Voices

By dottieronhovde | Published July 24, 1997

DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the rights to the characters and concepts used in this story. This is a work of fan fiction, unsolicited, unpaid and probably illegal. I promise not to make any money from it and no one else may do so either. It was written because I’m so thoroughly engrossed in the concepts of Star Trek and especially Captain Janeway. But the character isn’t fully three dimensional yet. She doesn’t seem to have a life outside those 42 minutes we see each week. They bring her out of the closet for each episode with a slightly different personality and outlook on life, and we’re supposed to get to know her. Well, the Janeway I want to know wouldn’t throw away a wonderful partner and relationship because of someone else’s opinions of what makes a good commander.

This story takes place after Scorpion 2. (Yes I know, I haven’t seen it yet. Bear with that little oversight.) It’s rated NC-17 for smut and mush, a departure from my usual mode. I love to read the stuff, so I decided to try my hand at it. If you’re under 18, you’re not supposed to know these things happen, so don’t blame me if you read it and your innocence is corrupted. You have been warned.

Send critiques, complaints or feedback to DRonhovde@aol.com.

Voices
by Dottie Ronhovde
June ’97

Ship’s night is never really night, but the dimmed lighting and quiet of Chakotay’s quarters as most of the crew slept supported the illusion. He should have been sleeping as well, but the recent weeks of constant tension and fear had conditioned him to sleep in short, light naps instead of the deep sleep of a person at peace with his surroundings. Although the danger had passed, at least for the present, his body didn’t know that yet.
He sat at his desk skimming through reports on his terminal, not really interested in their contents but needing something to quell the restlessness he felt. He’d selected another one, a report from engineering on engine repair status, when his door chime broke into the silence. Surprise that someone else was awake at that hour slowed his response. Instead of calling “come”, he walked over to open the door himself.
Her face was turned in half profile to him as the door slid open. She was dressed in a loose, soft shift in a color somewhere between gray and blue which was gathered slightly at the waist by a belt of the same material. Below that, black leggings and bare feet. The tightness of her mouth and the deep crease between her eyes betrayed the distress that had brought her to his door.
“Captain?”
She’d turned as soon as the hiss of the door alerted her to its opening and her eyes traveled up his body to collide with his. Her expression shifted to discomfort when she took in his state of dress. “I’m sorry Commander, I woke you. The computer, –”
He glanced down at his bare chest, and quickly stopped her. “No, it’s all right. You didn’t wake me. It looks like I’m not the only one with a sleep problem. Please, come in.”
Her eyes had darted away from him after that single encounter, but she accepted the invitation when he stepped back to let her pass. As she walked away from him, he picked up the shirt he’d discarded earlier and put it on. He studied her as he fastened it at his waist. She’d stopped with her back to him but he could see her reflection in the viewport. She was standing with her hands clasped around each elbow, her shoulders rolled forward stiffly as she held in whatever emotion had forced her to come to him in the middle of the night.
He walked quietly to her side and waited for her to gather herself to explain her presence in his quarters. She stared out, silence stretched out between them. When she finally spoke, she did so without looking at him, her voice husky and constricted.
“How did you shut out the voices? I keep hearing them still.”
His eyes closed briefly in understanding and he took a deep breath before answering softly. “I haven’t. Even though we’ve traveled too far for them to actually reach me, I still hear them sometimes in those moments when I’m completely relaxed. I wish I did know how to shut them out.”
Her eyes closed as she tipped her head back, her lips and expression pinched tightly. She’d hoped he’d have the answer, that he’d somehow found a secret she’d been unable to uncover. To know that he still suffered as she did made some of her decisions and accusations seem that much harsher.
She turned troubled eyes glistening with tears to his. “I should have listened to you. You knew better than anybody what the risk was.”
His mind had screamed that same statement more than once as he battled with both the Borg and the aliens to save the ship and her. Now that she was standing in front of him admitting as much to him, he didn’t have the heart to slam it home.
“You did what you thought you had to do. Right or wrong, you still had to follow your convictions. It worked, so I can’t stand here now and say you were wrong.”
Her throat rippled as she swallowed to ease the tension choking her vocal cords. “Yes, it worked, but at what cost. The damage to the ship will never be completely repaired, I don’t know how many of the crew were injured, so many more of them are dead, and I’m — responsible.” Her throat and lips worked furiously as tears welled and spilled down her face.
Chakotay’s anger at her for refusing to listen melted away in that moment. She’d come to him because she needed someone who understood. And he did, perhaps more than she wanted him to. His hand lifted to rest lightly on her shoulder, contact intended to assure her that he did understand, that she wasn’t alone.
“Captain –” She unconsciously stiffened her stance and waved him away, her face contorted with her effort to regain her composure. He understood how difficult it was for her to allow anyone to see any weakness but it didn’t reduce the ache her lack of trust in him caused.
Kathryn Janeway, proud captain of Voyager, again stood alone, weeping silently for the choices she’d made, for the crewmembers she’d lost, for the man who’d been her support even when she’d tried to refuse it. She still believed she’d made the only choice she could, but it had been a costly one. They would all take a long time to recover.
Chakotay stood by helplessly watching her struggle to hang onto the shreds of her composure. He had to squeeze his hands into fists to keep himself from drawing her to him. Instead, knowing she’d be uncomfortable with even a temporary loss of control, he allowed her some distance to collect herself. He headed for the replicator and issued his request in a low baritone. Turning with two cups in hand, he paused to take in the woman who stood before him. She was wiping her face, trying to remove all traces of her tears. Her hair, unconfined and a little disheveled, glowed like burnished gold in the soft lighting. Her slim figure looked rounder, softer than it did when encased in the black of the uniform. In her current state, she looked and was more vulnerable than he’d ever seen her before.
He padded forward on bare feet to stand at her shoulder again. She accepted the cup from him gratefully and wrapped both hands around its warmth to bring it to her lips. It returned several times before she was able to look at him for more than a fleeting moment.
“This is good. What is it?”
He gestured in invitation to the couch and replied as she accepted and moved to sit. He chose his place carefully, closer than normal, but not touching her. “It’s an herbal tea my mother used quite often. It’s very calming and soothing. I programmed it into the replicators shortly after we came aboard.”
She took another sip and then held the cup close to her chin breathing in the warm steam. “I take it I’m not the first person to come to you for a good cry.” Her eyes were downcast again.
“No, you’re not the first, but it’s been a while since anyone felt the need. Or maybe they’ve found other shoulders now.”
She continued to hold the cup close to her lips, tipping it occasionally to take another small sip. He sat quietly watching her wage an old inner battle. He knew she was again trying to reconcile conflicting needs. She needed to talk, to try to come to terms with the emotions she’d just suppressed. But she still felt she needed to keep her doubts and fears a secret from her crew — all of them. The cup dropped into her lap and she watched the remains of the tea swirl in the bottom as she finally spoke.
“I owe you an apology. It was unfair to accuse you of leaving me to stand alone because you didn’t agree with my decision.” She turned to look him full in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t what he expected, but he took the opening she gave him.
“You haven’t allowed me to be with you on the most important decisions. If I’m not part of the decision making process, I can only stand behind you not with you.”
“I’m the captain. It’s my responsibility to make the decisions.”
He interrupted, before she could raise that shield higher. “Yes, you’re the captain. I’m your first officer. Part of my job is to bring you another perspective. But you don’t often let me do that.”
She considered that and sighed. “I guess you’re right. But I don’t want to fight with you over every decision. I have enough to deal with without that.”
“I may not always agree with you, but I would never fight you over the right to make the final decision. All I’m asking is that you at least give me a chance to express my opinion even when it’s in disagreement and that you’ll fairly consider it. If you’d give me a chance to consider yours, I just might see it your way too. Kathryn, you don’t have to do this alone. I want to be able to stand with you, side by side as a part of a team. Don’t shut me out when you need me the most.”
Tears welled up again, and she reached over to press a palm against his cheek. “I don’t deserve you.”
His hand came up to grasp hers and he held it gently as he pressed a kiss into her palm. Obsidian eyes locked with clear blue. “Well, you’ve got me. All I ask is that you let me be here for you.”
She nodded and turned her hand in his to intertwine their fingers. “I don’t think I could do it anymore without you.”
They sat there, hands clasped, eyes speaking what hadn’t been said, remembering another time when they’d done the same thing. She’d pushed him away then, but now realized how wrong that had been. Now she took comfort in the knowledge that he would be there to add strength in the times when her own wasn’t enough.
She broke the silence first. Her hand shifted again to take his in both of hers. “You must have been very angry with me when it looked like you’d been right.”
He looked down at her small fair hands wrapped around his larger, darker one. His fingers curled around her thumb as he looked up again. “I was.” He admitted. “You’d completely shut me out when you made your decision, but you wanted my total agreement with what you were doing. And you’d gotten us into a situation where it looked like we were all going to lose. I didn’t know how I was going to save the ship, let alone get you back.”
She tightened her grip on his hand. “I have to admit that I regretted not listening to you. It looked hopeless for all of us. I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me, to you or the ship and crew. Then I was injured. As I lost consciousness, my last thought was that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. They had me, the ship, the entire crew and I’d given it all to them.” Her voice broke as she started to recall the feelings of helplessness. “They could have taken anything from me at that point. I still don’t know why they didn’t. I started hearing the voices and I couldn’t stop myself from being drawn into their collectivity.” Her voice faltered and she looked away, remembering.
He lifted his free hand to cover hers although he wanted to wrap it around her shoulders and draw her against him. She huddled there, drawing from him to get control enough to continue. “I couldn’t see them as an enemy. Once I started to hear their voices, I was drawn deeper and deeper. I tried to fight it. But — ”
He nodded understanding. “But the song is so seductive it’s hard to resist. To be so totally enfolded, supported by all the others, it’s almost impossible to hold out for your individuality. I still find myself wanting that total immersion sometimes.”
She turned to him with new understanding and sympathy. His ability to find just the right words to describe it betrayed how much he’d been affected by his own contact with Borg collectivity.
“I thought I was strong enough, smart enough. But it’s so true, resistance is futile. My own ship and crew became less important than them. Oh god, Chakotay—I still hear them. Their desperation. All the ones that died, their calls for assistance cut off mid-transmission. There was a feeling that I had to help them. I think I would have sacrificed the ship, everything if I’d been able. They still call me. All those voices just won’t stop.” She stopped, choking on the memories and the guilt. Her hands covered her mouth and nose as she leaned forward over her knees.
When she couldn’t keep the pain they caused bottled up, she stood, trying to distance herself from them and him. As she started to walk away he followed her, laying his hand on her shoulder to stop her flight. She halted, hunched under that hand, holding herself rigid.
“Kathryn –” The sound of her name, coming from him in as a murmur, was enough to weaken her resolve. She turned to him, unshed tears glistening on her lashes. He risked another gesture of comfort and cupped his free hand lightly under her elbow. A subtle tug toward him broke her immobility. She took the last step, pressing her nose into his throat as her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He folded her into his embrace and buried his nose in her hair. He could feel her chest shudder with each long slow breath she took in and the unsteady puffs of each exhale. Wet heat soaked into the edge of his shirt.
“You can trust me Kathryn, you don’t have to deal with this alone. I’ve never wanted anything but to be here for you when you need me.”
The explosion of her emotions into the open rocked him. His chest muffled sobs of raw anguish that might have escaped outside his door, but he felt all of it. All he could do was hold her and wait. She needed this release. Her body leaning heavily against him as the arms he’d wrapped tightly around her back supported much of her weight.
He sank back onto the couch and settled her onto his lap, cradling her like a child, stroking her as she wept. She clung to him, wetting his shirt and chest with her tears. He kept murmuring “I know”, wishing he could erase the memories, the pain, both hers and his own. When she exhausted herself and fell silent, he continued to hold her, his fingers gently kneading the small of her back.
Kathryn lay against him, her energy drained, her mind thankfully blank, after venting the guilt and grief she’d been carrying. The rhythmic motions of his fingers and the beat of his heart under her ear were as soothing as the patter of rain on a roof. Gradually she relaxed, her weight settling against him until he was completely supporting her with his arm and chest. His fingers never stopped their gently rhythm and her breathing slowed into deep, comfortable sighs.
Chakotay let his mind drift as his body relaxed under her slight weight. He was drawn back when she shifted in his embrace and smiled when he realized that she’d fallen asleep. She was only making herself more comfortable.
This kind of vulnerability in her was new to him, and he knew it was very temporary, but it drew out an ancient instinct to protect her. It had been obvious since her return that she hadn’t been sleeping well. If she could get even a couple of hours of undisturbed sleep, he was willing to serve as her pillow and suffer the consequences when she woke in his arms.
His own fatigue took over, and his head started to fall forward against hers. He registered the fact that he liked the smell of her hair just before he dozed off as well.

Chakotay started awake when the weight on his chest shifted and a low moan reached his ears. Her struggles against the gentle hold he had on her caused his heart rate to jump. He realized she was dreaming and gentled his hold even further, using his voice to soothe her instead. As she quieted, he shifted her weight. His arm had gone numb and the muscles in the small of his back were protesting at the position they were being forced to hold. He pushed himself upright with his free arm and tightened his grip with the other one when she moved in protest. Slipping his hand under her knees, he stood and carried her to his bed.
The bed was still rumpled from his earlier aborted attempt to sleep. The covers he’d thrown back hung over the far side. He stood there looking down at it in indecision and then finally sat on the edge. She murmured in protest as he twisted his body to lie on his side, carrying her with him. As he settled her onto the mattress beside him, she straightened her legs to accommodate him, and they lay face to face, her arms folded between them, her hands clutching his shirt. He reached over her to pull the blanket over them and wrapped his arm around her back again.
He lay there stiffly holding her, wondering if he’d misread how deeply she’d been affected by her experiences. From personal experience, he knew that the voices were undoubtedly more insistent when she was relaxed in sleep. Even though she’d come to him, he had serious doubt that she’d accept waking to find herself in his bed. He quit worrying about her reaction when another dream assaulted her. She cried out and started kicking frantically until his voice reached her and she quieted again.
He dozed fitfully, waking each time she shifted in her sleep or made a sound indicating that she was dreaming. When the dreams caused her to move fitfully, he held her, murmuring reassurances until she subsided into quiet again. Then he’d lay there, her scent filling his nostrils as he wrapped himself around her warmth, and his body would respond to her in ways he’d only dreamed about before. He was helpless against her pull on him. It was only his respect for her, bolstered by the hard won discipline of years in Starfleet, that kept him from kissing her awake.

Kathryn woke in stages. The warmth surrounding her gave her a sense of peace and security and she resisted leaving that feeling. A gentle snore pulled her to wakefulness with a start. As she tried to move, an arm tightened around her waist, pulling her against the hard chest at her back. She felt a large hand flatten against her stomach and she stiffened in response. The body behind her froze and then the arm lifted, allowing her to roll to her back.
She turned her head to look at the face just inches away from hers. Black eyes searched hers, his expression guarded until he knew what her reaction was going to be. She searched for the outrage that should have been there, but instead found only a sense of rightness. She’d come to him needing his forgiveness and understanding. He’d given her that and he’d provided a shelter from her own doubts and regrets.
She turned again to lie face to face with him, and watched as he tried to figure out a way to explain their present circumstances. He swallowed and started to speak. “Kathryn, I — you –” She reached over to stop him, pressing her hand to his face, her thumb over his lips.
“It’s all right. I think I understand.”
He lay very still as he searched her eyes. Not finding any anger there, he relaxed a little. He was still uncertain of her acceptance and held himself in check. His breath caught in his throat when her thumb began to trace across his lips in a gentle caress. Her face blurred as she moved forward to press her lips to his, her hand sliding to hold his head behind his ear. His eyes closed as soft lips played with his. She nibbled at him and he trembled but he couldn’t release the hard-won control over his passion.
She stopped her assault on his senses and lifted her face away from his. His eyes remained closed as he fought the primal urges raging through his body until she murmured his name.
“Chakotay?”
He opened his eyes to find her searching his face. She looked through windows of his eyes into the turmoil of his emotions. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Are you sure about what you’re doing? If we do this, we can’t go back again.”
She stopped to search her convictions. In that moment so many things became clear to her. What he needed from her, what she wanted and needed from him.
He’d been there for her for a long time, offering everything, but giving only as much as she was willing to take from him. And she’d refused so much of what he offered. She realized he’d already become important to her as a friend and on many levels her supporting strength. It had been little more than stubborn pride that kept her standing alone. He was the rare individual who could be strong and still let her be strong as well. Her strength hadn’t been enough this time and she was tired. Instinctively she knew that her’s alone would often not be enough.
“No, we can’t go back. I need you with me not behind me.”
When she leaned forward again, his arm lifted to wrap around her and their bodies moved to fit themselves to each other. His lips opened against hers and her sigh entered to mingle her breath with his. Her tongue brushed his lips and his darted out to meet it. Her hand pulled on his head and he increased the pressure of his lips. He tasted her for the first time when his tongue followed hers back into her mouth. She hummed as it brushed the sensitive spot behind her front teeth. Their tongues danced and then he retreated again, drawing her into his mouth. As her tongue brushed his lips and gums, his body gave a faint shudder as he fought to hold onto the hard won control of himself.
Her hand sliding down his neck to flatten against his chest inside his shirt was nearly his undoing. She’d used the gesture so often, but she’d never actually touched his skin intending to give pleasure before. He took a quick intake of breath as her hand flexed over his nipple.
He rose onto his elbow over her, causing her to roll to her back under him. His eyes examined every feature, his finger tracing each one in turn as if to memorize it. Then he retraced her face with gentle lips, moving over it with light brushes of his lips over her skin. Her eyelids fluttered as he passed over them and her hand flexed against his skin when he pressed a kiss against her temple. She shivered when his breath filled her ear with a moist heat and his teeth gently grasped the earlobe. He nibbled and licked along her jaw line from one ear to the other until he was able to grasp that lobe in his teeth. Her sighs of pleasure ignited him as he traveled down her neck to the depression above her collarbone. He was stopped there by the fabric of her shift.
She felt abandoned when his warm breath and lips left her skin. Her eyes opened when he moved to sit up and he held her gaze as he removed his shirt. She studied his broad smooth chest and then sat up to run her pale hands across his skin. His nipples pebbled when she carefully raked her nails across them and his belly quivered as they descended toward the waist of his pants. Her fingers slipped under the edge to brush curls hidden there.
He needed to distract her before she undermined his tenuous control. He stilled her hand by reaching to untie the shift. Drawing out the process, he pulling ever so slowly as he held her gaze. When the string released, he leaned forward to nudge the neckline aside with his nose and bury it between her breasts. As he nuzzled her, she threaded her fingers through his close-cropped hair, massaging his scalp with her fingertips. His breath on her skin triggered shivers of anticipation to run down her spine.
When he seemed far too content to stay there humming is appreciation of her scent and taste, she pushed his head back and reached for the hem of the shift. Her face disappeared into its folds and then reemerged as her arms lifted high over her head to allow him to lift it free of her. He dropped it behind him as she settled back against the pillow again. His hands skimmed lightly over her exposed skin to descend her body and help her out of the leggings. He tossed them to the floor, and then quickly stripped his pants as well.
Her pale skin stood out in the low light and he studied her curves and hollows. She was thinner than she should be, her ribs standing out in sharp ridges under her small, well shaped breasts. There were bruises across her right side and he winced at the deep purple color. As he brushed his fingertips across them, he asked, “Why didn’t you have the doctor do something about these?”
She shivered under his touch and grasped his hand to stop him. “It’s just a bruise. The doctor’s far too busy to be concerned about something like this.”
“It looks like it hurts.” As she shook her head in denial, he pulled his hand from hers to plant it on the bed beside her and leaned forward to kiss the darkened skin. Her ribs rose once and froze as his lips traveled to cover the entire bruised area with gentle kisses. When he moved upward to the underside of her breast, she released her breath with a rush and gasped as his lips locked onto her nipple. He felt it tighten into a hard point under his tongue and he widened his lips to pull it all into his mouth with a gentle suction. Her hands locked onto his head as she encouraged him.
Kathryn groaned as the tugging at her breast triggered an associated ripple much lower. She felt the rush of moisture as her entire body responded to him. The left breast tightened in protest at being ignored and her hands guided him to it. His skillful mouth lavished it with equal attention until she was almost growling with need.
Her hand skimmed down his belly and he took a quick inhale when it settled in his lap and grasped him firmly. He had to grit his teeth in concentration when her thumb spread the droplets of moisture she found there. The exquisite torture of it started a buzzing in his ears.
He shifted his position to kneel between her legs and she bent her knees and hips to accommodate him. As he leaned over her to return his mouth to her breasts, the scent of her arousal reached her own nostrils and her breath quickened as that same scent drew him down her body. Her hands roamed restlessly over his head and shoulders as he kissed and licked his way downward. Stopping just below her navel, he sat up to watch her face as he touched her intimately for the first time.
Her hands and arms had flattened against the bed, rigid and motionless, but her hips rocked restlessly, driven by the intense need building deep within her. As his fingers parted her slick cleft and slid upward, her neck stiffened to push her head back into the pillow. Her mouth fell open with a gasp as his fingers circled that sensitive point at the top. He watched her face contract with concentration and need.
His own need was building to a painful level and he increased the stimulation to her sensitive flesh. Her hands clenched the sheet as they close into fists and she rocked faster, his hand increasing its rhythm to keep up. As he slid a finger deep into her, she lifted her hips completely off the bed and groaned through her teeth as her inner muscles tightened around it.
Her body jerked spasmodically as the shattering sensations of her climax erupted in a flash of light and motion. She was barely aware of him until he entered her and sent a fresh eruption coursing through her. Her arms and legs wrapped around him and she matched the rhythm of his hips driving him deep against her womb.
Chakotay barely had time to revel in the feeling of being enclosed inside her as she accept him. The rippling contractions around him milked a powerful climax from him and he plunged himself so deep he felt he was being sucked in completely. His shout as it exploded from him was muted by her hair and the pillow beneath her head. He rode his climax furiously to the end and then collapsed atop her.
Kathryn’s ribs protested at his weight, but she held him tightly as he pressed her into the mattress. Her hips rolled under him to accept the flood of his shuddering release and her inner muscles clenched repeatedly. He answered with another push deep within her. She wanted to hold him there forever.
When he was again aware of his surroundings, he remembered the condition of the slight woman he was crushing beneath his weight. He lifted himself off her chest and looked at her in concern.
“Are you all right?”
She brushed a hand down his face and smiled. “I’m perfect.”
His face lit up with an answering smile before he planted a kiss on her hand and then lifted his hips and one knee over her leg to drop beside her. He pulled her to his chest and drew the blankets over them both. Legs intertwined and hands brushed across heated skin in slow motion. Murmured declarations were interrupted by long, slow kisses. Gradually their bodies relaxed and their hands slowed as they fell still, feeling sated and lazy.
Kathryn smiled to herself when she recognized the low rumble in his chest as a snore. He’d fallen asleep. Happily, she nestled her head on his shoulder and listened to the sound. For a while at least, the voices had been shut out.

