge ya’ for entering the town. Where do you come from?
From Outer Space?”
That wasn’t so wrong, he thought, and maybe he should tell this man the truth.
“Yes, I come from Outer Space.”, Dr. Bashir said.
“Are you kiddin’ me? So you think you are a Martian?”
“Something like that. Where is that planet Mars?”
“Don’t know. It’s just a sayin’ around here. Martian means little green men from Outer
Space.”
“I come from a planet called Earth.”, Bashir admitted.
“Earth, that means dirt, right? So your planets a dirty one?”
“My planet is the most beautiful planet in the universe.”
“So why call it Earth, then?”
Bashir did not answer, holding on to this theme would bring him nowhere.
“I will go now.”, Bashir stated and walked away. Yet the man, still unidentifiable, followed
him steadily. “And how will you do that?”, the stranger implied sarcastically. Bashir did not
answer, he had already talked enough with this specimen. Undisturbed, Bashir steadily
walked toward the steep, yet blurry walls of the city. As he arrived at the outer sides of the
wall he was baffled by its sheer height, without the proper gear there was no way of entering
the town. The sewage, he remembered. He left the town through it, why shouldn’t it be
possible to enter it this way.
“If you think that you can enter it at all, you’re wrong. There ain’t no way not even…”
“The sewage?”, Bashir asked.
“Yes, not even the sewage.”
“So, how do you know? Have you ever tried?”
“What do you think we are. Naturally we tried it and failed dismally. You always get sucked
out, the way you went. There’s too steep to climb.”
“How about special gear?”
“Where you gonna take ‘special gear’, we are poor!”
“There is always a possibility.”
For the first time the man said nothing, and the quietness of the night came in as a third
player. The stranger just stared at Bashir, investigating this thing he couldn’t quite estimate.
Then a light from the town’s interior ran over them and a loud voice, coming apparently from
a megaphone yelled: “Who are you and what are you doing?”
“My name is Stan Bodner, I’m from inside.”
“Then go to the gate and pay for entering.”
“I lost all my money!”
“That’s your problem, but if you don’t leave now you will be imprisoned.”
The dark beggar pulled Bashir out of the limelight and into the dark uncertainty of the
woods. They walked for about an hour and then entered a rundown cabin that was part of a
huge settlement. As Bashir entered the room, he recognized the face of the stranger as one
all so familiar face.

What can I lose when I tell this captain?, Stan thought. Yet there was his once strong faith
into God and the dark statute in the woods. For the first time he had realized that there was
more then just their little planet in the universe, and that many things were interesting out
here, there were lots of things to discover, and lots of adventures out here. Life on his home
planet had always been the same dull thing, being born, working for a living and dying,
which included taking no risks. The father told the son what to do, which was normally to
take on the family business. Here everything was different. When he had first seen the
station from outside it had evoked a strange feeling in him that he hadn’t been able to
describe until now, it was the pioneering spirit that was deeply rooted within him. The night
went about without sleep, he had to think about so many confusing things that he wasn’t
even sure what was right and wrong anymore.
The next day came without notice, then long into the day the captain came back into the
brig. He saw no reason to drag this thing on for much longer and so he asked outwardly: “So
you are Stan Bodner, aren’t you?”
He hold quiet though knowing they knew all, all he had told this rotten devil. They had
outsmarted him and he didn’t care, no more. All was over anyway, he thought.
“Where is that wonder gadget of yours?” Sisko asked trying to find out about the high
capacity beam.
“Wonder gadget?”, oops, he had said something, his strategy of keeping quiet had slipped
away.
“You know what I mean!” Sisko said seemingly relieved because the stranger had finally
responded to his method of interrogation.
He had finally given up, he now had decided to tell this black man everything he knew about
his mission to hell. Sisko heard the story of a black figure in the woods that had given them
everything they needed, including the invention to steal the station. Furthermore he told him
that the figure was the center of his people’s thoughts, it was their prophet and they did what
it told them. In his case it was supposed to be a mission of great relief for god, because it
was supposed to be part of the destruction of all space fearing people.
“But what happened to Bashir?” Sisko asked.
“That black figure in the woods has given me the looks of your medical officer and sent me
here to steal the station. I have never seen the real Dr. Bashir and I don’t think I want to
meet him.”
“Always the black figure in the woods,” Sisko had complained.
“But it’s true. I’ve seen the figure. If you want to get sure on it’s existence you have got to go
to my home planet and check it out.” Sisko was satisfied, everything he wanted to know he
had found out, and he was almost positively sure that this man wasn’t lying this time. But he
also knew that he had to send someone to Thorrok, Stan’s home world. And he knew just
the right man for this job…

“Why on earth me?”, O’Brien said exasperated. “I am no detective. Why not Odo? Or
Worf?”
“Because you know technology like no one else on this station. You are an experienced
scientist. And besides I need a human for this mission, since these fanatics seem to be
uniquely humans.” Sisko replied calmly.
“But what if the Klingons attack the station?”
“Ensign Saroda will be fine. Haven’t you said that he’s your best man and that he knows the
station almost as good as you?”
“I did, but…” But there was no more lamenting, and O’Brien knew it.
“So will you go?”
“I will!”, though he hated it. He had to go, it was his duty and moreover Sisko was his
commanding officer, he had no other choice.
O’Brien left Sisko’s office, the head down, to go to his quarters. This mission meant going
through a lot of data and analyzing it thoroughly. His life would depend on the correct
interpretation and assumptions he would make about this people. Keiko, his wife who was
currently on a visit to Deep Space Nine, waited for him in his quarters. That was the only
good thing, he thought. Naturally surprised by O’Brien’s upcoming excursion, Keiko
congratulated him on his adventure.
“Won’t you be worried at all?”, Miles Edward O’Brien asked.
“Yes, Miles, I will be as much as you are when I am investigating Bajor for biological
phenomena.”
“But that’s not the same. I will be in real danger!”
“Does that mean, you think that what I do on Bajor is completely danger free.”
“I mean I might get killed.”
Keiko didn’t answer. She knew it was futile to continue this argument. Since it was only a
short time they were together they had to do things that were nice to remember. She
detested to part in an argument, as they had before.
“Do you want to drink your favorite tea?”, Keiko said finally to break the tide.
O’Brien grudgingly accepted. He wasn’t really annoyed by his wife’s reaction and so her plea
for reconciliation made him forget his anger. No it was this mission what made him uneasy.
One day later the Orinoco was ready to leave spacedock. Sisko was there to wish him luck:
“I wish you luck, Miles.”
To his surprise Major Kira was on board of the little runabout.
“Oh, I forgot, Major Kira is accompanying you on this perilous mission.”
“But haven’t you said, only humans?”
“Major Kira will be in the runabout all the time. If you are in danger, she will beam you up in
no time at all.”
O’Brien understood, and moreover he was really pleased by it. Now he wouldn’t be alone,
now there was someone to talk about. Furthermore Keiko had not to worry, because she
knew that there was nothing between them, never had been and never will. And she knew of
Kira’s sense of honor and O’Brien’s loyalty.
The Orinoco departed at exactly 1203 hours and headed for the Thorrok solar system. It
reached it three hours later where O’Brien beamed down to the surface. As he materialized
he saw the outlines of a very primitive village. “What technology?”, O’Brien said to himself,
and opened a channel to the Orinoco.
“This is O’Brien.”
“Here, Kira. How is it down there.”
From my first impression, I take them to be very primitive.”
“But what about this Stan, is he a liar?”
“I will find that out. O’Brien out.”

He looked just like O’Brien, but his voice, his dialect was anything but Irish. In the darkness
Bashir had not been able to see the tramp’s face clearly, but as his friend’s face appeared
Bashir was stunned at best.
“Look Garcie, I found someone who claims to be from outa space.”
“Huh? Haven’t I told you Ben not to bring home ya’ friends. We have no food. Nothin’ to
offer.”
“He’s from inside and has no money to get back in. That’s right?”
Bashir was baffled and couldn’t say a word, this resemblance to an old friend was
overwhelming. He just nodded.
“Didn’t you jest say that he’s from outa space???”
“Yeah. I figure that his UFO landed within and that he fell into the sewer. You know, that’s
the place I fished him out.”
“And now he needs to get inside back to his UFO??? What a story, Ben, but haven’t you
been drinking too much today, haven’t you?.”
She looked at Bashir now with a demanding face, almost asking: Why do you tell my poor
husband such stupid tales?
“It’s true. I am from outer space.”, Bashir admitted adding: “but I haven’t got an UFO inside
the town walls.”
“So how did you get then on the planet, wise guy?”
“O.K., I am not from Outer Space, but I am from inside, and I am working for a free
democratic society where poor people like you and your husband get an even chance in
life.”
“Even chance? Marcie, have you ever heard something ridiculous like that before. Besides
should I believe you now? Since you lied once before?”
“You don’t have do, but it’s true.”
“Well, well. Now that you’re here I can offer you some of our soup. It isn’t much, but it’s all
we have.”
“That’ll be fine with me.”, Bashir said, feeling now the immediate desire to eat, a compulsion
hardly to suppress.
The meal was anything Bashir had ever seen, a small bowl of soup was brought to the
shabby wooden table in the middle of a barely furnished room. Bashir sat, like a king at the
top of the table, to his left and right were five children and at the end of the table were Ben
and his wife Garcie. Ben opened the meal with a short prayer, and then the food battle
started, it was like a Klingon battle. Through screaming, shouting, fighting the little children
tried to get something.
“Stop.”, Ben said. “We have a guest today. His name his Stan.”
The children’s chorus said: “Hi, Stan.”
“He should get a whole plate full of soup.”
“Don’t bother…”, Bashir interrupted.
“O.K.”, the children replied all at once.
Bashir received a plate full of the light soup, that resembled water rather then a soup. Then
the battle continued, and the amount Ben and his wife got was hardly anything. Amazement
and shock filled Bashir and he could now understand the past better. Here it was worst then
on his voyage back in time, where he and Sisko had to fight for the better of humankind.
After the meal Bashir said to Ben, if he knew anyone who could help him get back into the
town. Ben answered, that he didn’t but that he could assemble some people to make a plan
for him to get in.

Amazing two hours later a large group of citizens were assemble in front of platform. Bashir
and Ben were standing on the stage. Then the O’Brien of this world began to speak in his
American style English to the crowd in front of him, and that without the use of any help,
microphone or otherwise.
“Dear people of the outside world,” he started what astonished Bashir, because he had
gotten used to his bad grammar. “I have to show you a man who comes from inside and
wants to change the world for us and for those inside.”
The masses applauded to the magnificent words.
“The only problem is, how do we get him in again. He has no money what so ever.”
The sounds of ‘why not?’ and ‘really?’ filled the arena.
“He fell into the sewage and lost all his money. Then he drifted out here and stranded right
before my own eyes.”
“And you believe that dude? He could be a fake tryin’ to make an impression.”
“He sure could. But he’s the best chance we’ve got right now. He said he belonged to an
organization for democracy. They are way big in there folks…”
Bashir listened with bewilderment and amazement to the enormous speech. There were a
lot of exaggerations in it, like that their group was ‘big’ in the town, but Bashir didn’t
contradict. As the speech proceeded Bashir felt more and more strange. There was this
feeling in him that longed for home, and that was his place on board the space station Deep
Space Nine, on the other hand he was strangely drawn to Matula, his wife in this reality.
Since Deep Space Nine seemed blurry and long gone his memory of Matula was vivid and
clear. She would be worried now, that he had disappeared. Indiscernibly he feared that she
might think that he was caught by the police. It was his inner mind that told him that it was
his fault, and since he might be caught here for ever he should have thought of an easy life
in advance. Now he was caught in a big mess and no idea how to get out of it. Fight, his
conscience told him and he knew that he would do this, and naturally he understood that he
had taken the right choice: how could he have lived peacefully in a world full of oppression
when he was used to absolute freedom?
“And that’s why we have to help him with all our force…”, Ben concluded, and their was
applause and a huge standing ovation. One man came forward with a plan to get in, then
another one came forward, all did they had ideas how to enter, some of them were good,
some not.
After hours of discussing various plans they came up with an almost perfect plan.

Many faces looked at him with bewilderment. A stranger who came to their town was so rare
that it was almost ever greeted with welcome. Everyone came forward as O’Brien entered
what seemed to be a market place. As he stopped at the fountain that was in the center of
the town he suddenly asked: “Where is the mayor of this beautiful town?”
A little man stepped awkwardly forward and whispered: “That’s me, James Halloway.”
“I have come a long way and I need a room for the night, do you know a place where I can
sleep?”
O’Brien thought that this must have been the feeling of a stranger in old Western movies.
Except that he came on foot, they did on horses.
“You can live with us. My wife is going to prepare a room for you.” And there was more that
resembled an old Western town, there was this church in the middle built out of gravel and
the wooden fronts of the little homes, the painted advertisement on top of the general store.
It seemed as if there was no technology of even the 20th century and the people that
surrounded them looked all rather poor with one type of clothing, the women had long
traditional Christian dresses and the men had long pants and wide shirts.
“If I don’t bother…”
“No, not at all, but if you want to take a bath beforehand you should go to the barbershop at
the end of the road.”
“I will.”, O’Brien said trying not to offend his host. And since this might give a good start to
his investigation he started walking right away. The other inhabitants of the town slowly
dispersed again, going back to their daily duties. In spite of O’Brien’s first impression of the
settlement as being primitive he started to like it, it appeared to him like walking through the
pages of a history book. It was different than on a holo deck: here everything was real and
he felt it. Here there was no command to end the program.
The barber shop had a beautifully painted sign on top of the building, it said: Steve Jones,
jun. Barber. As O’Brien cranked the door open he found himself in a sparsely lighted room
with a chair in the middle and a cash counter at the end of a room. Leisurely an old man sat
on a chair that was leaning at the wall.
“Can I do somepin’ for you?”, the old man said in an old Western dialect.
“I was told I can get a bath here.”
“You heard right, man. I have the best bath tub in town, and the only one.” He laughed
about his own joke as if he had told it for the first time. O’Brien smiled just slightly but
showed no other emotions. The old barber showed him the way to the back yard where a
wood ton full of water was standing.
“There’s you’re bath tub.” He started to laugh again but coughed then. Automatically he
drew a bottle of alcohol out of his pocket. First he smelled it then he took a large gulp of the
liquor and coughed again, and spitting part of it on the floor.
“This stuff is hot,” the man said. O’Brien wondered how this man could drink hard liquor
although this religious fanatic had told him that this was a devious thing.
“I know it’s illegal. But I make it myself and it lets me stay alive out here. Want a sip, too?”
“No thanks.” O’Brien answered. “But can I ask you something?”
“Sure, I tell everybody everything, that’s another bad habit I got!”
” Is this town really as religious as I’ve heard?”
“You can bet on that. But isn’t any town. This stupid, please excuse me, stupid God brings
us all to the knees.”
“Why is that?”
“He wants us to live pure and drink none of the good stuff. Furthermore he doesn’t allow us
to go out there, into the galaxy. I think there’s a lot of money just waiting to be picked up.”
“I have read nothing about that space travel is against God’s law. And I’ve read the whole
bible.”
“Some strange figurine in the woods has told them the nonsense…”
“Have you seen that figure?”
“No, but why am I telling you that…”
“I can give you a chance to get away from here…”
“Then you’re not from this planet?” The man seemed to be more intelligent then he had first
appeared.
“Let me say I am from far away. Can you bring me to that figure of yours?”
“I’ve never been there. I’ve got better things to do then to look for crazy figures in the
woods.”
Then the man retreated into the building and O’Brien undressed himself to bathe. After he
had left the cold water he went back in the house.
“That makes 50 Β’.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“If you don’t pay, I will call the sheriff.”
“And then I will tell him about the whiskey.”
That did it, the barber didn’t say another word he just went back to his chair and leaned back
toward the wall.
“I only have one advice.”, O’Brien said like a Western hero telling a morale tale, “Don’t tell
strangers everything.” The man didn’t show any emotion, not that O’Brien had expected any.
He just answered: “Tell no one that you’re not from here. They’ll kill you.” Good answer,
O’Brien thought and left the stingy place when a cold breeze shook him, and a deep voice
pondered: “O’Brien, I know you have come to see the truth.” And he felt the presence of
something, and it smelled like death. Then he shook his head, this must have been the
wind, he thought.

“Start audio playback of Tromhaok’s melodies.”, Kira ordered the computer. This was one of
here favorite Bajoran melodies, she associated it with the days she was in love with Vedek
Bareil. As there was nothing to do right now she laid back and relaxed, her views went out
into the galaxy where she could see the endless blackness. Then the lyrics, written by Tduk
Nos set in and drew her back to the days they were fighting. Somebody might think it would
make her angry, hateful and callous but instead it made her happy and vigilant because she
had been able to help defeat the despotism of the Cardassians. The title to that poem, that
Tromhaok used for his song, were as perfect a description to her past as possible. Yet she
had never heard this song, or the melodies, the operas or anything else Tromhaok had
written during the war because she had been to occupied with her labor, but Vedek Bareil
had shown her all these masterpieces of the war.

Somber is the night
Death leans to our right
Deadly weapons shell toward the black.
Terror is the name of the rack.

Shall we move on in endless grief
We are left alone in this mischief.
They took us those dear loved
While we were retreating so soft.

Let’s move on to the weapons
They want it no other way.
Shall death take possession of those
Who put us into endless grief.

Yet after one or two minutes a black object appeared at her view screen, Kira immediately
ordered the computer to scan the object. “It is an empty metal container made out of 36.3 %
Iron,”
“That’s enough.”, Kira was not interested in it’s chemical composure. She decided to leave it
by itself, their mission was something else anyway. The only thing she did do was say a
special note in her log, informing Deep Space Nine at this point would not be necessary.
Yet suddenly the little runabout began to move. “Computer, report.”, Kira said immediately
alert.
“All systems are normal.”
“But we are moving. Computer, full thrusters away from the pull.”
The engines started to work. “Go to impulse.”, Kira ordered but still her little runabout was
drawn closer to the black box.
“Go to maximum warp.” Kira said with desperation.
“Impossible. Warp drive has been disabled.”
“How could that be possible?”, Kira cried aloud.
“Insufficient data.”
As the black box came closer and closer Kira decided finally to inform Starfleet and O’Brien
down at the surface. “Kira to Deep Space Nine.”
There was no response.
“Computer, what is happening.”
Suddenly a deep voice came out of the speakers of the computer: “Your computer is gone. I
am now your guide. You will now enter me, this black box.”
Fearfully she saw a hatch opening, then her little spaceship entered it. After that the ‘door’
closed behind her and she suddenly left the spaceship. “What is h- happening… to… me.”
She stumbled.
But as she had said the last word she found herself lying in a bed.
“Have you had a bad dream again honey?”, another voice said, that sounded very familiar
to her.
As she looked toward this person she saw Benjamin Sisko next to her. He had nothing but a
pair of shorts on.
“What’s this?” Kira cried out frantically. In that instance she realized that she was also
sparsely dressed.
“Honey, I brought you breakfast.”, Sisko replied not irritated.
“I mean what are you doing with me in one bed?”
“What do you mean? We are married, aren’t we?”
What has happened? Kira asked herself. Was she now caught in an alternate reality as
Sisko had been once. He had told them that he had met a devious Kira there, she must be
caught by that black metal container. She couldn’t help but think that O’Brien must be in
great danger.
Kira looked at the breakfast, which was rich of fruits and meat, thinking that she might be
caught here for good.
“Nerys. How do you like it?”
“What?”, Nerys? She hadn’t allowed many people to call her this way because it was a
personal name. Although her second name this was her own name, give by her mother,
which was preserved for special friends like Bareil.
“The breakfast, of course. Are you still sleeping?”
“Of course. It’s, it’s really pretty.”
“Pretty? It’s a masterpiece.”
She allowed herself to peak over to Sisko, and deep in her heart she suddenly felt
something she couldn’t quite understand. She breathed deeply and her eyes widened, she
wanted to kiss him. No, this can’t be true, she said to herself, I am not in love with Ben, he is
my commander.
He apparently understood the signs and kissed her gently on the mouth. Kira, who
remembered those sensations only from Bareil, was drawn unwillingly closer. Their tongues
touched each other and Kira felt love for the first time again.

He hated to stand guard. Especially at the north west gate which was the least frequented
one of the six entrances of the town. Since he got his salary from the people who wanted to
pass this one was the worst. He was only glad he had no family to feed. It was a terrible job,
and he would have quit immediately if that would not have meant leaving the town. In here
you had at least clean water and electricity for little pleasures like watching TV. Out there
were only poor people who got cholera and many of them died at the age of 30, many even
earlier. Now it was late in the evening and he sat on the chair as usual and read some
magazine with nude women in it, dreaming of them.
Suddenly he heard a noise from the wood, there was someone who said “Psst.”
“Who’s there?”
He saw a beautiful blonde girl in the green of the woods. “Come to me and I show you
something.”
I can’t go away, he thought. Then he could see a piece of cloth falling into his direction.
Damn it, I can risk a short look. And he ran fast, constantly looking back and forth, and as
he reached the girl a branch hit his head and a black out followed.
“Here take these clothes and the money and hurry, we will both go into the town.”, Ben said
to Bashir.
“Oh, no. I will go alone, you have wife and children.”
“No, I will be a decoy and then after stealing some food or something I will escape. Don’t
worry, we need you to get in there unnoticed.”
“O.K., but I still think it’s no good idea.” Bashir was truly worried, since at home this man
was one of his few friends. Yet he understood the logic behind Ben’s plan.
After Bashir had changed dresses and Ben had taken Bashir’s in the hand they both entered
the little gateway that wasn’t larger then a normal house door. First they walked quietly
along the shadows of the houses then they looked for a dark place to change dresses
again.
“Now it’s time to say good bye.”, Ben said.
“I will see you again.”
“I have no time now. Bye.”
“Bye.”, Bashir said but the man who looked like O’Brien had already disappeared in the
dark.
Bashir’s thoughts now were to get home as quick as possible, Matula must be dead of worry
by now, he thought. The only problem was, how to find their home. Since he had been here
only for a few days now he felt totally lost in this monstrous town. As it seemed it was at
least 10 square kilometers large. He decided to take a taxi cab, which was something
normal here.
“Good day,”, the computerized taxi driver said as Bashir halted one of these vehicles.
Bashir didn’t say anything but entered the cab.
“Where do you want, if I may ask.”, programmed to be friendly all the time.
“I want to go home.”
“May I ask you where that is. I need at least the name of the street.”
“I don’t know for sure.”
“If I may ask you: are you sure you don’t want to a mental institution.”
Bashir said not irritated: “Do you have some sort of telephone, or communication book with
a list of all people?”
“I am programmed for that.”
“Bodner, Stan. Where does he live?”
“There are 24 persons with the name Stan Bodner in the town. Which one do you want?”
“Bodner, Matula. He is married to her.”
“That is 23rd Street B14. Should I take you there?”
“Yes”, Bashir said with relief.

Finally he stood in front of his house. Was she at home? He rang the ordinary door bell and
Matula appeared on the view screen. “It’s you?”
“Who did you expect?”, Bashir answered quite shocked by his wife’s response.
“It’s just… I thought you might be dead.”
“Dead? How did you think I was dead?”
“Because… Why are we talking at the door. Come in.”
The large door opened automatically. Then he walked down the long corridor and Matula
opened the door to B14. She looked as lovely as ever. Her eyes were wide. Bashir ran into
her arms. They embraced for quite some time, kissed each other for almost half a century,
or that’s what they felt, and entered the apartment arm in arm.
“You know you had me worried so much I almost went nuts. Tell me, what happened.”
“It’s a long story…”
“I have time, tell me it.”, she said it with that look in the eyes. Happiness and elation filled
his hole body, it was love what he felt. He had never felt it that much before in his whole life,
and what frightened him, he liked it. He even liked it so much he thought about staying here
forever. Deep Space Nine was too serene and without love.
Then another memorable night followed, something special that you never forget in your
life. And as he awake the next dawn Bashir felt more happy then he had ever felt before. A
smile filled his face as he saw the light of the early sun touch his nose. This was something
he had always longed for: a loving wife, a great family. Then the communication device,
known as telephone from Earth’s history, made an alarm sound. Bashir took the receiver,
that was built in a banana shape, and held it to his ear and to his mouth.
“Yes?”, he asked with a sleepy voice.
“This is Quark, oh it is you Stan?”
“Yes it’s me.”
“You’re still alive. We will make a party immediately…”
“Halt. Stop, Quark what makes you think that I will still…”
“…and then you will tell us how you survived. We thought you were taken from the police
and then possibly executed. So I will come and take you to our secret rendezvous location
at -eight- is that all right.”
Bashir answered just stunned by the persistence that was so much like the Quark he knew:
“Y- Yes?”
“Good. Bye.”, and then he was gone.
“But.” Bashir muttered but Quark had hung up before he could have answered correctly.
Matula who had happened to awake from the telephone conversation, asked sleepy eyed:
“What is it honey.”
“Nothing honey, they only asked if I would come to work today again.”
“Are you?”
“No, We don’t want to miss our second honeymoon, aren’t we?”
“But, honey we need the money. You call them up right away and say that you are coming.”
“And what should I tell them? And besides tomorrow I will go again. We are both sick today,
O.K. Just this one day.”
Matula grudgingly agreed.
They spent the whole day in bed watching TV and loving each other and as the evening
came the door bell rang and on the screen appeared the face of a Ferengi- it was Quark.
“Hello. Are you coming?”
He had anxiously awaited all day long for this moment, and hoped that he might not come at
all. What should he say, his love to Matula was very important to him and he hated to lose
her. Yet the fight for a more democratic society was a higher cause, one that he always
supported.
“Don’t go. Remember what happened last time.”, Matula urged him.
“Don’t you want to live in another society, where everyone is free.”
“I like it this way very much. And I like you alive.” Matula started to cry.
“Don’t cry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
They had all but forgotten Quark who was standing at the door and who was watching the
hole scene.
“Are you now coming?”, Quark demanded.
“I am.”, Bashir said, hating it on the one hand, but his sense of honor and responsibility
made it inevitable for him to go. Matula understood this, it was one of her reasons why she
had married Stan.

“O’Brien to Kira, can you hear me?”
No response.
“This is Chief Miles Edward O’Brien calling the Orinoco.”
There was still no response. What had happened to the little runabout? If it had been in
trouble, why didn’t Kira inform him about it. But maybe she couldn’t, it maybe went too fast.
He had to inform DS9 right away, but how without a long distance communication device.
One thing was for sure, he couldn’t built one. Not without arousing attention and lifting his
cover which would probably be deadly.
O’Brien went to the mayor’s house, which was down the whole Main Street. A beautiful oil-
painting could have been made out of the little house, and with all it’s flowers it looked
homely and romantic. As he approached the little building the mayor, his wife and his
daughter appeared at the house front and greeted the traveler. O’Brien thanked his hosts
very much and Mrs. Mayor said that he may enter
“It is most extraordinary that a stranger happens to come to our village.”, she said.
And he added: “By the way this is my wife Marie and my daughter Eve.” O’Brien looked at
them and as his eyes fell on Eve his heart almost stopped, to him it seemed that he had
never seen so much beauty in his whole life. I am married. O’Brien’s reason cautioned. I
love my wife very much. Yet she was so beautiful he couldn’t help but thinking what it would
be to start flirting again. No, that can’t be, he reassured himself. “My name is O’Brien. Miles
Edward O’Brien.”
“Nice to meet you.”, Mr. Halloway said.
“If you may come in,” Mrs. Halloway said with eloquence, “then can I show you our house.”
“Thank you” O’Brien said, trying to avoid looking at Eve.
They entered the little wooden house and it was as dark in there as in the barber’s shop, yet
much more comfortable.
“Here is our living room. Sleeping quarters are upstairs and the kitchen is in the back of the
house. Toilets are across the back yard…” O’Brien listened to her, being constantly
reminded of the old “Wild West”. Then his thoughts wandered back to Eve. He had to be
strong, Keiko wouldn’t understand this and he wouldn’t want to lose Keiko for all the money
in the world. Eve’s beauty was so overwhelming a normal man couldn’t have resisted her,
but he would, he knew it.
“Yeah, yeah mum.”, Eve said. “But don’t you think our traveler will be quiet from the long
journey?”
“Yes, I suppose so. I have a room for you on the second floor, it is opposite to Eve’s.” Was
this a coincidence?, O’Brien wondered but if not he didn’t like it at all.
“Eve, would you show the gentleman his room?”
“Yes, mum.”, she vividly answered. “I’ll be glad to.” Then she turned to O’Brien and said:
“Would you follow me?”
O’Brien didn’t say anything but quietly followed the Venus. One step at a time he climbed
the steep letter upward, with his eyes on the stairs because Eve’s dress allowed him too
deep a view for comfort.
As he retreated into his room he was glad to be finally alone. What was going on with him?
How could he even look after a woman where he was happily married and with a child. The
room was fairly well furnished, with a petroleum lamp on the table and a wooden bed that
was smaller then a cot on the Defiant. It, though suited him well. He sat on the bed as
suddenly that strange voice came back: “You like that girl, Eve, don’t you?”
“Who are you?”
“You even love her, but you deny it to yourself because of your wife far away that you will
never see again.”
The voice appeared to come from the window, so he walked to it and looked out of it. Yet
aside of some dark thunder clouds nothing was visible.
“Where are you?” Suddenly lighting rocked the dark skies and thunder roared consequently.
“You need not see me, but I assure you I’m here. You love Eve, am I right?”
“So you are the God they all pray for on this planet.”
“You are a wise guy. And they believe the truth.”
“I don’t think so. What ever you are, you are no God. Especially not the Christian.”
“I never said that I was a Christian God. I am God and you can’t do anything about it.”
“I still don’t think so. Prove it to me.”
“I will tell you that you will marry Eve and not return to your devious space station.”
“O.K., that’s a bet. But what will you do if you lose?”
“I will not lose!!!”
“But if, we need something.”
“I will return your Doctor and Major Kira.”
“What happened to Major Kira?”
“Nothing, she is in good arms right now.”
“I still think of something higher for you: How about leaving all humans and other sentient
beings to themselves”
“That is a lot. Yet I agree.” Then the croaking voice disappeared.