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Supressed Love

By tarnorani | Published July 24, 1997

Ites, JetCers and everyone else,

Krystal wrote a J/C poem last night! She’s insisting that everyone see
it and that someone post it. She dedicates this to Colleen, the rest of
JetC, and all other J/Cers out there.

Supressed Love
(J/C)

In her dreams, she is in the arms
of the love of her life
his breath tickling her ear
as he whispers, “I love you, Kathryn”
and she smiles in her sleep
feeling the warmth of his strong, tanned arms
As she wakes, she realizes that
she was only dreaming
and she lets out a long sigh
wishing she could tell Chakotay
exactly how she feels
but she doesn’t want to swallow her pride.

He sits physically idle
but his mind is very active
as he daydreams about his secret love
for his lady superior
His heart quickens at the thought
of holding her, and kissing her
his heart and soul so full of need
for his beloved Kathryn
And he wants so much to convey his feelings
to her, but he is afraid
that she will turn him away
and break his heart–
All he knows is that he loves his captain.

Kathryn and Chakotay
are so in love, and yet
so far apart, because they are afraid
of damaging their friendship
This plight they combat every day
and no one knows they love each other
except them
Therefore, heartache is the result
of a supressed love.

Tarno Rani (Krystal McNamara-Wood)

Well, what do you all think?

C.

_______________________________________________________
Get Private Web-Based Email Free https://www.hotmail.com

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Distant Memories

By katiemoncelsi | Published July 24, 1997

ustrek@concentric.net

Author’s note: All things in parentheses are explanations of something that
is happening that you have to know to understand that part of the story.
Anything in * is a thought, and anything in ‘ is a joke or exaggeration of
the word it encloses. Also, if anyone is offended by the way I wrote this,
since I have someone being serious disabled in one part, please tell me.

Distant Memories

by Katie Moncelsi

After the ship was attacked by the Kazon, we had to dock at AtBoia.
It’s now two days later and we are just now finishing repairs.
***
B’Elanna Torres had been working in Engineering for two days
straight and the stress was beginning to take a toll on her. Anyone who
passed her in the corridors knew, full well, to keep their distance.
Finally, she would get some sleep as soon as she reached her quarters.
*I’ll put on a security lock out and sleep for a day or two.*
B’Elanna thought. *Peace and…*
“B’Elanna!”Harry called.
She heard him scream for her from around the corner. She tried to
run, but he caught up with her and grabbed her arm.
“B’Elanna, I need to talk to you.”Harry said.
“Get out of here, Starfleet. Your risking your life if you other me
now.”B’Elanna snarled.
“Stop joking. You wouldn’t hurt me.”
*He’s right. Ever since I met him in that Damn Ocampan Hospital,
I’ve liked him. Well, maybe more than that…*
“B’Elanna.”
Harry’s voice brought her back to reality.
“What!”She almost screamed.
“You spaced out for a sec.”
“I’m fine” She controlled the urge to throw him against the wall and
rip out vital organs.
“Come on. You’re not fine. You haven’t slept for 3 days.”
“Your right, Harry. And I’m going to sleep now.”
He grabbed her arm. She shrugged him off and he fell to the floor.
“Harry, I’m so sorry. I’m just so. . .”
All of a sudden, B’Elanna saw a man run across the room at her. She
started to scream and attack the “man” she though she saw. Harry tried to
stop her, since there was no one there and he didn’t know why she was
reacting like this to nothing. He grabbed her arm and her anger was
projected to him.
“B’Elanna, stop!”Harry screamed.
“I’ll kill you, you tried to kill me, but I’ll kill you first!”She
screamed at Harry.
Harry brought himself to hit her, to get her back in reality. He
slapped her face hard. She broke out of her trance, surprised that Harry had
hit her. She looked at what she had done to Harry.
“Oh, my God. What have I done to you?!”She backed away, slowly.
“B’Elanna, it’s okay.” He moved to comfort her and she jumped back.
She looked at him from her hiding place. “Don’t come near me.” She
said, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“B’Elanna, what happened? What’s wrong?” He caught her arm when she
wasn’t looking. “Tell me.”
She looked at what she had done to him again, a confused look on her
face. “Harry? What happened?”
“Don’t you remember?” He answered. “You attacked me.”
“What?!”She exclaimed. “I don’t remember doing that.”
Suddenly, she started crying and tried to back up farther into the
wall.
“B’Elanna?”
“What.” She quietly said.
“How long has it been since you slept?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because you’re not acting like yourself.”
“Harry, get out of here. Before you get hurt.”
Noticing that her mood had just changed for the worst, he left. “Get
some sleep, B’Elanna.”
The last thing he heard was a sound between a snarl and a growl.
***
“Captain, I’ve found an “M”-Class planet. It seems to have a high
Sirilium concentration.” Ensign Kim announced.
“Captain to Torres.”
“Yes, Captain.”Torres replied.
“We’ve found something you might like. Please report to Transporter
Room 2.”
“I’m on my way, Captain. Torres out.”
Janeway turned to Lt. Paris, “I want to send as few people as
possible. So, Paris, go with Torres and Kim.”
Paris left for the Transporter Room.
***
When Paris arrived Harry pulled him aside.
“Paris, I’m worried about B’Elanna. She attacked me last night and
then didn’t remember what she had done. Since we’re going to be there for
at least a week or two, with no communications from Voyager. Help me keep
an eye on her.”
Just as he said this, B’Elanna walked in. She was stumbling
slightly.
“B’Elanna, are you alright?”Harry asked.
“I’m fine.”
She walked to the transporter pad, stumbling even more.
“B’Elanna, have a little fun last night?”Paris said.
“Drop dead, Paris.”She replied.
***
They transported to the planet.
“Let’s find a place to camp out for the night.”Paris said.
“I’m going to start looking for the Sirilium.”B’Elanna said and
walked away.
A few minutes later, Paris and Harry heard screams. B’Elanna came
running out of the forest, shooting at everything and anything,
inadvertently, hitting Paris in the arm.
“B’Elanna, stop!” Harry screamed.
She stopped in her tracks. Then she walked slowly, as if in a
trance, to a low drop off. Harry, not knowing what to do, ran after her
with Tom, holding his arm.
“They don’t like me, but I can get out of here. Yeah. They told me
I could.” B’Elanna said.
Harry looked at Tom, who was as scared as he. All of a sudden,
B’Elanna took her phaser, put up the power, and shot herself in the chest.
She fell off the drop off.
“B’Elanna!!!”Harry and Tom screamed.
They made there way down to where B’Elanna lay. They found her
unconscious, but alive. They picked her up and carried her to the cave,
they were using as a shelter.
“At least she’ll get some sleep now.” Paris joked.
The look on Harry’s face made Paris feel embarrassed about what he
had just said.
Just then B’Elanna woke up, she tried to sit up, but was racked
with pain.
“Harry, what happened?”She asked, hoarsely.
“You shot yourself and fell off the drop off.” Harry said. “Don’t
you remember?”
“No. . .I don’t”Her eyes glazed over for a sec, in pain, and then
she said,”Let’s go.”
“B’Elanna, you injured. You can’t. . .”
“Harry. Shut up.”
She started to stand and fell back. Harry saw the grimace of pain
on her face, but he knew there was no way she’d admit to the pain. He
started to help her and she shrugged him away and starting walking,
limping slightly.
***
B’Elanna didn’t want to admit it, but she remembered what had
happened. It had been another hallucination. She knew it was from sleep
deprivation. She just couldn’t sleep, though. She hid in her work and
refused to sleep. Every time she slept the dream came back. In the dream,
she was in the barracks of the Vidiian prison. She relived the time she
was split in two, every night. And she couldn’t take seeing the nightmare
again.
**
“Come on, Harry! There’s no way she’ll make it. With her injuries,
she should be almost dead.”Paris said.
Just then B’Elanna’s step faltered and she started to fall. Harry
and Tom ran to her, but couldn’t reach her before she hit the ground. Her
head slammed against a rock and she fell unconscious.
“We have to get her to the ship. I hope we can still contact
Voyager.” Paris said.
“Ensign Kim to Voyager.”
***
All of a sudden, on Voyager, there was a slight sound.
“Someone’s trying to contact us.”Chakotay said.
“All stop. Chakotay, get that signal up.” Janeway ordered.
The garbled voice of Harry Kim was heard, saying, “. . .Ensign
Kim. . .B’Elanna. . . Unconscious. . .Dead. . . Beam. . .Help. . .”
“Fix that signal.”Janeway ordered.
“We need a beam up.”Harry said.
Just then B’Elanna woke up and started screaming, incoherently.
She then starting attacking Paris.
“B’Elanna! Stop! Harry! Help!”Paris screamed.
“Harry, what’s happening?”Janeway asked.
“B’Elanna’s. . . “Harry cut off and started screaming.
“Beam them up! Now!”Janeway ordered.
***
Paris appeared on the transporter pad. Still, on the ground,
screaming in pain.
“I have Lieutenant Paris, Captain. But none of the others.”
Carey, who was running the transporter, said.
Janeway responded, “Keep working on it.”
***
When Paris disappeared, B’Elanna fell to the ground. Harry went
to her and helped her sit up.
“Harry, what’s happening to me?”B’Elanna asked, trembling in fear
and confusion.
“I don’t know. But you’ll be fine. I’m here.” Harry said,
soothingly.
“I’m scared. Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going to leave, B’Elanna. Just go to sleep. Okay? I’ll
stay right here with you.”Harry said while brushing the hair off B’Elanna’s
face.
B’Elanna fell asleep with Harry holding her hand.
***

“What have you done to me?”B’Elanna asked.
“I’ve extracted your Klingon DNA. You’re now Fully Human.
Momentarily, I will send you to the Barracks.”Sulan, the Chief Surgeon
of the Vidiian Sodality, said.
“Why have you done this to me?”B’Elanna asked.
***

B’Elanna is working on a Vidiian computer console. All of a sudden,
two Vidiians grab her from behind. She screams.
***
Harry woke up to screaming. He opened his eyes to see B’Elanna
about to attack him. In self defense he pushed her back. In her weakened
state, she fell back against the wall and slid to the ground.
“B’Elanna, are you alright?”Harry asked, rushing to her.
She looked at him confusion and fear in her eyes, and said,
“What? Who are you?”
“B’Elanna? It’s me. Harry. Don’t you recognize me?”
“No. My head hurts. What happened?”
“You were hurt. Here, let me help you.” Harry said, putting his
arm out to help her. She jumped back.
“No!!! You’re here to hurt me. Help!”She screamed.
All of a sudden, B’Elanna fainted. Harry went over to her. She
opened her eyes and Harry jumped back, afraid she’d attack him again.
“What’s wrong? Do I look as bad as I feel?”B’Elanna said, a bit
of her old sarcasm back in her voice.
“You look fine.”Harry said, matching the sarcasm in B’Elanna’s
voice.
B’Elanna started to get up and swayed in place.
“Harry!”She screamed.
Harry went to catch her, he helped her into a more lit area of
the cave so he could get a better look at her wounds.
“B’Elanna, how did you walk here before? Your ankle’s broken,
you have a bad concussion, and a bad cut on the back of your head.”Harry
said, concerned.
“I followed my own ‘four’ feet.”B’Elanna joked.
She starting laughing and then starting coughing, badly.
“Anyway, that’s not all my injuries.”
She then moved her arm to show him the wound from the phaser blast,
it was bleeding a lot.
“B’Elanna, no wonder you’ve been fainting so much. You’ve lost
a lot of blood.”
He took the regenerator and healed her wounds, as well as possible.
“Thanks, Harry.”
She got up and started to walk away.
***
“What happened down there, Mr. Paris?”Janeway asked.
“B’Elanna just went crazy. She shot herself and attacked me.”Paris
answered.
“Chakotay, plot a course back to the planet.”Janeway ordered.
***
Harry had finally gotten B’Elanna to sleep. He woke up later to
hear her thrashing around in her sleep and talking to herself.
“Tom, don’t. They’ll kill you. No!!!”She screamed.
She shot straight up and he realized she was sweating a lot.
“B’Elanna?”Harry asked.
“Harry, we have to get out of here. They’re coming.”
He walked over to get the tricorder and pointed it at her. It read:
Infection
Fever: 105 degrees
“Oh, God!”Harry exclaimed.
He looked back over at B’Elanna, who was now leaning against
the wall.
“B’Elanna?”He said.
She didn’t respond.
“B’Elanna!”
She still didn’t respond.
He ran to her. She was staring straight ahead, her eyes blank and
unfocused.
“No! B’Elanna! You can’t die! Stay with me!”He screamed.
He starting crying. He laid there most of the night, next to
B’Elanna. Occasionally, checking to see if she was still alive.
***
Harry woke up to the sound of movement. He saw B’Elanna thrashing
around. He wasn’t sure if it was the fever or a nightmare. All of a sudden,
she sat straight up.
“Daddy! Daddy, why are you leaving? Come back!”She screamed.
“B’Elanna?”Harry asked.
B’Elanna seemed to be stuck in a trance of some kind. Harry
remembered hearing from Tom that B’Elanna’s father had left when she
was five.
B’Elanna started talking to herself again, “Mom, where’s Dad? Why
did he leave? No, it wasn’t my fault, stop saying it is because of me.
Because I’m different.”
Harry couldn’t take it any longer.
“B’Elanna, listen to me. It’s Harry. Stop it. It’s okay. Your not
five years old anymore, your 26, your on a planet with me, and I’m not
leaving you.”
He started to shake her. She seemed to break out of the trance.
“Harry, why did I have to be like this?”B’Elanna asked.
Harry didn’t understand what she meant.
“Like what?”He asked.
B’Elanna gestured to her forehead.
“Like this. . .”She said.
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you look.”Harry said.
B’Elanna laughed and said, “You think I don’t see the way they look
at me. The way some people move to avoid me. Like I’m a freak.”
“B’Elanna, don’t say that. No one thinks your a freak.”
“Yes, they do. I know what people think of Klingons. That
they’re — we’re monsters.”
Harry went to say something, but B’Elanna stopped him and said,
“Well, they’re right. We are.”
The tricorder starting beeping, indicating that B’Elanna’s fever
had peaked above safe limits.
“B’Elanna, I’m going to give you a shot to make you sleep.”
B’Elanna had just slipped into a delirious state again, and didn’t
hear him.
***
The next morning Harry woke up to find B’Elanna over him. She
seemed better, but he could tell something was still wrong. She wasn’t
looking at him, but through him. She got up and moved to lay next to him.
He wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. She hated any kind of physical
contact.
“B’Elanna, are you alright?”Harry asked.
“I’m fine, Tom.”She answered.
Harry wasn’t sure why she thought he was Tom, but he had a bad
feeling about this, since the last time Tom and B’Elanna had been together,
she’d been going through the Pon Farr.
“B’Elanna, are you alright?”Harry asked again.
“I’m fine.”She answered, monotonously.
With that B’Elanna jumped at him. He moved out of the way and she
hit the ground.
“B’Elanna?”
“Harry, what’s wrong? You said I was attractive.”
Harry suddenly realized that in her fevered state she thought
Harry was trying to be enticing.
“B’Elanna, come over here.”
She walked over to him. Trying to seduce him. She didn’t notice
that he was hiding a hypospray. When she came nearer he grabbed her and
pushed the hypospray to her neck, making her lose consciousness. He took
out the tricorder and scanned her. It read:
Fever: 108 degrees
Fatal for Human
He used the tricorder to find out the fatal temperature for a
Klingon. It read:
Fatal Temperature for Klingon
110 degrees
“Thank God.” he said.
Harry thought to himself *I doubt she’d like to hear that her
Klingon side saved her life again.*
He looked through the hypospray’s programmable medical index and
found one that said in high doses could eradicate a fever.
(Author’s note: In Darkling, the Doctor added this so he could kill Torres
with it seeming to be a mistake since the tricorder said it was fine.)
He gave her a shot and waited. All of a sudden she stopped
breathing. He tried to find a pulse, but couldn’t. He ran the tricorder
over her. It read:
Lifeform Deceased
“No!!! B’Elanna, don’t die!”
He slapped her across the face to try to wake her up. She didn’t
respond.
“B’Elanna!!!”
He was so angry that he started punching her. All of a sudden, she
started coughing.
“Harry?”
She started to get up and winced.
“Harry, you better move fast because as soon as I can move, I’m
going to get back at you for using me as your personal punching bag.”
She gasped.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I know how hard it is to control your self in
a situation like that.”
Harry noticed that B’Elanna was starting to nod off.
“B’Elanna, I’m going to give you something to help you sleep and
then I’ll heal your injuries.”
He didn’t get a response from B’Elanna, since she had already
fallen to sleep. He looked at her face, thinking how beautiful she looked.
He healed her wounds and lied down to sleep beside her.
***