“Sisko to Odo.”
“Here, Odo. What is it captain?” the former shapeshifter asked with concern.
“Have you heard anything from O’Brien yet?”, Sisko asked.
“No. Nothing yet. Neither from Kira and the Orinoco. We believe something might have
happened.” Odo added.
“We have to investigate. You Odo and Matula will go take the Defiant and look for them at
the planet,”
“We depart immediately, captain.”
“Good, Sisko out.”
After Sisko had returned to his papers the door signal buzzed. “Come in”, he replied. It was
Keiko O’Brien, the wife of his missing officer. She looked very despaired and frightened as
she entered the office.
“Is he alright?”
Sisko didn’t answer at first, he just looked out of the window. After a while he said: “Frankly I
don’t know.”
Then a strange feeling hit him, Keiko was so beautiful. Immediately he had forgotten Kasidy
and his strong affection to her. Violently he tried to avert the feeling but as he looked deeply
into Keiko’s eyes he felt a strange affection for her that was unmistakably love. He felt the
urgent need to comfort her.
“Frankly, I don’t know.”, he said awkwardly.
She cried at his words. As he came over to her she laid his arms around her. These kind of
strange feelings he had might be another outburst of Lwaxana Troi’s disease. No, he
reminded himself, this was not possible, because to his knowledge she was not on DS9.
Maybe it was a true honest feeling.
“Should I tell you something funny?”, Keiko suddenly said, still weeping.
“What might be so funny in such a situation.”
“That I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I can’t explain it. It’s just such a funny feeling.”
Sisko was surprised, and he didn’t understand the world anymore. How could his logic, his
idealism, his love to Kasidy turn out to be so shallow in this situation. Then he gently kissed
her.
“Odo here. Captain we are ready to depart from Deep Space Nine immediately.”
“Make it so.”, Sisko replied quietly and filled with emotions Odo could hardly grasp since he
hadn’t turned a human not before long.
The U.S.S. Defiant embarked with eight crew members. Matula, being a Starfleet officer,
was given the duty of captain. She kind of liked it although science was more her subject
and she would have preferred to stay with Dax on the station. There were a lot of
experiments to be done and although Dax had been more interested in this mission she had
been barred from it because “too many senior officers were already missing” and Sisko
didn’t want to lose another one.
As Odo investigated the bridge of the Defiant he was strangely drawn to Matula, a feeling
Odo never had this way before. Humans had often discussed it and he almost never had
understood it at all, there had been many books written about it, movies had been made yet
Odo had not understood it. Naturally it had been the process of melting together and
becoming one that had been most important because it was his race’s method of making
love. But now there were feelings that were quite different to the ones he was used to, he
got aroused when he saw her and Matula returned this emotion like he had never seen it in
a Vulcan before.
Matula herself got worried about the feelings she suddenly sensed. It was highly illogical that
there was something that drew her to Odo, wanting to touch him, caress him. This was a
human feeling not a Vulcan one that came to her mind and made her lose concentration.
“Do you know that you are attractive?” Matula finally asked the Constable.
“What?”, Odo answered in confusion.
“I said you are quite handsome.”
“Really?” Odo’s face got red, which made Matula laugh and wonder because she had
always assumed that the constable was incapable of that skin color change.
“Can I be frank with you?” Matula asked. Odo nodded.
“I always liked the way you looked.”
“What’s wrong with my looking?”
“Nothing. It’s what I always loved about you. It is such an honest and just look.”
“Thank you,” Odo answered getting red again.
“Commander Matula,” Matula had been promoted in the meantime, “we are now entering
the Thorrok solar system.” Ensign Aeneas said.
“When will we reach the planet.”
“We should be a Thorrok in approximately 15 minutes.”
“Good.” Matula was feeling stranger and stranger every minute they neared the planet.
Odo’s presence made her feel pretty nervous indeed. Vulcan behavior did not allow her to
give in to love, but since they were so far away from Vulcan…
Odo wondered the same thing as they neared the planet. As they had reached their goal the
Ensign on the bridge asked “Should I hail O’Brien or scan the vicinity for the Orinoco?”
“Do what ever you want!”, Matula said and she and Odo left the bridge arm in arm.
“Sir?”, the Ensign asked.
Matula only said: “Are you like a human, I mean…” as they disappeared.
Yet Ensign Aeneas had hoped for such a moment because there was that beautiful Ensign
in engineering that he always wanted to meet. “Ensign Dido would you come to the bridge,
please?”
Yet the Defiant did not hail O’Brien, not even tried to, or scanned the vicinity of any traces
that could lead to the reason of Kira’s disappearance. Love had completely taken the crew
of the Defiant, and the being down on the planet laughed and told the story to O’Brien. “You
have to be very strong. And I doubt you will, though the stakes are now higher…”

“We have a hero among us tonight. A big hurrah for Stan Bodner.” The group of 30 or 40
people applauded very strongly and Bashir looked at it with great joy. Another wish had
come true, he had always dreamt of being celebrated as an hero, but he had never
imagined in his boldest dreams that it would ever come true.
“Thank you. Thank you.” Bashir said with conviction.
“We are all glad that you are back again, safe and sound.”, Quark added.
Again the mass cheered immensely. One man stepped forward and asked for the whole
story.
“That’s a pretty long one.”, Bashir said. “But I will tell you some time. Now we have a bigger
a obligation. We have to make sure that a free and democratic government comes soon. I
say we should take up the fight. We could tamper the computer system of them and we
could try to overthrow the government by a mass rally. Maybe they will see how big our
group really is, maybe even get help from outside.”
“From outside?”, Quark asked suspiciously.
“Yes. There are many good people out there. They have guts to help us because they have
nothing but their skin. They have nothing to lose.”
“But are they not only thugs and deadly sick people out there.”
“You’re quite wrong about them out there. I have seen many who are there because they
were just poor, or because they lost their job. Yet I agree that there are many sick people
out there and their diseases are very serious, but they got sick because your, our
government has thrown them out only to stay as rich as they want.”
“So you know some people from out there?” Quark asked elated because he could see
Bashir’s vision.
“Plenty. They will be our allies. Maybe we have to fight, but as I know us we are prepared
for that. We will no longer allow ourselves to be oppressed, yet I warn every one of you not
to use more force then necessary and when we will have achieved our goal, and I’m certain
we will, we will make this world a more democratic world with equality for all people, even
those who are against us now.” This gave a general uproar which Bashir tried to counter.
“Those who have betrayed us, those who have killed, imprisoned and harmed otherwise our
people, those will be imprisoned, getting a fair trail. Yet I am sure they will be punished
severely.” The group cheered again, getting enthusiastic about Stan Bodner alias Julian
Bashir’s ideas of a new society that was already an old and proven concept to Bashir.
Bashir’s enthusiasm grew as the group got louder and louder, more and more convinced by
Bashir’s ideas. The only thing that frightened him participating in this rally was that Hitler in
the early 20th century could drew the same conviction with the same method that he used
now, by sheer enthusiasm.
The battle had began, and as the Klingons say: May be victory with those who are more
courageous. Bashir thought of the similarities with Earth’s history and hoped that he could
avoid the mistakes done in his history. Another Klingon saying came to his mind, “History is
written by the winners”, and they needed victory desperately; now it was all or nothing. The
plan was very simple, Bashir was supposed to go out to the people outside and rally support
for a massive attack at the mayor of this town. This town including all suburbs would be a
major success to their mission, but nonetheless it would only be a first step. In the eyes of
Bashir, the conquest of this city would mean war against all other cities.
The trip back outside was much easier, Bashir took on the smallest gate again and passed it
without problems. On the outside he and Ben convinced about 200,000 people to help the
democratic movement inside, and although they had no military training like many members
of the Democratic League inside they impressed with the sheer number. Moreover they
intended to use the advantage of surprise. So while Bashir shut down the computer net
which would be vital to the town’s defenses, the mass from the outside would forcefully
enter different gates and overthrow all police and guards, seize all weapons and approach
the building of the local government. The members of the Democratic League would
overwhelm posts that where critical, guide the masses from the outside, deliver them with
the necessary gear and maybe try to overthrow the government too. The whole event was
planned as a joint venture in which both parties looked at each other with prejudice yet were
they both agreed on the same principles.
Bashir felt that his task was the hardest because he hadn’t actually acquired enough weak
spots in the computer net. It was, so it seemed an almost flawless system that functioned
well, Bashir felt the pressure mounting because now the fate of this whole civilization could
be in his hands. What could he do to tamper the net? A virus seemed fit, and since he was a
natural expert of viruses this was his favorite plan. A virus that infected all executive files
would be the best, and he had a funny idea with what that would infuriate the whole
authorities of this world.

“Revolution! Damn it. Those brainless bastard of Thoujerds have allowed themselves to be
overthrown by the government. I should have known it, this Picard I took as mayor and
governor was a low minded fool when I allowed him to reign Thoujerds. And now see what
he has done!”
“What is it honey,” Kira asked innocently.
“There’s a guy who calls himself Stan Bodner and his companion, a Ferengi called Quark
who have stolen a town from me.” His fingers pointed at a picture on his computer screen
where he showed Kira very familiar faces. She wanted to cry out loud: “That’s Bashir! With
Quark.”, but she did not, it was too dangerous for her. “We have to attack this town as fast
as possible and tear it down. Or this disease might spread to the whole planet which could
be disastrous.”
“Why do you think it could be so disastrous, honey?”
“’cause it will dismantle order. It will change everything and you and I will have to live in
poverty. They’ll probably hang us.”
“Why is that so, honey?”, Kira liked to play dumb. Then she felt this love again that was in
her heart, yet on the other side her aversion grew towards this man who looked like a twin
brother to Benjamin Sisko on the outside quite contrary to its inside.
“Don’t you see. They will not like us because we have so much money…”
Kira understood. It was more then money, it was about a battered people seeking out for
freedom. All her life she had fought against the Cardassian Empire and the oppressions that
they brought upon her people. Ugly images ran through her mind, feelings that were
stronger then love overwhelmed her and averted her emotional attraction to this Sisko into
hate. In her preceding life she had wondered how a person could commit so many evil
deeds, how a single soul could come up with so many dreadful ideas that it was sheer
unimaginable.
Since Emperor Sisko did not worry his wife because he trusted her to the ends he made
almost all of his transactions toward the upcoming war in his personal sleeping chambers.
Kira listened to them carefully, finding to almost any aspect a relation to her Bajoran past.
“And Admiral Asmodeus, use every force necessary!”
“Aye, sir!” the admiral answered.
Kira sensed that it soon became time for her to act so that she could save the doctor. Yet
what could she do? How could she inform him fast enough. This world was so different to
the one she was used to, she thought praying might be her only hope. The Prophets will
help me, she reassured herself, even so far away from their actual home, the wormhole.
“Come here honey. Don’t be so agitated.”, Kira said softening.
“I need now some one I can trust, some one I can lean on.”, Sisko said with a desperate
undertone.
“You can trust me.”, Kira replied reassuringly and self-confident.
“Our plan to succeed here is very delicate. I hate to order my men to kill or torture people.
Little children will die and it will my all my fault.” Kira sensed remorse in the Emperors
assertions, maybe it is not his fault but the fault of his upbringing, of his father and the father
of his father and so on.
“Yet we will make it, they will have no chance. Everyone who will stand in my way will have
to die. There is simply no other way.” The remorsefulness had disappeared, his mind was
set to war and to win the war by all means necessary. Even if killing little innocent children
was part of the exercise.
Suddenly a messenger called at the door: “Emperor, we have more bad news for you.”
“How can the situation be worse than it is already?”
“They have started to built up an army and now they plan to attack Natum and Shabblik, the
towns which are closest, tomorrow. And they have large support from inside. We have to act
fast.”
“I am coming. Inform Admiral Asmodeus about my arrival.”
“Aye, sir.”
In the room, Kira virtually saw the anxiety building that reminded her very much about the
man he looked like. “Where are you going?”
“I will join my troops in the fight against the revolutionaries.”
“Take me with you.”
“I would like to. But its to dangerous. I don’t want to leave you but yet it is for the better of
you.”
“I love you. Don’t leave me now.”
“I have to.” In the meantime Sisko had dressed up and packed all the stuff that was
necessary for the trip. Kira was determined to follow him, even if that meant to go sub-rosa.

“Dinner.” , Mrs. Halloway said aloud.
“I am coming”, O’Brien said. Yet first he wanted to scan the vicinity one last time and then
he tried to hail the Orinoco. Maybe this meeting with that strange being was just a dream.
He suddenly realized that there was another space ship in the orbit of Thorrok. According to
his readings it was the Defiant. But as he tried to hail them he got no response. An eerie
feeling struck him as he realized that they had apparently become victims of that strange
being, too.
Suddenly something knocked at the door. As he said: “Come in.” He saw that it was Eve.
Again he was blinded by her beauty and her sexual attraction that it was hard to look her
straight in the eyes without becoming weak this very instant. “Are you coming?”, she asked
friendly and very lovely.
“Yes, yes.β€œ He immediately left the room with her, trying to look somewhere else without
offending his hostess. The dinner table was decorated beautifully and there was a good
selection of terribly good looking food. He took a small slice of bread and some sausage.
“Feel free to eat as much as you wantβ€œ, Mr. Halloway encouraged.
The meal was gorgeous and O’Brien was determined to find out more about that black
figure in the woods, so as the right moment came he said: “I have heard so much about that
black statute in the woods, I would like very much to see it myself.β€œ
“I think Eve could take you there herself tomorrow morning. Isn’t that right Eve?β€œ He looked
questionably to Eve.
She returned with a big and happy smile: “You know daddy, I will.β€œ And with a smile at
O’Brien she gestured that her feelings were at least as strong as his. Yet O’Brien didn’t look
that happy at all, but how could he say no to such a generous offer.
“So do you agree?β€œ, Mr. Halloway asked. Bashir nodded while Eve began to smile with joy
to O’Brien.
“Now that this is over with, I’d like to know more about you.β€œ Mr. Halloway demanded. In the
eyes of Mrs. Halloway and Eve he could see that they were very much curious about what
he had to tell. Judging from Eve he also thought that it might be a marriage investigation.
How should they think that he’s married? He has come such a long way, and that without a
wife. He planned to tell them a great white lie.
“I come from a village far away that is called Methone. We are simple farmers but one day
the heaven talked to us and said to us that there is a black figure that knows the whole truth.
So we have hold a town’s meeting to discuss the subject. All of the families came to the
decision that one person should seek out to this figure and bring proof of it’s existence. The
decision of who should go fell on me because I had the unlucky gift of losing at a lottery. So
here I am.β€œ
Eve immediately asked: “Are you married, Mr. O’Brien?β€œ
“Yes, I amβ€œ, he admitted, silently thinking that he had won the first round against the ‘black
monster’.
Oh. She answered a little bit disappointed.
At this very point Mrs. Halloway jumped in trying to avert the impending catastrophe by
bringing in a delicious desert, apple pie. “Here comes the best apple pie, Camaria has ever
seen,β€œ Mr. Halloway exclaimed.
“Don’t blow it out of proportion, Jamesβ€œ, then turning to O’Brien: “He always eats the most of
my pie.β€œ O’Brien just smiled, this was just like he always had imagined family idyll, but it had
come different. With Keiko it had never been easy since they had moved to Deep Space
Nine, she could not totally follow her studies in biology on the station so she had been to
Bajor a couple of times. Those expeditions always lasted quite some time and they didn’t
wore very well on their relationship. Why couldn’t she be with him much longer? This
loneliness was sometimes unbearable.
“Thank you,” he said peering over to Eve and smiling. He took a good bit of it and it tasted
marvelous.
“For me it’s the best apple pie I’ve ever tasted in the whole universe.” They all laughed and
Mrs. Halloway said that here was finally some one who could overstate the excellence of her
cooking perfectly and they laughed again. Yet suddenly O’Brien realized that he had never
been more happy in his whole life, and he stopped laughing.
“What is it?”, Mr. Halloway asked truly concerned.
“Nothing.” O’Brien said, moving toward the verandah. Then he stared out for a second and
then said quietly: “Now. You almost had me.”
“What are you talking about?” Eve said.
Totally embarrassed O’Brien replied: “Nothing. Just nothing.”
“But you said something, something like ‘You had me’. Are you a criminal?”
“A criminal? No.”
“But what was it then?”
“I just talked to me. I meant myself.” He was prepared to tell more then he wanted, yet
sticking to his earlier white lie. “I almost fell in love with you, there at the table. The trouble
is: I’m married and I can’t break my oath, you know.” My oath? He asked himself. What I’m I
talking? I really love Keiko. Suddenly the dark voice said from within his head: “Do you
really love Keiko? Or has the love long been replaced by wont?”
“No, I still love her!”, O’Brien said aloud. Eve distanced herself from him, and asked
“What?”
O’Brien didn’t answer but walked straight up to his room. Eve, astonished by his strange
behavior, followed him as fast as she could. Mr. And Mrs. Halloway, who had still been
sitting at the table, wondered what had happened between them.
“I think they are in love, Marie.”
“That can’t be. He is a married man.”
“But he’s far away from his wife and lonely.”
“Don’t talk like that. You know about marriage in the Bible. It’s holy and I think our guest
knows this as well as you.”

He closed the door abruptly. Eve opened it as fast as he had shut it. “Go away!”, O’Brien
said angrily.
“I don’t…”
“Shut up and leave.”, he said persistently.
She did so and wondered why she had done this. Had she fallen in love with that stranger?
Why in God’s name? Naturally he was handsome but she didn’t know who he really was, yet
there was this feeling deep in her heart that made her fall for this traveler.
O’Brien was glad that he was finally alone. This struggle was going to be much harder then
he had first thought. All of his thoughts mixed with his feelings, reason was overwhelmed by
emotion. The deep voice came again and said: “Don’t you want to give up? I control your
feelings and you can’t do anything against it. It is as easy as this.”
“No it is not.” O’Brien protested. “We sentient beings have reason. We can control our
emotions with it.”
“No, you can’t. And I can prove it, do you know Matula, the new Vulcan scientist officer on
Deep Space Nine?”
“Yes?”
“She is now presently in love with your constable Odo. Believe it or not they have found
love on the Defiant that is presently in orbit of this planet. She is normally controlled by
ration yet with my influence even the most resistant Vulcan can’t control his feelings.”
“But that will kill her, Vulcans can’t live that long in a state of emotions.”
“I will stop if you give up. But then all of Starfleet and any other space travel has to
disappear.”
“I will never give up.”
“You will murder her. It will be then your fault if Matula dies.”
“I can’t give up. I hate you, you, you evil being.!” O’Brien exclaimed exasperated and
agitated. “Why are you doing this all? Is it just for fun or what?”
“I do it for my very existence. Every time a space ship crosses the space at warp speed my
whole existence is threatened.”
“But I have never heard of such a kind of species as you are.”
“That’s because there is only me and no other being. I seem to be born out of something like
a subspace fluctuation, that’s why I am not bound to one dimension. I later realized that I
was capable of manipulating the feelings of all sentient beings.”
“Then you got the idea of using feelings as a method of destroying space travel.”
“Yes. It seemed easier as I initially thought, that was when I found myself accidentally on
this planet. They were comparably primitive because they liked it, this was perfect for my
cause. So one day I made one of them believe that he had seen a black figure in the woods.
Shortly thereafter all of the people of the town came to see me.”
“And then you told them that you were part of God?”
“That was their own idea, and I played with it. It was perfect.”
“I still don’t understand how you created the black figure in the woods, or had it always been
there?”
“Both wrong. I made them perceive it through their emotions. It was like a fata morgana or
mirage, not real at all.”
“Can’t we get another agreement that could be favorable for both of us, something like you
retreat to a place in the galaxy where we will agree upon never to cross it with our
spaceships?”
“Out of the question. I need freedom, and furthermore could you guarantee that your
promise will be kept as long as I live? And that might be as long as eternity, I don’t know.”
O’Brien was quiet, the power that this being inhibited was far bigger then he could imagine.
How could he stand his own emotions? How could he fight such powerful things as love? He
had to plan a strategy that was on the same level as the being and he was sure that this
would be anything but easy.
“You will kiss her tomorrow, on that trip to my mirage.”, the dark voice croaked.
I will not, O’Brien thought, yet he said nothing and so the being disappeared. At least it could
not read his thoughts.
Two hours later O’Brien had recovered from the shock and he went down into the living
room again. It was 10:30 p.m. and almost all lights were out in the house. Only Mr. Halloway
still seemed to be awake. He recognized his guest immediately and started like a father: “Do
you love her?”
Not irritated O’Brien said that he’s prepared for the trip the next day. Mr. Halloway thought to
understand what his guest was up to, but for O’Brien this would become one of the most
difficult tests in his life.

The computer screens in Thoujerds blinked the same sentence over and over: “Those who
make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable”. It was a
sentence Bashir remembered from history class, it had been said by a now famous US-
president call John F. Kennedy in a speech 1962. He and Matula were standing in front of
the holding cell that inhibited the former owner of this mansion, the governor and mayor
Jean Luc Picard.
“This will never succeed.” the elderly man with the few white hair screamed. “Never! Never!
Never!” He repeated it so often as to make himself believe it. For Bashir it seemed
ridiculous that such a famous man from his history could do just the opposite in another
galaxy. He wondered what Kennedy would have said here.
“We have already succeeded. The towns of Natum and Shabblik have already fallen, more
towns will surely fall, too.”
“The Emperor will not allow it. He is more powerful then all of you.”
“He may try.”
“Yes he may try. But when he attacks many of you will die, probably this whole town will.
Including me.”
“Do you really want to die for this?”
“What are you to criticize this order? You bring terror and pain to this world and you are not
ashamed?”
“There has always been terror on this world and you won’t admit it. Look what people are
deceived every day when the press is not allowed to say something opposite, when political
dissidents are executed for saying their own mind.”
“I have always allowed people to state their opinion freely.”
“But what about the AGU laws?”
“How do you know about these laws. They are top secret.” Picard started to wonder what
this young man already knew. “Yes, you are the one that destroyed our computer nets, you
know your bits from your bites. How did you learn so much?” For Bashir it hadn’t been that
much, in his world this was standard knowledge, here it was a privilege. That was maybe the
reason of why they were that much less developed than his dimension.
“I know more then you think. But I still can’t understand why such a developed world can be
so savage. Yet we could be much further without the oppression that came from you and the
other leaders.”
“It was never my idea. I would have brought chance but the Emperor wouldn’t let me
because he said that would undermine our power and certainly lead to revolution.”
“And he was probably right.”
“But the revolution came anyway, didn’t it?”
Bashir regarded it to be futile to talk to this creature any more and showed a sign to Matula
that he wanted to go. She understood and they both left through the long corridor. It was
halfway out that Matula said: “I am beginning to wonder who the man is that I’ve married. I
am so surprised, that I doubted at one point that you are the real Stan Bodner.”
“And why is that so?”, Bashir felt relief that this heavy shadow of a strange man was slowly
lifted from his shoulders.
“You said that you can’t understand why such a developed world as this can be so savage.
This world had always been this way, we have thought that it was natural that there were
strong leaders who told us what to do.”
“This will end now. Freedom and liberty for all.”
“Before you went into the coma you never talked like this. Was it the coma? Did you dream
anything bad?”
“We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal and that they are
endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights. Do you know who wrote this?”
“No. What are you talking about, I think I should call a doctor?”
“No, no. Not a doctor. I am perfectly alright.”
“You said that before. Do you remember, before that dreadful disease started which led to
the coma.”
“I promise you this time it will not happen again.”
Suddenly a messenger entered the mansion and cried: “We have big losses at the battle of
Arcadia. We are standing in front of the town’s walls, yet the emperor and his guards of
more then a million heavily armed men are inside and at the gates. Mr. Bodner we need you
their immediately.”
“I am coming.”
Looking to his wife he said: “I have to.”
She kissed him: “Take good care.” Then she silently added: “Who ever you are, I will always
love you.”
Bashir hadn’t heard it anymore. The real battle had begun.

“They will have their ‘violent revolution’. Attack them again.” Emperor Sisko yelled.
The artillery was shooting straight shots at the mostly civilian militia that was standing only a
few hundred meters away from the town walls of Arcadia. The noise was heard a miles away
and as the carriage of Major Kira reached the town’s walls she feared the worst.
“Driver…”
“My name is Buck.”
“Anyway. Can you bring us in, undetected?.”
“That’ll be hard, ma’am.”
“Try it- Buck.” Then he diverted the horses to a secret road that led to a lower end of the
monstrous wall. There he showed Kira a secret door, that he, according to himself used
quite often to meet a woman. “You are a magnificent man, Buckβ€œ, she said. This was a great
entrance, here she could show Bashir and Quark a way in, the only problem was: how to
contact Bashir.
“Driver, ahem Buck, can you bring me to this man called Ba- I mean Stan Bodner.”
“That criminal? What do you want from him. They’ll kill you ma’am.”
“Don’t talk so much, just do it.”
The man, almost sixty years old looked quite shocked. He was buffed by the Emperors wife.
First she had wanted to follow her husband secretly, now she wanted to meet his top
adversary. Maybe she knew more then he did, and it wasn’t one of his tasks to understand
all of this. So he decided to do what ever she wanted, without too many questions because
if the Emperor finds out that he hadn’t trusted his wife he would get furious.
He led the horses to turn and run fast toward the hills. It was a pretty uncomfortable way of
traveling, which was due to a lack of invention on the planet of Camaria. Though a highly
developed and sophisticated computer net, the people of Camaria hadn’t been able to
develop a automobile vehicle or another comfortable way to travel.
“Can’t you drive softer?”, Kira protested.
The driver quickly rebutted. “If those scientists had found out a way to make traveling easy
it’d be better by now. Yet I’ve heard they haven’t figured out how to fuel them so they drive.
If I’m asked I would say they should take the same invention they use to make the rockets
fly. But its way too expensive here.”
Kira didn’t answer, she had already seen that suppression cost a lot of money with all the
weapons you needed just in case those dumb citizen revolted just like now. She wondered
whether they had before.
“I am now heading for Thoujerds. That’s where the civil war started.”, the driver said briskly.
His old face had grown seemingly older in the past half hour that they had ridden through
“enemy” territory and as they got stopped by revolutionaries Buck’s heart almost stopped.
“Get out, you bastards. That’s one of the Emperor’s carriages.”
“I have to talk to Stan Bodner, your leader.”
“So, you have to, haven’t you? But are you sure he wants to see you, you rich bitch.”, he
laughed about his joke that he almost collapsed. His mouth stank immensely after hard
liquor and his beard had not been shaven for at least a month. Kira was disgusted by the
appearances of the men that were now approaching the little vehicle, they all seemed to be
anything but sober and prepared to do even more for the revolution then necessary. Murder
and killing seemed to have become a daily event, so regularly that it could frighten any
normal citizen. Yet she wasn’t a normal citizen, she was the wife of the hated Emperor of
Camaria. One of the men yelled: ” That’s the wife of the Emperor”
Another one screamed: “Hang her.” The vast majority of the people that had streamed to
the little carriage returned the man’s wish like a refrain. “Hang her. Hang her.”
Suddenly a man emerged from back in the group, it was Bashir or Stan Bodner. “Stop it. We
won’t kill her, she can be useful for us.”
“Useful? That imperial whore sold herself to the Evil Empire, to the darker side of the
Force.”
“If I say she can be very helpful for our cause. Now we have something in our hands the
Emperor may want back. Or maybe we can get some information from her.” The troubled
mass retreated and acknowledged their leader’s arguments. “But if she makes trouble, I will
hang her.”, the angry man returned as the others kept silent.
Kira wanted to run to Bashir immediately and thank him for her rescue, but could she be so
outwardly to that man who seemed to be the Doctor they were all looking for. Yet she didn’t
want to cause trouble for him, now that he had so many people behind him, on the other
hand she wasn’t sure just yet whether this was really Bashir or really a man called Stan
Bodner.
One of the dark characters approached her and threw her out of the vehicle. She fell
dismally into the dirt and hurt herself a bit, but not more then she was hurt during the time of
the Cardassian occupation. With many dirty words they dragged her along the road. Kira
struggled to get on her feet and stumbled along with three of the ugliest and most dangerous
looking monsters toward, as they called it, Hell on Earth for her, to Thoujerds. In her mind all
terrible memories flashed back through her mind. She saw suddenly three Cardassian
pushing her, throwing her down on the Earth and crying dirty words at her head. Then she
heard the sound of the mining engines aboard Terok Nor, thundering over and over again
and the echoes of innocent people screaming their last cry for help. Yet she stayed calm,
followed the aggressive movements of the pushing and pulling brutes who schlepped her
along the many hours they had to pass on their way to the mighty gates of Thoujerds.
She was put into a confinement cell next to the ex-mayor and ex-governor Picard, whom
she realized from her time line. Before she could think of a way to reach Bashir he was
already in the prison.
“So you are the wife of that devious Emperor, what was his name?”
Was he Bashir or was he someone else, that Stan Bodner. Picard had turned around and
looked at the revolutionary with disgust. At once he tried to spit into the face of his captor,
yet the magnetic field did not allow it to pass. Stan Bodner alias Bashir just smiled at him.
“I am not your judge, Picard, but I think that you will not receive any lenience if you act that
way in court.”
“You disgust me. You say you want to make a free state with free people. How can you keep
me captive?”
“You will get your fair trial, I can assure you, but your chances are not very good, I guess.”
“I admire you, Mr. Bodner, for your courage and your new and revolutionary ideas.”
“Yes, yes. You admire me, but you wouldn’t want to change it yourself, would you? You like
that filthy money of yours so much for that.”
“You’re quite wrong about that, Mr. Bodner. I would like to give up all my money for
freedom.”
“So why haven’t you acted earlier and waited until the revolution started? You could have at
least tried to change something, but as I recall you even proposed once the death penalty
for a man who talked his mind.”
Picard didn’t say anything anymore. Kira, who had been following the conversation was now
certain that this was not the Doctor from Deep Space Nine but this alien hero from another
time zone. It was too much to expect to meet him again here. Yet suddenly she also felt to
be at home here, and there was that emotion that money was special to her although it
really had never been that before in her other time line. Then a thought ran through her
mind. Maybe her Bajoran past had just been a dream, a very long and intensive dream?
Stan Bodner turned to Kira without taking another glance at the former mayor. He observed
her from toe to head, wondering why she seemed so familiar.
“But anyway, you can help us now.” Stan Bodner still quite agitated by his conversation with
the mayor.
“How?”, she said enthusiastically.
“You can give us information on the Emperor’s actions and maybe even help us destroying
your husband and beating that most important town of ”
“I will!”, Kira said with conviction, even though she realized that it would become a battle
against her emotions.

The early morning dust had retreated and the birds sang a beautiful tune of spring and love.
The sun had risen to the highest peak east of them, it’s red eyes lingered like the devil
himself. It appeared unreal and the second moon to the north implied the surreal couple a
sense of doom’s day. A loud bird screamed out of a wood nearby, telling the hikers that it
was a treacherous voyage with many traps and problems ahead. As they walked along a hill
side that was totally green and without trees, except for the valley down below, the black
figure appeared so suddenly that it shocked O’Brien.
“There it is.”, Eve said with a smile, pinpointing at a huge black monster reaching far above
the surrounding wood. From what he imagined it was at least a mile big. Yet on the other
hand it wasn’t really real, it was only a fata morgana, but a very realistic one. He took his
scanner out of his back sack and investigated the mirage. The device displayed that there
was really a big metal figure composed out of many different chemical substances. Then it
must be real, how could the scanner show anything if there wasn’t some truth behind it. He
saved the scan results for later studies.
“What is this?”, Eve said astounded by the ‘primitive’ stranger’s little gadget.
“It is a scanner, it allows me to test the figure in the woods if it’s real or not.”
“Wow, I’ve never seen something quite like it. You can’t be that primitive because we don’t
have such a thing.!”
Suddenly the dark croaking voice reappeared, sounding like an almost old enemy. “There
you are, young man. I am God’s direct messenger and you and the beautiful girl besides you
have to follow my wishes. My wishes are God’s wishes. You may ask what God may want
from you, but that’s simple: He wants you to kiss each other and love each other until the
end of time.”
“But isn’t it against God’s holy word that a girl kisses a married man.”
“The marriage has been dissolved, his wife has found another one.”
“I don’t believe you…”, O’Brien stepped in agitated.
“See for yourself…”, suddenly smoke came out of the mouth of the black figure. A picture
appeared in which the interior of Deep Space Nine was depicted. Then he saw Ben Sisko,
his commander, walking arm in arm with his wife Keiko.”
“You manipulated them, like you manipulate everybody. But you won’t get me, I am stronger
then they are because I know who’s behind all of this.”
Eve had just been watching the whole ‘miracle’ and was astonished by it.
“You are not from this planet?”, she asked buffed.
“No, I’m not. I have come to investigate an attempt to steal our space station.”
“You mean Stan has failed?”
“Not only Stan, all sentient beings have. And if I can’t save them now they are lost for ever,
or space travel for that matter.”
“But isn’t space travel evil?”
“He told you that, he can control your emotions, Eve, that’s why you believed every word he
said. And that’s why you feel love towards me, but this is not real, Eve. Not real, do you
understand?”
He repeated it in order to believe it himself.
“That figure can control such things as love?”, she said with disbelief.
“Yes. Unfortunately.”, he paused and kept silent for a minute. The black figure is not real,
the being had confessed. Yet the tricorder had reported differently.
“No, I truly love you. It may be God’s will that we found each other but love is what I have
found.”, she said convinced. O’Brien felt that everything he said sounded strange to her
because she didn’t know everything. Furthermore he doubted it himself, maybe he was just
getting insane. But then there was the Defiant in the orbit that was every proof he needed.
“I want to see that figure close up and personal.”, O’Brien said firmly.
The deep voice echoed in a deep and terrifying voice “If you proceed beyond the edges of
the wood you will not come to Heaven, Eve. God does not want intruders in his realm and
the wood is God’s realm.”
“Are you going with me, Eve? Or are you still believing in this devious god like being.” He
stressed the word being in order to underline the fact that this was not God, yet Eve still did
not belief what O’Brien told her. Who should she belief, God or that stranger who came from
a space station from deep space?
“You have to go with me, I need you to defeat him. If you love me then follow me where
ever I go.”, O’Brien said earnestly.
“What word is more important to you, God’s or this single human being? Do you want to be
damned for good just for this little mistake you do today?” Eve fell on her knees and started
to cry. The world around her had changed, her innocence began to deteriorate and she was
just not yet ready to give up everything she once believed in.
“Don’t you understand, that I can’t go with you. If I will go all of my family will end up in Hell.
I can’t do that to them.” She still cried and O’Brien laid his arm comfortingly around her
shoulders. After a brief moment of silence he hugged her. “I know it’s very hard for you, but
you have to understand that this is not God. God is not someone who hates, he is a loving
God. He would allow you to follow him where ever he was and moreover he would not
create a figure as a means to talk to people, he does not need this.”
“Yes, the Bible says all of this. I have read the Bible from start to end and I know all of this.”
Then she turned into the direction of the black monster and yelled: “Isn’t that right, you can’t
be a prophet because you do what God would never had allowed.” The figure remained
silent, considering what argument to bring next. In the meantime O’Brien pulled her down
the slope and toward the wood. Reluctantly she followed him, dragging down and down. The
walk downwards was tedious and dangerous, there were many holes on the floor that
seemed to be deeper then the deepest well. O’Brien wondered whether they were real or
just part of his imagination.

Darkness predominated the interior of the wood, and there was virtually no plant on the floor
which seemed to mirror the existence of a divine being or deity. The dark voice started to
say a line and repeating it constantly: “This is the end. You both will end up in Hell!”
Although Eve constantly tried to break free from O’Brien’s hands who schlepped her deeper
and deeper into the woods. Every time the voice had spoken it’s line she returned a: “Leave
me go. I don’t want to go to Hell.” And sometimes he comforted her with the words: “Eve,
don’t believe what he says. Don’t you see he’s unlike the God from the Bible. He’s unlike a
God at all.” Yet the illusions seemed like miracles, and there was no logical explanation to
doubt what you saw, except that O’Brien knew the truth. Suddenly they had reached the
figure and it still stood there as if it had been there for centuries. It can’t be, O’Brien said to
himself. There is nothing, it’s only an illusion created by that being. So he dragged her
closer and closer, in the process he shut his eyes and moved against the outer wall of it.
Eve cried: “We will crash. God, Mr. O’Brien, stop.” Yet he continued undeterred and finally
bounced of the wall with a heavy and sudden smash.
“Oh my God, it is real.”
The dark voice began laughing to the utmost extent and the wind began to blow through the
trees. The emptiness around the two lonely adventures became eerie and unreal. The
headache in O’Brien’s head ceded and he began to think normally again. For the first time in
days he could think clearly again. What had happened, O’Brien thought at first but then he
realized: the being had played another trick at them. Because he had felt deep in his heart
that there was a figure because he had always trusted his tricorder, or his eyes for that
matter. So it was his mind that had created the wall, and the pain, inflicted by the mirage,
was just another emotion to hinder him from winning the bet.
“Mr. O’Brien, have you hurt yourself?”, Eve gestured with a smile. She tried kiss his
forehead which he successfully averted, thinking that it stood now 2:1 for him and that he
had almost already won the battle. He returned back to his feet, clumsily but determined. He
had his mind made up, he grabbed Eve with a harsh pull and again walked against the
figure. Yet this time he did not close his eyes, he just cleared his mind of everything and just
concentrated that there actually was no figure. She struggled to release herself but he tried
to hold her with all his power, and as he entered the outer surface of that mirage he was not
thrown back by it, there wasn’t even the slightest bit of pain. Eve on the other hand
screamed of pain, and O’Brien had to drag her in. Finally she realized the truth and the
figure disappeared entirely. “You are a brave and intelligent man, Mr. Miles Edward O’Brian.
And frankly I0 hate you for that.”
“So you admit that you have lost the bet?”
“Bet?”, Eve asked more to herself.
The dark mysterious voice changed to a regular human voice and said: “We agreed that I
will go away if you don’t marry Eve and leave this planet for good.”
“I won’t marry him.”, Eve said with determination. “Now that I know that you were the
perpetrator of my feelings toward him, I don’t love him anymore. I just hate you for being so-
so infiltrating.”
“See it, you have lost. Now you have to leave all sentient beings and give them back their
control over their feelings.”
“No, I haven’t lost, yet. You said you would ‘leave’ the planet. But if you stay you might
change your mind, or maybe Eve. You have only won if you leave this planet, and I don’t
think that this will be possible, considering the fact that I still control your friends aboard the
Defiant.”
“You- you dastardly arrogant beast.”, O’Brien exclaimed.
“What will you do now?”, Eve asked.
“I will find a way.” They both confronted each other in an awkward way. It was as if they had
just met and needed an introduction to one another. Her beautiful smile had disappeared
and the once happy innocence was gone.

Bashir had released her and taken her to his newly elected office in Thorrok. It was time to
investigate on which side this woman was. Furthermore he was really interested how the
Kira of this time line was. He remembered now that this woman was part of his past, or of
his coma. And since he was absolutely sure that he had never seen her in this world, how
could he for she was the wife of the Emperor.
“Here’s my office, Mrs. Kira. Make it yourself comfortable.”
“Mr. Bodner, I am surprised that you want something from me. I must seem awfully evil to
you. Since I am married to that despot Emperor.”
“Marriage makes no one evil.”
“That is true, but isn’t everybody assuming…”
“… that someone who lives with someone, is even married to him, has the same ideas.”
“Yes.”
Bashir was surprised how she reacted. It was unlike anything he had ever expected from a
Queen. This Kira was more like the Kira he remembered, this was strange because every
one here seemed so different from the one’s he remembered.
“I have always said that those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.”,
Kira said and to Bashir that sentence sounded so familiar, he had heard it before. But how
could he? Then he saw a strangely expecting look in her eyes which made his brain work at
the speed of light. There he remembered the sentence came from a famous person from his
home planet called Abraham Lincoln.
“How did you on Earth come here, Major?” He said, surprised by what he knew.
“That’s a long story…”, Kira said with relief. “What I want to know is whether you have a plan
to leave this place and go home.”
“I kind of like it here. I’ve got a beautiful wife and I am a hero to those people. What can
somebody want more.”
“To live in his real world. Be himself. I think that if I replaced someone you did too. And you
played this role of this Stan Bodner very well, but don’t you want to be yourself again?”
“I don’t know.”, Kira’s arguments were true. He hated to play someone else, or was it more
then playing?, but on the other hand he had brought a lot of himself into it. Bashir had
merged into this Stan Bodner, he himself had started to believe that everything before the
coma had just been a nightmare and his real identity was here on Camaria. Her quotation
had brought the blurry past to life again.
“So you don’t have a plan?”
He had never thought of leaving this place, it had always seem impossible to him.
“I can not think of any possible return since I can’t explain how I did come here in the first
place. The only thing that I remember is that I was dragged into a big black metal box that
looked like the probe from the Gamma Quadrant.”
“I was also dragged into a black object, mine was nonetheless something indescribable yet
not this probe.”
“At least both our incidents have something in common. But this doesn’t bring us any
further,”
“But there must be something…” They both held silent for a few minutes until the speaker in
Stan Bodner’s office beeped: “Mr. Bodner, the situation at Arcadia is very critical. We have
lost many men and we need your assistance.”
“I know a secret way to enter the city.”, Kira said.
The messenger replied in an angry tone: “Who’s that?”
“A secret agent to the Democratic League”
The messenger just nodded and retreated without another word. Bashir was delighted to
have someone from his home to join him in this glorious battle that he planned to win. In his
mind the fight for democracy had become more important than anything, far from plans to
return home. He just hoped Kira would act the same way as he did. Without another word
Bashir reached for his jacket and left the room, Kira followed him. They both entered a
carriage that once belonged to the governor of Thoujerds but was remodeled for the
Democratic movement, it had bold letters in bright red color painted on it that proclaimed
the Revolution in glorious words.
“It is a long ride to Arcadia, and with these primitive vehicles a torture.”
“I know.”, Kira smiled. “I took this road before, you know.”
“I can’t imagine why such an advanced people hasn’t invented a better method of
transportation”, Bashir stated, Kira just grinned. “On we go on the bumpy ride. Whoa,
horses.” Bashir had to drive the horses himself, although he had never done this before in
his life.

“We go in there now, men. One word in advance, this is not going to be a cinch. You’d
better be prepared.” A group of 30 dangerous looking adults, both male and female had
been assembled in front of the secret gate. They were all heavily armed and ready to do the
cruelest deeds they could. Ironically they should fight for a better world where peace,
harmony and democracy should be primary to anything. Yet they were the best Bashir could
have assembled, one of them was Akkilez, a man with a long reputation for fighting at
rundown bars, he was even allegedly a killer. Kira was standing next to Bashir with a
backpack and ready to go, the only thing that surprised her was how Bashir had changed.
He had so much commitment and excitement for this cause that an outside observer could
not have distinguished him from the others.
Then the warriors entered the town, inside the walls they approached the building of the
governor. Bashir had planned to enter the governor’s office, he hoped he could do so with
all the attention of the town’s folks directed at the battle in front and the guards killed by his
men. As Bashir and Kira finally reached the building, some of Akkilez men lay slain around
the monumental structure. Along with them, however lay a lot of guards. With so many
guards lying dead in front of the building, hanging in the windows and on the rooftop Bashir
could only have barely grasped the total amount of guards. The strange couple entered a
secret door at the left wing of the building. As they entered Bashir could smell the scent of
death and ammunition. It was a very eerie feeling as they ascended up the dark stairways
with all the blood splattered on the ground. Bashir hold his hand over his mouth as he
entered the second story, there was a mutilated woman laying on the floor. Her head had
been smashed violently on the floor and her breasts had been cut open by a large knife. The
face was completely soaked with blood, and the rest of her body showed numerous cuts. As
Kira wanted to enter the room Bashir warned her gently, and as Kira saw the young woman,
she said quietly: “Holy, prophets.” In all the years of the Cardassian occupation she had
never seen a person so badly mutilated.
“She must have been mutilated even after her death.”, she investigated. “How could
anybody do something like that.”
“It was one of our man.”, Bashir said.
“Why do you say that?”
“Look at the knife that I’ve found over here, it’s one of those we marked with the words:
‘Democratic League.'”
“And here is the perpetrator, he hasn’t come far. It’s Akkilez himself. ”
The brute had been shot in the back by someone other than the dead woman. In the gloomy
light he appeared like a monster with an evil soul, this reminded him of the man he must
have been. A cold shiver went through his spines, was democracy worth all the killings. In
other times they would have damned this man for murder, but in these times he might be
celebrated as a hero. “Here is a computer.”, Bashir said pointing at a dark table in one of the
corners. He made it on and started immediately to search for possible ways to undermine
the military operations of this town, which were largely founded in the local computer net.
Kira leaned over him and was astonished as Bashir handled the Computer as one of his
own. Maybe Bashir has become one of them, Kira finally concluded.
Suddenly they heard footsteps in an adjacent room. They immediately covered themselves
and tried to keep as quiet as possible. Every step this human being did sounded like a
hallow thunder creaking across the wooden floor. A loud and intense clicking indicated a
loading of a weapon. Instinctually Bashir took his already loaded weapon out of his pocket.
He was frightened by the fact that he could get pretty close in using this deadly object, he
almost saw it as inevitable. Five minutes the pounding stopped suddenly, a shadow
appeared at the door to the room. The shade at the wall kneeled over the dead body of the
woman. The dark shadow play at the wall revealed that the figure was affected by the body,
then they could hear the person cry quietly. Moved by the situation, Kira’s hands slipped and
touched a pen on the table. The pen started to move and crashed on the floor. The shadow
got on his feet again, and moved into the room: “Is someone in there?”, a male voice
shouted into the chamber. Kira and Bashir hold as still as possible, any move could be fatal.
Slowly the man advanced into the room, straying light into the endless dark. Bashir took to
the closest chair and picked it up. The noise made the man vigilant: “Where are you?” The
chair crashed on the man’s head, knocking him unconscious.

It was silent as a funeral, it seemed as if doomsday lingered and the devil prepared to take
them all. Mr. and Mrs. Halloway sat at their table looking with concern at the two young
people which they regarded as children due to the difference of age. The two children who
just lost what is commonly seen as typical childish behavior, the innocence of a young baby,
just loomed over the dinner as if the whole world had crushed. Yet the parents thought that
there had been something going on between these two persons, and they weren’t
completely wrong yet the love that had existed between them had been kind of artificial and
not their own doing. O’Brien now only thought of a way to escape this planet in order to save
the rest of the galaxy, which was relatively a small step concerning the effect his little step
would have. Yet he wasn’t even sure whether this obscure being would keep his promises.
“Let us pray for the Almighty who has honored us with so much to eat although we do not
deserve it. Amen”, Mr. Halloway said. “And now let us eat.”
They did not recognize the prayer nor the invitation to eat, they weren’t hungry anyway.
“Excuse me.”, O’Brien said, leaving the table suddenly and totally unexpectedly. That wasn’t
normal behavior for a guest and under normal circumstances a host would have been
annoyed by it, but these were anything but normal circumstances.
As O’Brien entered his room, his thoughts were only concentrated on the Defiant. There
must be a way to communicate with them, or with their computer. Somehow he had to figure
out a method to use his tricoder, his comm badge and his expertise to reach the orbiting
vessel. Then suddenly Eve entered the chamber, with that question in her eyes that wanted
to know everything.
“Go away.”, he said seemingly agitated.
“I only want to help.”, she said helplessly. “And since I am the only one who knows your true
identity I might be a good help for you.”
She wanted to try to convince him with blackmailing, and O’Brien realized it. Yet any help
would be positive at this moment of utmost desperation. “Yes, indeed you can help me. If I
make a list for you and you buy some things for me?”
She agreed joyfully, almost reaching the peak of her naΓ―ve happiness. O’Brien took a pencil,
scrapped some items on it and handed it to her. She stared at it for a while and asked then:
“For what do you need all those things.”
“To get back home.”
It still looked strange to her, and aside of her knowledge that he was an extra-thorrokian,
she wasn’t quite sure how she could possibly understand this strange being. On the one
hand it had become a normal human being, on the other hand it had so much power that it
was something far beyond her imagination.
Instinctually he then built out of relatively primitive parts a high tech instrument that he
designed to work as a locator of the Defiant, its computer and also as a communicator. The
first task O’Brien gave this new gadget was to first locate and then log in to the computer of
the Defiant After numerous attempts the signal finally reached the orbiting ship, and he
could locate the computer. Yet it wasn’t a victory yet; there were many security blockades in
the way that he had to overcome. His own clearance on the other hand just might be enough
to enter the ship, if they hadn’t changed anything which wasn’t so far out because he was on
a potentially dangerous secret mission which would be reason enough to change the codes
in order to protect the ship. Then it came: “Access denied.” He cursed, and Eve shook her
head to show him that this was not Christian at all.
“Maybe I can find out how to crack the new code.”, Bashir said more to himself, and only the
idea that he could made him shiver. If he could, maybe someone else could too?
Yet there was a certain system to the codes and if you knew it, it was half as difficult to you.
After two hours of hard work he had finally programmed a program that would run through
all the codes in two days. Then there wasn’t much he could do but watch it. While Eve
continued to entertain him with talking he kept an eye on the code word program. As the
next approached, in the break of dawn, the alarm buzz sounded and O’Brien had made it.
“Now stop me if you can.”
I will, I can assure you. The dark voice thundered through the building that frightened
O’Brien for a short second. Maybe he could, he thought. If he made the Defiant avert its
course and head back to Deep Space Nine…

“I love you so much, Aeneas.”, the Ensign said, while sitting on Ensign Aeneas leg. He
looked her deep in the eyes, and then gently kissed her lips. The world around him evolved
and became a huge pink environment. Then he felt a sudden temperature increase, but as if
the systems failed, no it was the erotic that lay in the air.
Suddenly the main console on the bridge beeped. Inadvertently Aeneas was drawn to it and
as he investigated it closer he realized something odd.
“We are changing course. We’re leaving orbit.”
“Does that matter? Captain Matula doesn’t care, why should we then?”, Dido said
undisturbed.
“I have a funny feeling that something is very wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong, if the ship wants to fly back home. It just got homesick, that’s all.”
“If you could hear yourself, Dido. The ship doesn’t want anything, it’s a machine.”
“But maybe Matula got sick of this stupid planet and just ordered the ship to head back to
DS9.”
“That’s impossible, because we are the crew to execute her orders, and we didn’t do
anything.”
“That’s not correct. You kissed me and now you want to make love with me…”
“That’s not what I meant.”, he then realized that he could not talk reasonably with Dido. He
was determined to stop the ship, but first he would talk to the captain. He initialized his
Comm badge and asked for Captain Matula.
She did not answer. “Computer, where is Captain Matula?”
“In her quarters.”
“Is she alone?”
“No, Odo is with her.” That was a good sign. They are probably discussing what’s wrong
with the ship. Aeneas was proven otherwise as he entered the quarters. After an unusually
happy “Come in” from Captain Matula Aeneas was baffled by the way these two extremely
different species were holding themselves. “Oh, isn’t that our handsome Ensign Aeneas?
Come on in, we want to tell you something.”
“Yes,” Aeneas said in anticipation of getting some news about why the ship had left the
orbit.
“We are going to get married!”, Matula said amused, laughing out loud.
“What? You are going to get married? Odo, Matula are you out of your minds?”
“On the contrary, we are quite sane.”, Odo answered, and Matula laughed, and kissed Odo.
That was strange behavior for any Vulcan, and, Aeneas concluded, that she must have
gone insane. Suddenly he felt a shiver, something had gone dead wrong and he had to
change what ever it was. The first thing he would do was to bring the ship back into orbit of
Thorrok.
“Computer, “, Aeneas ordered, “change course back to Thorrok immediately.”
“Authorization denied. This operation needs approval of captain or a first officer.”
He cursed, but without taking a second look he went to the turbolift to go down to
engineering to change the course manually. But then Dido said: “Where are you going?”
“I am going to engineering to change the course of the Defiant?”
“Why are you doing this without the order of the captain?”
“The captain has lost her mind, she wants to marry Odo.”
“So what?”
“She’s Vulcan. Vulcan’s don’t love each other, nor do they love at all.” With these words he
continued to go to the turbolift, ordering it to come. But as the door opened, Dido said:
“Don’t leave me, please.”
“I have to go and change the course.”
“If you go I will kill myself.”
“Then come with me, honey.”
“That would be mutiny, I can’t do that.”
Without another word, Aeneas disappeared in the lift, leaving Dido crying on the bridge. He
did what he thought was right, in that moment honor was more important then love ever
was. He had been this way all his life, that’s why he decided to join Starfleet into space
where he’d be at a different place every day. Yet it was more then honor, it was his fear of
relationships that drew him away from any woman when ever he felt a little bit of love. And
this wasn’t without reason, as he had been just a little child, around 6, his beloved mother
died and he had to go to foster parents because there had never been a father and still
today he didn’t know what happened to him. Anyway, his foster parents weren’t the nicest
people, but this is another story.
Down in engineering it wasn’t easy to overcome the many barriers that were laid by the
computer. Yet he worked frantically to overcome those, and to him it lasted an eternity in
which he felt a deep pain in his heart for leaving Dido back on the bridge. It was
unexplainable to him and yet he fought against it terribly. Finally he succeeded in his efforts
and he felt a strong ripping movement of the sudden turn of the ship so that he tumbled
across the room. Immediately after recovering from the fall he returned to the turbo lift. His
inner emotions revolted, his heart burned and he couldn’t expect to get back to Dido. The
turbolift moved unbelievably slow, or was it just his perception? The seconds went by as if
they were minutes, and as the turbolift stopped, and the doors opened to the bridge his heart
stopped. As he saw it, he immediately turned away, the view was anything but pretty. Ensign
Dido’s body lay bloodless behind the captains seat. There were no marks on her body, and,
although a world broke down for him, he concluded that she must have take some kind of
drug she had replicated. There was no doubt in his mind, she had taken suicide because he
had left her. Then after the immediate shock was over, guilt aroused in him and anger.
Anger toward the captain, Matula, anger toward Odo, for he was the chief of security, anger
toward Dido, for she had been so stubborn. And then again guilt, and anger toward his own
sense of honor and his stupid ideas, at least that’s how he saw them.

Suddenly the weapons fell silent. Only those of the terrorists still shot. “What’s happening?”,
an agitated Emperor Sisko screamed. One of his military leaders replied: “Someone has
sabotaged our computer nets that control all weapons and the energy they need.”
“Stan Bodner.”, the Emperor grudgingly muttered. “What?”, the soldier asked.
“Nothing. Just find the perpetrator and kill him. And bring those computers back on line.”
“Sir, the computers won’t be working for at least an hour.”
“Get them running in half an hour. And meanwhile use the old traditional weapons.”
“Yes.”, the general didn’t say anything anymore although he knew that his men were
probably not capable to fight with these dinosaurs.
The Emperor decided to take a peek. He went up to the highest tower of Arcadia and then
he looked across the valley that stretched itself along the lofty hillside. What he saw what
once belonged him, the green gardens to the West and the high mountains to the north and
the vast ocean that was barely visible in the East, he romanticized of the past. He hated
what these revolutionists had done to his land. They had built structures that he found to be
unobtrusively ugly. Like the port down at the sea that allowed more travelers to reach all the
places of Camaria, which formerly had been only his privilege, and he only needed one boat
but not a port. In a matter of three weeks the revolutionists had conquered the area along
the Tarleton Ocean reaching as far as 5 miles ahead of the town. Yet he didn’t think for one
moment that it might have been his mistake because he had decided to throw out those
unemployed and those unused for he had thought that he could get richer without them.
Suddenly the tower began to rumble earthquake like and everything started to shake.
Immediately he ran down the steps but the stones, from which the tower had been built
from, came tumbling down and crashed ahead and behind him and finally on him. He was
hit unconscious, then another stone hit him directly on the head, smashing the skull and
killing him instantly.
“General Jackson, we are under heavy attack. I don’t know if we can hold this any longer.”,
a young exhausted soldier said.
“We won’t give up as long as we have weapons to defend ourselves.”
“These ancient weapons are no arms to us. Many can’t use them and most of them have
rusting anyway. Don’t you see: We lost this battle.”
“We haven’t lost yet. The computers will be online in no time at all.”
“We have no time no more. The rebels have conquered almost all our defenses. At parts
some of them have already entered the city.”
“Keep on fighting. This is a command, do you hear me.”
“Y-yes.”, the young soldier uttered. And as the general turned his back, the soldier thought
of shooting him in the back. No one would know who or what had killed the general, no one
even would had cared. Yet something deep in him prevented him from him. He had a
dilemma, killing this man could save a lot of his friends and other young men, but how to
pull the trigger while the man is turning you the back, trusting you completely.
He thought of another way to end this futile killing of innocent men and women, and since
he was second only in command to the general he ordered his troops to stop shooting
immediately.
He took out a while flag showing the other side that they were ready to give up. As soon as
the general had heard that the shooting had stopped, he wondered what was going on. The
first thing he did as he reached the street, where now the people came running out of their
houses with joy and elation written in their faces, he asked one of the soldiers what was
going on.
“Ya’ don’t know? It’s over. Finally.”
“We won?”, he asked, astonished.
“Naw, they did. But now we’ll have peace.”
“Who ordered you to give up?”
“Sir, Commander Worf did.”
The lousy bastard, the coward of an dishonorable Klingon, he cursed quietly. He had
ordered him to stand the ground, but he had given up, deserted him. But what could he
have expected otherwise, he was Klingon and they were known for their friendliness and
peaceful behavior. They had been this way ever since this colony had been founded almost
200 years ago, they had been sent here to make this planet a piece of H’eaven, a Klingon
word for a peaceful place.
“Get back to fighting.”, he screamed into the joyous crowd. No one listened, except the
soldier he had talked to.
“We’re glad that it’s over.”
“I order you, soldier.”
“I am no longer a soldier, this war is over.”
“That’s deserting…I can kill you for that.” The man disappeared in the mass, clearly annoyed
by him. he wanted to scream that he will get him one day but he saw that it was futile. He
wanted to find this Commander to bring him to justice for disobeying orders. And so he
retreated to go back to Commander Worf’s post in hope that he was still there.

“We won, we won, we won”, was the chanting that went through the streets. Many people
from inside the formerly adverse town joined the festive crowd to celebrate the victory of
freedom over tyranny. Stan Bodner and Kira Nerys were standing slightly paramount to the
cheering mass, attracting the obvious interest of the general public. Kira was one moment
uncertain what Bashir would do, but then as he advanced a few steps and started to speak
she realized that the Bashir she had once known had mutated into a real Camarian:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Townsfolk and Countrymen. We mark today a special day in
Camarian history. We have today defeated the most evil empire there ever was on
Camaria. But may we not be deceived by this lucky moment, that our forthcoming days will
become easy. On the other hand, they will not. Yet, I say to you, we Camarians will work
hard and achieve the best we can, so our Children can be proud of us.”
Kira looked among the many anxious listeners who followed every word Stan Bodner, or
Julian Bashir, said. She saw women crying of joy, others cheering: “Stan. Stan.”, and even
others who showed happiness as she remembered it from the days Bajor had successfully
beaten the mighty Cardassian, with the help of the Federation of course.
“But we wouldn’t have won without the help of the wife of the former Emperor Sisko, Kira
Nerys.”
Suddenly she was in the center and had to step forward as Bashir retreated.
“Really it was nothing.”
“No, Kira tell them. Tell them about the secret pathway.”
“Y-es… I knew ever since I was a young girl that there was a secret way to enter the city. I
used it often to leave this town, because I was born here in Arcadia.” The mass cheered and
Kira wondered: Where did she know all this. Yet it all appeared to be so real, her emotions
told her that there was such a past, yet ration told her that she came from Bajor.
“Yet, I’ve never in all my life thought that I might use this secret way again.” The cheers
grew louder and louder, and she talked and talked about things that were totally unfamiliar
to her, and yet with telling them they appeared more real while she told them. As she looked
into the masses in front of her somehow everything grew blurry and as if she were going to
faint everything appeared unclear and faint. Suddenly a voice from inside her that were very
much familiar to her because it was her own said: “Thank, you Nerys. With your help this
planet is saved.”
“Who are you?”, Kira asked distressed by her own voice.
“I am the Kira of this world, the one you replaced. I don’t know how it happened, but
suddenly I was no longer in my body I could only see my body from the outside.”
“I don’t understand…”
“I didn’t understand at first, too. But then there was a dark voice that told me, I was destined
to lead an revolution. Yet, this voice told me, that I alone would not be capable for this deed,
especially because it would be my husband I would have to betray. So, it said, he would
take a woman who was looking like me from another world. I would be able to somehow
control this other woman with my feelings and thoughts. It wasn’t that easy, but it worked.”
“I realized that. But I still do not understand to whom that voice belongs.”
“I don’t understand myself.”
Suddenly everything fell dark around her, she only realized that she must have fainted.
“She’s coming to herself”, a female voice gently said. Everything around her seemed still
blurry and faint: “Where is Stan. Where are all the people.”
“She’s still in delusions.”, a familiar voice said.
“Odo, you are here, too?”
“What do you mean, Major, here, too?”
Her vision grew clear, and the sickbay of the Defiant evolved around her. “What
happened?”, she asked.
The gentle female voice said: “She’s coming out of her delirium.”
“Thanks heaven, you’re back, Major.”, Odo said without his usual criticism.
“How, what…?”, she asked confused.
“You want to know what happened?”
“Yes, yes”
“Really we don’t know, the only thing we know is that you must have abandoned ship and
beamed down to the surface. But why is very much a mystery to us because there is no
visible cause.”
“What happened to the runabout.”
“We found the remains almost a light year away from here.”
She was still confused, was this adventure with Bashir really only a dream or did it really
happen? The way how clear her memories where of this other world, she knew that she had
been to Camaria.
“Is the runabout destroyed?”
“A little bit, what we can fix it, eventually.”
Odo and all the others left the room, leaving Kira alone in her cabin, leaving her to wonder
what really happened and what was only a dream.