“Honey, come over here. I have to tell you something.” A tall man
called to a little girl, of about five years.
“Coming, Daddy.”The little girl ran up, she had a hat pulled down
low on her face.
“Take that hat off, Honey.”
The girl did as she was told, revealing what her Klingon Ancestry
had left her.
“What’s wrong, Honey. Why are you wearing the hat.”
The girl didn’t answer.
“Have they been teasing you at school again?”
The girl hung her head.
“Honey, I know how hard it is.”
The little girl looked up, and said, “How can you know what it is
like to be teased. I stand out, I hate it.”
“Honey, they don’t tease you to be mean, they don’t know any better
and if they did know better and still teased you, I’d get them for you.”
He grabbed her and danced her around the room.
“Sweet B’Elanna, you know I love you.”
B’Elanna froze suddenly and said, “Daddy, do you hate me because
I’m Klingon?”
He father stopped and looked at her. He said, “Honey, why would
you say that?”
“Mother, says Humans and other people don’t like Klingons and that
they’d run away from me.”
Her father thought for a second and then said, “Honey, does she
say anything about me?”
“She said you’d go away if I was bad and that you hated me
since I’m Klingon.” B’Elanna looked into her father’s eyes and said, “Is
that true, Daddy?”
Her father was aghast at this, he called out to his wife,
“K’Ehleyr!”(Author’s note: No relation to Worf’s wife)
B’Elanna’s mother walked out in full Klingon battle attire. She
angrily said, “What do you want?”
“Why did you tell B’Elanna, I didn’t love her?”He asked
“It’s true. You told me so.”
“You liar. I would never say that about my own daughter.”
B’Elanna couldn’t take it any longer, she ran to her room and
cowered under the covers on her bed. She could still hear her parent’s
fighting, downstairs from her.
She heard her father say, “K’Ehleyr, why did you lie to her?”
Her mother answered, “Because Human’s are cowards, and stupid, and
dishonorable.”
“That doesn’t explain why you lied to our daughter.”
“I told you she’s dishonorable, she’s half-human.”
“That still gives you no right to tell her I hate her.”
“Well, don’t you. I mean she’s half-Klingon and all Humans hate
Klingons.”
With this B’Elanna started crying. She put her pillow over her
head to block out the voices and cried herself to sleep.
In the middle of the night, she woke up to someone sitting on the
corner of her bed crying.
“Daddy?”She asked.
“B’Elanna, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to do this, but I have to.
Please forgive me.”
He hugged her and walked out of the room. She knew what he meant
and ran after him.
“Daddy, don’t. . . !”
She slipped as she was running and fell, hitting her head on the
wall. She starting crying for her father. Her mother walked up, she thought
for once that her mother would try to calm her down as her father always
did. But her mother was furious and starting yelling at her.
She yelled, “You worthless nuchpu’! What did your father just say
to you in your room?”(Author’s note: nuchpu’ translates to coward)
“Daddy, wasn’t in my room.” B’Elanna said, confused.
(Author’s note: I didn’t think that B’Elanna’s father would just abandon
her, since she looks up to him so greatly)
“So, he wasn’t up there?”said K’Ehleyr, realizing that when
B’Elanna had hit her head, she must have forgotten, that her father had
been in her room. She then said to B’Elanna, “Well, go to bed now.”
When B’Elanna woke up the next morning, she went downstairs to
see her father. He wasn’t there.
“Daddy.”She called.
“He left.”Her mother answered.
“When’s he coming back?”
“Never.”
“What?!”Why did he leave?”
“Because of you.”With that her mother walked away.
B’Elanna started crying and vowed that she would try to be more
Human and never act Klingon again.
***

“Mom, can you take me to the park?”A six year old B’Elanna asked.
“No.”Her mother answered.
“Why?”
“I don’t want to be seen in public with you.”
B’Elanna finally got her mother to take her to the park. She’d
never been there before, but she’d heard the kids in school say it was
fun. When she got there she wished she’d never asked her mother to take
her. Everyone stared at her and when she asked people if she could play
with them they teased her. And at one time when someone came up to her
mother about her, her mother said she’d never seen B’Elanna before in her
life and that she had no idea who she was. That was the last straw. Then
and there B’Elanna decided she’d runaway as soon as she could and make a
living for herself away from her mother, where people would like her.
***
Harry woke up to hear B’Elanna crying. He noticed that she was
still sleeping.
“B’Elanna.”He said.
She opened her eyes and turned to him. She said, “Oh, Harry, you
stayed. You didn’t leave me.”
She jumped, as well as she could, into Harry’s arms and he held
her as she continued to cry.
“B’Elanna, what happened?”
“I finally remembered what really happened.”
“What happened with what?”
“What happened when my father left.”
He listened to the whole story and finally realized how bad a life
she had really had.
“B’Elanna, I’ll never let that happen to you again.”He told her.
They both fell asleep again with Harry holding B’Elanna in his arms.
***
“Captain, we’re in orbit of the planet.”Chakotay said.
“Good, Commander. Scan for Harry and B’Elanna.”Janeway ordered.
“I’m picking up only one life sign and one commbadge signal. Both
from the same person.”
Paris’s heart jumped, he said, “Captain, before you beamed me up.
Torres was hurt.”
“Why didn’t you inform me of this? All you said was that she shot
herself. You didn’t say how bad.”She asked.
“She shot herself on a very high setting in the stomach.”
Janeway gasped, then she said, “Mr. Paris, if my chief engineer
dies, I’m going to hold you fully responsible. Did anything else happen
that I should be made aware of?”
“She was hallucinating badly. After she shot herself she fell off
a low drop off.”
“Oh, God. Chakotay.”Janeway said.
He didn’t respond. She looked over at him and he had a look of
shock on his face. She then remembered that him and B’Elanna were really
good friends. She went over to him and put her hand on his shoulder.
“Chakotay, I know it’s hard, but we have to find them.”She said.
“You’re right, Captain.”He answered quietly.
“Good. Mr. Paris, Chakotay, and . . .”She looked around the bridge
trying to decide who to take. She’d need someone with medical experience.
She then opened a comm link and said, “Janeway to Kes.”
“Kes here.”
“Please meet me for an away team mission in Transporter Room 2.
Bring a full medkit, including Klingon stimulants and sedatives.”
“I’m on my way, Captain. Kes out.”
***
Harry woke up to see B’Elanna over him and he thought. *Oh, God.
Not again.*
She moved and looked at his general location. He then noticed
that she was quite sane.
There was one small problem. She kept rubbing her eyes and when
Harry went over to her, and she didn’t notice him. He touched her on the
shoulder and she jumped. He then noticed that she wasn’t exactly looking
at him, but through him.
“B’Elanna.”he said.
She jumped at the sound of his voice.
“Who are you? Get away!”she screamed.
She lunged at his general location and he caught her.
“B’Elanna, what’s wrong?”
“Harry?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Harry. I can’t see. Why can’t I see? Help me.”
She was trembling and Harry realized that something was terribly
wrong. He scanned her with the tricorder. It read:
High levels of Catoline
Symptoms of lethal amount:
FIRST STAGE:
Blindness/Deafness
SECOND STAGE:
Complete Paralysis
THIRD STAGE:
Coma
FINAL STAGE:
Death
He went over to B’Elanna, who was now in the corner crying.
“B’Elanna, what’s wrong?”
She didn’t respond.
“B’Elanna?”
He touched her shoulder and she jumped. She said something he
couldn’t understand. Then she started screaming a look of complete terror
in her eyes. She then went limp in his arms.
“Harry, what’s wrong with me?”She heavily slurred.
***
“Captain, I have a lock on Ensign Kim.”Chakotay said.
“Beam him up.”
***
B’Elanna got no response from Harry because he disappeared and
she hit the ground. Unable to move at all, she couldn’t get up. So she
laid there and started to cry.
***
Harry appeared on the transporter pad.
“Harry, good to see you back.”Carey, who was manning
transporters, said.
He looked at Carey and jumped at Chakotay who was standing near
the transporter pad.
“Beam me back down. She’s dying. I have to help her.”Harry screamed.
“Harry, calm down. What happened?”Chakotay asked.
“She got an infection from where she got shot. The tricorder said
to give her Catoline. I thought that it was lethal for people, but the
tricorder said that it was the only thing to use, since she was
half-Klingon.”
The Doctor, who was listening gasped, realizing what had happened
to B’Elanna was partly his fault, he said, “Let me guess, she stopped
breathing, had no pulse, and was clinically dead to the tricorder.”
“Yes, how did you know?”Harry said.
“I – I mean, my evil counterpart used it on her once. It had no
lasting side effects, but she might be hurt by it now.”
“Oh, God.”Harry said, as he collapsed to the floor.
“What?”the Doctor asked.
“The tricorder said to watch for symptoms. To see if it was
fatal. . .”Harry said.
“Was she blind?”
“Yes, she was.”
“Was she deaf?”
“Yes, she was.”
“When you left her was she still blind and deaf?”
“No, but she was completely paralyzed.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Emergency beam out. Get her signal and beam her up, no matter
what.”Chakotay ordered.
***
B’Elanna was on the planet, just as she was left, thinking about
what an unhonorable way this was to die. Then she realized that she was
being transported, even though she didn’t feel it. She then thought.*Oh,
God, if they see me like this. . .*
***
As B’Elanna appeared every one was she was on the floor, not
moving at all.
Harry ran from the room thinking, *Oh, God. What have I done?”
B’Elanna heard him, but couldn’t speak to tel him she’d be fine.
The Doctor gently picked her up, feeling partly responsible, since if it
wasn’t for his messing around with his program, his evil counterpart
wouldn’t have been able to add Catoline to the tricorder. He carried her
to Sickbay talking to her even though he knew she was unable to respond,
since she couldn’t speak.
He placed her on a biobed and got to work.
***
Harry sat in his quarters. Wanting to kill himself for what he
had done. He started watching the old holovids that had B’Elanna in them.
Hoping, she’d be her old self again, knowing it would probably never happen.
***
B’Elanna woke up in Sickbay, unable to move or speak. She
started crying thinking that this proved her fear that she would be
paralyzed for life.
“Oh, your up.”the doctor said. She then saw the Doctor’s face
above her own. He continued speaking, “You’re still highly sedated. I
didn’t want you to hurt yourself.”
He gave her a hypospray and she started to try to get up.
“Wait a sec. your still not going anywhere.”the Doctor said.
She tried to speak but her words were so slurred she doubted he
could understand her.
“How much longer do I have to stay here?”She heavily slurred.
“Another hour. I’ll give you another shot to put you to sleep for
the remainder of your stay here.”
She tried to nod her head in consent, but was to tired to pick her
head up.
***
Later that day, B’Elanna was helped to her quarters. The Doctor
had told her that the paralysis wouldn’t wear off for another two days,
so she was still completely paralyzed. What she didn’t was that this was
the Doctor’s way of making sure there was no way she could go to
Engineering or to use the comm to order people to do things. She had no
choice but to let people come to see her, because she could do nothing to
stop them or to tell them to leave. The only problem was the Harry
never came.
***
Harry was sitting alone in his room. He thought *I can’t go to
see her like this. She permanently disabled because of me. They won’t tell
me what exactly is wrong with her. So it must be that.*
***
B’Elanna had just been ‘helped’ to Sickbay, as in the fact that
Paris carried her.
“Lieutenant, I’m going to give you a shot which will counteract
the paralysis. You will have a slight limp for a few more days, because of
your broken ankle, which Harry fixed on the planet.”
She blinked her eyes to let him know that she understood him. He
gave her the shot and she found she could speak, but hardly since it was
terribly slurred, and moved again, but much like a drunk person.
Paris helped her up and as she left, she said, “Thanks, Doc.”
Paris starting laughing since her speech was so slurred and she
decked him.
“Everything’s back to normal. And I won’t hold you responsible
for that. It was an accident, wasn’t it?”
She smiled and nodded her head, then Paris and her left.
***
A few hours later, she was extremely bored. She couldn’t go on
duty until the next morning. She wasn’t exactly off duty, but the Captain
didn’t want her ‘accidentally’ decking anyone else. She had heard that
since the ‘accident’, Harry hadn’t left his quarters. So, she went there.
***
She rang the bell.
“Come in.” Came the hardly recognizable voice of Harry Kim.
She limped into the room, and called out, “Harry.”
Harry was on his bed looking like he hadn’t moved for some time.
“Harry?”She asked.
He looked up, “B’Elanna, is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“I thought I’d killed you.”
“Well, I’m alive.”
“I’m sorry about what happened to you.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, I mean the other times.”
“Oh.”
“I won’t let it happen again.”
With that he pulled her into his arms and hugged her.
“Harry.”B’Elanna said.
“Yes.”
“If you do that again. I’ll kill you.”B’Elanna said, laughing.
“No, you wouldn’t”
“Well, I’ll throw heavy objects.”
B’Elanna started smiling at him and then laughed at the vacant
look in his eyes.
“Guess you never read up on Klingon Mating Rituals.”She said.
The look on his face, was enough to start her laughing again.
“Oh, God.”He said.
“So you do know about Klingon Mating Rituals.”
“Yes, I do.” He said, a look of fear in his eyes.
“Let’s see how much you know about them.”
B’Elanna smiled again and Harry knew that he’d be seeing the
inside of Sickbay for some time after this.

THE END

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Unknown Child

By katiemoncelsi | Published July 24, 1997

Unknown Child
by Katie Moncelsi

While exploring the vast Delta Quadrant the USS Voyager picked up a
distress call and went to investigate.

“Captain, I’m picking up a signal, but I can’t find the
source.” Harry Kim said.

Harry Kim didn’t like to admit he didn’t know what was happening. He
was fresh out of the Academy and since this might very well be his first and
last mission. He didn’t want to seem ignorant of what was going on around him
and decided that he had to figure out what was happening. He pushed a few
buttons and he got his answer.

Captain, I just got a lock on the distress signal. I’m reading faint life
signs. They seem to be human, but they also seem to be of another species,
too.”Harry said.

Beam the person to Sickbay. Tuvok, get together a security team and
report to Sickbay.” Captain Janeway said.

“Yes, Captain.”Tuvok said.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Initiate Emergency Medical Holograthic Program.”Harry said.

“Please state the. . .”the Doctor said.

“Doctor, a patient is being beamed to Sickbay. Stand by.”Harry said.

A woman appeared on the biobed. She seemed to be about fifteen. She
wore a cap that covered her forehead. When the Doctor started to come near
her she attacked him.

“Kes, get some sedative.” the Doctor said.

Kes brought back the sedative and sat near the woman.

“Calm down and let me ask you some questions.”Kes said to the woman.

The woman remained silent. Then she noticed Harry.

“Father, I’ve missed you so much.” the woman said.

Harry looked stunned. Wondering how this woman knew him and why she
thought he was her father.

“Father, why aren’t you going to speak to me?”the woman said.

“Miss, what’s your name?”Kes asked the woman.

“My name’s K’Tar B’Elanna Torres-Kim.”K’Tar said.

Harry looked stunned at the thought of this woman being his and
B’Elanna’s daughter.

“Where’s Mother?”K’Tar asked.

“I’ll. . .I’ll go get her.”Harry said while running from the room.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
B’Elanna was in engineering trying to fix a console that wouldn’t
listen to her commands. Just as she went to give it a good punch, someone
grabbed her shoulder. She turned around, Klingon fury in her eyes, ready
to take her temper out on this person that dared to bother her. Just as
she was about to punch the person she noticed that the person was Harry Kim.

“I thought you promised not to punch the computer again.”Harry joked.

“Why did you sneak up on me?! You know I hate it when someone does
that! You. . .” B’Elanna said.

“Easy, B’Elanna. There’s something you have to see.” Harry said.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When Harry and B’Elanna walked into Sickbay, Kes was cowering in the
corner while the Doctor was trying to work on her bruises and broken bones.
K’Tar was shredding the sheets on the biobeds.

“What happened in here?”Harry said.

“I tried to take her cap off and she started punching and kicking me.”
Kes said rather angrily.

K’Tar noticed Harry and B’Elanna and ran toward them.

“Mother! Father!” K’Tar said.

“Who are you?!” B’Elanna said, her voice full of Klingon anger.

“You don’t know me?!” K’Tar screamed, her temper raging.

K’Tar ran from the room destroying everything in her path.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
In the Captain’s briefing room the whole senoir crew met about what
to do about K’Tar.

“She’s half-Klingon and half-Human. Just like Leuitenant Torres. She
has a slight phase variation in her DNA. I’d guess that she came from
another reality.”the Doctor said.

“Does anyone have any ideas about what we’re going to do with
K’Tar?”Captain Janeway said.