“Is she going to survive?”, an agitated Stan Bodner alias Dr. Bashir said.
“She just fainted, nothing to worry about.”, the Klingon doctor said. He had seen him before,
and he remembered, he was the doctor at the time he had left the coma. Vaguely thoughts
from a world appeared to him that was so much different to this one. Then the doctor had
told him that they were just dreams, but now they appeared more real. A sudden flash
brought him back to his first discussion with Kira that he had almost forgotten. He
remembered having heard “I have always said that those who deny freedom to others
deserve it not for themselves.”, which is a famous sentence by a man called Lincoln. Earth
appeared to him, stars emerged, and disappeared again. The hospital, in which he was,
brought back his urge to help people. Wasn’t he also a doctor?
“You can talk to her now.”, the doctor said quietly.
“Major, I am glad you recovered?”
“Stan, what are you talking?”
“You are Major Kira from the space station…”
Kira didn’t say anything, because she knew everything, she had witnessed everything from
the outside.
“Deep Spade Night, I mean Deep Space Nine…”
“You are still Dr. Bashir, the friend of this Major Kira Nerys.”
“Why yes, and you, are you no longer Kira?”
“Yes, now I am the Kira that belongs here and Kira is back home.” Then she told him
everything about the dark voice and how she had been able to influence her from the
outside.
“But why did he leave me here? And why am I called Stan Bodner and not Julian Bashir?”
Kira didn’t know the answer but Bashir was determined to find out. Since he learned how to
use the computer he wanted to do a little research. First he reviewed the files of his family
which did not sound familiar to him, there seemed to be only one similarity, a distant uncle,
Samuel El Fakir, who lived somewhere in the southern hemisphere of the planet. As a next
step he tried to find out if there is or ever was a Julian Bashir on this planet. Negative. Jet
he found his mother and his father in the logbooks of Shabblik and Arcadia, which made it
impossible to meet each other, but there was another reason why they couldn’t have
possibly met. His father had been stalked to death at the very young age of 20 by the police
for disobeying the law for Β§ 45.1 (AGU). So what now?, he thought. Another thing he wanted
to find where he was and how so many different races had ended up on this world. But this
question wasn’t as easily answered as the others. The history didn’t last for more then 4
generations at best, and the maps indicated a maybe coincidental similarity to the Vulcan
homeworld. And as he asked Kira about that she answered:
“There is a legend how we all came together. There were 5 worlds that had an alliance, but
as a war broke out only but a few found refuge on one of the planets that was not destroyed.
Then there was a great man, called the Sisko, an ancestor to my former husband who
united these adverse people and restored order so that they could live happily ever after.
That’s how the legend goes.”
“How come that the world that survived is called Camaria?”
“That was the idea of the Sisko, the founder of this world. Yet unfortunately I don’t know
more about it. No one was ever allowed to talk about it.”
“But there must be some who know.”
“Not that I know, if there is such an individual, this one might come forward now but I doubt
it, because when ever anybody said anything against the state, or what the state didn’t like,
he was executed as you might know from the AGU laws.”
“Then I will go back to my family and my job.”, Bashir said, a little bit unhappy.
“But what about the people? They need you, they will elect you as their first freely elected
president.”
Bashir thought for a second as a deep voice suddenly announced: “You don’t have to.”
“Who are you? I remember you. You were the one who lured me into a black object.” The
memory returned as vivid as if it only happened yesterday. “I know him, too.”, Kira said, not
at all astonished. “That is the voice that kidnapped me into a world of shadows.”
“Yes, I am an energy based life form, born in a dimensional barrier.”
“Oh, then you are the monster that kidnapped Major Kira and me to this then god forsaken
world.”
“I had to kidnap you, my very existence depended on it. Let me tell you why.”, and Bashir
and the alternate Kira listened very careful to the story the being had to tell.
“So you have lost a bet, and that’s why you gave up?”
“At first I tried to talk myself out of it, but then I realized that I could not live this way, alone
with no friends to talk about. And so I figured that I might take corporal on this world, and
since I realized that that was possible I will be replacing you as Stan Bodner.”
“But how’s that?”
“That is very simple, this Stan Bodner’s brain actually died in the coma and now I can take
his place.”
“So you froze him in that world of shadows Kira was talking about?”
“That is correct. And now, I will be a hero and you can go back to your world.”
Bashir didn’t say anything anymore, he only saw it as unfair and unjust that such a
gruesome being could deserve such an honorable post. Yet, on the other hand, without him
he would have never gotten here in the first place. Maybe he couldn’t be angry at him,
because he did only act as he thought right. No one had taught him any moral values, he
just might learn them here.

“This is Dr. Bashir requesting to board Deep Space Nine.”
An unknown voice replied: “Sorry, sir?”
“This is Dr. Bashir aboard the shuttle Argo.”
The seemingly disturbed Ensign just looked at the office of the Commander who was
already standing at his door, looking at the picture of the man who claimed to be Bashir.
Again. Sisko was cautious, the last time a man who looked like Bashir had come here to
steal the station.
“This is commander Benjamin Sisko of the space station Deep Space Nine, are you the real
Dr. Bashir?”
“What’s the matter, Benjamin, don’t you remember? I can explain everything, I had been
trapped by a black metal container.”
“We have heard that before… Request for docking granted. Proceed.”
“Thank you”, and Bashir’s picture disappeared from the viewscreen and was replaced by the
starscape and the little runabout, the Argo. Sisko had received another message just a
minute ago, and that was from the Defiant but yet not less puzzling. They told him that after
they had been lifted of a strange fog that had been disturbing their minds. There had also
been a strange suicide on the bridge, it was one of his favorite ensigns, Dido. But Odo
promised to tell everything upon arrival. So he decided to make a meeting inviting all his
senior staff, including Matula as new commander and Ensign Aeneas. For that meeting he
put up a table like they used to have in starships, and he took his office so they could be
very private during this discussion.
“Captain, the man who says he’s Dr. Bashir has docked his runabout.”
“Ensign Tragu, for now this is Dr. Bashir, but thank you.”, he immediately opened another
line.
“Yes sir, Commander Worf here”
“This is your Captain, Worf would you please welcome Dr. Bashir and accompany him
directly to me.”
“Sir? It’s my time off, and besides I am not your security…”
“Commander Worf, you have been a security chief for a long time, and besides I want one
of my senior officials to welcome him, is that understood?”
“Yes, sir. Should I take special precautions.”
“No. For now he is seen as the real Bashir, don’t make him think otherwise, Sisko out.”
Klingons were never easy to handle, and Worf was no exception. Yet he regarded Worf with
great respect, and he wasn’t the least bit sorry that he convinced him to stay.
“The Defiant is now ready to dock.”, Ensign Tragu said in his even voice.
“Let them proceed.” And only ten minutes later all of the people he wanted to see where
united in his office. Sisko was sitting at the head of the table looking around from person to
person. After a minute of silence he finally said: “I think we all have a lot of stories to tell. I
think O’Brien should begin, because as I’ve heard he’s partly to blame that our galaxy is still
what it used to be.”
“That is true.”, Kira agreed, having heard a lot about his brave deeds. O’Brien then told
them why that childish being kidnapped Bashir, and later Kira. “It wanted the universe free
of space travel because each time a space ship took to Warp speed it destroyed part of it.”
“But why did it need me?” Bashir asked.
“Because it wanted to bring someone to the station that had the same interests as he,
destroying all space travel.”
“And this man was Stan Bodner?”
“How did you know?”, O’Brien asked surprised.
“That is another story.”
“Anyway,” O’Brien continued, “Later on in its still young life he learned that it could not only
make people forget things and bring them into other worlds, but also to influence the
feelings from anybody he wanted, even from those who weren’t close by.”
Sisko now suddenly remembered something he immediately averted. The face of Keiko
flashed in front of his memory, No way, this is just my imagination.
“So he got me to fall in love with a girl, called Eve, but my love to Keiko made me strong.
That’s why I could resist the temptation, and when I was confronted with the big figure this
Stan Bodner has told us about I realized that what I saw wasn’t real, it was only my
imagination, and that of the people of the planet.”
“But how did you make such a powerful being give in to such a weak human being as you
are?”, Commander Worf asked.
“It wasn’t as evil as you think, it had feelings too, sort of. It didn’t want to be alone.
Furthermore it had a sense of honor, since I had broken through this imaginative barrier and
found out the truth, it gave me, it gave us a chance. When I would be able to resist Eve and
return to the orbiting Defiant I would, we would be free of it.”
“What brings us to another point, what happened on board of the Defiant. Captain Matula,
why did you not, as ordered hail O’Brien upon arrival.”, Sisko asked.
“Because, because… My memories are vague, but I remember that that all had something
to do with emotions which I cannot explain.”
“I can.”, O’Brien said. “This being was able to induce emotions into beings, even Vulcans.”
“So, I barely escaped?”, Matula asked.
“That is correct. And that is because Ensign Aeneas brought the Defiant back to Thorrok.”,
O’Brien answered.
Suddenly the whole attention focused on the Ensign at the other end of the table. He was
sitting there, sad and resigned. Even as all the people looked at him, he did not notice them,
he had turned to himself.
“What’s the matter?”, O’Brien asked.
Odo answered: “Ensign Dido has killed herself because he left her on the bridge.”
“That is true.”, his voice was weak and wry, “I had always been fond of her but she had
never shown anything toward me. She didn’t even want to go out with me. But then she
mysteriously fell in love with me, it must have been the making of that- that being.”
“But how could you escape your strong feelings?”, O’Brien asked curiously.
“That has its reasons in my childhood which I do not want to discuss. Anyway as I saw the
Defiant changing course I was worried because I was the officer to execute the order. So I
looked for the captain. But as I saw that Odo and Matula wanted to marry, I knew that the
captain had lost control over the ship.”
“What?”, Sisko said astonished, and others echoed it.
“Yes, captain, but anyway, I saw that there was something wrong. I mean about the ship, the
people and everything. So I brought the ship back into orbit where then the chief beamed
himself on the bridge where I kneeled over Ensign Dido.”
“The power of love is one of the strongest.”, Bashir admitted. “I had a great life over there, a
nice wife…”, he trailed of.
“Please continue.”, Sisko said.
“It’s just that…”, and his eyes fell on commander Matula.
“What is the matter.”, Matula asked in the usual Vulcan manner.
“My wife there looked like you, commander.”
The Vulcan did not reply, but she wondered what kind of world that was where Vulcans
married humans.
“Anyway,” the Doctor continued, “I replaced this Stan Bodner. He was a normal worker who
was drawn into a Resistance organization headed by Quark.”
“Quark?”
“Yes, major. Unfortunately you never met this Quark. He was so very much different from
this world. But he wasn’t the only old face I met. There was O’Brien who had a different
name and there was Kira.”
“That was me you met.”
“I know, I knew it all the time.”
“How come?”
“First of all, why would the wife of the evil Emperor come to us, his enemies. When I saw
you, I realized that you were Kira. And when you said that sentence it became clear. Yet I
was completely in this world, you seemed as a faint memory back then.” Kira remembered
that the man she met there was only a slice Bashir and the rest Stan Bodner.
Then he told them about his unwanted escape from the town to his meeting with Kira to the
defeat of the Emperor.
“As we were standing there slightly paramount to the people who cheered us, Kira fainted,
and we took her to a hospital. I think that’s where Kira returned.”
“Why didn’t you return back then?”, Kira asked.
“I don’t know, I only know that I met the alternate Kira then. She explained some details, but
she couldn’t tell me more, I thought that my fate was there on Camaria. I investigated my
and Bodner’s family, I only found out that my parents from this world never met each other
there. Then hours later the dark voice from the beginning of my adventure returned and told
me that the Stan Bodner of Camaria had died in the coma, out of which I awakened at the
beginning, and that he would his place so I could go back to my world. I saw this as the only
chance to get home.”
“But you liked it there?”, Dax brought in.
“Yes, especially at the beginning, because I loved this Matula like my wife. There I had a
family that I don’t have here.”
“So why did you decide to go back?”, Dax asked.
“Because I could never live in the name of someone that I am not. And besides, this world
was, as memories returned, far too strange for me.”
“I can understand that, Quark as a hero. Pah.”, Odo said.

“So how was Matula as your wife?”, Dax asked, trying to tease the doctor.
“Life there made more sense to me then it does here.”, he said, without his usual wit. Quark
who had been nearby and was, as usual, listening to the conversation said: “So you’d been
married, eh? I have heard you met a lot of strange people over there.”
“Indeed.”
“I wonder,” Quark said more to himself, “whether I could make business with them. If I could
get there.”
“I very much doubt that, one Quark in each universe is definitely enough.”
“That brings me to another question,” Quark said. “How was the Quark of that world.”
“He was the most shrewd salesman I’ve ever seen. He would beat you to the punch, Quark,
like you’ve never beaten before “, he lied and Dax felt amused, even giggled a little bit.
“Just like I imagined, we Quarks are all the same everywhere no matter which time line.”,
and Bashir thought, If you knew.
“For that you get all the drinks this evening on the house. But only if you tell me more such
good news.”
“How could you be so generous?”, Bashir asked in an ironic tone.
“Today is my good day, and when the day comes that I get to my brother, I mean the other
Quark we will make the biggest deal you’ve ever seen.”, with these words Quark
disappeared behind the bar, presumably to calculate his future gains. Rom brought the
drinks then, and asked naturally about his doppelganger and Bashir was sorry to tell him that
he hadn’t met a Rom.
“What do you think Quark wants to know more from you?”, Dax asked more rhetorically
then in earnest. Bashir answered anyway. “How to get there, of course. But I have to
disappoint him, because I don’t even know.”
“I am only glad you had a great time, because here everything was mixed up…” In this
moment captain Sisko appeared and approached the two.
“Dax is quite correct, we have had our ehem troubles here.”, he said.
“Yes, I have heard that.”
“I still can’t believe how I betrayed Kassidy.”
“If you want to talk about it,” Dax said with affection.
“That’s quite alright, old man. It was all the cause of this evil being but something in me still
makes me feel guilty.”
“I understand.” Dax said.
Somewhere else on the spacestation were also trouble in the air, as in many good families
and relationships, the O’Briens had their trouble to get accustomed to the events that had
taken place.
“So I heard you kissed that beautiful Eva.”, Keiko asked jealously.
“I did not. But I must admit there were times I felt some kind of affection for her, but you
must understand that this weren’t my own emotions. They were all the cause of this being.”
“I only hoped I could believe that.”
“You have to because, as you know, it’s true.”
“I know.” And after a few moments, she looked at her husband with an earnest face.
“There is something else you should know Miles.” O’Brien looked at her wife with great
distress.
“What is it, dear?”
“I have kissed the Captain.”
“Psst.”, O’Brien whispered. “Don’t talk about it anymore.” Keiko started to cry and hurried
into the comforting arms of her husband. “Everything is going to be alright.”, he added. Yet
he wasn’t sure how long it would take them to get over it. The events had been very
traumatic.

THE END

Posted in Deep Space Nine | Tagged | Leave a comment

Proper Order

DISCLAIMER: All the characters belong to someone and something
else, but I borrowed them for awhile. This is a non-profit
exercise, so I hope no one minds that I played with them. This
story may be reproduced and/or archived using any method you
choose, but please contact me first and leave the disclaimer
and author/E-mail information intact.

Apologies also to Jeri Taylor for my interpretation of some of
the events that took place in “Mosaic.”

RATED “R” for language and implied situations. Probably
nothing worse than what’s on T.V., but it’s better to be safe
than sorry.

Copyright 1998 by NODA. E-mail: flint@ballcom.com

SUMMARY: Chakotay discovers the real reason Kathryn has been
avoiding getting closer.

*PROPER ORDER*

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?” Chakotay gasped as he entered
Kathryn Janeway’s ready room.

“I cut it,” she replied, stating the obvious.

“I can see that, but WHY?”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” she said, leaning back
in her desk chair, “but I was tired of having to do something
with it every day.”

“You could have left it down.”

Janeway gave him her best “Captain’s stare” and said, “You
and I both know it’s unprofessional.”

“But did you have to be so drastic?”

“Chakotay, I don’t know why this is such an issue with you!
It’s not like I dyed it purple or anything!”

`I almost wish you had,’ he thought. He had never thought of
his Captain as “frumpy,” but that was the word that come to
mind as he gazed at her, working at her desk.

“It’s just that it’s such a . . . .” `Shock,’ he wanted to
say, but he held his tongue, as he allowed his voice to drift
away.

Janeway stood, placing her palms on the desk and leaned towards
him. “Commander, if you chose to remove your tattoo, I
wouldn’t take it as a personal affront. Why are you taking
this so personally?”

`Because I lie awake at night and dream of running my fingers
through that hair,’ he thought to himself, but he didn’t
dare voice it. Ever since New Earth, Kathryn had kept a wall
between them. Not an unbreachable wall, but a definite barrier,
especially when she felt he was getting too personal. They
shared meals and conversation, but he knew she had him at arms
length.

“Are those the crew evaluations?” She asked, indicating the
PADD he held limply in his hand.

“Um, yes,” he answered, trying to pull himself together. He
handed her the data pad and she added it to the stack on her
desk.

“I’ll look at this in a moment. You’re welcome to have a seat
and wait if you like.”

Chakotay took her up on her offer. Apparently she had decided
the subject of her new hairstyle had been closed, continuing
with her work as if he hadn’t mentioned it.

That was one of the first things he had noticed about her.
When she made up her mind or closed a subject, it was final.
She’d been known to relent one or twice, but it had to be her
decision, her idea to back down. Fortunately, he usually
agreed with her.

He watched her go over the pile of reports, almost oblivious to
the fact that he was watching her. He knew that being the
center of attention, as Captains were, caused you to learn how
to shut out staring eyes. He had done it on his ship, and
although he was the Second in Command on *Voyager*, he still
had to deal with a room full of eyes following his every move.
You either got used to being watched or got off the Bridge.

Kathryn looked up momentarily and smiled at her First Officer,
who was patiently waiting for her to get to his report. She
supposed she shouldn’t be angry with him for his reaction to
her hair, after all, wasn’t it his response she had been
looking forward to? What good was a change in appearance if no
one commented on it? But he had taken it to extremes, and had
begun to embarrass her. Sarcasm had been her only defense
against her uncomfortable feelings.

“Help yourself to the replicator,” she said, rubbing her neck
as a headache started working it’s way to her forehead.

Chakotay noticed the unconscious ministrations she gave
herself, but didn’t offer to help. The last time he gave her a
neck rub he confessed his affections for her, creating kind of
an awkward truce between them. After all his comments about
her hair, he didn’t want to remind her of that intimate moment
so long ago, and cause her to shut down again.

“Can I get you something? Looks like you’ve got a headache
coming on.”

“You’re perceptive, as always,” she said with sincerity.
“How about some of that herbal tea your always proclaiming the
benefits of?”

He smiled and asked the computer for “Chakotay tea blend number
four.”

A steaming mug appeared, which he delivered to Kathryn. “Here
you go; this should help.”

She took a sip. “Not bad. I hope it works as well as your
neck rubs,” she hinted.

Chakotay knew this was about as close as she would get when she
was asking something for herself. Hew crew or anyone else she
could blatantly make requests for, but she was a different
story. It wasn’t that she lacked the confidence to ask for
what she wanted, it was more like an act of sacrifice, the way
a parent would put aside personal desires for the sake of their
child. There was no question in Chakotay’s mind that she felt
as responsible as a parent towards her crew. Maybe even more
so.

He stepped behind her and placed his large hands on her
shoulders. She was incredibly tense, and wondered how much he
had contributed to that tension.

“Don’t forget, you’re the one who asked for this,” he said,
kneading his thumbs into her lower neck.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She asked, trying not to
sound as paranoid as she was beginning to feel.

“Only that the last time I performed this act for you we moved
onto some rather personal ground.”

Kathryn sighed. “I know.” There was a long silence as
Chakotay waited for her to elaborate. He almost broke the
quiet himself, but suddenly she continued.

“I know I’ve put you in an awkward position Chakotay. On the
one hand I respect and need you as a first officer, and on the
other I really care about you on a personal level. Don’t you
think I know how I string you along? It isn’t on purpose, it’s
just that I don’t know how to be your Captain and more than
just a friend at the same time.”

Now it was Chakotay’s chance to be reflective. “I know of the
inner conflicts you face. I suppose it was one of the reasons
I had to tell you of my feelings with a story. I did it
because of my own fears of rejection, but also so you didn’t
feel you had to reciprocate and claim a deeper affection for
me. I just wanted, and still want you to know that I’m here
for you and I’m willing to wait.”

She turned around to face him. The serious look on his face
caused her to reach up and caress his cheek. “I can’t ask you
to do that.”

“You didn’t ask. I offered.”

“But what if I can never reconcile these feelings?”

“Are things so bad now? I’m perfectly happy with the way
things are, as long as we don’t start denying that we’re
attracted to each other.”

“Sooner or later you’re going to want more from this
relationship. I don’t expect you’re going to live the rest of
your life as a monk.”

“Who says I have to live like a monk?” He said, an amused grin
turning up the corners of his mouth. “Think you’re the only
babe in space?”

She raised the hand she had just used to caress him and now
threatened to strike him with it.

“Okay! All right! You *are* the only babe in space!” Placing
his hands once again on her shoulders he said,

“Seriously, if it gets to be a problem we’ll talk about it,
Okay? You’ve already given me more than I had hoped for.”

Kathryn’s throat choked with emotion. “What did I ever do to
deserve you?”

“Destroyed the Array and `assimilated’ my crew for starters,”
he smiled.

“Resistance was futile,” she countered, wondering if Seven of
Nine would be offended had she heard their comments.

Just then, a stack of PADD’s crashed to the floor, reminding
Kathryn of her back-log of work. “I guess I’ll have to wait on
your report Commander,” Janeway said, once again all business.
“These seem to be clamoring for my attention.”

“Meet me for dinner in the Mess Hall?” He asked, purposely
choosing a public spot so she didn’t get the idea he had any
“ideas.” “Maybe you can give me your answer on the report’s
proposal.”

“Sound’s good,” she replied, already buried back in her work.

“1800 hours?”

“It’s a date,” she smiled at him briefly before turning her
attention back to the reports littering her desk.

*********

Chakotay arrived in the Mess Hall only moments before Kathryn.
Acknowledging her with a nod, he walked over to where B’Elanna
was sitting with Tom, Harry and Seven of Nine. Seven sat ram-
rod straight, looking uncomfortable sitting between the two
men, although Harry was attempting to explain Tom’s joke to
her, in an effort to help her join in the conversation.

B’Elanna felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up into
the face of her former commanding officer. “Chakotay! Pull up
a seat!”

“I’d love to join you, but the Captain and I have some things
to discuss.”

“What about my, I mean `our’ proposal?”

“That’s one of the things we have to talk about.”

“One of the things?” Tom questioned, hinting that there were
more, and it was of a personal nature. “A nice, intimate
dinner for two an it’s going to be all `shop talk?'”

Chakotay glanced around the crowded dining hall. “If this is
your idea of `intimate’ Paris, I hope you and B’Elanna never
get into `group’ sex!”

B’Elanna lashed out with her arm and punched him in the
stomach, none too lightly.

“Ow! Tom, it’s amazing you’re still walking!”

“There’s days I wonder if I’m going to live! Of course I could
make things a lot easier on myself if I’d learn to keep my
mouth shut!”

“*That* will be the day!” B’Elanna countered, trying to keep
the smile from her face. It was evident from the way she
looked at Tom, how much she loved him, even as she verbally
assaulted him.

Seven of Nine listened to the exchange with confusion. Harry
had explained to her that Tom and B’Elanna were seeing each
other in a romantic capacity, but her behavior perplexed Seven.
If she were interested in the pilot as a potential mate, why
did she continually attack him, both with words and punches?

“Better not keep the Captain waiting,” Chakotay said, noticing
that Kathryn had already accepted a plate from Neelix and was
heading towards an open table. “Have a good evening,” he
wished them.

Chakotay felt, more than actually heard the group speculate on
his dinner meeting with the Captain. He knew from regular
ship-board gossip they would be betting on how much of the meal
was actually business and how much was personal. However, with
Paris present, he was sure there were actual bets being placed.

Janeway glanced up as Chakotay took a seat at the table.

“Commander,” she said in recognition.

`So it *was* going to be strictly business,’ he thought.
Accepting that he asked,

“Did you have time to look at the proposal?”

Kathryn eyed the mass on her fork with suspicion. “Yes I did.
It’s intriguing.”

“‘Intriguing,'” he repeated. “Is that good or bad?”

“It means I need more information before I can give you an
answer.” Kathryn pulled out the PADD to refresh her memory.
“You say here that you think crew performance would be improved
if there were more of a `challenge’ to their jobs. If we’re in
a particularly dead area of space, like we are now, how do we
create these `challenges?'”

“There’s been some conjecture if we did some switching, moved
people around, it would keep things interesting, keep people
from becoming too complacent about their duties.”

Janeway picked up a cup containing a brown liquid, which Neelix
had the nerve to call his version of “coffee.” Cradling the
china in her hands she said, “How would you do it? I think
the idea of having the crew cross-trained is an excellent one,
but there are some, say the people in Sciences, who would be
unsuitable, for example, Security.”

She thought of Lt. Tyler in particular. While he was a
brilliant physicist, she could hardly see him hauling his bulk
around the ship chasing after an intruder. He’d be out of
breath before he jogged down one corridor. A smile crept to
her face as she imagined the scene. Tyler would give it his
best shot or die trying.

Chakotay noted her grin and pressed his advantage. “I was
thinking about offering it on a volunteer basis. There are
many who are perfectly happy where their at, but I also believe
there are some who would benefit from a change.”

Janeway could see his point. She wasn’t immune to the effects
of the boredom they had faced recently. She was almost happy
when something malfunctioned so she had something new to think
about rather than reports stating that nothing had changed.

“Sounds good Chakotay, we’ll implement it on the Alpha Shift
tomorrow.”

“I can’t take credit for this,” he said. “It was more
B’Elanna’s idea.”

“B’Elanna’s?” She asked, turning to look at her Chief Engineer
whom she caught looking quickly away. “Why didn’t she suggest
this herself?”

“I think she’s still a little apprehensive about approaching
you after the dressing down you gave her and Tom a few weeks
ago.”

“When those aliens were experimenting on us?” She said,
unconsciously putting her hand to her forehead in memory of the
pain they had inflicted.

“I apologized to both her and Tom. While I didn’t approve of
their actions, I told them *I* was out of line as well with my
reprimand.”

“Yes, well, I think she still is a little embarrassed about the
whole episode. She knew they were acting juvenile, but was
kind of swept up in the whole new romance thing.”

Kathryn looked over at Tom and B’Elanna again. They were
holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes, hanging on each
other’s every word. She too knew the giddy feeling of a new
relationship. Not only from the past but from her current
circumstances as well. It was easy to get carried away in the
euphoria. Perhaps that’s what she was so afraid of, and why
she had been so hard on the young couple. She saw herself in
them and didn’t want to repeat their indiscretions.

Chakotay noted her far-off gaze. “Kathryn? Something wrong?”

“Hmmm? Oh. No, I just was noticing Tom and B’Elanna. They
seem very happy, don’t they?”

He followed her line of sight and looked at the couple with a
slight feeling of envy. They were so open with their feelings
for each other. Not caring who saw them or who watched. If
only he and Kathryn could be so carefree. But he knew they
would attract much more attention then the junior officers did.

“I can’t say it’s a match I would have made, but B’Elanna seems
happy. Maybe the happiest I’ve ever seen her. I have to give
him credit for that.”

“Well all I know is there are a lot of broken hearts on this
ship, now that Tom is effectively `out of commission,'” she
said, attempting another sip from her cup.

Chakotay felt unreasonably jealous at the comment. “Yourself
among them?”

Janeway laughed so hard she almost choked. “You can’t be
serious! I think there’s bit of a discrepancy in our ages
among other things!” She looked into his eyes and saw a
fleeting look.

“You *are* serious! What on Earth would I possibly see in Tom
beyond a professional and platonic relationship?”

“You do have offspring out there somewhere together.”

She couldn’t believe he was actually persuing this. “I had
about as much choice in that matter as I would have if someone
cloned me from a resonance trace left in the transporter’s
pattern buffer! And believe me, it was about as personal!

Chakotay realized he was being unreasonable. “I’m sorry
Kathryn. I didn’t really think you had a “thing” for Tom, I
suppose I still keep looking for reasons. . . .”

“That I’m being so reticent,” she finished for him. “Believe
me Chakotay, it’s nothing you’ve done or haven’t done. It’s
me. It took me *forever* to move into a relationship with Mark
after Justin.”

“And it’s just a little too soon after Mark for me,” he
finished for her this time.

“Yes, that’s mostly it.”

“Mostly?”

“It’s hard to explain. I *want* to get closer to you, but I’m
scared. Scared of what will happen to our work relationship if
things don’t work out. Scared that I’ll let my personal
feelings color some of my command decisions like away-teams, et
cetera. I can’t afford to be distracted by you.”

Chakotay placed his hand over hers, sliding his fingers under
hers to almost, but not quite grasp them. It was an incredibly
sensual feeling, especially since it was such a non-committal
gesture. “But you already *are* distracted,” he said, his
dark eyes shining.

Kathryn felt a blush creep up her cheeks. Damn him! How could
such an ordinary touch and that grin of his undermine all the
work she’d done to keep things on a professional level?

Tom glanced over at the Captain and Chakotay. “Bingo!” he
cried. “Ten minutes everybody! I told you he couldn’t keep
his hands off her! Time to pay up!”

Harry sighed and handed over his rations. “I thought for sure
they’d keep things under wraps in public.”

“It’s not exactly like he’s raping her on the table,” B’Elanna
grumbled, handing over her own share of rations.

“The bet was `any physical contact.’ You guys didn’t have to
take me up on it. Look at Seven. She knew better!”

“I simply found it demeaning to wager on the personal lives of
the commanding officers.” She said, not wanting anyone to
think she condoned this sort of inferior human behavior.

“I don’t mind losing so much,” B’Elanna said. “You owe me
dinner, and I plan to have every single one of those rations
spent on me.”

“Well he doesn’t owe me dinner,” Harry complained. “I need to
get to the astro-metrics lab before I lose anything else.”

Seven stood and hesitantly asked, “May I join you?”

“Sure!” Harry gleefully replied. Seven never accompanied him
with out his practically badgering her into it.

“You sure know how to clear a room, Paris,” B’Elanna said,
leaning over to kiss him.

“I thought they’d never leave,” he said, returning her kiss.
“Let’s get out of here, it’s starting to feel really crowded in
here.”

Janeway watched her pilot and engineer exit the dining hall.
“At least Tom and B’Elanna have seemed to find a way to break
the monotony,” she said with a crooked grin. Realizing she
was probably leaving Chakotay with an opening to make another
suggestive statement, she tried to change the subject.

“You seem to be able to maintain your focus. What’s your
secret to keep from getting bored?”

“I think about you.”

Janeway coughed. “I thought we settled all this back in my
ready room hours ago.”

“You’re right, we did. I’m sorry I’m pushing again. I *am*
bored with the routine, and since you asked, I’ve got a plan to
wake us both up.”

Kathryn looked at him again, wondering if there was yet another
double meaning in his words. “Go ahead,” she prompted him.

“Why don’t we switch as well.”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“Why don’t we switch places. I’ll be the Captain for awhile
and you can be the First Officer, or maybe a science officer.
You’re always saying you miss having the time to do some
research of your own.”

Kathryn just stared at him. What a ludicrous idea! Give up
command of her ship because she was a trifle bored?”

“Well, what do you think?” he asked, pushing his half-finished
plate away.

“I think you’re crazy! Being a Captain isn’t something you can
just take or leave when
ever the mood strikes you! I have an. . .”

“Obligation to the crew, I know,” he finished for her. “I’ve
been there, remember? And this wouldn’t be the first time
you’ve left the kids with the baby-sitter.”

She gave him a hard stare at his flippant comment. “This isn’t
like I’m turning the bridge over to you for a few hours during
an away mission or when I’m in my ready room! This would be
for, what a week?”

“Actually, I was thinking more like a month.”

“A month! Chakotay, how can you ask me to forget my
responsibilities for a whole month!”

“It’s not like you won’t be here,” he said. “Can’t you just
think of it as an extension of the authority you already give
me?”

“How is this going to look on my record? I was a little bored,
so I just gave up my ship for a month?”

“It doesn’t have to be official. The crew will know, but we
won’t have to put it in the logs.”

“And what about the crew’s personal logs? When we get back you
know Starfleet is going to go over every bit of data with a
fine tooth comb,” she countered.

“Kathryn, you’re grasping at straws. You know you want to do
it, it’s just your damn principles, and parameters,” he added
suggestively, “that are keeping you from taking what you
want.”

He was speaking ambiguously again, saying one thing and yet
taking advantage of the situation to mean another as well.

Kathryn did have to admit the idea of a month in stellar
cartography or one of the science labs would be the best
vacation she could imagine at this point. “Let me think about
it overnight; I’ll give you my answer in the morning.” With
that she disengaged herself from Chakotay’s hand, which still
held hers.

“I think maybe we should call it an evening,” she said, rising
and gathering her dishes to be recycled.

“All right, but I want an answer at the beginning of Alpha
Shift.”

`Oh God,’ Kathryn thought, `he’s already sounding like the
Captain!’

*********

Kathryn walked slowly back to her quarters, giving herself a
chance to weigh the pros and cons of Chakotay and B’Elanna’s
proposal. On the one hand there was the fact she *was* bored.
She’d never experienced a situation where she dreaded going to
work, but it was getting close to that. She wasn’t the only
one affected by these doldrums. Between reports of “no change
in our current status,” and Tuvok informing her that yet
another quarrel had ended up with her crew brawling, they were
all feeling the strain. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to step
down for awhile. Just the thought that she wouldn’t be called
on to settle every minor squabble was refreshing. Was Chakotay
prepared to put up with that? He probably already did; he’d
just be adding to his own load. So why was he “offering” to
switch places with her? What was in it for him? Not that he
had an ulterior motive, but why would he want command of
*Voyager* in this barren region of space? Was it all just for
her benefit? Was this purely an unselfish act on his part?
Why couldn’t she accept that? Maybe he *was* just doing it out
of concern for her state of mind.

`Why do you have to be so suspicious all the time?’ She asked
herself. She would do the same for him, why should it surprise
her that he’d be willing to do it for her?

She rounded a corner along the corridor and stopped before her
door and waited for it to open. She was no nearer a decision
than when she left the Mess Hall. Stepping into her quarters
she called out for the lights, and then added a command for
some soft music as well. She’d have to come to a decision
soon, or she’d have a sleepless night.

*********

Chakotay wandered through the hydroponics bay thinking about
what Kathryn had said. He often came here to think,
especially when he wasn’t ready to head back to his quarters.
He’d been spending entirely too much time there lately and he
felt the need to “get out” more.

Why was she being so stubborn about this, he wondered.
Couldn’t she see that it would do them all some good to
experience new things? He smiled at that as his mind drifted
to a slightly less platonic area. `Now that would *really*
spice things up!’ he thought. Of course if she were worried
about ship’s gossip there couldn’t be a worse time for him to
try and heat things up with her. With nothing to occupy them,
the crew’s imagination would be going into warp drive over
their Captain’s personal life.

He sat down on a bench and breathed the artificial air. At
least there were real plants and flowers scenting that air. He
imagined Kathryn sitting next to him, laughing at some small
joke he had just made. In his mind’s eye, she was relaxed and
flirting with him as much as he was with her. Her blue eyes
would shine in the computer-generated moon light, and when he
leaned close to kiss her, she wouldn’t pull away. . . .

“Oh gods!” Chakotay moaned out loud, he had to stop this line
of thought, he was only going to work himself up into another
sleepless night. Another night of wondering if she were asleep
on the other side of the wall between their quarters and if so,
was she stretched out, one arm across her stomach while the
other lay over her eyes. Or was she curled into a fetal
position, with her blankets and pillow bunched up inside her
arms. What would it be like to lie next to her? To hold her
as her body spooned to his? He could imagine inhaling the
scent of her hair, even this shortened version would be
acceptable, if only he had a chance to encircle her with his
arms. Tan skin on pale, their fingers woven together. . . .

He got up and paced. He had to stop this line of thought!
Hadn’t he just told Kathryn he was handling this? Had he just
said the words to be saying them or had he meant it? At the
time he thought he could back off, let her be the Captain and
he be the First Officer. He was going to do his damnedest to
keep his word, but now he was beginning to wonder if he’d be
able to live up to that promise. He sincerely hoped that she’d
take him up on the offer of a break, it might be easier if she
were off the Bridge and buried in a science department
somewhere below decks. Maybe, but he doubted it.

*********

Chakotay was sitting in his chair as Kathryn strode onto the
bridge. Nodding to the crew, she stood before him, hands on
her hips.

“You’re sitting in the wrong chair,” she said, a smile curling
her lips.

He noticed she had placed only three pips on her turtle neck
that morning, and looked well rested. Apparently she’d been
able to sleep better than he had.

“I think you’ll need this,” she said, handing him a fourth
pip.

Chakotay was doing his best to keep a straight face as the rest
of the Bridge crew looked on with a mixture of confusion, and
badly disguised non-interest. Tom and Harry exchanged glances,
but at least they had a clue what was going on. Tom had told
Harry about B’Elanna’s suggestion to move some people around,
but he had no idea the Captain and Chakotay had considered a
move as well. Harry was fairly bursting with the news–what a
topic of conversation this was going to be! If nothing else
just the *thought* of the command structure being moved around
would keep people entertained for days.

Janeway looked at Chakotay, “Do you want to make the
announcement, or shall I?”

“You’re still the Captain,” he said in a tone that implied,
`but not for long!’

“Very well, put me on ship-wide,” she ordered. “This is
Captain Janeway to all members of the crew.” She paused a
moment, gathering her thoughts about how she wanted to phrase
this.

“As you may have heard, there’s been some speculation about the
possibility of the crew participating in a short-term transfer
program. Commander Chakotay and I have discussed this and feel
it’s an excellent opportunity for those of you who wish to
learn more about other aspects of the ship’s day-to-day
operation. Those of you who are interested, please see your
supervisors for placement assignments. Also, Commander
Chakotay and I will also be taking part in this exercise. As
of 08:30 hours, we will be exchanging roles. He will take over
the duties of Captain and I will become the First Officer, but
I will be joining the science team as well.”

Down in the Science Lab Lt. Tyler and Ensign Myers exchanged
fearful glances. Janeway *here?* She had proven herself a
more than able scientist on many occasions. Not only would the
Captain, whom they seldom saw, be competition, but she’d have a
chance to see their work habits as well. No doubt there would
be some sweeping reforms made. Tyler and Myers didn’t exactly
follow Federation procedure. Not that they did anything wrong,
they just “cut out” some of what they termed, “unnecessary.”
Things like a dress code, allowing beverages at a work station,
personal items in the lab et cetera. No one ever came down
there, so it seemed silly to keep up with Starfleet
conventions, especially since Myers was formerly Maquis. The
strict adherence to the uniform dress code made them all
uncomfortable and only served to emphasize their differences.
Since working together, they had formed an excellent working
relationship, and no one wanted to see that change.

Back on the bridge, Janeway continued. “The re-assignments
will last one month for everyone. Since the Commander and I
will also be joining you,” she said with a smile, “we’ll be
exchanging titles as well. You will please refer to Chakotay
as `Captain’ and I will take the title of `Commander.’ At the
end of the month, we’ll resume our original ranks. Good luck
to all of you who choose a different path today. Janeway out.”

Chakotay stood and said, “thank you Capt. . .Commander.” In a
quieter voice, only audible to her he said,

“That part about switching titles wasn’t necessary.”

“I know, but I thought, if we’re going to do this, let’s go all
the way.” She saw the twinkle in his eye and said,

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it!”

“I could have you put in the Brig for insubordination,” he
teased.

“Oh so *that’s* why you wanted my chair so bad! I knew there
had to be *some* reason you were being so `considerate.’ If
you have no further need of my services, Captain, I’ll be
getting down to the Science Lab.”

Chakotay stepped aside and held his arms wide, motioning for
her to take her leave.

“Commander, if I may have a word.” Tuvok said, and both
Chakotay and Kathryn looked at him, each unsure of which of
them he meant.

“Commander Janeway,” Tuvok clarified, with more than a hint of
annoyance in his voice.

Kathryn sighed. She knew what was coming and didn’t want to
hear it, much less have everyone else listen it as well.
“Captain? May we use your Ready Room?”

“My Ready Room is your Ready Room,” Chakotay quipped. Janeway
stared hard at him. He was going to push this thing to the
limit, she could see that now.

Janeway motioned for Tuvok to walk ahead of her as she followed
him into her former office off the bridge. “Before you say
anything,” she said, holding up her hand to halt his
forthcoming rebuke, “I want you to know I didn’t make this
decision lightly. Chakotay’s been stuck listening to crew
complaints and doing mundane jobs for weeks now, I thought he
would benefit from a change as well.”

Tuvok stood rigidly at attention as the temporary Commander
explained her position.

“Well,” Janeway said, “Aren’t you going to tell me how
irresponsible I’m being, turning over command of this ship just
to add some interest to our lives?”

“Apparently my thoughts on the matter will not have to be
voiced, as you seem to know them all ready.”

“Tuvok, I know this is a little unorthodox, but it really is a
harmless exercise. You’re free to request a reassignment as
well, if you wish,” she added, knowing even the thought of
such an action was unthinkable to the Vulcan.

“It would be highly illogical of me to take you up on your
offer as Vulcans do not experience `boredom,’ as you call it.
Also, with many of the crew members attempting new positions,
there will probably be an even greater need for security.”

Kathryn tried to hide her smile from her over-zealous, if well-
meaning Security Officer. She highly doubted the crew’s first
reaction to the opportunity to learn new tasks would also
include breaching security. They’d been out here too long for
that. If someone were going to get into any “sensitive areas”
they would have done it by now.

“Tuvok,” she continued, “if anyone from your department
wishes a transfer, I hope you’ll be understanding and
supportive of their decision.”

He didn’t miss her veiled order. “As you wish Cap. .
.Commander,” he amended, finding it difficult to address her by
the new title.

“Good,” she said, her voice conveying finality. “Now if
you’ll excuse me, I believe I’m due in Science Lab One.”

As she exited onto the upper section of the bridge, she caught
herself starting to automatically order Chakotay to take over
command of the vessel. Grinning at how much of her behavior
was autonomic, she asked him,

“Permission to go to Science Lab One, Captain?”

“By all means, Commander. I expect a full report by the end of
Alpha Shift,” he said with a suppressed grin. He almost felt
like he was in the middle of an elaborate holodeck simulation,
playing out his fantasy of commanding *Voyager.* He felt a
little silly, as if he were engaged in some role-playing game,
but the people around him weren’t in on the play. He supposed
it would feel a little more natural as time went on, after all,
he had Captained his own vessel not that long ago, and had
taken over for Kathryn on numerous occasions. It would just be
so much easier if he didn’t feel that damn Vulcan’s eyes
burning a hole into his back!

*********

“You missed one,” Tyler said, handing Myers a framed photo as
he rushed passed her to collect his own personal items off his
work station. Crewman Zeider was in Sickbay, so he hurried to
clear his area as well, collecting memorabilia with one sweep
of his huge arm and depositing the lot into a biohazard bag.

“God, I hope we got everything,” Myers worried. “I’m in
middle of a touchy experiment and if I’m thrown into the Brig,
it could ruin months of work.”

“We should be Okay,” Tyler reassured her. “Even if you run
all the way here it takes at least ten min. . . .” The word’s
died on his lips as the door slid open before them, and they
practically collided with Janeway.

“Captain!” Alyssa Myers choked out, her eyes wide, trying to
hide the fact that her arms were full of non-regulation
articles.

“At ease, Ensign,” the Captain said, trying to keep a grin
from showing up on her face. The stiff posture Myers had
adopted reminded her of the day she met Harry Kim. Had it
really been four years already? She dropped that train of
thought and spoke to Tyler.

“I can’t remember the last time I was down here, you usually
come to me.”

Tyler swallowed and forced a smile, “You’re so busy Captain,
it just makes sense for me to come to you.”

“Well that should change,” Janeway said, “at least for a
month. I can’t imagine my bridge duties will take much with
things as dull as they are, so I should have plenty of time to
persue my scientific interests, which, I suppose, was the point
of my `transfer.'”

“So you’ll be here a lot?” Myers asked with trepidation.

“That’s what I’m hoping for.”

Jarek Tyler and Alyssa exchanged pleading glances, which,
fortunately the Captain missed as she perused the Science Lab.
Jarek motioned to Alyssa to hand over her arm load to him, and
nodded towards the door, indicating that he would dispose of
their contraband. Without asking permission to leave, Tyler
slipped out the door, then quickly returned, with empty arms.
The Captain had been busy checking things out at an empty work
station and hadn’t even noticed his absence.

“Where?” Myers mouthed at him

“Behind the access panel near the Jefferies Tube,” he
whispered.

“Did you say something?” Kathryn asked, turning to look at her
new colleagues.

“Uh, no, just that we’re glad you’ll be joining us for awhile,”
Myers tried to smile.

“Thank you Ensign, I think it will be an interesting month.”
Janeway glanced around the room again and added,

“You know what this lab needs?” Both scientists shook their
heads.

“A few personal touches.”

*********

Chakotay settled into the Big Chair. It felt good. He had
been there numerous times, but it was nice to know he wouldn’t
have to give it back at the end of his shift. It wasn’t long
before the dreaded reports started coming in, although at least
today’s had a new twist with the personnel transfers.

Tuvok came around the railing to stand before Chakotay.
“Captain, may I have a word with you?”

If Tuvok hadn’t been a Vulcan, Chakotay would have sworn the
Security Officer had used a derogatory tone as he addressed
him. He wasn’t sure he still hadn’t. Chakotay motioned him to
the Ready Room.

“Captain,” Tuvok began, standing before Chakotay stiff as a
board, “as you are aware, I have objected to this unorthodox
chain of events.”

“So you’ve said,” Chakotay said rubbing the bridge of his nose
as a headache started to form. Now he knew why Kathryn always
seemed to be massaging her nose as well.

“And I feel it’s my duty to inform you that I have noted this
in my logs,” he continued.

“I would have expected nothing less,” Chakotay, answered,
half-leaning, half-sitting on the desk, pushing the computer
terminal aside. It was apparent Tuvok was waiting for a more
logical explanation as to why both he and the Captain felt this
was acceptable behavior, but Chakotay wasn’t about to give him
the satisfaction. They hadn’t *technically* done anything
wrong, so he didn’t worry about the information showing up in
the logs. In fact, he was counting on it. If this worked,
maybe Starfleet would consider using it as a standard method of
dealing with the doldrums of space.

“Was there something else Lieutenant?”

Tuvok handed him a PADD with his report and said, ” Not at
this time, Sir.”

It took nearly all of Chakotay’s will power not to smile at the
struggle Tuvok was obviously having over this. He watched the
stiff-shouldered man exit the room then took his place at
Kathryn’s desk. Sitting there he felt closer to her than when
he sat in her Command chair. Maybe it was because he had been
there before, but this was the first time he had taken a seat
at her personal work space for longer than to access the
computer terminal. Sitting there felt intensely intimate, as
if he’d finally been invited to share a corner of her private
world. She was the Captain here, and yet when the doors were
closed, she was Kathryn as well. He found himself running the
palms of his hands over the surface of the desk, almost as if
it were Kathryn herself beneath his warm hands. Realizing his
action, he quickly jerked his arms back, almost embarrassed
where his mind had taken him, even though he was alone in the
room. Maybe this wouldn’t be the “shore leave” he had
envisioned. Everywhere he looked were reminders of her. An
unfinished log entry on the computer, notes and ideas on a PADD
carelessly left on the corner of the desk. The couch where he
could envision her sitting slightly on her right side, her left
leg comfortably slung over her right, with her hand paused
before her mouth, staring out at the passing stars. The room
even smelled of her delicate perfume. Not an overwhelming
scent, just the soft fragrance that was uniquely hers.

Chakotay shook his head and sighed. He better find some work-
related distraction to get him back on track, or he would exit
the room with nothing more than an entire shift of daydreams
under his belt.

Down in Science Lab One, Janeway was busily setting up her work
station as Lt. Tyler and Ensign Myers looked on, occasionally
exchanging questioning glances. Feeling their eyes on her,
Kathryn turned to observe their tense posture. Smiling, she
raised her hand and advised them to be “at ease.”

“Just continue as if I weren’t even here,” she told them,
knowing it was going to take some time for the two of them to
get used to her presence.

Jarek, trying to relax and accept her as college, stepped
forward and inquired about the project she was about to embark
on. An excited gleam entered Janeway’s eyes as she outlined
her research.

“As a Cadet I had done a thesis on massive compact halo
objects, under the guidance of Tom’s father, Admiral Paris.
Our mutual interest in the phenomenon brought us quite close.
In fact it was he who suggested Command School,” Kathryn said,
her eyes glazing over momentarily remembering the man who had
been her mentor. Jarek and Alyssa exchanged glances again, not
quite how to react to the impromptu personal confession of
their Captain. Surprisingly, it had a calming effect on
Alyssa, and she felt confident enough to point out the obvious
to her commanding officer.

“But we haven’t encountered any halo objects, compact or
otherwise.”

“I know, but remember that cluster of pulsars we passed the
other day? It was the only thing that had happened all week.”

“Yes, but there was nothing special about them, just standard
pulsars, although it was a little unusual that they all had the
same interval between pulses, however, that can be explained by
their proximity to each other.”

“Okay, but did you notice the energy signature? It’s
resonating at the same frequency as a compact halo object,”
Janeway proudly announced.

Tyler and Myers both approached her work station where she had
the preliminary data entered.

“You’re right!” Jarek cried. “I don’t know how I missed
this!”

“Or me either,” Alyssa added.

Janeway smiled. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like it was
staring you in the face. I never would have found it myself if
I hadn’t taken the time to dig deeper, and I normally wouldn’t
have had the time to do that, but with the way things have been
around here lately, I looked, just for something to do. I was
really excited by this. It’s one of the reasons I agreed to
the switch in positions with Commander Chakotay, so I would
have the time to see if a cluster of pulsars like this might be
the beginnings of compact halo objects.”

“Still, you would have thought one of us would have noticed,”
Alyssa persisted. “Zeider was here then too, and he must have
missed it as well.”

“You’ve all got your own projects to work on. I hardly expect
you remember the readings you took on an average pulsar cluster
to correlate to something as obscure as halo objects.”

Alyssa Myers was a bit taken aback. She had always had the
impression that Janeway was the ultimate perfectionist. The
embodiment of Starfleet. The Maquis used to call her “By The
Book Janeway,” when they had first come on board, and Alyssa
had no personal experience to base her own opinion on. The
only contact she’d ever had with the woman was hearing her
voice over the comm system or at briefings with the entire
crew, where Janeway would invariably be all Starfleet. She was
delighted to discover she wasn’t as intractable as she had once
thought. Feeling herself relax a little, she said,

“If you’ll excuse me, Commander?” She tried the title on
tentatively, “I should be getting back to work.” Janeway
dismissed her with a nod, anxious to get started herself.

********

Chakotay had made arrangements with the “Commander” to have
dinner with her at 1800 hours, but checking his chronometer, he
found that she was already fifteen minutes late. Promptness
was a Janeway trademark, and he began to wonder if something
had happened to her.

“Computer, locate Cap. . .Commander Janeway.”

“Commander Janeway is in Science Lab One,” the computer’s
lilting voice calmly answered. Chakotay smiled. Her first day
there and she already was so involved in her research she had
lost track of the time. He remembered the tenacity she had
exhibited on New Earth when she was on the trail of what she
thought was a lead. If he hadn’t literally forced her to stop
and eat, he had no doubt she would have sat before that damned
computer terminal until she passed out.

“Captain Chakotay to Commander Janeway,” he announced, tapping
his comm badge. Gods he liked the sound of hearing the title
of “Captain” again!

“Janeway here,” she answered, sounding slightly irritated at
having been disturbed.

“Commander, don’t you have an appointment in the Mess Hall that
you’re late for?”

“Oh God, what time is it?” She asked, accessing the time on
her terminal. She *knew* she should have set an alarm.

“Chakotay, I’m so sorry! I was in the middle of a magnetron
scan and I guess I lost track of the time and. . . .”

“There’s no excuse Janeway!” he teased, the smile even coming
into his voice. “And by the way, it’s `Captain Chakotay’ to
you!”

“Yessir!” She snapped back so crisply, he could practically
see her standing at attention.

“I won’t put you on report *this* time Commander, if you get up
here within the next five minutes.”

“On my way, Janeway out.” Chakotay laughed, envisioning her
running through the corridors as if her life depended on it.
Not four minutes later, Kathryn burst through the doors of the
mess hall, and slowed herself to a walk, trying to shake off
the curious stares of her crew.

“How was that?” She panted. Chakotay checked his chronometer
and nodded with approval.

“Not bad. Four minutes and thirty seconds. And I thought I
was going to have to bust you down to Ensign.”

“Not in this lifetime!” She said, her breathing returning to
normal. She smiled at the suppressed grin on his face. Just
seeing him struggle, trying to keep those endearing dimples
from his face, was enough to make her smile as well. He always
made her feel so good. He even made her forget that she had
just embarrassed herself by running through her ship as if she
were being chased by all the demons of hell. But it had felt
good, she realized. And she felt good too. Maybe for the
first time in weeks.

“A little jogging seems to be good for you,” Chakotay
observed. “I haven’t seen you look this relaxed in ages.”

“I feel relaxed,” she said, reclining slightly on the chair
across from him. “If I would have thought a day playing in a
science lab would do this for me I would have handed over the
ship to you weeks–months ago!”

“You would not,” he said. “I would still have had to drag you
kicking and screaming away from that chair on the Bridge.”

“You’re right. I guess you know me a little too well,” she
said, placing her hand over his and giving him a look that was
almost his undoing. If reading a few extra reports and
deciding on some course changes had wrought this kind of a
change in her, to allow her to unself-consciously touch him
like that in public, he hoped they never left these doldrums!

Suddenly realizing she still had her hand over his, she pulled
back, but not as if she had been burned, as sometimes had been
the case when she discovered her touch had lingered on his
longer than what would be considered proper.

“Neelix have anything left that could be classed as edible?”
She asked, straitening up in her chair.

“He’s saved us a couple of plates,” he answered, still a
little surprised in the change in her. Now he wished he’d
suggested dinning in one of their quarters, even the near empty
Mess Hall was beginning to feel crowded. At least he could
thank the Gods that Paris and his gossip mill were absent this
evening. Even so, word of Kathryn’s race through the lower
decks had probably already spread throughout the entire ship.

Kathryn was about to get up and see what Neelix had saved, when
the Talaxian tottered over with their dinner.

“There you are `Commander.'” Neelix said, giving her a small
elbowing in the ribs as if the subject of her title switch was
their private joke. He smiled broadly and placed the steaming
plates before the officers. At first Janeway was unsure if it
were steaming from the heat coming off the food, or the odor it
was producing.

“What is it?” Chakotay asked, waving a hand before his face to
dispel some of the steam that threatened to overtake his
olfactory senses.

“Wahlvek soufflβ€š,” Neelix replied, puffing up with pride, more
than his soufflβ€š had. “Of course it wouldn’t be quite so. .
.pungent if it had been served when it had been ready,” he
added by way of chastising Janeway.

“I’m really sorry,” she apologized again. “For more reasons
than one,” she said, slightly under her breath so as not to
hurt Neelix’s feelings any further than she already had. But
Chakotay heard her comment and struggled to keep from laughing.
Having to explain what was so humorous to the little cook,
would prove to be too large of a diplomatic challenge.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to your dinners. Excuse me,” he
said, with a little backward shuffle.

“Smooth Chakotay,”

“What? Did I say anything?”

“No, but I almost lost it, watching you try not to lose it!”
She chided. Picking up her fork she stuck it into her soufflβ€š,
which immediately deflated, releasing even more unpleasant
odor. “And I was really hungry, too.”

“Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Just try it,” he urged.

“You first.”

Chakotay, not one to back away from a challenge, especially
from her, lifted his fork and took a large mouthful. “Hey!
This isn’t bad!” He exclaimed. “Try it!”

Kathryn tried a tentative bite, but soon found herself
spitting it out in a most undignified manner. Chakotay was
laughing so hard he almost forgot and took another bite
himself. Janeway lunged for her water to rinse the foul taste
that remained in her mouth. Gasping, she turned on him.

“I only want to know one thing,” she said, having to take
another drink from her glass.

“What’s that?”

“How on Earth did you manage to swallow that. . .*stuff* with a
straight face?”

“Years of practice. How do you think I managed to live
through torture at the hands of the Cardassians? This was what
they’d serve on Sunday’s for a special treat.” He had meant it
as a joke, but he could tell he had touched a nerve. Suddenly
he remembered. She too had been in a Cardassian prison. And
for quite some time. It really was amazing she had survived,
even knowing her determination as he did now, he was still
impressed.

“Kathryn, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any. . . . ”

“It’s okay, Chakotay. Really. It was a long time ago.
Another life,” She tried to reassure him, but her eyes still
had a haunted look. The casual, carefree mood had suddenly
evaporated like the steam from their Wahlvek Soufflβ€š.

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggested, taking her by the hand
and almost dragging her to her feet.

“Where are we going?”

“Let’s go down to the Science Lab. I want you to show me your
experiment.”

“Do you really want to see my experiment, or are you just being
polite?” She asked, suspicious of his attitude change.

“I’m just being polite,” he said with a smile. “But I’m sure
there’ll be *something* in the lab that will interest me.”

She gave him her sternest don’t-get-cute-with-me look as he
propelled her towards the door. “What about Neelix’s dinner?
He’ll know for sure we didn’t eat it.”

Chakotay quickly walked back to the table and gathered their
plates. “Just taking it with us!” He called to the Talaxian
who was watching him with a curious stare.

Once again he and Janeway were headed out the door. She
started to head towards the turbo-lift, but Chakotay was going
in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going? The turbo-lift is. . . .”

“I know, but I have to drop this off in the Hydroponics Bay
first.”

“The Hydro Bay? Why?”

” Didn’t *you* think this stuff tasted like fertilizer?”

She laughed as she followed him down the deserted hallway. She
felt like a school girl sneaking around pulling practical
jokes, following Chakotay around with a plate of florescent
orange soufflβ€š. Oh she was tempted take her plate and smash it
into his face and take off at a dead run, but she figured her
crew had seen enough of her juvenile behavior for one day. If
that was the case, what was she doing skulking around the
Hydroponics Bay, clinging to the shadows as Chakotay
reconnoitered their dump site? Silently he pointed to a bed of
azaleas and whispered,

“NOW!” They dumped simultaneously, taking the empty plates
with them. Walking as non-chalantly as they could, they
deposited the plates in a recycler just outside the Mess Hall,
and quickly headed for the turbo-lift before anyone was any
wiser.

Once the doors closed on them they both broke down in fits of
laughter.

“Can you see the look on Tivoli’s face when he sees that stuff?
He’s going to have a fit that someone messed with his prize
azaleas!” He choked, he was laughing so hard.

“So *that’s* why the careful reconnaissance,” she said, the
realization dawning on her. “Chakotay, I’ve never seen this
side of you! I’ve always known you had a `different’ sense of
humor, but I didn’t know you went in for practical jokes as
well. I may have to put you on report!”

“Well then you better put yourself down as well because you
made an excellent accomplice!”

“Hmmm. I guess you’re right. Maybe we’ll forget it, just this
once,” she said, almost laughing again at his expression.
“You better have an iron-clad alibi if something like this ever
happens again, because you know who’ll be the first person I’ll
suspect.”

“I guess I’ll never be able to leave your side will I?” His
voice had suddenly turned serious.

Kathryn swallowed as she saw the intense look in his eyes. “I
think that’s a bit extreme, don’t you?” Fortunately the
tension was broken by the lift doors opening onto deck__. She
quickly exited the confines of the turbo-lift and crossed
swiftly to the Science Lab.

Although the ship was manned by three different shifts, the
work in the science labs was done mostly on the Alpha Shift,
due to the shortage of scientists. Most of the people on
*Voyager* were needed in more key positions, So as she had
expected, the Science Lab was deserted. Kathryn called for the
lights to come up as she strode to her work station. She’d
only been here a day, but if Chakotay had to pick her area out
of the four, he would have chosen the one she had walked to.
There was something about the organized disarray that spoke
“Janeway” to him. It reminded him of her desk in her ready
room.

Kathryn activated her computer terminal and began to outline
what she hoped to prove with her study. As she launched into
her theories, Chakotay found he couldn’t concentrate on the
words she spoke. Instead, he saw her animated features, the
excited gleam in her eyes, the passion she felt for her
research. He always got a lump in his throat watching her in
command situations, but he found her enthusiasm here equally as
enticing.

She continued to talk about the pulsars as he walked over to
her and gave her a big hug. It wasn’t an intimate hug as she
sometimes found herself the recipient of, just a big old,
comfortable bear hug.

“What was that for?” She asked, as she nervously stepped back
from his embrace.

“Nothing,” he said, suddenly a little shy. “You’re so excited
by all this, you’re like a kid at Christmas, and I just wanted
to share some of that joy.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you. For making me see
that I needed this, to regain some balance in my life.”

“Glad I could help,” he said sincerely.

“I can’t remember the last time I let my hair down like this,”
she said, rubbing her forehead with a slightly embarrassed
smile.

“Probably right before you cut it,” he added sarcastically.

“Are we back to that *again?*”

“No. I promise to be good. Walk you home? I hear there’s
some lunatic roaming the halls with plates of Wahlvek soufflβ€š.”