“We can’t throw her off the ship. If she is B’Elanna and Harry’s
daughter, we would be altering the timeline and thus breaking a rule of the
Prime Directive.”Chakotay said.

B’Elanna listening to this and remebering how much K’Tar reminded her
of herself spoke up.

“How can she be a child of mine and Harry’s? She’s half-Klingon and
half-Human. If Harry and I had a child. The child would be one fourth
Klingon and three fourths Human. Also why would she have. . .” B’Elanna
said stopping before she finished the sentence.

Paris looked at B’Elanna, knowing what she was going to say. Paris
cleared his throat.

“B’Elanna, you don’t have to tell them what you told me.” Paris said
to B’Elanna.

“It’s okay, Tom. When I was little after my father left, I decided
to block out everything Klingon about me. I wore hats and scarves to cover
my forehead and once I ran away from home, so I could block out my mother
too. She does everything I did. The things I still do. Including not
being able to control her temper.” B’Elanna said.

No one noticed, except Paris, that as soon as she said this she
started crying. She tried to stop, but seeing K’Tar had brought back
everything that happened to her. As soon as the meeting was over she ran
to her quarters. Harry saw her go and ran after her.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When B’Elanna reached her quarters she broke down and started crying
harder. She started pulling every thing she had out and starting throwing
it around her room. She found a picture of her and her father. In the
picture she saw she was wearing a cap. She put a scarf around her head
and sat.

When Harry Kim got to B’Elanna’s room, he tried the door, but got no
answer. He tried again. When that didn’t work he overrode the controls and
went inside. He noticed everything in B’Elanna’s room thrown all over the
room.

“B’Elanna? B’Elanna?” Harry called to her as gently as possible.

He walked into B’Elanna’s bedroom. He noticed her sitting on her
bed, with a scarf on her head and a picture in her hand, crying.

“B’Elanna, what’s wrong?”Harry said.

He got no response. So he kept trying, again and again. But still
got no response from B’Elanna. He waved his hand in front of her face,
but she didn’t blink. He pinched her arm, knowing it would get a response
if she was fine. A response that could kill him. He tried to take the
picture out of her hand, but she had a vice grip on it.

“Enisign Kim to Sickbay.” Harry said.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“What happened?”the Doctor asked.

“I went into her room and found her like this. Is she going to be
okay?”Harry asked, concerned about B’Elanna.

The Doctor examined B’Elanna, but could get no response from
her either.

“She’s in shock. Something has affected her and we have to find out
what it was. If we don’t find a way to get her out of this, she could
die.”the Doctor said.

“Can I stay with her?”Harry asked.

“She needs her rest.”the Doctor said.

“Please.”Harry pleaded.

Harry sat next to B’Elanna, who was still staring and crying.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Captain, I’m afraid that Leuitenant Torres is dying. I can’t find
out what’s wrong with her.”the Doctor said.

“Doctor, can you do anything for her?”Chakotay asked.

“Unless we find out what’s affecting her. There’s nothing I can do.
Doctor out.”the Doctor said.

“Everyone saving Leuitenant Torres is our top priority. Janeway to
Engineering.” Janeway said.

“Engineering here.”Carey said.

“Leuitenant Carey, Leuitenant Torres has been hurt. You are Cheif
Enignner until she is fit for duty.” Janeway said.

“Yes, Captain. Carey out.”Carey said.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“B’Elanna is hurt. She might not survive.”Harry said to K’Tar.

“What happened to her?”K’Tar asked.

“The Doctor doesn’t know. I’m going to Sickbay now.”Harry told K’Tar.

“I’m going with you.”K’Tar said.

“Fine. Let’s go.”Harry said in no mood to fight.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“How is she, Doctor?” Harry asked.

“Worse.”the Doctor said.

Harry went to where B’Elanna lie. K’Tar didn’t move.

“Ensign, come here. I need to speak to you in private.”the
Doctor told Harry.

“K’Tar isn’t your daughter. She’s a clone of some sort. Her DNA is
like B’Elanna’s. Only it’s the DNA of a younger B’Elanna.”the
Doctor told Harry.

“K’Tar, come here.”Harry said.

“Yes, Father.”K’Tar said.

“We. . .I’m. . .I don’t know how to say this.”Harry said.

“What, Father?”K’Tar said.

“B’Elanna and I aren’t your parents.”Harry said rather quickly.

“What?!”K’Tar screamed, starting to lose her temper.

“K’Tar.”Harry said soothingly.

K’Tar ripped his arm out of the socket and ran off.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Captain, a ship is appearing off our port bow. They are hailing us.”
Paris announced to the Captain.

“Open channel.” Janeway said.

On the screen appeared two people. The whole bridge was shocked when
they saw them. They were a slightly older Harry and a full Klingon B’Elanna.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Capain. But we are searching for someone.
Her name is K’Tar B’Elanna Torres-Kim. Have you seen her.” the
Klingon B’Elanna asked.

“We have seen her, but we were wondering who she is. Her DNA is
almost exactly like our chief engineer B’Elanna Torres’s is. Can you tell
me why?”the Captain asked.

“As you well know when I was split into two people by the Vidiians my
Human counterpart needed my DNA to survive. Our Doctor decided to make three
of us. So there would be more people on the crew. My Human counterpart is
back on the ship now, as Chief Engineer. There was one problem with the
procedure. The half-Human and half-Klingon B’Elanna developed amnesia and
didn’t know who she was. We tried to tell her what had happened and make
her remeber, but it was to hard on her. We had the Doctor wipe her memory
and, since me and Harry were married,brought her up like our daughter. I
hope that is enough to explain what has happened.” the Klingon B’Elanna
explained to the Captain.

“Computer locate K’Tar B’Elanna Torres-Kim.”Janeway said.

“K’Tar B’Elanna Torres-Kim is on Deck 6.”the Computer replied.

Just then the Doctor contacted the bridge.

“Captain, Leuitenant Torres is much worse than before. She is now on
the verge of a complete nervous breakdown.”The Doctor informed the Captain.

“Thanks, Doctor. Keep me informed.”the Captain replied.

“Captain, what was that about?”the Klingon B’Elanna asked.

“Our cheif engineer, B’Elanna Torres, is in shock and is about to slip
into a coma.”Janeway told the Klingon B’Elanna.

“Tuvok, send a security team to bring K’Tar to the bridge.” the
Captain said to Tuvok.

When K’Tar got to the bridge, she saw the people on the viewscreen.

“K’Tar, you have to come back to our ship. We are your parents.”the
Klingon B’Elanna told K’Tar.

“Fine. Let me say goodbye to Harry and B’Elanna, first.” K’Tar told
the Klingon B’Elanna.

As she entered Sickbay, she heard the Doctor say that B’Elanna had
just lapsed into a coma. She said goodbye and left. But before she left
she left a note for B’Elanna.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“B’Elanna, can you hear me. B’Elanna?”Harry said to B’Elanna.

“I’m sorry. But she can’t hear you. She’s dying. I’m very sorry.”the
Doctor told Harry.

“Can I stay with her?”Harry said in tears.

“You can.”the Doctor said.

Harry sat at the edge of B’Elanna’s bed.

“I can’t forget all the things we did together. I probably wouldn’t
have made it out of the Ocampan Hospital without you. You were always so
different from everyone else. You were like an untamed animal when you
came here. Yet, Starfleet tamed you. I would never have told you this
before, but I’ve always loved you. I hope that you’ll live through this,
be able to fight this like you fought you’re dual personality. I’ll go
now. I just want you to know that I’ll never forget you and if I were a
Klingon I’d avenge your death.” Harry said with a note of sadness and humor
in his voice.

He went to kiss B’Elanna and leave, when he noticed her move ever
so slightly.

“B’Elanna?”Harry said.

“Harry?”B’Elanna said weakly.

“B’Elanna, you’re going to be okay. Stay there while I go get the
Doctor.”Harry said.

B’Elanna grabbed his arm to stop him. Even in her weakened state
Harry knew that grip would leave bruises for weeks.

“Harry, I heard everything you said. I never told anyone this. But
I’ll tell you.” B’Elanna said.

B’Elanna told Harry all about her life as a child. About her father
and about what she thought of herself.

“B’Elanna, if I’d known your life was like that. . .”Harry said.

“It’s okay, Harry. I’ll be fine. I need a little time to get over
this. But I’m sure we’ll be able to get through it together.” B’Elanna
told Harry.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
B’Elanna had just finished reading the letter K’Tar left her. It read:
* * * * * * * * * * * *
B’Elanna,

I just wanted to tell you that you are just like me
in so many ways and that I’m sorry about what I caused
to happen to you. Goodbye, B’Elanna.

Qapla’
K’Tar
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As she finished reading the letter Captain Janeway walked in.

“B’Elanna, how are you?”the Captain asked.

“I’m better, Captain. I’m going to wear the hat for a few more days.
I’m not ready to face people seeing me yet.”B’Elanna said.

“That’s fine, B’Elanna.”the Captain said.

The Captain left and Harry walked in.

“Harry, it’s good to see you.”B’Elanna said.

“B’Elanna, I said I’d be there for you and I always will.”Harry said.

“I know. This is one thing that both sides of me agree on.”
B’Elanna said.

They sat laughing as they talked about things that were going on
on the ship.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

THE END

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Kathryn’s Voyage

By blmiller | Published July 24, 1997

Disclaimer 1: Paramount owns all the characters, names, ships, etc. I only
borrowed them for my own warped purposes. No copyright infringement is
intended.

Disclaimer 2: This story contains scenes of two woman making love. If this
offends you, don’t read it. Otherwise, enjoy. Comments may be sent to
IQ139@aol.com

Kathryn’s Voyage

By
B L Miller

Captain Kathryn Janeway was two hours into sleep when the alarms went
off. Startled by the noise, Janeway jumped up and twirled around, searching for
the source. She reached for the com panel on the wall, stumbling in her
half-wakened state.
“Janeway to Bridge! What’s going on?” She tried to sound authoritative,
but having just been bolted out of a sound sleep, she ended up sounding grouchy.
“Captain, we’ve come upon an electrical storm.” The clear voice of Lt.
Tom Paris filled the room. “Torres thinks it may contain anti-matter….she found
a trace signature while scanning the outer edge of the cluster.” Janeway dressed
quickly as Tom talked. He went on with figures and scan reports and all the
reasons why she needed to be woken up at 0200. She grabbed her jacket off the
chair as she dashed out to the turbolift.

As the turbolift door opened to the bridge, Kate looked around to see who
was on duty. Harry Kim was at his observation station, and Tom was at
Navigation Control. Both Chakotay and Tuvok were off duty. Janeway was
surprised to see Torres. She hardly ever left engineering.
“Captain, we have picked up a signature trail of anti-matter. It appears to
match our level of Dilithium exactly.” Harry spoke while staring at his instrument
panel. He stared at one display, then looked up quickly at the Captain.
“Captain….this is a Federation signature.”

Janeway ran over to Harry’s station. She looked at the readings for a
moment, then looked at Torres. “B’Elanna, what do you make of this?”
“Captain, if this is a Federation signature, we might find a way home.”
The half-Klingon said.
“Is it a ship?” Kate was looking at the viewscreen, not seeing anything but
cracks of light dancing before her.
“We can’t tell.” Tom was aiming Voyager away from the rumbling storm.
He reversed engines until the craft was out of danger.
“All right. What do we know so far?” Kate was wide awake now, her
mind racing with possibilities. Could it a another ship? One that knows the way
home? Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of home. It had been over a year
since she had seen home.
Harry spoke up first. “We have a faint signature that extends into the
storm. The electrical impulses are making it impossible to get any accurate
readings. We haven’t been able to make any contact or even scan to see if
anything is in there.”
“Captain,” B’Elanna turned away from the screen to face the redhead.
“Request permission to take a shuttlecraft into the storm and investigate.”
“Absolutely not!” Captain Janeway strode over to her seat and sat down,
her gaze fixed upon the young Lt. Torres. “I will not risk you to an electrical
storm in a shuttlecraft…For what? We don’t even know if there’s anything in that
storm at all!” The Klingon’s eyes grew tighter, returning the stare.
“Captain, it could be another Federation vessel. It could be damaged. We
could be their only hope.” Torres knew what she was saying. The Captain held
herself to a high standard. She wouldn’t risk allowing Federation members to die.
Finally, Kate broke the stare. “One shuttlecraft.” Torres briskly headed for the
door. Janeway stood up and turned to face the young woman. “B’Elanna, take
Paris along with you. You’ll need all the help you can get in that storm.” The
Klingon nodded, then entered the turbolift.

It was 3 hours before B’Elanna finally made a report.
“Captain, incoming message from Torres”
“On screen.” Kathryn looked as the half-Klingon face of B’Elanna Torres
filled the screen. She could see Tom working the controls.
“Report, Lieutenant.”
“Captain, it’s not a ship at all. It’s a stasis tube.” Kate took a moment to let
the words sink in. A stasis tube? Out here? Why? Stasis tubes weren’t
jettisoned. Stasis tubes were used to store the bodies of deceased crew members
until they could be transported home for burial or to a medical station for an
autopsy. Stasis tubes maintained the flow of oxygen and blood to the body,
keeping it in the same state as when it died. Sometimes cures could be found and
the bodies could be brought back to life.
“Lt., can you repeat yourself?” Janeway stood up and walked closer to the
viewscreen, as if being closer could make the words change.
“It’s a stasis tube, solar powered, with a Dilithium backup.” After a pause,
Torres continued. “It is from the Enterprise D……Captain, there’s a body inside.”
Janeway’s eyes grew wide. A body? Whose? Why would the Enterprise jettison
one of their own in a stasis tube? She had a million questions with no answer.
Kathryn snapped into action.
“Lt. Torres, retrieve the stasis tube and return immediately. Harry, get me
all the records from Enterprise D involving stasis tubes and send them to my
ready room.” Harry barely heard the last word as the door to the ready room shut
behind the auburn-haired captain.

“Tea, hot” Kate barked at the computer as she reached for her seat.
“Computer, display all logs from the USS Enterprise D involving stasis tubes.
Her screen filled with lines of text. She quickly surveyed the information. 14
tubes were mentioned in the records. 12 were used for the transport of dead crew
members, one was used to transport the body of a dead Vulcan ambassador, and
the last one was reported destroyed. Kate stopped drinking her tea when she saw
the last entry. “Computer,…display log number 14, full details.” The computer
responded, and again the screen filled with information. Stasis Tube 14 was
reported destroyed on stardate 41602.1. The report was brief. It was filed by Dr.
Beverly Crusher. Supporting witness was Counselor Deanna Troi. The report
was signed off by the Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Very routine, very neat, very……
“False!” Kathryn said. Suddenly she knew what had really happened to
tube 14.
“Computer..display all records of death on Enterprise D from stardate
41600 to 41604.” Her eyes stared intently at the screen. There was only one
death recorded.
Kate left the ready room and entered the Bridge. She never paused as she
headed for the turbolift. “Ensign Kim, inform Transporter Room 3 to beam that
tube directly to sickbay as soon as the shuttlecraft is within range.” The doors to
the turbolift closed.
“Aye eye, Captain.” Harry said quietly as he looked down at his monitor.
He knew that look of determination on her face. He’d seen it before. A mystery
had started and she wouldn’t let it go until the truth was discovered.

Two hours later, the sickbay looked like a conference room. It was
packed with officers, all staring down at the lifeless body in the tube.
“The body is in perfect stasis.” The monotone voice of the Doctor said.
“All support functions are working. It body seems to have suffered some physical
trauma, but nothing that would cause death.” He waved the medical tricorder
over the body as he spoke. “The brain seems to have suffered the most damage.
The electrical stimulus nerves are severed.” The room was quiet. All the officers
were looking at their shoes or the floor. The Doctor rolled his eyes in
exasperation. “The electrical stimulus nerves provide the brain with the electrical
energy it requires.” He said in a tone usually reserved for children. “Without
those nerves, the body can’t generate electrical impulses, and the brain cannot
function.” He rolled his eyes again when the officers all looked up and nodded
their heads in understanding. Kate walked over to where the holographic image
of the Doctor was.
“So you’re saying that if we could somehow get electrical impulses to the
brain….” She looked down at the face of the young woman in the tube. “We
could bring her back to life?” There was no mistaking the sound of hope that
filled the Captain’s voice.
“If you could find such a way.” The Doctor said in a sarcastic tone. “Of
course, no one has been able to find a way yet.”
“That’s the key word, Doctor. Yet.” The wheels in Kate’s mind were
spinning. “Lt. Torres, I’ll need you and…” She paused, looking around. Chakotay?
No. Paris? No. She needed a scientist. It hit her. “…and me. I’ll help us find a
way.” She looked down at the blond haired form, lying in eternal sleep, and
strode out of the room.

Kate stared at the ceiling. She should have been asleep hours ago, but she
couldn’t stop the questions from forming in her mind. Why did they jettison her?
She knew her name now. Lt. Natasha Yar. Chief Security Officer of the
Enterprise. She was reported killed on stardate 41601.3 on Vagra II by a creature
known as Armus. She died trying to save her Betazoid friend. But if she was
killed in duty, why did they jettison her in a stasis tube? Why not bring her body
back to her family? Why didn’t they follow Starfleet Regulations about the
disposing of bodies?
Kate left the bed and headed for the table. “Computer…lights, reading
intensity.” Instantly the room filled with a soft, artificial light.
“Computer…display all records regarding the battle with Armus on Vagra II.” She
didn’t find what she was looking for there. “Computer…display all records
regarding Lt. Natasha Yar.” Not there either. She stood up and walked away
from the viewscreen. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at the ceiling.
It’s not there. It has to be there somewhere. She thought about the report of the
destroyed tube. “Computer!” She raced back over to the table. “Display names of
persons mentioned in Stasis Tube Destruction Report stardate 41602.1” She
looked down the list of names. The doctor reported the tube destroyed. Why was
a doctor reporting a destroyed tube? “Computer…display personal log for Crusher,
Beverly, Dr. Stardates 41601.2 to 41602.2.”
“Personal logs are not available for general display.” The computer
chirped.
“Override…authorization Janeway seven five alpha.” The computer
acknowledged the authorization and displayed the information requested.
“There it is.” Janeway said softly. A smile crept over her lips. The
mystery of the tube was solved.