“Really?” She said with feigned shock. “I heard there’s two
maniacs on the loose.”

He grabbed a phaser-shaped tool off her table and held it
before him like a weapon. Pushing her slightly behind him, he
slowly slinked out of the science lab and into the hallway as
if he were on point for an invasion force. He continued his
role-playing right up to her door, offering to enter and make
sure her quarters were safe.

“No, thanks for the offer though,” she said, wiping the tears
from her eyes that had gathered there with her side-splitting
laughter. “Maybe I should see if *your* quarters are safe.”
She could see he had a witty sexual innuendo on the tip of his
tongue, but he managed to restrain himself.2

“Seriously Chakotay, thank you for tonight. I can’t remember
when I’ve laughed so much. Certainly not since we hit this
dead section of space. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt so silly and
giddy all evening. I think the old timers called it `cabin
fever,’ or more recently `space fever.’ Maybe if we sanctioned
practical jokes, the crew wouldn’t be at each other’s
throats.”

“Stranger things have been known to happen,” he said
cryptically. “Good night Kathryn.”

“Good night,” she replied, watching him until he entered his
quarters, hoping against hope that his night of practical jokes
was at an end.

*PROPER ORDER PART 2*
All disclaimers from part one apply.

Chakotay sat at the head of the table in the conference room,
going over the last minute details of the topics he wished to
discuss with the senior staff. He toyed with the PADD, hoping
Kathryn would make it to the room before the rest of the
officers. Part of the reason he had suggested their role-
reversal was to free her up so they could spend some more time
together. As it was, he saw less of her now than he had
before. It had only taken her a week to ask him if he could
handle the duties of the First Officer again, in addition to
his assumed role as Captain. She wasn’t trying to over work
him, she explained, it was that she found that any other
outside duties took away from her time in the Science Lab.
Chakotay never figured he’d end up being jealous of a group of
pulsars! Of course he had offered to help her out and resumed
his old job as well as his current one. It wasn’t like he
couldn’t handle the extra work load. At the rate things were
going, he could probably handle the entire Bridge himself. So
now the only time he saw Kathryn was at the morning briefings
and at an occasional meal, consumed as quickly as she could so
she could get back to that damned science project of hers.
Even Tyler and Myers were overheard talking to their fellow
crew members about Janeway’s obsessive behavior.

As if his wishful thinking was working for once, Kathryn
entered the conference room with a mug of coffee in one hand
and a PADD in the other. Almost tripping because her eyes were
glued to the data before her, she chose a seat near the middle
of the table, ignoring the fact there was another person in the
room. Chakotay sat back and crossed his arms, waiting for her
to acknowledge him. It took several minutes, but finally she
looked up.

“This is the most fascinating occurrence!” She exclaimed,
almost glowing. “The pulsar’s flashes are synchronous, then
one will start to emit a different pulse, and the others adjust
their bursts to match the new cadence. It’s almost like
they’re playing follow the leader!” She looked up to see
Chakotay’s almost pouting face.

“What? What’s the matter?”

“Good morning to you too!”

“Oh for heavens sake Chakotay! Are you acting like a petulant
child because I didn’t breeze in here full of smiles and
kisses?”

“Some simple acknowledgment would have been nice.”

“I’m sorry Captain. Good morning Sir.” She practically bit
back at him.

Chakotay sighed. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.
It’s just that we never talk anymore. The only time I see you
is at these briefings and a meal if they kick you out of the
lab, and then you always have a PADD in your hand. Do you take
that thing to bed with you as well?”

“And do you get this upset with B’Elanna when she doesn’t come
in here and give you a big hug?” She knew the answer was “no,”
and she also knew the reason he was upset. She supposed she
had been a little preoccupied with her research lately, but she
thought he of all people would understand her desire, her
*need* to finish this project before her month was up.

“Now who’s sounding like a spoiled child?” He crossed over to
her and leaned one hip on the table, causing her to look up at
him. “This was supposed to be fun,” he said, his anger
evaporating. “For all of us. A break from routine, not an
excuse for you to work harder than you normally do.”

Janeway leaned back in her chair. “I guess I have been going
at it a little aggressively,” she agreed. Chakotay raised an
eyebrow at her. “Okay, maybe a bit obsessive, but I never
realized how much I miss the science part of my training.”

“You don’t have to go at this like it’s the last experiment
that you’ll ever do. If it’s that important to you, we’ll find
a way for you to be more involved in the Science Department.
You don’t always have to do everything by yourself.”

He was right. Where had she gotten the idea that she had to
follow up on every shred of information herself? She certainly
had no trouble delegating responsibility when it came to
running the ship. Why did she have such a hard time
relinquishing a little control with her research? She
remembered how he had initially offered to help her discover an
antigen on New Earth, but she practically ordered him away from
“her baby.” Maybe it had something to do with her creative
side. She wasn’t allowed to express much of that side of
herself on the Bridge. Having someone else finish her
experiments was like having someone finish a painting she was
working on. They might see the direction it was originally
moving in, but with a new person came new perspectives. And
while she realized this was usually a positive thing, it wasn’t
desirable with something as personal as her work was to her.

Chakotay watched her face as she turned the thoughts over
quickly in her mind. He could almost see the gears working, as
they used to say.

“You’re right,” she finally conceded. “So now what doctor?”

A smile began to play at the corners of his mouth. “Have
dinner with me tonight.”

“That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it? Ply me with good
food and good company,” she smiled, handing him her hand so he
could help her straighten up in her chair. “What time and
where?” she sighed.

“20:00 hours, my quarters?”

“How about 19:30 in my quarters?”

“Okay, you win,” he gave in, knowing she would probably feel
more relaxed on her “own turf.” He gave her a warm, friendly
smile and patted her arm as he headed back to his seat. “Nice
to have you back,” he added.

*********

It was 19:00 hours and Kathryn stood examining herself in the
mirror for what seemed the hundredth time. What was she so
nervous about? It’s not like it was the first time she and
Chakotay had shared a meal in her quarters. She had plenty of
replicator rations, so she would be able to accommodate any
request he had. . . . Maybe that was the problem. She was
worried that his “request” may be something of a more personal
nature. He had kept up his subtle pursuit of her, and she had
to admit, he was beginning to wear her down. She too had
missed the close association they normally shared when both of
them occupied the Bridge, but she also found that she was able
to relax and lose herself in her research in the science lab,
and not always have the nagging feeling in the back of her mind
that he was watching her every move. She supposed it was
flattering. If one day he stopped being so attentive, she
would probably be hurt, then angry. She claimed to not want
his attentions and his affection, but she knew she would be
lost without it. How could she be such a bundle of
contradictions? She thought back to her relationship with
Mark. The poor man. She had no idea how he put up with her
mixed signals for as long as he did, and still be back for
more. He claimed not to be a “dog person,” when she had asked
him to watch her Irish Setter, Molly, but that’s what he
reminded her of: A faithful companion who always returned for
more, no matter how she treated him.

She had changed out of her uniform into a simple aqua dress,
which she hadn’t accessorized. This was two friends having
dinner, not a date she had to dress up for and try to impress
him. Still, she knew the dress was one of his favorites, and
realized it was probably why she had chosen it.

She puttered around her quarters, straightening a picture here
and adjusting a knick-knack there. Why was she so fidgety? It
was her suggestion to dine in her quarters for this exact
reason–so she wouldn’t be so nervous. The earlier time was so
she would get to sleep at a decent hour. It never failed, when
ever they got together for dinner, they would end up discussing
anything and everything until she suddenly would realize it was
one or two in the ship’s morning. Somehow he always managed to
engage her interests and they would end up on some tangent
neither could remember starting.

The door chimed as she found herself before the mirror yet
again.

“Come!” she called out, moving to the center of the room to
greet her guest.

Chakotay stepped into the room. He noted that the lights were
at a level that was more casual than for duty, but not low
enough to be intimate. Even her lights were non-committal!

“Hi,” she said, feeling a little nervous. Sometimes she felt
she should embrace him, and others she thought he would mis-
read her greeting. In the end she ended up standing almost at
attention, clenching and unclenching her hands.

“At ease, Commander Janeway,” he teased. “You look great,” he
added, glad she had picked out the dress that was his favorite.
It was a simple style that was similar to what used to be
called a “jumper,” but it was more form fitting. The skirt
flared a little around her small waist and ended just above her
knees. He was glad she hadn’t chosen any adornment, his gift
would be all she would need to set the dress off.

“You look good too,” she told him, starting to relax a little
now that the first few seconds had passed. He had gone casual
as well and she was sincere when she told him he looked good.
The loose-fitting pants and shirt in earth-tones suited him.
In fact the outfit was so “Chakotay,” she couldn’t imagine him
in any other style, save his uniform, and he looked *damn* good
in that. Kathryn felt herself beginning to blush. Where had
*that* thought come from?

“Would you like something to drink?” She offered, heading for
the replicator. “I think I’ll have some ice tea, it seems a
bit warm in here, don’t you think?”

“No, seems fine to me,” he answered, enjoying her discomfort,
realizing he was the cause of it. “Ice tea would be great.”

She motioned him to the sofa and joined him with two frosty
glasses.

“I haven’t had ice tea in ages,” he said, accepting the glass.

“Neither have I. Today felt like it should have been a summer
day, so I was thirsty for it. I think it would be summer on
New Earth,” she added a little wistfully.

“Funny you should mention that,” he said, withdrawing a small
box from his pants pocket.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a combination thank you, congratulations and `just
because’ gift.”

“Thank you, congratulations and just because?”

“Thank you for dinner,” he explained, but she interrupted him
before he could finish.

“We haven’t had dinner yet. Shouldn’t you wait and see if it’s
edible first?”

“And congratulations on your recent discoveries,” he
continued, ignoring her rude interjection. “And just because,
well, just because.”

Kathryn took the proffered box and asked, “Shall I open it
now?”

Chakotay nodded. She undid the ribbon and lifted the lid.
Pushing aside delicate paper she saw what appeared to be a
necklace, with an oval pendant. The silver metal was engraved
with a floral pattern which he told her was a wild Irish rose.

“Chakotay, it’s lovely! It reminds me of the locket my great-
great-grandmother used to wear!”

“Open it,” he advised.

“It *is* a locket!” She exclaimed, hurrying to release the
catch. Inside was a picture of the shelter they had shared on
New Earth.

“Now you’ll always be home,” he said, his voice thick with
emotion.

“It’s perfect! Thank you!” She cried, and without thinking,
threw her arms around Chakotay’s neck and kissed him on the
cheek. He slid his arms around her and hugged her back. As
she pulled away from his embrace he noticed tears in her eyes.

“Hey, it was supposed to make you happy, not sad,” he said,
wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

“I am! I can’t believe how thoughtful you can be!” she said,
her face breaking into a grin.

“Just call me Mr. Sensitive,” he said, returning her smile.

“I’m speechless! How can mere words express how wonderful a
present this is? And how did you know I was feeling
`homesick?'”

“I knew I was, so I figured you must be as well,” he
confessed.

“Do you think about it a lot?”

“Only about twenty times a day, and then I’ll have a stretch
where it will seem like it never happened. Of course I’m happy
to be back on *Voyager*, but I can’t help thinking about what
might have been. . . .”

“Me too. I’m glad I don’t have to make a choice. I honestly
don’t know if I could choose between them.”

Chakotay wasn’t quite sure how to take her disclosure. Did
this mean she wished for a less formal atmosphere, as he did,
so that they might have a chance to explore a relationship?
Before he could persue his line of thought, she was off the
couch and standing before her mirror trying on the necklace.
It was just the right length, and the perfect accompaniment to
her dress. He joined her in front of the looking glass and
placed his hands on her shoulders.

“It’s definitely you,” he said, admiring the way it caught the
light.

Kathryn turned around to face him , trying once again to
express her gratitude. “I think it’s the nicest gift anyone’s
ever given me,” her voice started to crack. “Thank you.”

He wasn’t sure how it happened. He’d been that close to her
before, and in equally emotional situations, but he’d never
stepped over the boundaries. Never invaded her personal space.
But there he was, with his lips caressing hers. His hands slid
up her neck and held her head to his as he felt her begin to
return his kiss. As if she too had suddenly realized what had
happened, she pulled away, flustered.

“I’m sorry Kathryn,” he said. And he meant it. He had no
intention of kissing her, all of a sudden he just *was.* “I
don’t want you to think that I gave you the locket with some
kind of ulterior motive in mind.”

Her face softened in empathy. “I know that, Chakotay. And I’m
sorry too. I wish I could give you a logical reason for my
behavior, but I can’t.” There was something about the tone of
her voice that made Chakotay think she was going to tell him
more, but it was gone just as quickly. Kathryn abruptly walked
away from him, perhaps fearing her close proximity would entice
him to finish what he had started.

Rubbing his chin, Chakotay knew he had spoiled any chance of
them having a relaxing evening. “Kathryn, I’ve put you in an
uncomfortable position, and I’m sorry. You don’t know how
sorry. Maybe after we’ve both had some time to think about
this we can try for dinner again.”

“I think it would be for the best,” she agreed, her voice
barely audible.

“Good night,” he said without meeting her eyes.

“Good night.”

She leaned against the door as it closed with a whoosh of air.
How had things gotten so out of control? All they were going
to do was have a nice dinner between two friends who’d lost
touch for a short time, and the next thing she knew they were
back in this uncertain place. She wanted to lay the blame on
Chakotay for having given her such a personal gift, for
basically no reason, but she couldn’t. It had only been a
thoughtful gesture, only had been *meant* as a thoughtful
gesture, but she had gone and ruined it for both of them. She
felt horrible for the way she lead him on by returning his
kiss, then abruptly pushing him away. All the reasons she had
stated for not wanting to get involved with him were true, and
she knew she was hiding behind her command, but it was in an
effort to avoid the real reason she was so scared. Her fears
had a very real basis in the past, and she usually was able to
push them to the back of her thoughts, where, she believed,
they belonged. But Chakotay had struck a nerve. Not only with
his attempted joke about the Cardassians, but with his
attentions as well. She and Mark had had an understanding. As
much as she dreaded to bring up the past, to go back there and
re-live the horror, she knew she owed Chakotay the truth. He
deserved nothing less.

She picked the locket up off her chest. Already it felt as if
it had always been there. She opened the clasp and looked at
the picture he had inserted. “Now you’ll always be home,” he
had said. In that case, he should have put his picture inside,
but she knew he would never be that presumptuous. Holding the
silver disk in her fist, she knew what she had to do and
gathered up her courage to go to his door.

*********

Kathryn stood before Chakotay’s door hoping he had returned
there and praying that he hadn’t.

Hearing the chime, he immediately called out, “Come!”
instinctively feeling it was her.

It took Chakotay to come to the door and open it, for her to
enter his quarters. She’d been there plenty of times, for both
for work and social occasions, but tonight his rooms looked
different. She recognized that it was her own trepidation that
made them appear altered. Both of them stood in the doorway,
neither speaking, each waiting for the other to be the first to
break the tension between them. Summoning her courage, Kathryn
finally spoke.

“I’d like to talk to you about what just happened,” she stated
simply.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I over-stepped my `parameters’
again,” he said, trying not to sound spiteful, but it came out
that way anyhow.

Kathryn couldn’t believe she was actually grinning at a time
like this, but his throwing her words back at her somehow
seemed ironic. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said,
surprising him that she wasn’t here to berate him for his lack
of control.

“I know I told you my reasons for not wanting to get involved
with you,” she continued, but it’s not the only thing that’s
holding me back.”

He had always felt as if her excuses were valid, but not enough
to stop her if she really wanted a relationship with him. He
could see she was apprehensive about giving into him. On one
level, it would mean that she was giving up. That she had
accepted the fact that it could well be sixty some years before
*Voyager* saw the Alpha Quadrant. And in accepting that
inevitability and entering a relationship with him, the crew
might see it as her giving up on finding a quicker route home.
But why couldn’t she see the other side as well? That she
hadn’t given up, but was simply making the most of the present.
It was like he told her on New Earth–he couldn’t sacrifice the
present for a future that might never happen.

“So what else are you worried about?” he prompted, motioning
her to the sofa.

She sat down on the couch, pulling herself into a ball and
hugging her arms. If he needed anymore evidence that she was
closing herself off, he saw it by the pained expression on her
face.

“Is it cold in here?” she asked, hugging her arms tighter.

“It’s the same temperature as the rest of the ship,” he said,
wondering why she kept stalling. “Would you like a blanket?”

“Yes. That would help,” she said, thinking that maybe by
actually physically wrapping something around her, it would
protect her and make it easier to tell him what she had to say.

He draped the blanket around her shoulders without touching
her, and was about to increase the lighting when she asked him
not to.

“Please, it would be easier if it wasn’t so bright.” So he
requested they be dimmed even further. He waited for her to
speak but she remained silent, unsure where to begin.

“Kathryn, what *is* it?”

“This may be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done,”
she confessed quietly. “I never even told Mark the whole
story, but you deserve to hear the truth, so you know it’s me,
and not anything you’ve done.” She pulled the blanket tighter
around her compacted body and let her mind go to the area she
kept tightly guarded.

“No doubt at some point you’ve accessed my Starfleet records.”

“It was one of the first things I did when I came on the ship.
I wanted to know who it was I was dealing with. I have to say
it took a bit of the sting out of being captured when I found
out Starfleet had sent their best after me.”

Kathryn smiled slightly at his compliment, but didn’t let it
side track her from her purpose. “In those records you
probably noticed that I had been held prisoner by the
Cardassians for six months.”

He nodded. Although they hadn’t discussed it, he knew she was
aware they both had done time at the hands of the Cardassians.
It only served to increase his respect for her and her duty to
Starfleet. It took someone with an overwhelming sense of
loyalty to be able to look beyond the past and work with a
former and sometimes current enemy. If she hadn’t been so
devoted to Starfleet, she would have been a perfect candidate
for the Maquis. What a team they would have made! It might
have even been a turning point for the Maquis in their struggle
against the Cardassians.

“I was captured along with Admiral Paris when our shuttle
encountered one of their ships,” she said, refocusing his
attention on her narrative. “We were checking a sensor array
on a Urtean moon. What I didn’t know was the array was being
used to spy on Cardassian movements in the area. At the time I
still believed it was only taking the usual scientific
readings. When the Cardassians first started their
interrogation, I honestly didn’t believe we were on a mission
other than one of scientific discovery. I had heard rumors
that the *Icarus’* mission was two-fold, but I had no concrete
evidence to support what I’d heard. I truly believed what I
said when I swore to my captors that they were mistaken about
our intentions. When they threw the evidence in my face, I
couldn’t believe that Admiral Paris had lied to me. I realize
now he had done it for my own protection, but at the time I
only saw it as his lack of trust in me. Of course my feelings
of betrayal played me right into the hands of the Cardassians.
You know only too well what masters they are at manipulation,”
she said, seeing he had picked up on her referral to Seska.

“Even though they knew I had no information they could use,
they continued to beat me. I knew Admiral Paris and I weren’t
the only prisoners, for I’d hear them screaming, every hour of
the day and night. I tried to block out the sound by singing
as loudly as I could, but I could still hear the sounds of men
and women pleading for mercy. Then one day I was dragged into
a room different from the one I was usually taken to for my
`workout.’ I was barely conscious anymore and almost hoped
that this would be the time that they’d kill me and end it all.
But they were good. They knew just how much a person could
stand and would stop before their prisoners were allowed to
escape through death.”

At that point Kathryn didn’t remember telling Chakotay anymore.
Instead, the scene played itself out in her memory as if she
were watching a holo-simulation of the event. She could
physically feel herself speaking, but she couldn’t recall
forming the words as she stepped back into her own past. . . .

“Ensign Kathryn Janeway,” the Gul before her spoke. She
hadn’t seen this one before. Which Order did *this* reptile
belong to, she found herself wondering. Obsidian? Cerulean?
Ochre? Magenta? She found her mind drifting off in silly
directions more and more these days. Was this madness? Or the
beginnings of it?

“My name is Gul Edan. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

“Sorry,” she managed through her broken jaw. “I haven’t had
time to look you up in the Social Register.”

He smiled at her attempt at humor. “At least my men haven’t
*completlely* broken you.”

“That’s on the agenda for tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so,” he continued smoothly. “I think you and I
can be mutually beneficial to each other. To start with, I’d
like the doctor to have a look at you.”

At first she wanted to say “no,” that she didn’t want to be
fixed so that she could be broken again, but the thought of
even momentary relief from her pain was too seductive.

Gul Edan signaled the doctor to come forward and examine the
woman lying on the floor. She had multiple broken limbs,
various cuts and bruises, but nothing that he couldn’t fix. He
knew what the Gul was after and he would make sure he got it.
Edan could be very generous or your worst enemy, depending on
how he saw your usefulness to him. He didn’t intend to be on
the wrong side of his nature.

“She’ll be ready for you tomorrow,” the doctor promised him.

“Good. See that she is.”

*********

Kathryn flexed her muscles and wiggled her jaw back and forth.
The doctor had done a good job, she almost felt back to normal.
Almost. He showed her a mirror so she could see he’d taken
care of her bruises and abrasions as well. She didn’t know
whether to thank the doctor or curse him for restoring her to
health. In the end she settled for what she hoped was a
neutral statement.

“I appreciate your efforts, doctor.”

He simply nodded. So much for Cardassian bedside manner, she
thought. She noticed that her uniform had been replaced by
what she assumed was thought to be fashion on Cardassia. The
bodice was extremely low-cut and form fitting, ending in what
could hardly be considered a skirt. Her hair had been washed,
no doubt to remove the encrusted blood that had collected
there, and was now hanging loose down her back. It was the
first time she’d been clean in weeks, and it felt nearly as
good as having her injuries repaired. She sat on the edge of
the bio-bed, afraid to move for fear of having her `attributes’
fall out of the costume she found herself in. The doctor
handed her a pair of shoes with impossibly high heels. Was she
actually supposed to *walk* in those things? The doctor helped
her off the bed and lead her to his office where Gul Edan was
waiting. If she had any doubts about the purpose of the outfit
before, it was blatantly obvious now, as the Gul circled her
like a hungry vulture. Kathryn’s naturally long legs were
enhanced by the shoes she had been given, and the picture she
presented in her skin-tight “dress,” was enticing to say the
least.

“I must say you clean up rather nicely, Ensign,” the Gul said,
trying hard to seem as if her appearance hadn’t significantly
aroused him. “Good work doctor, I think you’ll find a little
something extra waiting in your Latinum account. Shall we my
dear?” He said, waiting to escort her back to his offices.

With as much dignity Kathryn could muster, she walked before
him hoping the elastic band they claimed to be clothing would
remain somewhat in place. From her marches to her different
rooms of torture, Kathryn had an idea of the layout of the
prison, and she knew the route Gul Edan had chosen was not a
direct one to his office. He was parading her before his men,
making sure they all had a chance to get a good eye full. She
found herself turning crimson with humiliation, wishing he
would beat her rather than make her strut through the hallways
of the confinement center. Her only consolation being that
Admiral Paris was unconscious, and unable to witness her
dishonor.

Once inside his office, Gul Edan spelled out what he expected
of her.

“You are here to `amuse’ me Kathryn. May I call you Kathryn?
Or would you prefer a pet name of some sort?” When she refused
to answer, he continued on, obviously enjoying her discomfort.

“I’ll take that as a `yes.’ You will remain here, with me, and
I promise there will be no more interrogations. All you have
to do is make me. . .happy. Cardassia and my family are very
far away and I find myself lonely for companionship. You’re
very attractive, for a human,” he added. Was she supposed to
take that as a compliment?

“Oh, and one more thing. If you get any grand ideas about
`ignoring my attentions,’ you won’t be the one to suffer. I
couldn’t have that lovely body of yours marred by breaks and
bruises, now could I? I think you’re aware that there are
many prisoners here, many are Starfleet, such as yourself and
your companion. What is his name? Oh yes, Admiral Paris.
As I said, you won’t be the one to suffer, but I’m sure one of
them will be more than willing to accept punishment in your
name.”

Kathryn swallowed. What was she going to do? The thought of
giving herself to this odious creature was more than she could
stand, but she couldn’t jeopardize other lives either.
Especially not the Admiral’s. She truly would go mad if she
were the cause of anymore of his pain.

“Agreed,” she whispered.

“What was that my dear? I don’t believe I heard you.”

“I said, `agreed!'”

“I’m glad we’ve got all this nasty business out of the way,
aren’t you? Will you join me for dinner? It looks as though
you haven’t had much chance to sample some of the delicacies
Cardassian cuisine has to offer.” He stood and extended his
hand to her, but she remained glued to her chair.

“It wasn’t a request Kathryn,” he nearly growled at her. He
knew she would test his limits, as any captive would, but he
had hoped she wouldn’t begin so soon.

*********

Dinner had been a trial. While she was hungry, hungrier in
fact than she could ever remember, she ate little, only when he
forced her. Surely he wouldn’t beat someone because she didn’t
clean her plate? It was a small victory, but it did give her
some sense of peace to know she had regained at least a minute
portion of control in this situation. She continued to play
with her food, trying to stall the inevitable, but Edan had
different ideas.

“I believe you have finished Kathryn,” he said, causing her to
flinch the way he pronounced her name, almost as if it were a
profanity. Grabbing her by the upper arm he propelled her from
the eating area of his quarters to the sleeping chamber.

The room was furnished in the same cold style the rest of his
quarters exhibited, and she found herself wondering if it were
a Cardassian trait, or his personal taste. She hardly expected
a warm, cheery atmosphere in a prison, but she would have
thought there would have been some personal mementos in his
private rooms. Pictures of his supposedly estranged family at
the very least. However, the only adornment to grace the
austere walls was a rather prominently displayed weapon, and
she wondered if it had sentimental value or was there to
intimidate her.

Laying on the bed was a piece of filmy lingerie which Edan
nodded to and said, “I’ll be back in a moment. I expect you
to be wearing that.” He crossed to a bathroom, and left her to
dress.

“You sure know how to put a girl in the mood,” she mumbled
under her breath, hoping the sarcasm would steel her for what
she was about to endure. She picked up the garment and noticed
with alarm that it was nearly transparent. Momentarily she
thought to simply place the sheer fabric over the already
revealing outfit she wore, but Gul Edan’s patience with her was
dangerously near it’s end. She couldn’t allow him to follow
through with his threat to hurt the other prisoners in her
stead. Gritting her teeth, she issued a silent prayer to whom
ever or what ever would hear her, and removed one article of
provocative clothing and replaced it with the other.

Edan entered the bed chamber and found her sitting on the edge
of the bed, practically the only piece of furniture in the
room. She had her legs crossed and her arms folded across her
chest, both as a measure to conceal herself and to retain some
warmth. The Gul walked over to her, taking her hand, forcing
her to stand. He was dressed considerably more modestly than
herself, in a pair of loose-fitting silk pants, but his
clothing did nothing to hide his interest in her. She had
never seen a Cardassian out of uniform, but wasn’t surprised to
see the scaly cartilage that graced their faces and necks
extended to their chests as well. With a shuddering thought,
Kathryn wondered if *all* their appendages were equally scaly.

“Now this is the woman I knew you could be when I first spotted
you,” he said, taking in every inch of her with his intense
gaze. “I only wish you hadn’t been exposed to so many
unpleasantries before I found you. You can’t have formed a
very positive opinion of us.”

“Cardassian `hospitality’ is legendary,” she said simply,
feeling her face burn at his intense scrutiny.

“Actually, we can be very hospitable to our friends,” he said,
pouring a liquid into two glasses that rested on a night stand.
As if to make his point about hospitality, he handed her one.
She eyed the forest-green liquid suspiciously.

“Oh come now Kathryn, if I wanted to drug you, don’t you think
I would done so already?” She wondered if maybe he had
somehow. He enjoyed keeping her guessing, and his “advance and
retreat” technique was certainly working at confusing her.

“It’s called Kanarr, and it’s considered a rare vintage on
Cardassia.”

Tentatively she took a sip. The taste of actual alcohol
overwhelmed her taste buds, but then the flavor of the drink
came through. At first it was hot, almost too hot, followed by
a cooling sensation, leaving the slight aftertaste of ginger
and almond. It seem a perfect drink for the Cardassians who’s
personalities also displayed a similar duality.

“What do you think?” Edan always enjoyed watching the face of
someone who was trying Kanarr for the first time. It told him
a lot about a person, how they handled intense sensations that
quickly changed. He was disappointed in Janeway’s countenance.
She had managed to slip a mask of indifference over her
features, denying him his pleasure at seeing her true self.
She was stoic, even by Cardassian standards.

“It’s different,” she stated neutrally.

“Did you like how it felt?” He asked, still trying to elicit a
response from her. Kathryn shrugged her shoulders in an
ambiguous gesture.

“It has the same effect when it’s applied to the skin,” he
added seductively, and she found herself wondering who’s skin
he was referring to.

Taking one more long drink of the Kanarr, and motioning her to
have a little more, he gathered their glasses and replaced them
on the night table. Without warning, he pushed her onto the
bed, tearing the fragile fabric that surrounded her and removed
his own clothing as well. Kathryn began to panic. If perhaps
there had been a bit of a preamble. . . . If only he would dim
the lights. If she hadn’t had to look at his reptilian visage
maybe she would have been able to get through this. . . . But
something inside her snapped, and her Starfleet training
automatically took over. She fought him with everything that
she had, forgetting his warning of the consequences. Her elbow
made contact with his jaw and there was a sickening crunch that
stopped them both from struggling for a brief moment.

Gray-green blood gathered in the corner of his mouth as he left
the bed to examine the extent of the damage she’d done. The
bitch! He wanted nothing more than to slam her beautiful, yet
repulsive face into the wall, and perhaps even beat her to
death as well. But she was too valuable to him, besides the
investment he had recently made in her renewed health, there
was the money he could make with her. Women of any species
were few and far between on this world. He tried his jaw, but
he knew she had broken it. How was he going to explain this to
that smug son-of-a-bitch of a doctor?

Janeway lay on the bed panting, waiting for him to return and
attack her. She could see in his eyes that he wanted to, and
almost gave in, but something stopped him. Instead he grabbed
her long hair and dragged her from the bed.

“Get dressed,” he snarled through his injured mouth, tossing
her former outfit at her. She could see he wanted to say more
to her, but his broken face wouldn’t allow it. Disappearing
into the bathroom, he returned dressed in his uniform. Without
a word to her, he left, knowing she would test all the exits,
but she would find none that would open to her.

*********

Kathryn paced the rooms like the caged animal she was. Back in
her cell she didn’t have to worry that her space was too
limited to move–she couldn’t even if she’d wanted to, and she
never wanted to move again when they returned her.