“From the information I’ve gathered, this was no accident.” Janeway spoke
as she paced around the ready room. Chakotay, Paris, Kim, Neelix, Tuvok, and
Torres were all in attendance. “From the doctor’s personal logs, it seems that both
her and the ship’s counselor couldn’t bear the thought of disposing of her body
according to regulations. She had no known family, and the procedure is to place
the body on the transporter pad, set the beam for wide dispersal, and transport the
body into space. The doctor’s notes suggest that she thought her friend deserved
better than that. There are also references in the log that suggest that the doctor
couldn’t accept not being able to save her friend. She convinced three officers to
go along with her story about the tube, and secretly jettisoned her. Apparently
she hoped that someday they would find a way to save her friend.”
“But Captain, what about the strange way she was dressed?” Paris asked.
“They put her dress jacket on, but left her in the clothes she died in.” In his mind
he saw the vision when the Doctor removed the woman’s dress jacket. Her was in
her regulation gold/black jumpsuit. A large stain of dried blood covered the front
of the tattered and torn uniform shirt.
“She was a warrior. They put the dress jacket on to honor her rank, but
left the uniform on to honor her memory.” She remembered the line in Dr.
Crusher’s personal log. “I’m the doctor. I dealt with dead bodies before, but I can’t
bear to touch Tasha. If I put the mourning clothes on her, then I’m admitting I
failed her.”
“So who put the dress jacket on her?” Chakotay said.
“I don’t know yet. But I will find out. Torres, how are you doing on the
electrical impulse relay?” Kate looked at the Chief Engineer.
“I’m still working on it. I can’t make it small enough for any practical
purpose and I still can’t control the strength and frequency of the impulses.”
“I’ll help you. In the meantime…Lt. Paris? Is there any reason to hang
around this electrical storm anymore?”
“No Ma’am.” Tom sat straight up.
“Good. Then let’s get underway. We all have work to do.” Janeway
walked toward the door. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the science laboratory.”
The door opened with a swoosh, Janeway walked through, then closed again.

ZZZZZTTT!! The smell of burning wire was everywhere. “Damn!!”
Captain Janeway shouted as yet another test failed. She’d been at it for almost six
weeks, and still was no closer to an answer. Frustration got the better of her then.
She grabbed the still-burning prototype and threw it at the wall. It hit with a
smash. Pieces flew everywhere.
“Tuvok to Captain Janeway…is everything all right? We have a security
alarm in Laboratory 5.” The voice came from her com badge.
“Everything is fine, Tuvok.” Janeway looked at the damage she’d done.
The prototype was beyond repair, and a chunk was missing from the wall. “I..I
knocked something off the table and it must have hit the wall.”
“Thank you Captain. Sorry to have bothered you.” Tuvok wasn’t sure if he
believed the captain’s story.
“Thank you Mr. Tuvok.” was Janeway’s reply. She looked at the mess and
sighed. She had too many questions and not enough answers. She decided to get
some answers. Kate left the lab and went to the turbolift.

When she got inside the turbolift, she planned on going to her quarters.
Instead she found herself saying “Sickbay.” The door slip open on deck 7. She
left the lift and went to the medical wing. She entered patient room 2. Now
removed from the stasis chamber and placed on the ship’s medical system,
Janeway was able to get a better view of the young woman. A thin girl, with a
boyish figure. Blond and muscular, with short blond hair, she looked like an
amazon. Kathryn saw the wound on the left side of her head. Janeway knew the
wounds would not heal until brainwave activity returned. She leaned forward and
stroked the blond hair. “Tasha” she said softly. The girl did not stir. “I won’t
stop…I promise. I’ll keep working until I find a way to bring you back.” Feeling
the weariness of too many days and nights in the lab, Janeway stood up and
stretched. “I guess it’s time I got some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” As Kate
was closing the door she whispered “good night, Tasha.” Kathryn slept with only
one thought on her mind. Who put the dress jacket on Tasha? If doctor couldn’t
do it, then who did?

The next morning Kathryn was sitting at her table, looking over her notes.
She had already violated Starfleet regulations by looking into Dr. Crusher’s
personal log. She couldn’t look at everyone’s personal log just because she
wanted to. She figured she could look at only one more personal log before she
would be in extreme violation. No, she had to pick the right one. The one who
put the jacket on. She looked at her notes again. Commander Data, the android.
He doesn’t have emotions. He could have been able to do it. But would he
deliberately violate regulations by putting her into the stasis tube? Lt. LaForge,
the engineering chief. No, it had to be one of the officers in the stasis tube report.
Counselor Troi. What was the ship’s counselor doing near a stasis tube?
“Computer…display personal logs for Troi, Deanna, Counselor…stardates 41601.2
to 41602.2…security override authorization Janeway seven five alpha.” Janeway
looked at the log intently. The answer was there somewhere.
“Personal log, Counselor Deanna Troi. Stardate 41601.5. Beverly has
released me from sickbay. My physical injuries are healing but I fear my
emotional one will not. I cannot stop myself from crying. I never got to say
good-bye. My dearest Tasha lost her life trying to save me, and I never got to say
good-bye. My shuttlecraft left before she could get to the platform. I should have
waited for her. I thought she would be there when I got back. I thought she
would always be there.”
Kathryn called up the next entry, stardate 41602.1. The day the tube was
reported destroyed.
“I have gone and said my good-byes to Tasha. I brought her dress jacket.
She always looked so proper in it. Bev was reluctant, but eventually she opened
the tube to let me put the jacket on Tasha. Words can’t describe how I felt,
looking at her. I thought I could handle seeing her again. When I looked down
and saw her all broken up, my heart couldn’t take it. I cried hysterically, like I’d
never cried before. The emotion was overwhelming. Data stepped up and asked
me if he could put the jacket on her. He said it was the proper thing to do. I went
to give it to him, then stopped. I owed it to Tasha to do this. Putting that jacket
on her was the hardest thing I had ever done. Bev had to give a sedative when we
jettisoned the stasis tube holding my love.”
Janeway read the passage over again. All the pieces fit into place then.
She felt even more of a determination to find an answer. With renewed hope, she
went to Laboratory 5.

Each day that passed only brought disappointment. Janeway spent all of
her time in Lab 5. She hadn’t seen the bridge in days. Torres joined her as often
as she could, but engineering still had most of her attention. She had gotten the
machine to work, but it was still too big to be of any use. It seemed each time
Janeway moved ahead, something else became more out of reach. When the
work became too frustrating, she would go down to patient room 2 and visit with
Tasha. She talked to her about the machine, the progress they made, how close
they were to a breakthrough. Each time, Janeway would feel renewed hope.
“Damn!” Another prototype failed. Torres and Janeway looked at each
other. It had been 3 months and still no closer to an answer.
“Well, we have to try something else, this just isn’t working.” The auburn
haired captain paced around the room.
“If we only knew more about how the electrical impulses are relayed.
This is still a very new field. We just don’t have enough data to-” Torres was cut
off.
“Data! That’s it!” Janeway yelped as she stood up and dashed across the
room. “Computer…display schematic for Commander Data.” The viewscreen on
the com panel light up with the wiring diagram. “Computer…display electrical
impulse relays.” The image on the screen focused on the right temple. “Magnify.”
She turned to look at Torres. “B’Elanna, if we use the same positronic relays that
Data uses, wouldn’t that work?”

Kathryn watched with great satisfaction as the Doctor and Lt. Torres
finished installing the positronic relay. It only took one week after they decided
to copy the structure of Data. She was too nervous to assist. She watched every
minute, afraid to take her eyes off…afraid of something going wrong. It was a
long operation. Every muscle in Janeway’s back screamed in protest, but she
couldn’t leave. As soon as the skin was fused shut, Kathryn headed for the nearest
chair.
“It will be several hours before we know if this will work.” The monotone
voice of the Doctor said. “Even if it does work, there’s no telling how well her
brain will function. She’s been in stasis for over 9 years.”
“Doctor, we can only wait.” Kathryn looked at Tasha. She seemed to have
a little more color to her face. “I’ll stay with her.”
“Captain!” Torres protested. “You’re exhausted. You need to sleep.”
Janeway thought about her bed. It had been so long since she slept. She couldn’t
stifle the yawn.
“Fine, I’ll rest. Doctor, notify me if there is any change.” The Doctor
nodded, and Janeway left sickbay. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Janeway was just waking up when the com panel told her to come to
sickbay. She found the Doctor standing next to the table holding the young
woman. He was running the medical tricorder around the body. “You called
me?”
“Yes Captain…you’ll want to see this.” He motioned for her to follow him
as they went to the monitor. “These were the electrical impulses one hour after
surgery,” he pointed to a row of slightly wavy lines on the screen. “and these are
the impulses now.” He pointed to a series of frantically waving lines. “It seems
that you’re relays are working splendidly. Nice job.” Kathryn breathed a sigh of
relief. She walked back over to Tasha’s side. “Doctor, are this rate, how long
before we know that this is a total success?”
“Well, if she continues to regain synaptic activity, we should know in a
matter of days just how much degeneration of brain cells has occurred. She could
make a full recovery, or she could end up much like she is now.” The Doctor’s
tone never changed.
“Doctor, I’m going to stay with her. I’ll monitor the relay circuits and
watch for any brain wave activity.”
“As you wish, Captain.”

Three days went by as Kathryn stayed by Tasha’s side. Each day, the brain
wave activity increased and progress was made. Her brain had recovered enough
to maintain life functions, and she was taken off life support. Janeway watched
as her wounds slowly started to heal. Each day, she stayed by the young woman’s
side, and read more about the life of Lt. Natasha Yar.

Kathryn had almost nodded off when she heard a sound. She stood up and
went to the girl’s side. Kes came out from the main sickbay.
“Kes, I heard something.” Kathryn said. Kes was already using the
medical tricorder, going up and down Tasha’s body.
“The sensors indicate a sharp increase in wave activity. It looks almost
normal.” Kathryn couldn’t believe what she just heard from the Ocampa. She
stared at the monitors. They showed low level normal wave patterns. With a
loud whoop Kathryn picked Kes up in her arms and spun her around. “Janeway to
Doctor.” Instantly the Medical Holographic Image appeared.
“You summoned me, Captain?”
“Yes, look at the wave activity!” Kathryn was beaming with excitement.
The Doctor studied the readings for a few moments.
“I see, there seems to have been significant improvement in the bio-neural
functions.” He took the tricorder from Kes and ran new tests on Tasha. “Her
breathing is stronger, blood pressure is up, heart rate improving…” He went on
with the technical information. Kathryn tuned everything out except the wave
monitor. She was improving! She turned toward the blond. Kathryn pulled her
chair up against the bed and sat down. She took one of Tasha’s hands in hers and
held it, hoping for a response. She gave gentle squeezes every few minutes.

Four hours had passed since the wave activity read normal. Kathryn kept
squeezing Tasha’s hand. Janeway thought she felt something. Was that a
squeeze?
“Tasha?” She squeezed. Nothing.
“Tasha? Come on, let me know you’re here.” Squeezed again. Nothing.
Janeway decided that it must be her imagination. Then she felt it again. Stronger
this time. Definitely a squeeze.
“Tasha?” Kathryn’s voice became more urgent. She wanted to get past
those cobwebs in Tasha’s mind and bring her to the present. A low moan escaped
the long-silent lips of the young woman. Kathryn watched as Tasha’s head moved
slowly from side to side, and her eyelids slowly opened. The bright lights of
sickbay were too much for eyes closed so long. Tasha let out a whimper of pain.
She tried to bring her arm up to protect her eyes, but she was still so weak.
“Computer, dim lights, eighty percent.” Kathryn reached out with her
hands to cover Tasha’s eyes. “Shhh. You’re all right now Tasha. Take it slow
and easy.” Slowly the eyes opened again. Tasha tried to focus on the room.
Everything was so foggy and blurry. She tried to pick her head up, but a stinging
pain forced her to lay it back down.
“Easy…easy does it now….lie still..” Janeway kept talking in low, soothing
tones until the blond relaxed. “That’s it.” Janeway smiled when Tasha’s eyes
finally focused on her. “Welcome back Lt. Yar. You’ve been gone a long time.”
The blond woman tried to focus on the soft voice. “Where..” Her voice
was weak, ragged.
“My name is Kathryn. You are on the Starship Voyager.”
“Voy..” Tasha’s mind was still fuzzy. She couldn’t remember a ship called
Voyager.
“Shhh. Relax for now, there’s plenty of time for explanations later.”
Kathryn’s voice was low and soothing. Tasha fell back to sleep.

For the next week, Kathryn stayed at Tasha’s side. Kes would come over
and check the vital signs, but left all other care to Kathryn. Tasha was still very
weak, but getting a little stronger each day. Slowly, her wounds started to heal.
Tasha’s thoughts started to focus, and she realized that she was not on the
Enterprise. With effort, she picked her head up and spoke.
“I’m..”
“I know who you are, Lt. Yar. My name is Kathryn. You were critically
injured and have taken quite a long time to recover.” Kathryn’s fingers brushed
the blond’s hair off her forehead. “You need to rest and take it easy for a while.
The extent of your injuries was quite severe.”
“Wha..what happened?” Tasha’s thoughts were getting clearer. Tasha
looked around the sickbay. Nothing was familiar. “Where am I?”
“You are on the Starship Voyager. It’s a science vessel.”
A look of fear came over Tasha. Where was the Enterprise? What
happened? She tried to remember, but she couldn’t. “Where is the Enterprise?”
Kathryn inhaled deeply. “The USS Enterprise is approximately seventy
thousand light years away.” She felt badly for the young woman. “We are in the
Delta Quadrant.”
“Delta? I don’t understand.” Tasha’s fear turned to suspicion. “Who are
you? I think you’d better explain everything. The kidnapping of a Starfleet
Officer is looked upon very unfavorably by the Federation.”
Kathryn laughed lightly. “Believe me, Lieutenant, no one has kidnapped
you. We are in the Delta Quadrant. We were caught in a spacial wave and
thrown here. We’re trying to get back.”
“How did I end up here? I remember being on the Enterprise, but it’s all
so fuzzy.” Tasha laid her head back down as brilliant flashes of light danced in
front of her eyes and pain pierced through her head. “Oh..”
“Easy.” Kathryn checked the monitors. “The surgery was quite extensive.
You are bound to suffer from headaches, blackouts, and dizziness.” She gave
Tasha a hypospray of a mild pain reliever and waited until the young woman’s
pain eased. “Now what I’m about to tell you will shock you, but I swear as a
Starfleet officer it is the truth.” Tasha nodded in acknowledgment. “You were
killed on Vagra II in the year 2364 on stardate 41601.3. Your body was placed in
a stasis tube and jettisoned on 41602.1. The tube must have been captured in the
electrical storm and brought out here. We picked up the signature trail and found
you. You had suffered severe internal injuries, but more importantly, the
electrical impulse relays in your brain were severed. It took us months to find a
way to replace the relays.” She looked at Tasha. Did the young woman believe
her?
“In the year 2364? Well, what it is now?” Tasha asked.
“It’s 2374. You’ve been dead for over nine years.” Kathryn looked
downward, giving Tasha a moment to process the information.
“Nine years?” That was impossible. “Kathryn, what happened?”
“You died on Vagra II on star-”
“I heard that. I need to know how. Please, you have to tell me.” Kathryn
could feel the need arising in Tasha’s voice. Kathryn sighed. She hated to discuss
death.
“On stardate 41601.2 an emergency call came from a shuttlecraft carrying
two members of the Enterprise.” Kathryn omitted the names of the
crewmembers. “The craft crashed on Vagra II and was attached by a creature
known as Armus. When you attempted to intervene and rescue your comrades,
Armus attacked and struck you with a massive electrical shock. The ship’s doctor
was unable to revive you.”
Tasha thought about the words that were just said. She tried, but she
couldn’t remember. Was all this true? Nine years. She had lost nine years.
“Kathryn, I would like to see the report.”
“I’ll see that you do, later. Right now you need your rest.” Kathryn said.
Tasha sighed but was rather tired. She closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.

“So Kathryn, what do you do on this ship? You’re not part of the medical
crew, your uniform color is wrong.” The blond looked at the captain over the
breakfast tray. Kathryn thought about how to answer. She didn’t want to tell the
young woman that she was the captain, not yet.
“I’m a scientist. Lt. Torres and I worked on your neuro relay system.”
“I can’t imagine how the captain can do without you for so long. You’re
always at my side.”
Kathryn laughed to herself. “I don’t think I have to worry about the
captain. I can do pretty much what I want. And what I want right now is to take
you over to physical therapy. The Doctor says it’s time you started to walk. Kes
and I will help you.” Kes had come over to where the two women were. Janeway
and Kes helped Tasha sit up and swing her legs over the side of the bed. Janeway
came over from her side to help Kes support Tasha.
“Arggh!” Tasha fell, unable to maintain the weight of her own body on her
atrophied legs. Kathryn picked her up and helped her back into bed. Tears
formed in Tasha’s eyes.
“Tasha.” There was a determined edge to the captain’s voice. “You can’t
give up. You can do this. It just takes time.” The tears started to roll down Yar’s
cheeks. “I’ll help you.” Janeway leaned in close to Tasha. She captured the young
woman’s chin in her hand and forced Tasha to look at her. In a low voice, she
said “I won’t give up on you, Tasha. And I won’t let you give up on yourself.” It
took several tries before they could get Tasha standing up. Kathryn could see the
anger in Tasha’s eyes.

It was slow going. Her legs took the longest to recover. Tasha had a
temper that was not written in any logs that Kathryn found. Every time Tasha
stumbled, or fell, her temper flared.
“Dammit! I’ll never get this.” Tasha said as she slowly struggled to her
feet.
“You’ll get it. Just take your time.” Kathryn watched as she tried, failed,
then tried and failed again. They spent hours in the therapy room. Sometimes
Kes would come and help, but mostly it was Kathryn. And Kathryn wouldn’t give
up. She put up with Tasha’s rages, her cries of frustration. One time she had left
Tasha in the room alone. Tasha became so frustrated and angry that she
proceeded to completely destroy the physical therapy room. By the time Kathryn
and Mr. Tuvok arrived, three members of the security team had Tasha down on
the floor. Janeway looked around the room. Equipment was everywhere. The
wall mirrors had all been smashed. Tasha had taken a twenty pound freeweight
and heaved it into a therapy machine. Kathryn rubbed her temples as she thought
about the damage. It would take a week to repair all the broken equipment. She
should have been furious with Tasha, but she wasn’t. She realized how frustrated
Tasha must be. Sighing, Janeway looked at Mr. Tuvok.
“Well, Mr. Tuvok, I believe your men can release her now. I think the
damage is already done.” She watched as the men in the gold uniforms released
Tasha from their restraint and helped her to her feet. She gave them a glare the
Kathryn’s grandmother would have called “the Evil Eye.” She looked at Tasha. “I
assume you are all through with physical therapy today?” There was no mistaking
Kathryn’s sarcasm.
“I’m sorry, I guess my anger gets the best of me sometimes.” Tasha felt
drained at the display of anger.
“I think it’s time we put you back into bed.” Janeway led her back to
sickbay. From then on, she never left Tasha alone in the therapy room. Kathryn
knew that if she stayed, Tasha would keep trying. And Tasha kept trying.
Slowly, the legs found the strength to walk. Then run. Then jump and move
about. Every accomplishment was a victory both to Tasha and Kathryn.