She’d tried every means of escape she could think of to get
away from Edan’s quarters. She had found a cleverly concealed
access panel, but it only got her into the Gul’s office.
Security measures on that exit were even more stringent than
the ones she broken through. Still searching for an access
panel, she heard the screams. They weren’t muffled like the
ones she heard on the cell block. These were being piped in.
A direct comm link to one of the interrogation rooms. There
was the sound of a weak voice pleading for no more, to just let
them die. And then the hollow laugh of the guards. One of
them started to mimic the man’s plea for release, just before
there was another gut-wrenching sound of an object striking
the prisoner. Silence. Then:

“Did you kill him?”

“No, he should make it one more day.”

Janeway ran to the farthest corner of the office and covered
her ears as she heard another victim being dragged in to
receive her punishment. She shrank herself into the smallest
ball she could and cowered in the corner. Tears were streaming
down her face as she rocked back and forth, singing the German
lullaby her mother sang to her as a child, trying to erase the
sound of the next man’s torture.

Hours later Gul Edan released the lock on his office and
noticed a figure hunched in the corner. He knew immediately
that it was her, and he was impressed she had managed to break
into his office. He could see he was going to have to beef up
the security measures on his personal quarters. Due to his
separation from her, most of his anger was gone. He’d hardly
expected her to roll over and allow him to have sex with her,
but he hadn’t anticipated her violent reaction either. It was
a mistake he wouldn’t make again. As soon as the doctor had
repaired his jaw he issued the order to torture several
individuals and have the comm channel to his office and
quarters opened. He had knew the effect it would have on her.
He was counting on it. As he stood before her, he saw his
methods had been effective, and without a word to her, walked
into his quarters and shut the door.

Kathryn didn’t know how long she sat shivering in the corner of
the dark office. The screams had long since stopped, but no
matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t turn the sound of them
off in her head. He had her. And he knew it. That was why he
hadn’t spoken to her. There was no need. Standing on shaky
legs she slowly walked towards his quarters, stopping before a
sink to wash the tear stains from her face. A part of her died
in his office that night, and she was about to sacrifice
another part. Walking into Edan’s bed chamber she stood at the
end of his bed and silently removed her dress. He watched her
actions in equal silence, as he made room for her in the large
bed that dominated the room. Still neither spoke. There was
nothing to say.

*********

Days went by, then it was weeks. She’d given up keeping track
of the time, after all, what was the point. She and Edan had
an uneasy truce, and each day blended into the next, always
culminating in his using her body for his release. She was
able to disassociate herself from the action for the most part,
and she was getting better at it. At first she would try to
remember the names of all the students that were in her classes
with her back at the Academy. As she pictured them in her mind
and tried to attach a name, she found that she could distract
herself enough to block out what was happening to her body.
Edan knew what she was doing and so did his level best to break
her with seduction, but he had been unable to get through to
her. It was her one small victory over him. Seeing her drift
off yet again, Edan thought it was time to change the nature of
their “relationship.”

At first he was selfish and wanted her to himself, regardless
of the profit he was losing. He reveled in the envious looks
his men gave him that he had a woman, any woman to share his
bed. But lately the envy of his men wasn’t enough. He was
getting bored with her and decided that by introducing a little
more humiliation to the mix might bring her around. After all,
once she was passed amongst his men, wouldn’t she beg him to
take her back and be the only one she was required to have sex
with? And if it didn’t break her, at least he’d have the
Latinum for comfort.

Kathryn felt her throat go dry as Gul Edan revealed his latest
attempt to get her to succumb to his demands. She’d become
quite the actress lately and managed to keep a bland look on
her face as he told her, in graphic detail, what she could
expect from his men. She simply stared off into space, as if
bored, and lifted the fork mechanically to her mouth. The
food, turning to sawdust in her mouth, was washed down with a
fair amount of Kanarr. She had discovered a liking for it, or
more appropriately, the pleasant “buzzy” feeling it gave her.
He watched her knock back the drink as if it were Ferengi
synthale.

“Take it easy on the Kanarr,” he snapped. “That’s the last of
it, and it *is* a little costly for you to be drinking as if it
were water.” Kathryn was in an equally fowl mood, with the
revelation of her latest “duty.” She took her index finger and
traced the rim of her glass, slowly, capturing his attention,
then she raised the digit to her mouth and sucked off the
Kanarr she had collected. Edan swallowed at her overtly sexual
gesture.

“Gods, you’re such a whore,” he spat out at her.

“If I am, it’s all thanks to your careful instruction, and
likely I’ll be even more skilled before the week is out.” She
rose and tossed the remainder of the Kanarr in his face.

Immediately Edan was on his feet, hand raised, as if to strike
her.

“Go ahead!” She screamed. “Why don’t you just hit me? You
know you want to! Or will that diminish my `value?’ I’ve seen
your men Edan, been one of their `guests.’ I don’t think a few
bruises will matter to them as long as I can still open my
legs!”

He didn’t know what to do with her anymore. Any thing he did
to reach her would invariably end with her in some self-induced
semi-catatonic state, where nothing he did mattered. Maybe he
*should* beat her! But that’s what she wanted. She wanted him
to kill her to release her from her guilt. He wasn’t ready to
do that just yet. He still had the option of multiple rape he
could use against her, and now with her waspish behavior, he
felt it was the only choice he had left. He was *not* going to
be beaten by this piddling little Ensign from a race of
weaklings!

*********

Kathryn found herself in one of the interrogation rooms, but
all the instruments of torture had been removed.

“Welcome my little bird,” she heard Edan’s voice over the comm
channel. God she hated it when he called her that! Did he
know how close it was to her father’s term of endearment,
Goldenbird? He couldn’t. It had to be a coincidence. Still
it was one of the most trying things about her association with
the Gul. A constant reminder of the home she would never see
again.

“Where are you?” she asked the empty room.

“In my office. Where did you think I’d be?”

“Either here, to watch, or in your bedroom, playing along.”

“Kathryn, Kathryn,” he admonished her, “what happened to the
shy, virginal girl you were when I first met you?”

“You fucked it out of me,” she said with a coarse laugh,
wanting to be as crude as he had made her feel.

“Your `guests’ should be arriving shortly,” he said, taken
aback at her statement.

“Oh good. Will it be one at a time or are we having a party?”
She knew he could see her, although she couldn’t see him. She
willed herself to stand still. She would not give him the
satisfaction of seeing her tremble with the fear she felt.
Just then the door opened with a hiss of air, admitting the
guards. She tried not to count, but couldn’t stop herself.
Fifteen. All waiting to have a turn at her. Kathryn hadn’t
realized she’d backed up to the wall until her body made
contact with the cold metal. The men advanced into the room;
some she recognized, others she didn’t. She was sure she’d
know them all by the end of the evening. Trying to focus her
mind anywhere but in the room she occupied, she wished for the
millionth time that she had taken Vulcan meditative techniques
at the Academy, so she could place herself somewhere safe while
the men brutalized her physical shell.

*********

Kathryn still lay on the ice-cold floor of the interrogation
room, but now she was thankfully alone. Or was she? She
sensed a presence in the room, but it wasn’t moving, at least
not very much. Suddenly there was a burst of smoke and light
as the room’s surveillance equipment exploded.

“Come on!” She heard a voice urge her. Some one was pulling
her to her feet. A man. He was dressed in black, and from his
height and build, obviously not Cardassian.

“Who are you?” She whispered, trying to hold her clothing
around her. The first Cardassian had taken care of ripping it
to shreds in his haste to reach her.

“Starfleet Rangers,” he hissed in her ear. He started leading
her away from the cell block.

“Wait! Admiral Paris!” she cried, trying to escape his grip.

“We’ve already got him! Your the last one! Nice diversion by
the way!” If the situation hadn’t been so desperate, she would
have slapped him. As it was, she probably *had* made it
possible for the Rangers to do their jobs. With almost all the
guards occupied, the Rangers probably could have walked in the
front door. The man handed her a blanket.

“I figured you’d need this,” he said as he pushed her through
the opening he and the other Rangers had created upon their
entrance to the prison.

As Kathryn’s memories started to mesh with those she had of her
rescue at the hands of Justin and the Rangers, she found
herself momentarily disoriented. Where was she? Chakotay’s
cabin? What was she. . . .Then she remembered starting to tell
him. But had she told him? She remembered seeing the images
from the past, but had she told him what she had seen? She put
her hands to her face and discovered her wet cheeks. She must
have been crying because her face was soaked. Stealing a
glance at Chakotay she had the answer to her questions. She
*had* told him, somehow. The pain written on his face was
evident. But what about the rest? Surely he must be repulsed
by her, by the way she had given herself to the Cardassians.
Justin understood. He’d been in a Cardassian prison and risked
re-capture in order to save her. Mark tried to understand, but
she had to admit she never really gave him the chance to fully
comprehend what had happened to her. And Chakotay? He’d been
incarcerated as well, but would he understand that she felt she
had no choice in order to spare the lives of her fellow
prisoners?

“Kathryn? Are you. . . .” Chakotay’s voice trailed off as he
attempted touch her.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” she screamed, moving away from him,
scrunching herself up into an even smaller ball. She started
sobbing again, close to hysteria. He didn’t know what to do
with her. All he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and
chase away her fears, but she was clearly still in the grip of
those emotions. Maybe the Doctor could do something for her!

“Chakotay to the Doctor,” he called, tapping his comm badge.

“This is the Doctor,” he replied causally.

“Doctor I need you in my quarters, now! Something’s happened to
the Captain,” he said, momentarily forgetting that the Doctor
would think he was the Captain.

“Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?” The
Doctor asked, puzzled.

“Captain. . .Commander. . .Janeway! Kathryn!” He tried to
clarify “Hurry!”

Almost simultaneously the Doctor appeared in Chakotay’s
quarters. “Please state the nature of . . . .My God! What
have you done to her?”

“Me?”

“She is in your quarters,” The Doctor noted as he began his
examination of Janeway. At his approach, she became agitated
once more, and tried to back away from him.

“Would you mind telling me what happened here?” The Doctor
asked as he prepared a sedative. Without divulging any of
Kathryn’s secrets, he gave the Doctor a brief synopsis.

“Well it’s obvious she’s having a physical reaction to her
traumatic memories,” the Doctor said, “can’t you be a little
more specific?”

“I really don’t think it’s my place to say, you’ll have to ask
her.”

“She’s hardly in a position to answer my questions!” He
replied with his usual amount of sarcasm.

“Can’t you just give her the sedative for now? I’ll make sure
she talks to you in the morning.”

The Doctor considered his options. He could insist she be
moved to Sickbay, but beyond rest, there wasn’t anything he
could do for her at this point. He should probably monitor
her, but he could do that with a portable dermal attachment.

“Very well,” he acquiesced, “make sure she continues to wear
the monitor, and I want to see her before duty tomorrow.” He
assumed Chakotay would watch over her through the night without
him instructing him to do so.

“Help me hold her so I can give her the sedative,” the Doctor
ordered. It took both of them to hold the resisting woman for
the Doctor to administer the hypospray. Within seconds Kathryn
relaxed and began to drift off to sleep.

“. . . .so sorry. . . .” she mumbled as the drug took over her
system. Chakotay thanked the Doctor and waited for him to
vanish before joining her on the sofa. She was still wrapped
in the blanket he had given her earlier. Sitting beside her,
he pulled her enveloped form into his arms and stretched out on
the couch, holding her like a distraught child. He brushed the
hair out of her face and hugged her tighter.

“It’s over now Kathryn,” he spoke to her inert form. And as
held her, he felt his own tears start to fall, for the pain she
had endured all those years ago, and the pain she would have to
face in the coming days.

*PROPER ORDER PART 3*
All disclaimers from part 1 apply

Kathryn woke with a start. Where was she? Glancing around,
she realized she wasn’t in her quarters. Who’s were they?
Chakotay’s? What was. . . .? She felt a body beneath her,
someone holding her. Looking up she saw Chakotay, propped up
on the end of the couch, half reclining as he held her firmly
in place. Memories of the night before flooded her as she
struggled to sit up.

“Oh God,” she moaned, rubbing her face with her hands. She
*had* told him everything. It wasn’t just a dream. She had a
hell of a headache, and when she went to rub her neck, she felt
a round piece of metal attached to her skin.

“What the. . . ?” She questioned, pulling the monitor off her
neck. Almost immediately she heard the chirp of her comm
badge.

“Doctor to Commander Janeway.”

“Janeway here,” came the hoarse, tired voice.

“Why have you removed the dermal monitor?”

“Is that what this is? Why do I have it in the first place?”
She asked, not remembering receiving it.

At the sound of voices and her movement, Chakotay woke and
disengaged himself from her. Kathryn tightened the blanket, as
if in an effort to protect herself.

“If you do not replace the monitor, I’ll have you beamed to
Sickbay,” the Doctor
warned.

She sighed and replaced the disk. “Is that better?” She
snapped.

“Much. I expect to see you here for a full examination by
09:00 hours. Is that clear?”

“Perfectly, Doctor,” she answered, avoiding looking in
Chakotay’s direction.

“Good!” The Doctor replied, happy that for once Kathryn
Janeway seemed to be following doctor’s orders. “Doctor out.”
The communication channel closed and Janeway stood to leave.

“Kathryn wait,” Chakotay said, trying to take her by the arms,
but she pulled out of his grasp, still unable to face him. “I
think we should talk about this, don’t you?”

“Not now!” She cried and ran for the door, but they remained
closed. Pounding on them she begged,

“Please, Chakotay, open the doors.” In her agitation she
hadn’t stopped to wonder why they were locked.

“We need to talk about this!”

“I can’t,” came her anguished cry, “not right now. Please let
me go!”

Uncertain if he should let her leave in her current state, he
finally relented and said, “Computer, release the door.” As
soon as there was a gap large enough for her to slip through,
she was gone, still clutching his blanket. He saw her enter
her quarters and heard the sound of the privacy lock engaging.
Unsure of what to do next, he returned to his rooms and
prepared for his duty shift. Hopefully the routine would help
him regain his perspective and allow her the time she needed.

*********

Kathryn sagged against the door of her cabin and instructed the
computer to initialize the security lock. She scanned the room
for her chronometer and noted it was 06:20–almost three hours
before she was due in Sickbay. God, how was she going to face
him again? What must he think of her? The whore to the
Cardassians. She thought she had worked through this, well
most of it. After her rescue, she had gone into intensive
psycho therapy to help her deal with the events of her
imprisonment. For the most part, the counseling worked, and
after about seven weeks, she was seen fit to return to active
duty. Justin had been right there by her side. He never
reproached her for her conduct or had to wonder why she did
what she had. He understood. Kathryn had begun to cling to
him as if he were a life line. She *did* love him, but she
knew it was a desperate love, one born of her need to be
accepted despite her past. They had never been lovers. Justin
was raised by strict Moralists, and he felt intimacies should
be shared only between married people, so when he insisted they
wait to have sex, she hadn’t objected. Secretly she had been
relieved. After Gul Edan and his men, she wasn’t sure how she
would react to a man, even one she loved. She didn’t have to
wonder for long about her sexual future with Justin, as he died
before the issue could be forced.

With her father and Justin’s deaths, she found herself spending
even more time in the counseling offices at Starfleet
headquarters. When she thought about it now, it was a wonder
she was allowed to persue a career in Command, much less to
receive a prestigious honor such as *Voyager.* Her experiences
*had* honed her, made her stronger on one level, but left her
more vulnerable on others.

Mark seemed to understand her need to remain “unattached.” His
quiet acceptance of her was apparently just what she needed.
He never pushed her to become more intimate, hoping she’d turn
to him when the time was right. She had told him of her
imprisonment, but left out anything having to deal with Gul
Edan. He had been her friend since her school days, and she
couldn’t bear the thought of his disappointment and
disapproval. So they lived their lives almost as brother and
sister. She loved him, but when ever he would get too close
she would shut down and not allow him to touch her beyond a few
kisses. He knew there had to be something she wasn’t telling
him, but he didn’t push her. She would tell him when she was
ready.

Kathryn loved him for his patience and understanding, but had
no idea he was helping feed her neurosis. It got to the time
where she could get through the day without thinking of what
she had done, what she’d become. If her feminine needs weren’t
being met, she compensated in other ways. She became “touchy-
feely” Kathryn. The only intimate contact she allowed herself
with another being was a comforting touch here and there. And
Mark seemed to understand, somehow. No one was aware they
shared a purely platonic relationship.

Up until that moment Kathryn hadn’t realized how many of the
same qualities Chakotay and Mark shared. Both were quietly
supportive of her, both willing to wait until she was ready to
accept them. What had she done to inspire such devotion from
these men? She who hadn’t had the strength to come up with
another alternative in that prison, and so took the cowards way
and gave into Edan’s demands. But she truly hadn’t done it for
herself. It had been to stop the agony of the people she heard
echoing in her mind, that she sometimes still heard. The
counselors had tried to convince her she had been a victim, and
not responsible for what she had been forced to do. To forgive
herself, allow the compassion she so readily showed others to
extended to herself. She still hadn’t been able to do that,
and until she could, no one would be permitted in.

Kathryn crossed the room slowly, deciding a hot bath might
help. Soaking in the steaming water she thought about the pain
she had seen written on Chakotay’s face. She must have really
disgusted him for that look to remain for so long. She hadn’t
meant to hurt him. In fact she had intended just the opposite.
She thought by telling him the truth, he’d understand her
reticence at becoming involved with him. Also, she hadn’t
planned on being quite so “detailed.” Originally she had only
thought to tell him she had been the victim of a sexual
assault, and it was her unresolved memories of the incident
that continued to haunt her, and cause her to freeze up when
things started to heat up. But somehow her subconscious had
other ideas, and took her to the place she had learned so well
to avoid. Maybe it knew something that she didn’t, for
although she was mortified that she had been so explicit in her
revelation, she did feel “lighter.” In some ways more at peace
with herself than she had felt in ages.

When had she allowed herself to trust him so completely that
she could share something this intensely personal with him?
She felt more exposed than if she had stood naked before him.
And how was it she could find the courage to tell him, when
after nearly ten years, she couldn’t tell Mark? She reached
down and picked up the locket she still had around her neck.
She never wanted to take it off. It seemed almost a talisman,
a charm against the evils she faced. Physical evidence of
Chakotay’s devotion. Did he wish he hadn’t given it to her
now? Did he wish the moment back? Part of her wished it had
never occurred, as it had lead to her disclosure, and another
part wouldn’t trade back the moment for anything. She opened
the clasp and saw the tiny reminder of their life together and
started to sob. Why did it have to take something this
devastating for her to realize she loved him? Loved him enough
to lay her soul bare to him. And now he would never look at
her the same way again.

*********

Kathryn had managed to get through her check-up with the Doctor
and not reveal what he was really digging for–the reason for
her hysteria the night before. To be perfectly honest, she
hadn’t remembered the episode, but didn’t doubt she’d reacted
as he told her she had. He could find no medical reason she
shouldn’t return to her duties, but he advised her to take the
day off, or at the very least cut back for a day or two. She
surprised the both of them by agreeing to take the day off. As
much as she wanted to finish her project before the month was
up, she didn’t feel she could face the happy camaraderie of the
science lab. They’d gotten to know her too well, and would try
to help, and would only make her feel worse. As the senior
officer, she didn’t have to report her day off to anyone,
beyond the courtesy of letting her colleges know she wouldn’t
be in that day. So Kathryn Janeway did the unthinkable. She
took the day off to go fishing.

*********

Chakotay learned of Kathryn’s unlikely behavior quite by
accident. Lt. Tyler was standing in a large group of people,
telling anyone who would listen how Janeway was playing hooky.
He saw Tom Paris in the crowd shaking his head with
disappointment. No doubt he didn’t have any odds on this
particular event and had lost a fortune in replicator rations.
He was glad she was taking a break today after the trying time
she’d had the night before, but he was worried that she was
closing herself off from everyone. Especially from him. He’d
give her until the end of his duty shift, but then she *would*
talk to him.

He had felt so helpless as she relayed her narrative to him.
He could almost see her as a green Ensign on her first mission.
No wonder Harry Kim had found a special place in her
sympathies. He could see her bravely facing her aggressors
until they’d worn her down to nothing, and still they hadn’t
managed to break her compassionate nature. Even at that age
she was willing to sacrifice herself for the sake of others.
It was no coincidence that Owen Paris recognized her as a
natural leader and advised her to change the focus of her
career. But she was being too hard on herself. She had found
a way to stay alive, and to spare her fellow prisoners
additional anguish, but she hadn’t seen it that way. Some
thing was missing. He instinctively felt there was some part
she hadn’t told him. Something she must have felt was even
more reprehensible than rape alone. Maybe even she wasn’t
aware of it. Perhaps it was a memory so terrible, she had
completely repressed it. Wouldn’t something like that have
come out during her analysis? He didn’t know, and he couldn’t
risk asking the Doctor about it without raising even more
suspicions. He would have to try and do this on his own.

*********

Chakotay had never had such a long shift. He was sure the
Bridge crew had noticed his lack of focus and general fidgety
behavior, but to their credit, none had mentioned it. As the
chime announced the end of Alpha Shift, Chakotay practically
bolted for the turbo-lift, but was intercepted by Tuvok.

“A word, if I may Captain.”

`Damn it!’ Chakotay thought. `All day to approach me with
what ever’s on his mind and he has to wait until I need to get
out of here!’ “Of course Tuvok,” he sighed. “Can we do this
here or do you prefer the Ready Room?”

“I think perhaps *you* would prefer the Ready Room, Sir.”

“After you,” Chakotay said, his curiosity piqued. Obviously
he had something of a personal nature to relate to him or he
would have brought it up on the Bridge. As the doors closed on
the Ready Room, Chakotay turned to the Security Officer.

“What’s on your mind Tuvok?”

“I think the question should be rather, `what’s on your mind,’
Sir.”

Was it possible Tuvok was making a joke? “I’m not sure I
understand.”

“I’m concerned about her as well,” he stated, unwilling to
speak Janeway’s name, as if speaking it would put Chakotay in
the position of having to admit it was indeed her that had been
on his mind all day. “According to the logs, the Doctor was
called to your quarters at 02:45 this morning to administer
medical assistance,” he continued. “While your off hours are
your own affair, when it’s something that concerns the
temporary Commander, I feel it is a Security matter.”

“We were just talking, Tuvok,” he said, feeling he had to
defend Kathryn’s honor.

“Be that as it may, I find it also distressing she found it
necessary to remove herself from duty today.”

“How did you find that out?”

“I have my sources,” Tuvok replied with a completely straight
face. “Mr. Paris is one particularly lucrative source.”

Chakotay almost smiled. Gods it was a small ship!

“Something is obviously upsetting her,” Tuvok forged on. “In
the past she used to confide in me, but as of late she seems to
have found another outlet.” The last was said without a trace
jealousy, and Chakotay wondered if he could be as gracious if
their positions were reversed. He discovered he was beginning
to have a new-found respect for the Vulcan. It couldn’t have
been easy for him to admit to Chakotay that he knew he had been
replaced as a confidant on some levels, and yet he approached
the situation as he did everything in his life: the knowledge
that logic would see him through. Chakotay hadn’t realized it
before, but his logic was also his religion–a force he gave
himself over to completely and with unquestioned trust.

“I thought perhaps you would like to know she is on Holodeck
2,” Tuvok informed him.

Chakotay wondered why Tuvok had insisted on this private
meeting. He didn’t need the Security Chief to locate Janeway,
the computer could do that, so why the conference? Then it
dawned on him. Tuvok couldn’t come right out and say he
approved of his relationship with Kathryn, as technically it
was none of his business. But as a friend, he felt he had some
right to expressing his views on their association. Tuvok
used supposed protocol the same way he himself used “ancient
legends” to impart information he didn’t necessarily want to
come right out and say.

Chakotay’s grin widened and he patted the surprised man on the
back. “Thanks Tuvok. I think I’ll be on Holodeck 2 if you
need me.”

As Tuvok watched him cross to the turbo-lift, he lifted one eye
brow. “Indeed.”

*********

As he suspected, the privacy lock was engaged on Holodeck 2.
He was about to issue an order for an override, when he stopped
for a moment. No doubt Kathryn would be upset and angry at his
intrusion. Steeling himself for an argument, he said,

“Computer, override Holodeck 2 privacy lock. Authorization
Chakotay Beta one.” There was silence for a moment, then the
computer informed him,

“Privacy lock has been disengaged.” He heard the familiar
sound of the doors opening, and stepped through the Arch.
Kathryn had accessed a program of a warm, summer Earth day, and
he could hear the sound of water running, where he assumed he’d
find her. He wasn’t disappointed. She sat on the edge of the
brook, dressed in shorts and a tank top, her feet dangling in
the stream. If his business hadn’t been so serious, he
probably would have enjoyed the program. He’d have to ask her
to bring him here again sometime.

“Kathryn,” he spoke her name softly, not wanting to startle
her, but hadn’t succeeded.

Janeway whipped around at the sound of his voice. “How did you
get in here?” She demanded.

“Some times it’s good to be the Captain.”

“Don’t forget it’s a temporary title,” she snapped at him,
turning to face the creek once more. She should have
remembered he’d have access to the override protocols, but in
her emotional state, she had forgotten.

Chakotay had noticed her red, tired eyes. Apparently she
hadn’t had much luck in working things out. He sat down next
to her.

“Mind if I join you?”

“And if I said `yes?'”

“I’d ignore you,” he said, hoping that by teasing her he might
find an opening to continue. He noted her fishing pole laying
on the bank next to her.

“I didn’t know you liked to fish. I would have thought it
would have been too close to camping for you to enjoy it.”

“My Grandfather used to take me. And yes, I didn’t
particularly care for it, but he was a wonderful listener, and
usually had some good advice.”

“And did he have some insights for you today?”

“I didn’t activate his program,” she answered, looking at her
finger’s intwine themselves in each other, rather than look in
his direction. He sat very close to her, and was making her
uncomfortable. Stripping off his boots and socks, he dipped
his feet into the cool stream next to hers.

“That feels good,” he sighed. “I thought the shift was never
going to end today.”

“It’s not going to work, Chakotay.”

“What?” He asked, feigning innocence.

“Trying to act as if nothing happened. Some thing *did*
happen, and I can’t just sit here with you as if this were a
casual afternoon on the Holodeck!” She jumped up and attempted
to run for the exit, but Chakotay caught up with her and
grabbed her by the arm. Not aggressively, just enough force to
stop her flight from the room.

“We have to talk about this, Kathryn! Don’t run out on me
again!”

Her voice caught in her throat, “I don’t know if I can. I
can’t even look at you!”

“Then look,” he said, taking her chin and swiveling her face
to look up into his. “I’m the same man I was yesterday.
Nothing has changed! You think I see you as this terrible
person, but if it’s possible, I think I respect you even more.
Knowing what you faced, and that you were able to come out of
it stronger, just confirms what I’ve known about you all along.
That you’re a fighter, and you won’t let this interfere with
your life anymore!”

She looked into his eyes for the first time since her
confession. It was true. She saw none of the revulsion she
had expected to find there, only compassion and understanding.
How could he be so accepting? He truly seemed sincere when he
said it didn’t matter. But how could it *not* make a
difference to him?

He tried to pull her into his embrace but she pushed him away.
“How can you stand to touch me after. . .after knowing what I
did?”

“Kathryn, it wasn’t your fault! What choice did you have?
What kind of a person would you be, would you have become, if
you hadn’t sacrificed so much of yourself to save the others?”

“But it should have been me they were beating,” she said,
turning away from him as the tears started to come.

“Gul Edan had much more effective ways of hurting you. He knew
physical wounds would heal, but the effects of emotional scars
would be much more far reaching. I *know* what those bastards
are capable of, remember? And remember the trouble I had
reconciling my feelings over the Vori? How you helped me see I
was a victim of their methods, and not responsible for my
actions? Why won’t you give yourself the same credit? Why
won’t you let me help *you* for a change?”

“Oh, I wish you could,” she sighed, as if the weight of the
world were on her shoulders.

“I can if you’ll just let me! Kathryn, I know there’s
something you’re not telling me.”

She turned quickly to look at him. How could he know? Had he
seen through her? Did he really know the part she had
“conveniently” left out? He couldn’t, or else he wouldn’t be
so understanding. It was one thing to be a victim and quite
another to having been a willing participant. Perhaps that was
the wrong term. Consciously she hadn’t been willing, but her
body had different ideas. Just the thought that Edan had
managed to excite her made her feel like vomiting. Did he know
he had forever placed a curse on her intimate relationships?
Had he realized how effective his torture had been? How she
had been so relieved that Justin wanted to wait, and that Mark
had been so patient? But what about Chakotay? Here was a man
she didn’t want to leave on the side lines, but she didn’t know
if she was even capable of having sex with him. Would she
seize up as she did with just a mere kiss? How much more
evasion would he put up with?

“There *is* something else, isn’t there?” Chakotay pressed.
“Kathryn, you can tell me. I promise I’ll understand.”

“You can’t make a promise like that,” she almost snorted. She
started to walk into the trees, but he followed her, saying
nothing, but not letting her escape either. She stopped behind
one trunk and leaned her back against it. He started to come
around on her side, but she stopped him.

“I can’t do this if you’re so close,” she whispered.

“Fine,” he said, removing himself to tree a few meters away.
He could see her profile, her hair shining in the sun, and he
prayed to the Gods that he’d have the strength and the ability
to help her.

Kathryn squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, wishing
she had the luxury of an altered state, as she had last night
when she managed to expose herself. This was so much harder,
being aware of making the choice to tell him of her deepest,
secret fear. Tears of anguish and shame filled her eyes as she
managed to say,

“I’m sexually dysfunctional.”

Chakotay was stunned. How did he respond to a statement like
that?

“See,” she said, “you shouldn’t have promised. Edan’s final.
. . gift to me was leaving me unfit for a normal relationship.
He tried so hard to break me, if only he knew he had.” Sobbing
uncontrollably, she slid down the trunk of the tree and wrapped
her arms around her knees, pulling herself into a tight ball.
Chakotay started to move forward, but she begged him,

“Please don’t come any closer!”

“All right,” he conceded, “if that’s what you want.” He was
silent for a moment, then he started to question her reasoning.

“Kathryn, I’ve seen how you are with people, you’re constantly
in contact with them. You have a passionate nature.”

“‘Touch-feely Janeway,'” she supplied, trying to wipe the
tears from her face, but they continued to fall. Chakotay
started to deny the nick-name but she stopped him, her breath
coming in little gasps as she tried to control her emotions.

“It’s…okay…I’ve…heard…it…before.” She was busy
wiping her eyes, so Chakotay took advantage of her distraction
to move closer.

“Then you have to know you’re putting this pressure on
yourself. People who truly have sexual problems wouldn’t allow
anyone near them, much less initiate contact by touching
someone. I’m not trying to belittle what happened to you, or
say it’s `all in your head,’ but I think you’re just scared.
Maybe that you’ll feel like you’re back in that prison or in
one of you’re own making, I don’t know. But I do know that
you’re not a lost cause, and I’m not about to give up on you
Kathryn Janeway.” He had managed to walk over to where she
sat, curled up at the base of the huge oak. Partially
blocking the sun with his body, it was difficult to see his
face. She had to look into his eyes, to read what he truly
felt. Struggling against the tree, she stood and managed to
look deep into his soul. His heart was in their dark depths,
and surprisingly, she had never felt so calm and reassured in
her life. The poignancy of the moment brought fresh tears to
her eyes.

“Don’t cry Kathryn,” Chakotay’s voice soothed as she allowed
him to take her into his arms. “Don’t cry. We’ll get through
this together. Shhh. I love you. I love you Kathryn. Don’t
ever forget that.”

She was shocked. How could he be so forgiving, so
understanding? He said he loved her? She supposed she knew
it, but he’d never come right out and said it before. She
wanted to tell him she felt the same, but there had been enough
revelations for one twenty-four hour period. Hugging him
tighter she whispered in his ear,

“I know.”

As he continued to embrace her, he felt the locket he had given
her pressing into his chest, reminding him that she was indeed,
home.

*********

A starting point. At least they had one now, Chakotay thought.
It wouldn’t be an easy road, but he felt he was up to the
challenge. Although he knew it could be a long time before she
could accept him into her life, at least he had an answer to
some of his questions, and that in it self was a comfort, a
relief.

This was the last week of their experimental duty swap. He was
sorry to see it end, and at the same time he looked forward to
having things back in their proper order, with her on the
Bridge and he at her side. With her grace and dignity, Kathryn
would always be “the Captain,” regardless of her rank.
Thinking of it now, he found it remarkable she had been able to
rise above all the suffering in her short life. She saw them
as weaknesses, but Chakotay knew them for what they were–tests
of character, all of which she had passed with flying colors.

Chakotay was shaken from his reverie by Harry Kim’s excited
voice. After these last years he had settled into his job, but
still couldn’t contain the slightly nervous tone that crept
into his voice when he spotted something he didn’t think he
should.

“Captain, I’m reading several ships off the port bow!”

“Heading Ensign?”

“Zero four, mark eight. They look to be Kazon Sir!” One or
two Kazon ship’s didn’t pose a threat to *Voyager,* but an
armada did.

“Mr. Paris, bring us around. Go to Yellow Alert. Tuvok?”
Chakotay asked, knowing the Vulcan didn’t require any special
instructions to give his report.

“I confirm Mr. Kim’s readings. There are five Kazon ships
heading this way at top speed. They’re powering their
weapons,” Tuvok answered, fingers flying over his console.

“Raise shields and power our weapons as well. Tom, can we out
run them?” Chakotay asked the Pilot.

“It’s unlikely. Normally I would say yes, but with all the
quiet, B’Elanna’s been working on a re-fit of the warp coils.
Best we can do is Warp 2.” Chakotay remembered sanctioning
that re-fit two days ago. He would have thought it would have
been done by now.

“Chakotay to B’Elanna,” he called out, “What’s the status of
our Warp drive?”

B’Elanna was rushing around Engineering doing ten different
things at once, sounding distracted as she answered him.
“During the re-fit we had a little accident and a crack
developed in one of the new coils.”

“Why wasn’t informed of this?”

“Because I would have had it fixed by the end of the shift!”
She growled at him. It would have been in my report tomorrow!
Hopefully I can get you Warp 3 in about fifteen minutes.
Torres out.”

“That’s not going to do it,” Tom said as he brought the ship
around. “What are the Kazon doing so far out here anyway?
Even at top speed they wouldn’t have been able to get here, let
alone make it through Borg space.”

“You’re right,” Chakotay said, puzzled. “Harry, scan those
ships for life signs. Let’s see if there’s Kazon aboard, or if
it’s just their ships.”

Harry ran the scan and confirmed his commanding officer’s
suspicions. “They’re not Kazon, Sir. They’re a race I haven’t
seen before. They’re hailing us!”

“On screen,” he ordered.

“Starfleet vessel, this is Malla of the M’narra Alliance. You
will power down your weapons and prepare to be boarded.”

The person on the screen appeared humanoid, but he couldn’t
discern the gender. The universal translator projected the
voice as female, and Chakotay wondered if he shouldn’t call
Kathryn to the Bridge. Not only was this her ship, but perhaps
dealing with another female would help defuse the situation.
The person before him was ashen in appearance, with long,
stringy gray hair that reminded him of the old Earth style
known as dreadlocks. The clothes were also gray, as was what
he could see of the interior of their ship.

“How do you know of us? We pose you no threat, we’re just
passing through on our way home to. . . .”

“I know why you’re here,” Malla replied venomously. You will
stand down and prepare to be boarded!”

“How did you come to acquire your ships? I know they’re not
from this region of space and that. . . .”

“This communication is ended,” Malla said, and the screen went
blank.

“Friendly sort,” Tom quipped. “They don’t exactly remind you
of the welcoming committee on Risa, do they?”

“That’s enough, Paris,” Chakotay scolded him, but he was
thinking the same thing, only he didn’t have the luxury of
voicing it. “Any ideas?” he asked to Bridge officers.

“We can not out run them,” Tuvok observed, “But we do have
superior weapons. However, with the number of ships they have
at their disposal, it puts us at a distinct disadvantage.”

“Tom, take us away from here as fast as you can. I realize we
won’t out run them, but it will give us a little more time. Go
to Warp 3 as soon as it’s available.”

*********

Kathryn was at her station doing what she could to wrap up her
research. She had been close to having some real discoveries,
but she’d run out of time. She considered extending her stay
to finish her project, but she missed the Bridge. She knew now
that she had chosen the correct path in life when she chose
Command. Perhaps if she had never tasted the rewards of being
in control of a Starship she would have been perfectly happy as
a scientist, but she had, and there was no going back.

She had decided to let Alyssa Myers finish the work on the
pulsars. For any number of reasons, she had become very
interested in Janeway’s work and expressed an interest in
building on it.

“Alyssa,” Kathryn called her over, “why don’t you have a look
at this.” She explained where she had been heading with her
theories, and saw the questioning look in the former Maquis’
eyes.

“Commander?” She asked, waiting for Janeway to explain what
she was getting at.

“This will probably be my last day down here,” Kathryn told
the young woman. In a lot of ways she reminded her of herself.
An eager scientist, wanting only to prove herself. She had
felt much the same way when she was first posted to the
*Icarus.* Her mind started to head down that path again, but
she quickly ended it. She couldn’t allow herself to loose
focus and dwell on the past.

“And I need, I would like, someone to finish the work for me.
Would you be interested?”

“Me? I mean yes! I would be honored!” Ensign Myers sputtered.

“Good, now that that’s settled, I think. . . .” Just then
Kathryn heard the call for Yellow Alert. She tapped her comm
badge,

“Janeway to Bridge! What’s going on up there?” Silence. She
was sure the link had gone through. He must be too busy to
answer at the moment. She waited a lifetime. “Janeway to
Chakotay! Report!”

“Sorry to keep you waiting. There’s five ships chasing us,
they’re Kazon in configuration, but the people claim to be from
the M’narra Alliance.”

“M’narra Alliance? Do we have any information on them?”

“Negative,” she heard Ensign Kim answer this time. “They’re
closing in on us at Warp 6.”

“I’ll explain the rest when you get to the Bridge,” Chakotay
said, knowing nothing would keep her in the Science Lab if her
ship was in danger.

“Go to Red Alert,” she ordered as she practically ran for the
turbo-lift. Suddenly she was knocked off her feet by a hit to
the ship.

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?” Janeway shouted into her comm
badge.

“There was no time,” Chakotay replied, picking himself off the
floor, out of breath.

“Captain, the blast has caused several minor injuries and has
knocked the turbo-lifts off-line,” Tuvok informed him.

“You had better just stay put!” Chakotay advised.

“I’m coming to the Bridge!” She stated emphatically. I’ll
climb the access shaft the whole way if necessary! Just take
care of *my* ship. Janeway out.”

Kathryn managed to get the doors to the turbo-lift shaft open
with the manual overrides and began to climb the ___ decks to
the Bridge. She’d made it past two decks when she almost fell
off the ladder as the ship was rocked with another blast.

“Chakotay! What’s happening?” She called out as she accessed
her comm badge.

“We’ve taken a couple of more hits and the shields are down to
forty-eight percent,” He told her.

“Well execute some evasive maneuvers! Get us out of here!”

Chakotay wanted to yell back at her, but he knew now wasn’t the
time. “Paris!” He shouted at the Lieutenant instead, “Let’s
see some of that fancy flying you’re always bragging about!”

“Yessir!” Tom replied, overjoyed that he had been given free
reign for once. He knew he could surprise the M’narran’s with
a few Alpha Quadrant tricks, if just given the chance.

B’Elanna’s voice came over the comm line, “You’ve got Warp
3.45, but that’s all I can give you for now.”

“Good work, B’Elanna, keep at it.” Chakotay closed the channel
as the ship took another hit.

“Captain,” Tuvok’s calm voice stated, “the last hit did
substantial damage to deck 10, and there is a power conduit in
Jeffries Tube 10 A that is about to rupture. That conduit is
one of the main power sources for our weapons. Apparently the
M’narran’s know our vulnerabilities as well as our identity.”

“Send a repair crew to that Jefferies Tube,” Chakotay ordered,
retaking the Command chair.

“I’m at Deck 10,” Janeway said, “I can get to that Tube
before the repair crew, there’s a lot of debris here, I don’t
know if they’ll even get through once they arrive.” Kathryn
struggled through the charred, damaged deck and found the
Jefferies in question, but the hatch was sealed.

“Computer, open hatch, Jefferies Tube 10 A,” she ordered.

“Unable to comply. Safety protocols are in place.”

“Override, authorization Janeway Epsilon four.”

“Unable to comply. Commander Janeway does not have
authorization for Command code Epsilon four.”

Damnit! Chakotay still had the access codes! “Janeway to
Chakotay! I need you to turn the Command Codes back over to
me!”

“Kathryn, you can’t go in there! The tube is flooded with
Thoron Radiation and that conduit is about to rupture!” In his
concern he hadn’t realized he had used her name on the Bridge,
but it didn’t escape the notice of the rest of the Bridge
compliment.

“Which is why I have to seal it! Give me those Codes
*COMMANDER*! That’s an order!” He didn’t have to be on Deck
10 to see the look on her face that meant business.

Tuvok and said, “I would recommend that you comply, Commander.
Not only has she correctly accessed the situation, but she is
well within her rights to retake the Captaincy of this ship.”
Chakotay didn’t miss the veiled threat from the Vulcan. If he
didn’t give Kathryn back the Command Codes, Tuvok would relieve
him of duty. And if he did give her back her rank, he was
signing her death warrant, or at the very least she would have
Radiation poisoning. But he knew he had no real choice. She
was the Captain and if she chose to be reckless, sometimes he
had to let her be.

“Computer, transfer Command Codes and rank of `Captain’ back to
Janeway, Kathryn E., authorization Chakotay Beta six.”

“Confirmed,” the mechanical voice replied.

Back on Deck 10 Kathryn tried again to open the hatch.

“Unable to comply.”

She slammed her hands in frustration against the hatch. “WHY
THE HELL NOT?”

“Structural damage has occurred to the opening mechanism” She
knew manual methods wouldn’t work then, either. She was
running out of time!

“Harry! I need a site-to-site transport into that Jefferies
Tube!”

“Captain, I don’t know if I can, it’s such a confined area, and
with the ship under attack. . . .”

“Just do it Mr. Kim! I know you’ll do your best.”

“Yes Ma’am,” the nervous Ensign replied, checking and re-
checking his co-ordinates.

“Harry, keep a lock on her, and beam her directly to Sickbay
when she’s through,” Chakotay added.

“Only on *my* signal,” Kathryn emphasized. “Energize!”

She materialized inside the Tube, seconds later, to find it
filled with smoke. With the hatch sealed, any emanations from
the leaking conduit simply built up, until the air was so thick
she could hardly breathe. She found a tool kit just inside
what would have been the opening, and used the ion spanner to
repair the rupture. It was slow going with the small, hand-
held spanner, but she manage to seal it off, moments before
collapsing in a fit of coughing. She opened the comm line,

“Get me out of here Mr. Kim.”

*********

Chakotay relaxed slightly when Tuvok informed him that the
Captain had been beamed to Sickbay and seemed to be stable.
Focusing his attention on the Helm, he tried to follow the type
of maneuvers Tom was executing. Now that their weapons were
back on-line, he had changed his strategy from passive,
evasive moves to definite aggressive ones. He flew so close to
the first ship, that Chakotay thought they were going to crash
into it, then at the last minute he pulled up as Tuvok released
a volley of phaser blasts. So as not to lose his element of
surprise, Tom quickly repeated a variation of the move on the
next ship and Tuvok again fired Tom knew that by the time he
reached the third ship they would be on to them, so he flew
straight at them, then at the last minute dropped beneath the
Kazon ship. He came about almost instantly and Tuvok let go
another volley.

“All three direct hits!” Harry confirmed, with a kind of
surprised pride in his voice.

“The other two ships are breaking formation and retreating,”
Tuvok informed.

Chakotay stood and walked over to Tom’s chair. “Good work,
Paris! I guess your money is where your mouth is after all!”
He said, clapping the younger man on the shoulder. “What do
you call that?”

“It’s a technique they used to refer to as `barnstorming,'” he
said, reveling in the attention he was receiving.

“For once I’m glad you’re such a nut about the twentieth
century,” he said, still smiling, then added, “helmboy.”

“Nut?” Tom asked incredulously “aficionado, interested
observer maybe but `nut?'”

“Too bad you got caught your first time out,” Chakotay
continued to tease, “you might have been a valuable addition
to the Maquis after all.”

“Doctor to Commander Chakotay. I’ve stabilized the Captain and
she’s asking to see you.”

“I’ll be there as soon as we can get the turbo-lifts back on
line,” he looked at Tuvok.

“About thirty more minutes.”

“Did you hear that, Doctor?”

“Affirmative. I’ll try to get her to stay put that long,
although I’ll probably have to sedate her to get her to wait,”
he said pointedly, staring at his patient.

Chakotay understood what the Doctor was trying to say. Even
with Thoron Radiation poisoning, she would still do anything to
avoid being kept in Sickbay while her ship’s safety was still
in question. “Tell her the M’narra have broken off the attack
and I’ll fill her in as soon as I get there.”

*********

It was closer to an hour by the time Chakotay made it to
Sickbay, and when he arrived, he found that Kathryn was sitting
up, waiting for his appearance.

“What are you still doing up?” he admonished her.

“I tried to get her to rest,” the Doctor grumbled, “but you
know how she is.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, giving her a stern look.

“You would have done the same thing,” Kathryn answered, trying
to appear contrite.

“What *I* would or would not have done is hardly the point
here.”

“I wish *somebody* would get to the point,” the Doctor mumbled
as he deactivated himself.

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other and started to laugh.
“Ooo, don’t do that,” she said, holding her side. “It hurts
when I laugh.” Instantly concerned, Chakotay asked,

“Are you all right? What did the Doctor say?”

“I had some Radiation poisoning, and some damage from smoke
inhalation, but he say’s I’ll be fine in a couple of days.
So,” she said, straightening the hospital gown the Doctor had
placed on her, “think you’re up to hanging onto the Big Chair
for a couple more days?”

“Just try and pry me out of it.”

“So what happened up there? I never realized how frustrating
it is for the crew below decks, relying on us to let them know
what’s going on. All they get to hear is the call for Red
Alert and they have no idea what we’re up against. It’s no
wonder this ship lives on gossip!”

Chakotay told her what he knew of the situation. How the
M’narra showed up out of nowhere and just attacked.

“Does anyone have any theories? Why would these people have
Kazon ships, knowledge of *Voyager* and such an animosity
towards us?”

“I’m not sure about their hatred of us, but Harry and Seven
have uncovered evidence of a short-distance worm hole that
originates in Kazon space and ends here. It seems stable, so
either the Kazon or M’narra may claim it as theirs. Or it
could be that the Kazon ships came through by accident, and
were met by the M’narrans and were no match for them, and their
ships were confiscated by them, like they tried to do with us.
It’s probably how they found out so much about us. Tuvok’s
identified the ships as having belonged to the Kazon Nistrum,
which would have had detailed files on *Voyager,* both from
Seska and Maj Cullah.”

“She just keeps turning up like the proverbial bad penny,
doesn’t she? Are we ever going to be free from her
influence?”

“I some times wonder,” he said, feeling as if she somehow had
managed to haunt him still. Chakotay sat down next to her on
the bio-bed and continued his speculations.

“Like I said, we don’t know if the Kazon’s appearance here was
purposeful or accidental. They may have known about the worm
hole and did everything they could to prevent us from finding
it, knowing it circumvented Borg space, or maybe it was a
surprise to them as well.”

Kathryn thought about his speculations. What if they *had*
found the worm hole? Think of what could have been avoided if
they hadn’t encountered the Borg. No shaky deals with
unreliable partners. No falling out with Chakotay. But then
there would be no Seven of Nine either. Did the events balance
each other out? She didn’t know, and it was no use to think of
the “what ifs,” they were well past Borg space now.

“I guess it answers a few questions,” she said. “How’s the
ship?”

“Okay, thanks to you. It was an incredibly stupid, brave thing
to do, Kathryn.”

“All in a day’s work when you’re the Captain,” she smiled at
him.

*EPILOGUE*

Kathryn settled into her Command chair. It felt good for her
to be “home” again. Everything was back to proper order–
Chakotay was at her side, and even her personal life was
starting to fall into place. For the first time in years she
didn’t dread thinking about the past. It still held many
painful and uncomfortable memories for her, but she could at
least look at them now instead of trying to push them aside.

The Doctor had finally given her a clean bill of health after
she badgered him for nearly a week. She still had a bit of a
cough, but she already felt one hundred percent better just
being back on the Bridge. Chakotay leaned over and whispered,

“It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back,” she whispered in return.

“Ensign Myers has requested a meeting with you,” Chakotay
said.

Normally, she would have headed down to Science Lab One to meet
with her, but then she thought better of it. Remembering how
cut off she felt from the “real” action on the ship, she
thought maybe Alyssa would like to see the Bridge. She was
quite sure the woman had never been there, and she might enjoy
it.

“I’m a little reluctant to leave my chair so soon,” she told
him with a glint in her eye. “maybe I’ll invite her up here
instead.” Chakotay gave her a questioning glance, but let the
comment slip by. He guessed she was allowed to have a few
mysteries.

Fifteen minutes later Alyssa stood in the turbo-lift as the
doors opened onto the Bridge. It was bigger than she thought,
and she remained rooted to the spot, unable to move forward.
Knowing she must look like an idiot, she swallowed and stepped
off the lift. All the faces of senior staff turned to look at
her and she felt like she was going to faint. Most of the
Bridge crew either returned to their duties, or smiled slightly
at her, welcoming her to their domain, except for Tuvok, who
simply nodded. She remembered him from her days on the *Zola*,
and smiled tentatively at him.

Captain Janeway stood and greeted her, “Ensign Myers, thank
you for coming,” she addressed the young woman warmly. “Shall
we go to my Ready Room?” Kathryn lead the way as Alyssa
spotted her former Captain.

“Cap. . .Commander Chakotay,” she said with a nervous smile.
“It’s good to see you again Sir.”

“You too Ensign. Everything okay down in the Science
Department?”

“Oh just fine, Sir!” She answered enthusiastically. Gods, was
he ever that young?

“Alyssa?” Janeway said, trying to regain the Ensign’s
attention.

“Oh, right,” she said, embarrassed, a slight blush starting
to creep into her face.

Once the doors to the Ready Room were closed, Alyssa relaxed
just a little.

“Have a seat,” Kathryn offered. “What can I do for you?”

“Actually it’s what I can do for you,” she said, sitting in
the chair across from Janeway’s desk. She tried hard not to
look around, but found her eyes scanning the room. It spoke to
her of the woman she’d had the privilege of getting to know a
little better during the last month. Kathryn did her best to
hide her smile as she watched the young woman’s eyes wander
around the room.

“And what is that?” She prompted. Alyssa produced a PADD and
handed it to Kathryn.
She scanned the data and looked up in astonishment.

“You finished it! How did you do this so quickly?” Alyssa
shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess I made it priority.”

“But what about your own research?”

“I needed some time away from it. I had a million new ideas
last night,” she confessed, excited now to return to her own
work. “You were right, the pulsars do seem to be the initial
phase of massive compact halo objects. I’m just sorry I
didn’t recognize this data sooner!”

“Alyssa! You did a wonderful job! And it isn’t like this was a
life or death situation here! It was a personal interest of
mine that had sentimental value, and you took upon yourself to
finish on my behalf!” Kathryn leaned across her desk towards
the woman, an ironic, enigmatic smile on her face.

“Some times you just have to know when to forgive yourself.”

THE END

flint@ballcom.com

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Dark Surroundings

Author’s note: I decided to try out Tara’s challenge this time around.
This story sorta comes from personal experience–having lived in
Earthquake State, USA all my life, and with Garlock Fault running right
under the center of town–well. you get the idea. Yes, Ronda was named
after our Ronda. πŸ™‚

Thanks: To Julie and Annie for encouragement, and to Briahlen for being
my best friend.

Dedication: To Robbie and Roxann–you know why.

Dark Surroundings
by Cheile

“Four times we had to put him back,” Seven finished.
Harry laughed. “Were you locked in a dark closet as a child?” he
teased.
“I just don’t like small dark places, okay?” Tom protested.
“Perhaps you dislike being alone,” Seven remarked.
Tom was quiet for a minute before he spoke. “No, I don’t.”
“Well, you are not alone anymore,” Seven said matter-of-factly.
Beneath the table, B’Elanna squeezed his hand. He smiled at her.
Harry noticed. “Certainly not.”
That earned him a double glare. He grinned sheepishly.
Seven watched silently for a minute before speaking again. “Ensign,
why do you persist in teasing the lieutenants?”
Harry’s jaw dropped. B’Elanna and Tom both burst into laughter.
“I see nothing productive about it,” Seven added.
“She got you there, Harry,” Tom pointed out.
“Well….” Harry was at a loss for words.
“I’ll leave you two to discuss it,” Tom said, rising. “Meanwhile, I’m
going to go get some *real* sleep.”
B’Elanna rose as well. “Me, too. Harry, I’m sure you can explain it
to Seven well enough. I’ll see you both later.”
“Are you going to sleep–or do something else?” Harry couldn’t help but
ask, a mischievious grin on his face.
B’Elanna spun around to nail him with a glare. If looks could kill,
Harry would have dropped dead that second. “Shut up while you’re ahead,
Starfleet.”
Harry shrugged, trying to look innocent.
Turning back around, B’Elanna headed for the mess hall doors.
“You of all people should be aware of Lieutenant Torres’ short temper.
Do you have what humans call a ‘death wish’, Ensign?”
Unfortunately, the door closed before she heard Harry’s answer. She
caught up with Tom at the turbolift. He smiled at her, but there was a
troubled look in his eyes. Not wanting to press him, B’Elanna waited
until they reached his quarters.
“Tom, what’s wrong?” she asked once they were inside.
He sighed heavily, staring out the viewport. She led him to the couch
and sat him down, taking his hands in hers. Finally, he looked up at
her.
“Harry wasn’t too far off when he made his comment about a closet.”
“You mean someone *did* lock you in one as a child?”
“No, I got trapped in one. It was an accident.” He sighed again. “I
haven’t told anyone about this before, in fact I haven’t spoken of it
since it happened, so please bear with me.”
“Of course, Tom,” she said softly. “Go ahead.”
“Well, I was about four at the time. When Dad’s secretary got married,
my mom took over for about 18 months till he found someone else to take
her place. So during the summer, my sisters and I had to have a
babysitter….”

“She’s here, Owen!”
“Let her in!”
A few minutes later, Owen Paris appeared from his office to greet the
visitor. “Hello, Ronda.”
“Morning, sir.” 23-year-old Ronda Elliot, daughter of Vice Admiral
Archie Elliot, smiled at Owen.
“You’re not one of the cadets, Ronda. You don’t have to call me sir.”
Ronda shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“Have you had breakfast yet, Ronda?” Deanna Paris asked. She ushered
both Ronda and her husband into the kitchen, handing Owen his cup of
coffee and pouring herself a cup. “Coffee’s there and you can replicate
toast or a muffin if you like.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Paris, but I’m not hungry right now. Where are the
kids?”
At those words, two little girls scampered in, giggling.
Seven-year-old Jennifer Kay was wearing a sunshine yellow dress and her
blond hair was arranged in a single braid. Six-year-old Alyssa’s
white-blond hair hung free about her shoulders and she was clad in a
pink outfit that accented her pretty bright blue eyes and the storm of
freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. They squealed on sight
of Ronda and ran to her for a hug.
“I’m glad to see you both, too.”
“Can we go swimming today, Ronda?” Alyssa begged.
“We’ll see, Freckles.”
“Ron-da,” Alyssa complained.
“Oh ‘Lyssa, stop whining about your nickname. Mine’s dumber.”
“Is not,” Alyssa argued. “Kelpie is a neat nickname.”
“Is not.”
“Is too.”
“Is not.”
“Is too.”
As the girls argued about whose nickname was worse, the adults’
attention was drawn to the pounding of little feet down the stairs,
which sounded like a faraway stampede.
“Brace yourself, Ronda,” Owen laughed. “Here he comes.”
“RONDA!”
Seconds later, a small figure zoomed into the kitchen and barrelled
into Ronda. She laughed and swept the little boy up into her arms.
“Mornin’, Rascal.”
“You’re here!” Four-year-old Tom Paris wrapped his arms tight around
her neck in greeting.
“Glad to see you too.”
Tom slid out of her hug and hurtled himself at Owen. “Daddy!”
“Morning, tiger.” Owen hugged his small son close for a long minute,
then passed him to Deanna.
“Good morning, Sunshine.” Deanna gave him a hug and kiss, then set him
down.
“Deanna, we’d better get going.”
“All right. Goodbye, kids–be good for Ronda.”
“We will,” the trio chorused.
Owen and Deanna left.
“Well kids, what should we do?” Ronda asked.
“Swimming!” Alyssa cried.
“How about we swim in the afternoon?”
“Okay.”
“Until then, however, what should we do?”
“Freeze tag!”
“Starship race!”
“Tommy, we’re *sick* of that game.”
“Hide an’ seek, then,” Tom said, thrusting his chin out stubbornly,
daring Jennifer to argue with him.
At this suggestion, Jennifer’s eyes brightened. “Yay!”
“I’ll be ‘it’ first,” Ronda said. “I’ll count to 40, then come look
for you. Base will be–”
“The kitchen table,” Jennifer said. “It always is.”
“Very well. The kitchen table is base. Now get going.” Smiling,
Ronda turned around. “One….two….”
The kids split. Six more games and two hours went by until, on his
second try, Tom caught Jennifer.
“You’re it, Kelpie.”
Jennifer made a face. She scowled at a gleeful Tom before turning
around and starting to count. The other three scattered: Alyssa
slipping into Owen’s office and Ronda heading for the guest bedroom.
Tom, however, headed up the stairs to his parents’ bedroom. Once
inside, he slipped into the large closet, remembering to leave the door
cracked a very little bit as it had been before. Feeling his way toward
the back, Tom wrapped one of his father’s coats carefully around himself
and slipped his small bare feet into Owen’s snow boots. If anyone had
looked into the closet that minute, they would not have seen him. He
was perfectly concealed.
“Ready or not, here I come!” Jennifer hollered from below.
A few minutes later, Tom heard Jennifer’s footsteps. He held still to
keep from making any small noise that might attract attention.
But Jennifer had already spotted the slightly open door. “‘Lyssa, you
never learn, do you?” Her steps came closer. “Gotcha!” she cried,
flinging open the door.
Tom held his breath.
“But I thought….” Her voice trailed off. “Dangit!”
Tom pressed his little fist into his mouth to keep from bursting into
laughter.
Jennifer huffed and Tom heard her stomp out. Quietly, he disentangled
himself from his hiding place, deciding to wait a minute before sneaking
out in case Jennifer came back.
“Home free!” he heard Ronda call.
Then the world turned upside down.
The floor began to shake violently. The door slammed closed. Rattling
and the sound of shattering glass could be heard. Tom could hear his
sisters screaming downstairs. Drawing back into the corner of the
closet, he curled into a ball and waited for the earthquake to stop.
Twenty eternal seconds later, the house finally stopped shaking.
Trembling, Tom got up. He wanted nothing more than to be out of here
and with his sisters and Ronda. Carefully picking his way through the
fallen closet contents, he reached the door and pushed on it. It
wouldn’t budge. He tried again. It still wouldn’t budge.
He was trapped.
Shrieking in fear, he pounded against the door in desperation. But it
was no good. He heard his sisters calling for him.
“Jenny, ‘Lyssa, help!”
“Tommy, where are you?!”
“Get me out! Jenny, ‘Lyssa, Ronda!”
Once the other three figured out where his voice was coming from, they
dashed up the stairs, only to find that Owen and Deanna’s bedroom door
was also jammed shut, the doorframe having buckled around it. Ronda
immediately hurried to call for help.
For little Tom, it was a terrifying wait. Every minute seemed like a
year, and the darkness seemed to close in on him until he was afraid he
wouldn’t be able to breathe. Eventually, he began to cry,
heartbreaking, terrified sobs wrenched from his soul that frightened his
sisters.
Owen and Deanna arrived thirty minutes later, right in front of the
fire department. They were able to sever the electrical connections on
the bedroom door enough to pry it open, but it took 20 minutes to cut
through the closet door, the doorframe too severely buckled to pry open.
Finally, little Tom was lifted from the dark closet by one of the
firemen, who passed him to Deanna. She held him tightly while he cried
and Owen gently rubbed his back in comfort. He was safe….

Tom sighed, closing his eyes, trying to once more push back the memory.
He felt a gentle squeeze on his hand and opened his eyes to see
B’Elanna gazing at him tenderly. She slipped an arm around him and drew
his head down onto her shoulder. He closed his eyes again and relaxed
against her.
“I understand,” she said softly.
He held her tighter. “Stay with me.”
“Of course I’ll stay.”
She kissed his cheek and released him. “Let me go get a few things
from my quarters. I’ll be right back.”
While she was gone, he stripped down to his shorts and rearranged his
pillows. She came back, changed in the front room, left her uniform for
the next day on the couch, then entered his bedroom. As she slid in
next to him, he ordered the lights out. She drew him close for a kiss.
“I love you.”
“I love you, ‘Lanna.”
He once more wrapped her in a tight hug. She nestled her head against
his chest and closed her eyes, resting her hand lightly over his heart.
He felt her relax and soon he, too, fell asleep, holding the one he
loved in his arms, the fear of dark surroundings no longer haunting him,
because she was there to help him overcome his fear.

Legal B.S. Paramount is almighty–I’m just a fan. The story, however,
is *mine*. Copyright June 25, 1998, by Cheile. Comments –
cheile@hotmail.com

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