Tasha was fully recovered now, and regularly took training exercise with
the male security members. They saw less of each other now, but Kathryn still
made it a point to come and have dinner with Tasha each night. Tasha had been
moved from the sickbay to a guest room on the same deck as Kathryn. She had
grown fond of the blue-eyed woman, and looked forward to the time they spent
together.
Tasha looked at the com panel on the wall of her quarters. She wondered
where Kathryn was now.
“Computer, locate Scientist Janeway”
“Captain Janeway in on the Bridge.” Came the reply. A look of shock
passed over Tasha’s face. Captain?
“Computer, repeat last transmission.”
“Captain Janeway is on the Bridge.” Tasha paced around her room.
Kathryn was the captain? Why didn’t she tell her? What else hadn’t she been
told?
“Computer, display personnel records for Kathryn Janeway.”
“You are not authorized to access personnel records.” Came the reply.
“Security authorization Yar two five seven”
“Authorization denied. Yar is not among the crew members of this
vessel.” Tasha sat down on the couch. She was not among the crew members.
Of course not. She was supposed to be dead. Everything she had was gone. Her
name, her rank, her life was all gone.

When Kathryn arrived at 1800 for dinner, she noticed the quiet expression
on Tasha’s face. Usually, the blond woman was happy to see her.
“Tasha, is something wrong?” The look that Janeway got showed loss and
betrayal.
“Nothing is wrong…Captain.” She said the last word in a hiss.
Kathryn inhaled deeply, feeling the hurt and venom coming from the
woman across the table. Knowing there was no way to explain her deceit, she said
quietly “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Why did you keep that a secret from me? I trusted you.” Tasha’s blue
eyes glared at the captain. “What else are you keeping secret?” It was more of an
accusation than a question.
“Tasha, I withheld that information from you because I wanted you to
think of me as a person, not a rank. You must believe me, all I wanted was for
you to get better.” There was a pleading tone to Kathryn’s voice. Tasha’s features
changed, showing understanding. But there was something more. Janeway could
see that there was still something bothering the young woman.
“Tasha, what is really going on?” Her words were soft, gentle. Tasha
stood up from the table and started to pace around the room. She was dressed in
a plain grey jumpsuit, reserved for guests and non-Starfleet personnel.
“I don’t exist.” She finally said, her words low. “The computer doesn’t
accept me as being alive.” Kathryn could hear the despair. The auburn-haired
woman stood up and walked over to the com panel.
“Computer…this is Captain Janeway.” Tasha watched as she gave the
commands to update the personnel log. Within minutes, Lt. Natasha Yar was
listed as living and assigned to the Federation Starship Voyager as Assistant
Security Chief. Kathryn turned away from the com panel and sat at the table.
“Well, that’s taken care of. Will you now sit down and eat?” They ate the
rest of their dinner in silence. Normally, they would sit after dinner and talk.
Tonight, however, Tasha announced that she was tired and in need of rest.
Kathryn left and went back to her quarters, lost in thought. She couldn’t figure
out what had Tasha so upset. This woman was still a mystery to Kathryn. The
blue-eyed woman with the short temper was still on Janeway’s thoughts as she
went to sleep.

It was only when she was dressing in her red uniform the next morning
that she realized what had Tasha so upset. She quickly finished dressing and
headed to Tasha’s quarters.
Beep. The tone indicated that someone wanted her. Tasha quickly put a
robe on.
“Enter.” Kathryn walked in, holding a gold and black jumpsuit and a com
badge.
“Good morning.” Janeway said cheerfully. “I do believe it’s time you earn
your keep on this ship.” She handed Tasha the clothes and badge. “You are
assigned to training duty.”
“I don’t understand.” Tasha replied as she headed for the bathroom. From
her angle, Kathryn could see the young woman getting dressed. She was lost in
thought for a moment before she realized and diverted her attention to the com
panel.
“I felt that perhaps you were growing tired of spending your days in these
quarters. You are a member of my security force now, and I am in need of
someone to train the troops.”
Tasha emerged from the bathroom. The uniform Kathryn picked from the supply
room fit her perfectly. Tasha looked in the mirror and smiled. She felt a sense of
belonging. A feeling that she had not felt in a very long time. She turned to face
her new Captain.
“Kathryn…I want to apologize for last night. I had no right-”
“Lt., there is nothing to apologize for. If anything, I should be making the
apologies. I kept trying to protect you. I was afraid of pushing you too soon. To
be honest, we could use someone of your experience and ability. I’m sure Mr.
Tuvok would appreciate you whipping our security force into shape.” Kathryn
could see the young woman’s mind was already thinking about training exercises.
She had read in the personnel report that Yar was an excellent taskmaster. She
knew this would be a good choice of assignment for Tasha.
“I will do my best, Captain.” Tasha was excited about getting out of her
quarters and getting back to security.
“Tasha, please…” Janeway looked at her. “We’re not in public, call me
Kathryn.”
“Ok, Kathryn.” Tasha smiled and headed for the door. “Well, I guess I had
better get started on my new assignment. I’ll see you for dinner, Kathryn?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” was the reply.

Tasha talked excitedly at dinner about the training exercise. Kathryn
listened intently, focused on the younger woman’s activities. She was surprised
when the subject changed.
“Kathryn, why don’t we go to the holodeck tomorrow? We could take a
trip to the beach of Gammis Four. They have three suns that all set at the same
time. It’s a most beautiful horizon.”
“I don’t know if I can-”
“Of course you can. You’re the captain. We’ll make a day of it.” A
twinkle appeared in those blue eyes and Kathryn knew she wouldn’t win this one.
“If you insist.”
A smile broke over Tasha’s face. “It’s a date then. I’ll meet you at
holodeck 3at 0900.”
“Fine. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to attend to.” Janeway
headed for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Tasha walked over to the door
where Kathryn was. She hugged the older woman, placing a soft kiss on her
cheek. “Thank you Kathryn.” They stood face to face. Tasha’s arms were around
Janeway’s neck. “Thank you for giving me back my life.” The blond woman’s
lips gently brushed against Janeway’s. “Until tomorrow.” Tasha released the
embrace she had on Kathryn.

Kathryn’s night was filled with dreams of the blue-eyed blonde. She
replayed the embrace. She wondered what it would be like to be held in those
soft, yet strong arms. Her thoughts became less friendly, more erotic as she
blissfully went off to sleep.

“Commander Chakotay, I will be in Holodeck 3 if I’m needed.” Kathryn
spoke into the com panel.
“Acknowledged Captain. I will notify you if the need arises.”
“Janeway out.” She walked away from the com panel and set about to
decide what to wear. After last night, she didn’t want to be too provocative, yet
she didn’t want to appear prudish. She had been with women before, but there
was something different about this one. There was a hint of dangerousness about
the young lieutenant that Kathryn found intriguing. She finally settled on a red
one-piece bathing suit and a matching wrap. She liked the way it supported her
breasts and outlined her hips. As she left her room and headed toward the
holodeck, she wondered what outfit Tasha would be wearing.

Tasha was also dressed in a one piece suit. The gold suit was cut open in
the front in the shape of a diamond. The top point started just below the center of
her breasts, and the bottom point stopped underneath the navel. The diamond
was accented with a black trim border. Kathryn admired the way the opening
exposed Tasha’s washboard stomach.
“Do you like?” Tasha said as she twirled around slowly. There was a
teasing, playful look in her eyes. She wanted Kathryn to like it. She wanted
Kathryn to like her. Last night she wanted to go further, she wanted to take
Janeway into her bed. But she could tell that Kathryn wasn’t ready.
“I think it’s very nice, Tasha. I’m pleased to see you so cheerful.” She
thought back to many mornings when Tasha was anything but that. Mornings
when Tasha’s legs ached so bad she couldn’t stand. Mornings where Tasha’s dark
mood appeared. Mornings when frustration made breakfast fly across sickbay. “I
hope this is a sign that you’re settling in and getting used to life on Voyager.”
“Everyday gets a little easier.” Tasha walked alongside with her head bent
downward slightly. She seemed to be lost in thought. “I guess I still miss my
friends on the Enterprise.”
“I know that same feeling.” Kathryn spoke quietly, thinking of her family
back home.
“Oh! Kathryn, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Of course you feel the same
way I do.” Tasha immediately realized what she had said. “I guess sometimes I
only think of myself.”
“Enough of that.” Kathryn hoped to change the mood. “We’re on our way
to relax on a beach and watch a triple sunset. The least we can do is have fun.”
She was rewarded with a small smile. “All right then, let’s go.”

The beach was far better than Tasha described it. Warm sand slithered
between their toes as they walked barefoot along the beach. Blue water gently
lapped at the beach. The three suns were sinking into the horizon, casting a
golden glow upon the sky. It was several months before Tasha arrived that
Kathryn had last been on the holodeck. The women spent the day relaxing. They
alternated between the water and the beach. They would swim for a while, then
go lay on their beach towels. Once rested, they’d head back into the water, and
start again. Time was forgotten, the ship didn’t exist.

They were laying on their towels. Kathryn was laying on her back with
her eyes closed, enjoying the heat from the suns. Tasha was laying on her left
side, propped up on an elbow, looking at her. They were inches apart.
“Kathryn, ” She spoke in a low tone. “I want to thank you.” Kathryn
opened her eyes slowly. She was aware of how close their bodies were, very
aware.
“Thank me for what?”
“For giving me back my life.”
“Tasha..” Janeway propped herself up on both elbows so that she was eye
level with Tasha. However, this action also brought their faces much closer than
she wanted. “We talked about this last night. You don’t need to thank me.”
“Kathryn…” Tasha’s lips were inches away. “I don’t want to just thank
you. I want to show you.” Her voice was husky. “I want you.” Tasha kissed her.
Slow gentle kisses that made Kathryn melt. Tasha met no resistance when she
parted Janeway’s lips with her tongue. A low moan escaped Kathryn as she
responded to the younger woman’s kisses. She pressed the older woman down,
sliding her right leg between Janeway’s. Tasha made no attempt to go further,
seeming content with the kisses. After what seemed an eternity, she lifted her
head. “Kathryn…” She brought her hand up to stroke Janeway’s cheek. Kathryn
reached out and caught Tasha’s hand. Slowly, she brought Tasha’s hand down to
her left breast. Tasha caressed the soft mound, deliberately avoiding the nipple.
“I don’t want to force you.”
“You’re not.” was the husky reply from the older woman. “But I think
maybe we should slow this down. She gently pushed Tasha’s hand away and
slipped out from under Tasha’s legs.
“You’re the one who put my hand on your breast,” Tasha laughed. “and
you’re telling me to slow down?”
“I just think we should talk.” Kate sat up now, facing Tasha. She couldn’t
believe how nice it felt to kissed by this blond beauty. She didn’t want to stop,
not really. Kathryn wanted more. But there were questions that plagued her
mind. “Tasha..did you love Deanna?” As soon as she said it, she wished she
could take it back. “I’m sorry, I had no right-”
“It’s all right.” Tasha interrupted. “I wondered if you knew.”
“I read her personal logs.”
Tasha looked at her in amazement. “You looked at her personal logs?
Why would you do something like that?” She sat back, putting some room
between them.
“Tasha, I had to. I had to know why you were put in the tube. You died
trying to save her life.” She turned her head away from Tasha’s stare. “But now I
need to know. Tasha…were you lovers?” She looked into the blue eyes.
“Yes.” Tasha gazed upward. “We were occasional lovers. Only two other
people knew. We would turn to each other from time to time for companionship
and comfort. Sometimes it was just to satisfy a need. We were very close. She
knew me. She knew how I was feeling. She could sense what I needed. I never
felt that with anyone else…” Tasha leaned forward and brought her face to
Kathryn’s. “Until you.” She put her hand behind Janeway’s neck and pulled them
together. Their foreheads touched. They stayed there, saying nothing, for several
moments.
“Tash..” Kathryn brought her hand up to stroke the blond hair.
“Kathryn, I loved Deanna. I’ll never deny that. But I have feelings for you
as well. I know how many sacrifices you made to help me. I remember the
nights you held me. You gave me more than anyone in my whole life. You never
gave up on me, even when I was willing to give up on myself.”
“I can’t give you any promises.” Their lips moved closer.
“I won’t ask…” Tasha’s voice was ragged. Their words were lost in a sea
of kisses. They explored each other’s mouths slowly, taking it all in. Tasha’s
hand went to the breast it had touched earlier. This time it was with more
authority. She squeezed gently, rubbing her thumb across the red material. She
could feel Janeway’s nipple hardening beneath her touch. Her kisses became
more urgent, demanding. Kathryn was lost to the feelings. Tasha pressed
Kathryn back to the ground and laid on top of her. She pulled the top of the red
suit down, exposing Kathryn’s left breast. Like a hungry kitten, Yar licked and
sucked, causing Kate to moan and murmur in pleasure. She put her fingers in the
blond hair and pressed Tasha’s head down. Yar responded by nibbling and biting
her tit, causing Janeway to cry out and press her pelvis into Tasha’s leg.
“Oh..Katy..” Tasha could feel the passion building. She pulled Kathryn
up. Tasha pulled the strap down on the red swimsuit, placing soft kisses where
material used to be. As the right breast made it’s way out, Tasha planted several
soft kisses on it before continuing downward. She ran her tongue lightly on her
stomach, causing another round of moans. Tasha pulled the suit down, and
Janeway stepped out of it. Then it was Kathryn’s turn.
She kissed Tasha, taking the time to savor the taste of her mouth. She
reached up through the diamond of missing material and cupped Tasha’s left
breast.
“Tash…you’re so soft.” She murmured. The kissing continued as it was
now Tasha’s turn to moan. Although Kathryn wasn’t as experienced as her young
lover, she did know her way around a woman. She brought her other hand in and
had both of Tasha’s breasts under her control. She rolled the nipples between her
fingers. One of her hands left Yar’s breast and went to the other end of the
diamond. She place her hand on the blond mound and pressed. Tasha responded
by pressing hard against her. She could feel the heat between Tasha’s legs.
“Please…Katy..” Tasha’s voice was shaky.
“Tash…I want you.” Janeway’s raspy voice said. Her finger slipped
between the folds and felt Tasha’s wetness. A smile crept to Janeway’s lips.
“Lieutenant, I do believe you are quite excited.” A grin replaced the smile. Her
finger moved slowly in and out, making Tasha’s knees weaken.
“Yes..captain…I am…rather..excited.” The words came out in short
breaths.
“So am I.” With that, the gold swimsuit came off. They laid on the
towels, holding and kissing each other. They interlocked their legs, rubbing
against each other. Their hands moved over each other, searching, learning.
Both women were locked in their passion.
“Tash..” Janeway’s voice was barely audible. She hadn’t felt passion like
this for so long. She continued her exploration. She entered Tasha with two
fingers, and the young woman’s back arched, giving Kathryn more access. Slowly
she moved the fingers in and out, watching Tasha’s face as the excitement was
building. Tasha raised her hips, meeting each thrust.
“Katy…Oh…ahh..yes…please…oh..” Tasha’s words became incoherent as
the passion consumed her. Kathryn placed her thumb on the swollen clit and
rubbed hard. Her other hand was busy exploring the soft swell of Tasha’s breasts.
Tasha’s moans became louder as she lost control. Kathryn could feel the pussy
tightening around her fingers. She pinched the nipples and increased her
pumping as Tasha’s moans let way to screams of pleasure. Tasha’s body stiffened
as a powerful orgasm ripped through her body. Kathryn’s hand became soaked as
wave after wave of juice poured from the young woman. She stopped pumping
and held her fingers still, waiting for Tasha to return from ecstasy. Slowly, the
body beneath her relaxed, and Janeway removed her fingers.
They laid together for a long time, not speaking.

“Chakotay to Captain Janeway.” A curse came from her mouth as she
reached for her com badge.
“Go ahead Commander.”
“Captain, long range sensors have picked up Kazon ships orbiting a small
class M planet. Request permission to change course to investigate.” Kathryn sat
up, knowing the mood was ruined. She could see the disappointment in the
young woman’s face.
“Permission granted. Make sure we stay out of range of their sensors. I
want the element of surprise in our favor.” Turning, she saw that Tasha had put
her suit back on. “Janeway out.”

Kathryn put her suit on and went over to where Tasha was standing. She
put her arms around the young woman. “Tasha…” Before she could react, the
young woman pressed against her, claiming her mouth. There was a fury to the
kiss. It was a punishment as well as a pleasure. Kathryn wanted to give in, to
give herself to Tasha. Abruptly, Tasha pulled away.
“Duty calls, Captain.” The blue eyes stared intently at Janeway. “We’ll
have to finish this later.” One more short kiss and Tasha left the holodeck.

It was several hours before Voyager reached the planet. Paris had
maneuvered the ship behind a moon, so it was still undetectable. Kathryn sat in
her chair at the end of the table in her ready room. The senior officers were in
attendance to make their reports.
“This planet is rich in minerals.” Harry said. “There are deposits of
Dilithium, Trilithium and Bergonight available.”
“Lt. Torres?” Kathryn looked at the half-Klingon
“There appears to be a mining colony near the deposits. My guess is that
the Kazons are stripping the minerals from the planet.”
“Mr. Tuvok, report.”
“There are three scout ships.” The Vulcan said. “Standard runabouts,
minimal firepower and shields. We could handle a fight if necessary.”
“Very good. How many Kazons are on the planet surface?”
Tuvok looked at his notes. “There appears to be approximately 30 Kazons
on the surface. We do not know what kind of weapons they may possess.”
Janeway looked at Torres.
“Lieutenant, how badly do we need the Dilithium?”
“Captain, we are almost into our reserves. We could go anther week or so,
but then we would have to look for another deposit.” Janeway thought about it.
She didn’t want to engage in a battle with the Kazons, but she knew they needed
the Dilithium. She also knew that there would be no negotiating with the Kazon.
“Well, it appears that we have no choice.” Janeway’s face was grim. “Mr.
Tuvok, assemble an away team to investigate the surface. Mr. Paris, prepare to
engage those Kazon ships. I want their communication knocked out first. We
don’t need the calvary to arrive before we are finished.”
“Aye Captain.” Paris responded.

Kathryn walked towards Tasha’s quarters. It was 1800 hours, time for
their dinner, and possibly dessert, she thought. Arriving at the quarters, she
pressed the button on the panel. No response. She pressed again.
“Computer…locate Lt. Yar.”
“Lt. Yar is not on board.” A fearful thought entered Kathryn’s mind.
“Computer, where is Lt. Yar now?”
“Lt. Yar beamed down to the surface two hours ago.” She must be part of
the away team. A combination of fear and anger filled the captain. She pressed
her com badge.
“Janeway to away team. Mr. Tuvok, is Lt. Yar with you?” no response.
“Janeway to away team…respond.” Her voice became edgy. Finally a
voice cracked through.
“Captain, this is Ensign Stokes. We’re under fire. Request assistance.”
There was only one thought on her mind. Tasha.
“Ensign, what’s the status down there? What happened? Where is Mr.
Tuvok?”
“Captain, we were ambushed. There are approximately sixty fully armed
Kazons down here.”
“Help is on it’s way. Janeway out.” She pressed the com panel on the
wall. “Attention all hands. Battle stations. Mr. Paris, commence attack upon
those ships. I want them disabled immediately. All security forces report to the
transporter rooms. Mr. Chakotay, meet me in Transporter Room 4.”
Chakotay was waiting for her when she arrived. The transporter was busy
beaming the security force down to the planet. She reached over to the weapons
rack and removed two large phaser rifles and two hand phasers. She handed one
each to Chakotay, then stepped up on the transport pad. Instantly they were
beamed down to the surface. As her eyes adjusted to the bright light, she could
see that the new security force was overcoming the Kazons. She noticed a Kazon
perched on top of a ledge, aiming at one of the crewmen. She took aim with the
phaser rifle and fired. A brilliant blast of light emitted from the weapon and
struck its target. The Kazon screamed as he fell to the ground below.
“Chakotay, spread out and find Mr. Tuvok and Lt. Yar.” She looked at the
five crewmembers standing near her. “You come with me.” She headed toward
the mine shaft.

Within an hour, the battle was over. She still could not find Lt. Yar or Mr.
Tuvok. Three other crewmen were also missing. Chakotay walked up to where
she was standing.
“Captain.”
“Yes, Chakotay, what do you have to report?”
“There are three dead and five still unaccounted for. I’ve sent out search
parties.” He looked at Janeway. He could see the concern in her eyes. “Captain,
Lt. Yar and Mr. Tuvok were not among the dead.”
“Very good. Advise me of any changes.” She looked at the mine shaft
again. It ran deep into the side of a mountain. Could they be in there? Slowly,
she entered the dark shaft.

Kathryn shivered at the coldness of the shaft. She thought she saw light
further ahead. She pressed the com badge again.
“Janeway to Tuvok, come in.” Then she heard it. A phaser blast about
500 meters ahead. As she ran closer, she could hear the shouts of Lt. Yar
commanding the team. She turned the corner and saw them. The shaft opened
up into a large cavern. The missing crewmen were perched on top a ledge, cut off
from escape. She could see Yar engaged in a firefight with three Kazon. She
raised her phaser rifle and took aim. She sent a series of shots in the direction of
the Kazon. She wanted to draw their fire away from her trapped crewmen.
Behind her, the sound of running footsteps was heard. Chakotay had heard the
shots and brought a team in to investigate.
“Chakotay, the crewmen are trapped up on that ledge.” She pointed.
“Take your men over there and we’ll try to flank the Kazon.” Janeway ducked as
a phaser blast erupted over her head. She fired, hitting the Kazon squarely in the
chest. Chakotay and his team made their way around and were firing at the
enemy. Within minutes, the battle was over. The ten Kazon were dead.
“Captain.” Tasha’s tone was urgent. Chakotay and Janeway made their
way over toward the ledge. She saw the lifeless body of Mr. Tuvok.
“Janeway to Voyager…One to beam directly to sickbay.” She watched as
the beam took the body of the Vulcan. She turned to look at Tasha. Part of her
wanted to hold the blond, to take comfort knowing that she was okay. But
Kathryn knew this was not the time. “Lieutenant, what happened?” She said it in
a matter-of-fact voice. Tasha looked surprised.
“We followed some Kazons in here. We were cut off from the exit by
another group of Kazons. The battle started and we were outnumbered. We took
refuge on this ledge. Mr. Tuvok was hit as he tried to climb up here.” Kathryn
was fighting a battle within herself. She wanted to yell at Tasha. Why was she
taking chances? Why was she risking her life? Quietly, she said “Lieutenant, I
expect a full report in my office within the hour.”
“Yes Captain.” Tasha’s voice was firm. She knew Kathryn was upset. She
had every right to be. They took a chance, following the Kazon into an unknown
place. She also knew that Janeway’s feelings were more personal.
“That’s all.” Janeway walked away. Tasha stood there and looked at her,
knowing that another battle would be had once they were back onboard the ship.

Tasha stood in front of Janeway’s desk as the captain read her report.
Kathryn had not spoken to Tasha since they returned to the ship. The look in
Janeway’s eyes told Tasha not to say a word. The reports of the other members
from the away team were scattered about her desk. She looked up at Tasha.
“Lieutenant, the reports of the other crewmen support your version of the
events, but I have a few questions.” She stood up from her desk and walked
closer to the young woman. She reached out and touched Tasha’s cheek.
“Tasha..” she said in a low voice. “Do you realize how worried I was? You could
have been hurt.” Before Tasha could speak, Janeway moved away from her. Her
voice raised. “You could have been killed! I lost four crew members today,
including the best security chief I’ve ever known. What were you thinking
entering an unknown area?” Kathryn put her hands on her desk, supporting
herself. Her back was to Tasha, but the young woman could see she was crying.
Tasha moved forward and placed a hand on Janeway’s shoulder.
“Kathryn…I’m sorry. I know that you’re upset, but you need to realize..”
She turned Janeway around to face her. “I am security. That’s my job. I have to
take chances. I know it scares you but that’s the way it is.” She leaned forward
and kissed away a tear. “I don’t want to hurt you but you have to let me do my
job.”
“I was so scared when I found out you were on the away team.” Janeway’s
arms moved around Tasha, holding her close. “All I wanted was for you to be
safe. I wanted to protect you.” They kissed. “Tasha…I don’t want to lose you.”
Tasha broke the embrace and turned away.
“Kathryn…I don’t come with guarantees. You have to take me as I am…no
matter what may happen.” They looked at each other, knowing there were no
words to say. Tasha turned and left.

Kathryn stared at the ceiling. It was 2300 and she knew this was not
where she wanted to be. She wanted to be in the arms of the thin, blond, security
chief. Before retiring for the night, she had made the notation in the logs
promoting Tasha to Chief of Security. Now all she wanted was to be taken by
her. Janeway rose from the bed and put her robe on. She left her quarters. She
walked down the corridor and pressed the button outside Tasha’s room.
“Enter.” was the reply from inside. Kathryn entered the room and saw
Tasha standing there. Her robe barely covered her breasts. Janeway could tell
Tasha was naked under the sheer material.
“Tasha..” Her mouth felt very dry.
“I’ve been waiting. I knew you would come.” Tasha moved toward her
and they kissed. It was slow and gentle at first, then harder, more demanding as
Tasha took control. She led Janeway to the bed and pushed her down. With
cat-like grace, Tasha was upon her. She opened Kathryn’s robe and gazed at the
breasts exposed to her. She took one nipple in her mouth, licking.
“Oh…Tash…” Kathryn knew this was what she wanted. The activity on
her nipple became more forceful. Tasha nibbled and bit at the tender nipple.
Kathryn could feel the moisture forming between her legs.
“Katy…” Tasha’s voice was rough. “Tell me. Tell me what you want.”
She suckled the other breast while her leg worked its way between Kathryn’s.
Tasha could feel the heat against her thigh. She knew what her captain needed.
She pressed against Janeway’s mound, causing more moans from the older
woman. Tasha could feel the desire rising in her lover. She blazed a trail down
Kathryn’s body with her tongue. She reached the auburn hair that covered Kate’s
sex. She nuzzled it, feeling the softness. Tasha could smell Kathryn’s sexuality.
She slipped her tongue between the folds, licking up the juices that had formed.
The sweet, salty taste made her hunger for more. But Tasha didn’t want to rush
this. She wanted Kate, she wanted her bad, and tonight she would have her.
Tonight Tasha wanted to take Kathryn to new heights. She continued to lick the
juices with her tongue, careful not to touch the clit. Janeway’s squirming was
increasing.
“Tash…oh Tash…please..” Her words were pleading. She reached down
to guide her lover, but Tasha resisted. Tasha lifted her head and looked at her.
She knew that Kathryn was in her control. Tasha loved having control in bed. It
gave her a thrill to know how much pleasure she could bring.
“No Katy…not yet. I need to be sure.” Tasha’s voice had a hint of danger
to it.
“Tash…please…it feels so good.”
“I’m sure it does. You like having my tongue in your pussy, don’t you?” A
moan confirmed her statement. “Tell me…tell me you want it. Tell me you want
me.” She reached around and grabbed Janeway’s buttocks, squeezing tightly.
“What do you want Katy?” Her tone was mocking, teasing.
“Tash..please..I want you…I want to feel you…” Kathryn desperately said.
Again she arched her hips toward Tasha. Again, Tasha resisted. She pushed the
hips back down.
“Do you want me Katy?”
“Yes. I want you Tasha.”
“Do you want me to be gentle?” She brought her hand around and was
lightly stroking between Kathryn’s pussy lips.
“Yes.”
“No Katy. That’s not what you want at all.” Her finger probed deeper,
brushing up against the clit. “You want me to be rough. To take you. That’s
what you want, isn’t it?” She pressed harder against the swollen clit. Janeway
was in orbit. She had never felt this sensation before. She had never given
herself completely to anyone. But, oh how she wanted this one. She wanted
everything her blond lover could give.
“Yes…I want you to take me.” With that, Tasha’s fingers found their mark.
She quickly entered the older woman. One finger, then two, then three. She was
pumping hard, fucking her with abandon. She reveled in the warm softness of
Kathryn’s pussy.
“Is this what you want?” Tasha’s voice had the air of dangerousness.
“You want this, don’t you? You want me to fuck you. You want me to fuck you
hard.” She slipped a fourth finger into Kate’s soaking pussy.
“Yes…oh…Tash…” Kathryn’s head was moving from side to side. She
was completely lost in the throws of passion. She knew she couldn’t last much
longer. Tasha could feel it too. She removed her fingers and replaced them with
her tongue. She sucked, licked, and nibbled on Kate’s clit until she could feel the
rising crescendo approaching. She shoved her fingers hard into Kate’s pussy. The
older woman let a scream. Tasha knew the orgasm was fast approaching.
“Katy..come for me. Show your lover what she does to you.” Tasha’s
hand was a blur as it entered and exited Kathryn’s womb. Tasha could feel the
spasms start. “Come on…give your Tasha what she wants..come on….give it to
me…” Janeway arched her back, forcing herself onto Tasha’s hand. Her pussy
gripped and released the fingers it held. Kathryn felt herself floating away in the
ecstasy. As her orgasm overtook her, she heard Tasha say “Katy….I love you.”

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked around the room. It was sparsely
furnished. She shifted, and the ache between her legs reminded her of the passion
of the previous night. She rolled over, and came face to face with her new lover.
Tasha was still sleeping soundly. She lightly kissed Tasha’s forehead, and slipped
out from under the covers.

Tasha rolled over and felt the empty pillow. In protest, she opened one
eye. Katy was gone. She sat up, yawning.
“Computer, what time is it?”
“It is now 0942.” Tasha jumped from her bed. She was supposed to be in
a meeting at 0930. Racing around the room, she through her gold and black
jumpsuit on. Cursing to herself, she raced out the door.

“As I was saying, oh..good morning Lieutenant.” Janeway said as Tasha
raced into the ready room. “Nice of you to join us today.” Kathryn tone was
sarcastic, but her smile was genuine. Part of her enjoyed seeing Tasha’s
embarrassment as she walked into the room.
“I apologize Captain. It won’t happen again.” Tasha was all business as
she took her seat.
“Well, this is as good a time as any, I suppose. Effective today, Lt. Tasha
Yar will be our new chief of security. She will be assigned to the bridge,
replacing Mr. Tuvok. Lt., I trust you have met the rest of the senior officers?”
Tasha looked around the room and recognized the faces. She nodded in
affirmation. “Good. I hope the transition will be a smooth one.” Kathryn went
on with the rest of the meeting, occasionally looking at the blond who had given
her so much pleasure last night. There was no smile on Tasha’s face, no hint of
what had happened between them. The meeting ended, and the officers filed out.
Tasha stayed behind, as did Janeway.
“How are you this morning, Lieutenant? You look a little tired.” There
was playfulness in her voice. “Did you overexert yourself last night?” Tasha
looked at her and Kate could see the smoldering in her eyes. She realized she had
pushed the lioness too far. In a flash, Tasha was upon her, pushing her down onto
the table. Her mouth was demanding, hard, not at all like last night. She kissed
Janeway until she had her fill, then moved off of her.
“Why did you leave this morning?”
“I had to get ready for work.” Kathryn turned her eyes away from Tasha.
She didn’t know why she left. She couldn’t explain her feelings. She suddenly
felt very uncomfortable.
“Katy…I don’t understand. I mean, after last night…well, didn’t it mean
anything to you?” Tasha looked at her, trying to figure out what happened, what
went wrong.
“Tash…it meant more to me than you will ever know.” Janeway looked at
her, her voice quiet.
“Then why did you leave? I was looking forward to waking up in your
arms. What happened between last night and this morning?” Tasha had moved
to the other end of the table, as if being too close to Kathryn was dangerous.
“I’m sorry Tasha. I have some things on my mind. Please excuse me, I
have work to do.”
The blue eyes flashed in anger.
“Yes Ma’am. Lt. Yar requesting permission to leave the room, Captain.”
Kate couldn’t miss the venom in the statement.
“Tasha..”
“Lt. Yar requesting permission to leave the room, Captain.” Tasha refused
to look at her. Janeway thought she could see moisture forming in those blue
eyes.
“Granted.” Tasha left the ready room. Kathryn sat down in her seat and
rubbed her temples. Last night Tasha told her that she loved her. Kathryn was so
engrossed in the magic the young woman performed on her body that she couldn’t
react to the statement at the time. This morning was different. She hadn’t really
thought about the possibility that Tasha would fall in love with her.
“Computer, display all previously downloaded personal logs.” She looked
at the list in front of her. One name stood out. Troi. Tasha never answered her
question. Was she still in love with the betazoid? She said she loved Troi, but
she didn’t say if she was in love with her. More thoughts entered Janeway’s mind.
Was Tasha using her as a substitute? Kathryn discovered she had more than a
headache when she finished her reading. She also had a heartache. She needed
to talk to someone. But who? Reluctantly, she pressed her com badge.
“Janeway to Kes.”
“Kes here, go ahead Captain.”
“Kes, can you report to my ready room?”
“On my way Captain.”

Kes listened as Kathryn poured her heart out. Kathryn told the whole
story, with no omissions.
“Well, do you think she told you she loved you out of passion?”
“I don’t know, Kes. But I do know I can’t just go ask her.”
“Why not?” Kes didn’t understand the way the human emotions worked
sometimes.
“Kes, I can’t just go up and ask her if something she said in a private,
intimate moment is true. That’s not the way it works.”
“Oh, the way it works is that you drive yourself crazy trying to read her
mind?”
“Yes. I mean no. I mean…oh hell. I don’t know what I mean.”
Kes stood up and walked behind Kathryn’s chair. She put her hands on the
Captain’s shoulders in a gesture of comfort. “Kathryn…” Kes never addressed her
by her first name. “I think you need to sit down and talk with Lt. Yar. You have
to give her a chance. From what I can see, there are deep feelings in both
directions.”

At 1800, Kathryn was standing outside the entrance to Tasha’s quarters.
She had been standing there for ten minutes before she found the courage to press
the button.
“Come.” Tasha was waiting for her. Dinner was on the table. Kathryn sat
down.
“Tash, I think we need to talk.”
“I wasn’t sure you would show up for dinner.”
“I wasn’t sure I would either.”
“I’m glad you did.” Tasha’s blue eyes flickered. A gentle smile crossed her
lips. “I want to apologize for this morning. I was out of line. I understand that
there’s a line between business and pleasure.”
“Tash…I’m the one who’s sorry. Last night was something incredibly
special to me. No one has ever made me feel that way before. I’ve never given in
so willingly to my feelings.”
“Then what happened?”
“I don’t know…” Kathryn looked at her. There was something about this
woman. Something so right, yet that question kept burning. “I do know. Tash, I
need an answer. Were you telling the truth last night?”
“You mean when I said I love you?”
“Yes.” Kathryn’s head was down. She was scared to hear the answer.
Tasha got up out of the chair and walked over to Kathryn. She knelt down before
the older woman and placed her hand on Kathryn’s chin, forcing her to look at
her.
“Katy…I’m not one to say those words lightly. Last night was very
important to me. I can’t describe the pleasure it brings me to please you. Yes, I
do love you.” Tasha could see there was more to Kathryn’s question. “You want
to know about Deanna.”
“Yes.” The word was said quietly, with guilt.
“Katy, I have feelings for Deanna. Yes, I love her. But that part of my life
is gone. My life is here now.” She leaned in and kissed her. “It’s here with you.”
She kissed her again.
“Tash…” Janeway could feel the weight leaving her mind.
“Shh…eat your dinner. We’ll talk later.” They ate their dinner and settled
down on the couch. Tasha laid in Katy’s lap as they talked about their lives. That
night they made love slowly, gently, each trying to express their feelings
physically. Tasha was insatiable. She couldn’t get enough of the taste of
Janeway. They brought each other to orgasm time and time again, stopping only
when exhaustion took over. After the lovemaking, they nuzzled close together
and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

It was 0530 when the computer woke Janeway. She rolled over and
kissed her blond lover on the cheek. A smile formed on the sleeping face.
Kathryn kissed her again, with more determination.
“Good morning.” Tasha yawned.
“I hope it will be.” Katy kissed her again, parted Tasha’s mouth with her
tongue. The younger woman responded, moaning softly.
“Mmm, what’s this for?”
“This is for you. I call it morning delight.” Kathryn reached over and
cupped Tasha’s right breast. “Tash…I want you. I want to make love to you.
Now.” Her fingers danced over Tasha’s nipple, sending sparks though her.
Kathryn’s mouth moved to give attention to the other breast, kissing and suckling
as Tasha squirmed beneath her.
“Katy…oh…it feels so nice.”
“Mmm..it’s supposed to.” Her sucking became more intense. She started
to nibble and bite as she had felt Tasha do to her. Tasha responded immediately.
Kathryn’s hands continued to work their way down, stopping at the blond bush.
She grabbed hold of some pubic hairs and gently pulled. The low moan that
escaped from Tasha’s mouth told her that she had gotten the reaction she wanted.
Kathryn stopped the assault on Tasha’s breasts and moved her mouth downward,
planting little kisses along the way.
“Katy..oh..yes..” Tasha’s voice trailed off as she went to new heights.
Kathryn kissed the blond hair, then the outer lips, then the thighs. Tasha moaned
with the teasing and arched toward her mouth. Kathryn pulled her head back.
“Not yet…I want this to last.” Kathryn said as she continued to tease Tasha
with her tongue. She kissed the outer folds again, tasting the beginning of Tasha’s
juices, but wouldn’t go any further. Tasha knew what she was doing. She knew
that Kathryn was making her wait, getting her hotter. But Kathryn forgot that her
naked body was within Tasha’s reach. In a flash, Tasha rolled over on top of the
captain so that her legs were near Kathryn’s head.
“So..you thought you could tease me?” Tasha was looking at Kathryn’s
bush, licking her lips in anticipation. “Did you forget that you’re mine and I
control you?” She leaned down and placed her tongue squarely on Kathryn’s clit.
She moved her pussy so that it was right over Kathryn’s face. With great joy, she
lowered her blond bush onto Kathryn’s waiting tongue. They stayed in the 69
position, bringing each other pleasure. The room was filled with the scent of
their sex. Tasha was the first to climax. Kathryn was furiously licking her clit
and probing her pussy hole with her tongue. Tasha started to buck and rock
against the soft muscle. Kathryn could feel Tasha approach orgasm. The young
woman’s body started to shake, and non-intelligible words were coming from her
mouth.
“Katy!…oh..mmm..yes…please…ya…uh…oh…Katy…Katy!” Tasha
exploded as wave after wave shook her body. Kathryn tried to lick up all the
juice, but it was coming too fast. It ran down her cheeks. She felt Tasha’s body
go limp upon her. Slowly, Tasha rolled off her, spent. They laid next to each
other for a few moments while Tasha regained her composure. Then it was
Kathryn’s turn. Tasha positioned herself between Kate’s legs and returned her
mouth to the pussy she enjoyed so much. She licked slowly, savoring the taste.
Janeway started to tremble as her climax approached. Tasha increased the
pressure on the clit, nibbling and sucking. She reached under and slid two fingers
into Kathryn’s soaked pussy hole. She slid them in and out while continuing her
assault on the clit. Janeway came immediately, soaking Tasha’s fingers with her
juice. Tasha held her mouth against Kate’s pussy until the spasms stopped, then
climbed up and laid down next to her. They stayed together in silence as Kathryn
slowly came back to reality. It was Janeway who finally broke the silence.
“I love you Natasha.” Tasha looked at her, tears forming in her eyes. She
had waited so long to hear those words.
“I love you too Katy.” They held each other tight, letting the world pass
around them.

It was 1100 before they left their love bed. Tasha suggested they shower
together, to save energy, but Kathryn laughed and said that it would take all day
to get them out. Tasha went on duty at 1200 and Kate was left with the day to
herself. She decided to check in on the troops. She wandered along the
corridors, smiling to herself. It was a very nice day. She made a point of
stopping by sickbay and thanking Kes for her help. Kathryn felt a renewed joy, a
feeling that she had been missing for so long. It would take years to get home,
but with Tasha around, those years would be enjoyable. It was 1600 before she
returned to her quarters.

“Sickbay to Captain Janeway.” Kathryn was startled out of her reading.
“Janeway here, go ahead Doctor.”
“We have a medical emergency here. I request that you come
immediately.”
“I’m on my way.” Kathryn put down the reports she was reading and
headed for sickbay. She wondered what could be so wrong that it would warrant
a call to the Captain? Her heart leapt to her throat with one thought. Tasha. She
broke into a run.

She arrived at sickbay to see that, indeed, Tasha was there. She was
sitting up in bed, her arm being treated by the Doctor. Kathryn could see the
jagged edges where her flesh had been torn off. She wanted to run to her, to hold
her. But this was the Chief of Security, and she was the Captain. They had
agreed to keep their love affair private for now, and Kathryn had to respect that.
Tasha was still new to the crew, and she didn’t need rumors to undermine her
authority.
“What happened?” The words came out with more concern that she
would have liked.
“It appears that Lt. Yar attempted to intervene in a disagreement between
Lt. Torres and Mr. Paris.” The Doctor said. “Lt. Torres decided that Yar’s arm
looked like a good thing to bite. Tasha looked at Kathryn, saying nothing. Tasha
was glad she was here, but also wished they hadn’t called her. She was Chief of
Security, she could handle whatever matters arose.
“Lieutenant, would you like to tell me what happened?”
“It started as a disagreement, but then it got out of hand. When security
came upon the scene, Lt. Torres had a choke hold around Lt. Paris’s neck. I
attempted to break the hold, and was bitten in return.” Kathryn looked closer at
the wound. It was deep, but not dangerous. She breathed a sigh of relief. Tasha’s
arm would be fine in a matter of minutes.
“Well then, I guess you have everything under control. I’ll expect a report
on my desk in the morning.” Kathryn made her acknowledgments and left. She
knew she would see Tasha in a few minutes for dinner.

Tasha walked into her quarters and noticed the flashing message light.
She frowned. It was 1745 and she only had fifteen minutes to change and get
dinner ready. She hoped this wasn’t bad news.
“Computer, display message.” She sat down on the couch, expecting a
verbal message.
“Message is handwritten.” Came the response. Intrigued, Tasha walked
over to her desk. She turned the viewscreen so she could see it.
“Computer, display message.” A simple note said:
Come to my room
I’m sure you know the way
I’ll be waiting

Love,
Katy

Tasha read the note again, savoring the last two lines. She quickly
changed and headed for the Captain’s Quarters.

When Tasha arrived, she noticed two things. One was that the lights were
dimmed to twenty percent. The other was that Janeway had changed her clothes.
Tasha had never seen this outfit before. She wondered if anyone had. Kathryn
was wearing a red, form fitting, strapless dress. It pressed so much against her
breasts that Tasha could make out the nipple, even in the subdued light. It
stopped halfway between the thighs and knees, and a slit revealed her shapely
hips. Tasha swallowed hard. She had never seen Kathryn look so lovely.
“Hi, I hope you’re hungry.” Tasha’s eyes never left her.
“Oh yes.” Without thinking, Tasha, licked her lips. She knew what she
wanted.
“Put your eyes on the table sweetheart, I’m not on the menu.” Tasha took
her seat. As Kathryn walked by, she put her hand on Tasha’s shoulder.
“Except possibly for dessert.” She leaned in and kissed her.

Kathryn knew this was one voyage she didn’t want to end.

If you have comments or suggestions, please email me at IQ139@aol.com

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Take My Hand

By jessicaferroni | Published July 24, 1997

Take My Hand

I can see
The despair in your eyes.
Why do you look so sad?

Will you not let me help
You? Catch you before it’s
Too late?

Take my hand
Together we will make
It through.

You are special.
I need you, like I
Need the air that I
Breathe.

For in you lies
The answers that I
Need. You have given
Me something to hold
On to
Given me a purpose.

Will you let me do the
Same for you?

I won’t let you go.

I won’t let you fall.

© Copyright December 1996 by Jessica Ferroni
Evenstar17@hotmail.com. (My abbreviated copyright) 🙂

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A Crystal Rose

By jessicaferroni | Published July 24, 1997

8. A Crystal Rose
By Jessica Ferroni

Hard and smooth as crystal,
brightness dimmed by hardship
and pain.

Still,

He goes on as he can,
a mask and a wall to
protect him. Will he
shine, yet?

Beautiful and delicate as
a rose,
Yet afraid to open for fear
of being vulnerable.

And,

She brushes them off,
distancing herself.
What can become of her?

Maybe,

Somewhere in the middle,
they may meet.

And,
Perhaps,

A crystal rose will bloom.

© Copyright January 1997 by Jessica Ferroni
Evenstar17@hotmail.com. (My abbreviated copyright) 🙂

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Table Talk

By jessicaferroni | Published July 24, 1997

Maybe this’ll tide you all over until Sweetest Song is finished….;-)

Table Talk
By Jessica Ferroni

“Eeeuu, this is really disgusting.”

“It was horrible down in Engineering today. Half my team was out
with the flu and now the engine experiments are behind. The Captain
is *not* gonna be happy about this.”

“You think that’s bad, you should’ve been on the Bridge today.
Commander Chakotay got sick in the middle of his shift and we had to
have a med team take him to Sickbay.”

“This is so gross. What is this, anyway?”

“Definitely something with leola root in it. You say Chakotay got
sick?”

“Aw, maybe Torres should send him a get well card. Poor Chakotay.”

“Shut up, Paris, and eat your leola root.”

“Yeah. I thought he was going to, uh,”

“Hurl?”

“Thanks, Tom. Hurl on the Bridge.”

“`Hurl’? Paris, that’s disgusting.”

“He turned green, you know. It was pretty awful.”

“Tom….”

“It made his tattoo turn a strange color.”

“Tom….”

“What?”

“Oh. Suddenly I’m not hungry.”

“Uh-oh. Promise you won’t hurl on the table, Harry.”

“Maybe you should go to Sickbay and see if the Doc’s got an
antidote, Harry.”

“That’s a good idea. Try not to kill each other until I get back,
okay?”

“Does that mean I can kill him when you get back?”

“B’Elanna, he’s a nice guy. Really. Don’t kill him.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Well, he’s gone.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Um, you say half your team’s out with the flu?”

“Yeah.”

“Shame.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Uh, listen, B’Elanna, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about
something.”

“I’m listening.”

“Um, yeah. Uh, I don’t know quite how to say this.”

“I do.”

“What?”

“You were going to ask me to marry you, and I said `I do’. Harry told
me you were going to ask.”

“Ah.”

“Tom??”

“B’Elanna! I told you *not* to kill him! What’d you do??”

“I….well, I….”

“Tom, wake up. Tom?”

“B’Elanna? What?”

“Uh, Tom….”

“Oh….”

“Tom?? Harry, he did it again.”

“Well, um….set him on the couch. Here, you take his arms.”

“Good thing we’re in your quarters instead of the mess.”

“What’d you say to him?”

“Nothing!”

“Nothing?”

“Must have been the leola root, Harry.”

T
H
END. 🙂

_____________________________________________________________________________
© Copyright May 1997 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at evenstar17@hotmail.com.

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Silently

By jessicaferroni | Published July 24, 1997

Silently
By Jessica Ferroni

This is dedicated to Serena, my friend and fellow Paris-ite.

* * * * *

Silently, softly, I’m watching, waiting. I’ve been here for what
seems like hours, but I have no way of knowing exactly how long;
I lost track of time the minute they brought you in here.
The Doctor says you’re going to make it, but I was so scared for
awhile there. The Doc says you kept slipping at first, but you’re
too stubborn to die. Yes, you are, Thomas Eugene Paris.
The Doc says you’ll pull through, but I feel so helpless — why
did you just leave me here to wait? All I can do is stand here by
your biobed, looking down at your pale, bruised face, and wait for
you to open your eyes and make some sarcastic, cocky comment about
surviving one more time.
Why do you have to go and scare me like this? Stay out
of trouble, I keep telling you, but, no, you have to be right in
the middle of the action. Someday, Tom, someday you’re not going
to pull through by just the skin of your teeth. Someday you’re
really going to be lost, and you’re going to leave me alone.
I think you should know, though, that the Captain is fine,
thanks to you. Tom, you should have joined security. Or maybe
you just like jumping in front of phaser beams, I really don’t
know. I probably don’t want to know.
You exasperate me, Tom, you know that? I just can’t get over
it. Why do you always act like you only look out for number one,
and then you turn around and throw yourself in front of the
nearest phaser beam to protect someone else? Why don’t you just
admit to yourself that you’ve got a heart of gold? Everyone who
knows you knows it, but you seem to have a hard time accepting
it yourself.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. `Fine person you are, B’Elanna,
to be telling me this. Why don’t you help yourself?’
The truth is, Tom, that I have helped myself. In trying to help
you see who you are, I’ve found out who I am, too.

“Lieutenant Paris?” The Doctor’s voice came from behind my
shoulder.
“Yes?”
“He will be fine,” the Doctor assured me gently. “You should
get some rest now, Lieutenant. I will call you as soon as your
husband is awake.”
“Thank you.” I rested my hand on Tom’s forehead briefly, then
brought it down to squeeze his hand. Rest now, I thought, I’ll
be back soon.

_____________________________________________________________________________
© Copyright March 1997 by Jessica Ferroni on all original story content.
Not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other copyright
holders of STAR TREK: VOYAGER. Please do not reproduce for anything other
than personal reading use (including fanzines) without written consent of
the author. Comments are welcome at evenstar17@hotmail.com.

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Mourning

By cheile | Published July 24, 1997

Mourning
(A “Before and After” twist)
by Cheile

Summary: What if the Krenim attack from “Before and After” really
happened as Kes remembered it? Set a week after the attack, an insight
on Tom’s thoughts. His point-of-view.

This story is dedicated in memory of Matthew Armstrong. Matt, we know
you’re watching over us.

A week.
Can it only be a week since the Krenim attack? Since my life fell
apart?
A week.
Only a week ago I was the happiest conn lieutenant in the Delta
Quadrant. I had my position, my friends, and my love. But now, I don’t
have anything.
I guess that’s not true. I still have my rank, and most of my friends.
But my beloved has been taken from me.
I’m not the only one in this situation. The Captain died, too. She
and Chakotay were involved, so he probably feels like I do. But he
can’t have as much pain as me.
B’Elanna.
It hurts to say her name, to even think of her. But she is all I can
think of.
Only a week ago, she was with me, alive, healthy, and for the first
time in her life, happy. Only a week ago, I held her in my arms and
looked into her dark eyes. It seems like yesterday.
I had been on the holodeck, talking to Kes, when she came running up,
apologizing for being late. I pulled her close to kiss her, and Kes
looked a tad mortified. (I guess the Ocampa don’t show much affection
in public). Those few seconds were too few. B’Elanna barely got a
chance to greet Kes, when the Krenim began firing on the ship. The
Captain called us to battle stations. We hurried for the bridge. I
thought it funny that Kes was coming with us, but I supposed it was in
case anyone got hurt so she could assist them to sickbay if the
transporters went down….

*The turbolift doors opened. I ran for the conn. B’Elanna dashed to
the engineering station and began frantically trying to reroute
power–most likely to get us the hell out of there.
None of us could figure out how the Krenim’s torpedoes were cutting
right through our shields. Kes somehow seemed to know and she and the
Captain went to the engineering station to help B’Elanna.
Another shot was fired and I tried to avoid it, but it was too late.
The blow struck the ship full force. A horrific explosion sounded
behind me and I turned just in time to see Captain Janeway and B’Elanna
being flung across the bridge from the force of the blast.
My heart dropped. Would they be all right?
Kes ran to them, checking for pulses. She looked up at Chakotay,
sorrow in her eyes. “They’re dead.”
They couldn’t be, my panicked mind thought. Kes had to be wrong.
Leaving the conn, I dashed over, cradling B’Elanna’s head in my hands.
I felt frantically for a pulse, for her heartbeat beneath my fingertips.
There was none.
“B’Elanna!” I screamed. “B’Elanna, no!” A huge knot began twisting in
my stomach. B’Elanna, dead. It couldn’t be. This all had to be some
horrific nightmare…..*

But it wasn’t.
It was the horrible reality.
B’Elanna, dead. My heart breaks at the thought. At first, I couldn’t
conceive the idea, wouldn’t believe it. She couldn’t, couldn’t, be
dead. She was my only love, my other half, my soulmate.
We were engaged. At first, she didn’t believe that I would want
her……

*”You said you had a surprise for me.” B’Elanna was sitting in a chair
in her quarters, eyeing me. “So where is it?”
Up until now, I had been calm. But the second she said those words, I
became a bundle of nerves. Would she believe me? Would she laugh at
me?
“I’m waiting, Paris,” she teased.
We had been going out for some time, since the incident where Vorek had
the pon-farr and tried to mind-meld with B’Elanna, which somehow got
her Klingon blood fired up. Of course, she wouldn’t even consider
Vorek–and decided that I was the one who had to help her. We didn’t go
that far–she fought Vorek and got it out of her system. But since
then, our relationship had grown–to the point of now, which in 20th
century terms would be “going steady”. But I wanted more than that. I
wanted her to marry me.
“Well?”
Pushing back my fear, I began. “Well, we’ve been together for a while
now–and I think that we should do something a little different.”
For the slightest instant, I thought I saw tears in her eyes, but then
they were gone. “You want to break up with me.”
I was shocked. “Absolutely not,” I exclaimed. I got to my feet and
reached for the box I’d hidden behind her vase of orchids from Kes’
garden earlier. Then I went back to her, handing her the box. She
looked confused, until she opened it. Her eyes widened in surprise.
Slowly, she removed the contents–a ring with a small diamond set in
gold, two tiny amethysts on each side of the diamond.
“What is this for?” she asked.
I dropped to one knee before her and took her hand. “B’Elanna Torres,
will you marry me?”
She blinked, then raised her eyebrows. “You’re not serious, are you?”
“Of course I’m serious!” I exclaimed. “What do you think the ring’s
for?”
“This is an engagement ring?”
“Exactly.”
Several emotions flashed across her face. Surprise, confusion and then
sadness. “You can’t be serious. Why would you want me?”
“Because I love you.”
She snorted. “Oh, now that’s a good one. The great Tom Paris, in love
with me–a half-Klingon freak.”
“You’re not a freak!” I said. Impulsively, I took her hand in mine and
the ring in the other. She raised her eyes to mine as I slid the ring
on. “You’re beautiful–and I love you.”
The sadness in her eyes had given way to hope. I cupped her chin in
one hand and leaned forward to kiss her. Tentatively, she kissed me
back, still unsure. When we broke the kiss, I looked deep into her
eyes, those beautiful dark eyes. They were full of tears, and slowly,
one fell, followed by more.
“Shh, B’Elanna,” I said softly, kissing her tears away. “I
understand.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “And yes, I’ll marry you.”
I cradled her close and gently stroked her hair. I never wanted this
moment to end……*

It did end. At that point, I never wanted my happiness to end. I
never thought it would. I had B’Elanna. I wanted nothing more.
Even now, I still remember every detail–the softness of her raven-dark
hair, her fiery Klingon temper, the love in her dark eyes, the sound of
her laughter, the taste of her kiss, the way she felt in my arms……
Never for a moment did I think that I would lose her.
Kes has been a great comfort. This past week, I almost lost my will to
live, but she has pulled me through.
“Dying yourself won’t help any, Tom,” she’d chided gently. “Keep
living–and remember her.”
It seems almost impossible to do as Kes said, but she is right.
But today seems hardest of all.
B’Elanna had asked the Captain to be her maid-of-honor, and Chakotay
was going to give her away. In the beginning, some had thought that she
and Chakotay were involved, but the truth is that Chakotay’s affection
for her was a protective older brother-type. She thought of him as
such.
Since both the Captain and Chakotay were part of the group, Tuvok, as
Lieutenant Commander, would have performed the ceremony.
Today would have been our wedding day.

Legal B.S. Paramount’s characters, MY story, based on the episode
“Before and After”. All readers have permission to cry. 🙂 Copyright
May 21, 1997, by Cheile. Comments and otherwise, mail to
cheile@hotmail.com.

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